Monday, March 21, 2011

More St. Patty’s Day Fallout

While a number of readers submitted pics of drunk wankholes attempting to douche it up for hot chicks this past St. Patrick’s Day, few qualified as true HCwDB, as most were just bridge and tunnel flotsam in mid pukosity.

Which, come to think of it, actually is true HCwDB. But still.

But something about Waiter Juan’s kissy lips, and Irene’s doe-eyed confusion of perfect taut suckle bottom, reminds us why holidays were invented in the first place — state sanctioned mating calls.

# posted by douchebag1
2:21 pm March, 21 massengill said...

She’s yummy.
.
He dealt me a blackjack, once.

2:25 pm March, 21 Mr. White said...

Soon, all holidays will follow Halloween’s lead in being the excuse chicks need to dress like whores. Why wear a fun shamrock on your shirt when you can wear no shirt at all?
.
I’m not complaining. Just observing.

2:33 pm March, 21 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

I’d like to corn her beef and boil her cabbage and potatoes.

2:35 pm March, 21 Deltus said...

I’d kiss her Blarney Stones.
.
And Mr. White, it’ll be the salvation of humanity when every holiday is the chance for young supple nookie tasty boobie shoulder nummy to dress like skanks.
.
Um, point of order for the table. Do hotts on Halloween dress like: whores, sluts, or skanks? It’s important we get the verbiage correct.

2:36 pm March, 21 jonezy said...

there are no snakes in her ireland.
.
But I wouldn’t mind changing that.

2:42 pm March, 21 banana hammock said...

semi-nice paddy’s, but what’s with the Officer Ponch impersonator?

2:42 pm March, 21 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

If you are going to slut it up for a holiday, any holiday: 1) Show your belly button. (This leper-con does, but just barely) 2) Show your legs. 3) No hoodie. This chick totally ruined St. Pats for me. Let’s hope she gets a clue before Halloween.

2:47 pm March, 21 DarkSock said...

I’d flail her brisket with me shillelagh. Arrrrr!
.
wait, that’s a pirate.

2:47 pm March, 21 DarkSock said...

I’ll bet her Lucky Charms are magically delicious.

2:49 pm March, 21 DarkSock said...

I’d Sinn her Fein.

2:49 pm March, 21 DarkSock said...

I’d Stout her Guinness

2:49 pm March, 21 DarkSock said...

I’d bomb her cars

2:51 pm March, 21 DarkSock said...

I’d explode over her Lockerbies.
.
.
.
Too soon? Nah; Gaddafi’s gettin’ his.

2:54 pm March, 21 This Fucking Guy said...

She is decadent. I’d shamois her rocks until they sheeded like gooold!
He is one green beer away from peein’ in his own butt.

2:56 pm March, 21 This Fucking Guy said...

^I meant to type sheened but I was too busy being retarded.

2:57 pm March, 21 The Dude said...

Irelene is such a breath of spring air, minty freshness exuding all up my 24-year-old memory of being 24 years old.

I say give Waiter Juan a pass. He might have just eaten a Pringle’s or some other sticky thing that got his lips stuck together.

Something from aisle 3 at Costco.

That’s a tough aisle.

Gotta admit, that’s a nice phone pocket, eh? He’s all set up there!

2:58 pm March, 21 Vin Douchal said...

I think we know what are the two busiest days of the year at “Mariachi O’Grady’s Pub”

3:02 pm March, 21 The Dude said...

I’d Roscoe her Tanner.
I’d Finnish her Scots.
I’d butter her biscuits.
I need a job, or something to do in the yard, like chase Irelene around.

3:15 pm March, 21 O'Hermit said...

She looks like she might have a little Irish in her.
If not, I’ll be glad to put some in her.

3:23 pm March, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Hey Fez, Jackie is gonna be pretty pissed off when Donna tells her that you were hitting on Irene over at the bar when she went to the bathroom. Donna will probably tell Steven and then he’ll chase you out of the bar and down the street until he gets to kick your ass. That is unless he gives you a three step head start.

3:23 pm March, 21 DarkSock said...

I’d make her Irish Spring as clean as a whistle.

3:23 pm March, 21 DarkSock said...

I’d Bono her U2’s

3:24 pm March, 21 Anonymous said...

The fact that Irene is legless and hovers about three feet off the ground makes her way hot.
.
Like Timothy Leary said, “Levitate, masturbate and medicate.”
.
He also said, “There are three side effects of acid,

3:24 pm March, 21 DarkSock said...

I’d famish her potatos

3:25 pm March, 21 soy bomb said...

@ Deltus: Sluts my good man, SLUTS!!!!!

3:25 pm March, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Vin
.
Would those be Dia de los Muertos and Arbor Day?

3:25 pm March, 21 Et Tu Douche? said...

I’d sip from her Jamesons while listening to the Pogues.
.
I’d pluck her Wild Irish Rose

3:26 pm March, 21 Charles Ulysses Farley said...

Irene has a look that says she’s not really buying the story that this guy is actually Benicio Del Toro. It was a nice try Diego. Now go bus table 3, we have people waiting.

3:27 pm March, 21 Southern Scrotic said...

I’d skip her shamrocks.

3:45 pm March, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Perverts.
.

3:46 pm March, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

OK.
.
I’d ravage her Cranberries.

3:47 pm March, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d let her Linger.

3:48 pm March, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d Dolores her O’Roirdan.

3:49 pm March, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d snake her St.Patrick.

3:54 pm March, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I would do a lot things,
.
Seriously though. Anybody have an 8 year old girl that has a pubic hair

3:55 pm March, 21 Deltus said...

I’d sing her wild rovers.
.
@soy bomb: I’ve heard many a people call properly Halloween dressed hotts “sluts” before, but we need consensus.

4:08 pm March, 21 Anonymist said...

Did she get her shamrocks by having to show her shamBOULDERS?!?! Those are massive. Didn’t know matadors celebrate St. Pat’s… apparently everyone’s Irish on that day. I hope rather than pinching him for not wearing green, she punches him in the mouth.

4:16 pm March, 21 Wedgie said...

She’s a cute lass, and well dressed for St. Paddy’s Day. I don’t know what he is, but that outfit makes me think he might be the guy working the side door to Hell.

4:17 pm March, 21 Wedgie said...

And I’d like to finger the strings on her Celtic Harp.

4:26 pm March, 21 soy bomb said...

I’d like to shepherd her pie.
.
.
.
Deltus: My vote is for “sluts.” Always, always “sluts.”

4:30 pm March, 21 Mr. White said...

@deltus
I’m going with “whore,” actually. “Slut” just seems too percussive and hard for a drunken holiday reveler that you want to bang. You can draw “whore” out when you whisper it in her ear, almost romantically. “Whore….wwwhhhooooorrrrrrre…”

4:31 pm March, 21 Mr. White said...

I’d Michael her Collins.

4:31 pm March, 21 Mr. White said...

I’d Cork her County.

4:32 pm March, 21 Mr. White said...

I’d Celt her ic.

4:33 pm March, 21 Jerry Jagoff said...

@Deltus, My vote is for whores but pronounced who-ars, like Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force pronounces it.

5:22 pm March, 21 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

@Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche…I see you’ve been watching reruns of That 70s Show again.
.
In the spirit of togetherness I’d Vista her Cruiser.

5:43 pm March, 21 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

She can drive my snake into her heather any day…

6:09 pm March, 21 This Fucking Guy said...

I would Peter O’Toole her va-jay-jay.

6:58 pm March, 21 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

I’d Sunday her Bloody Sunday, but would hope it was one of the three weeks it wasn’t bloody.

8:23 pm March, 21 Crucial Head said...

I’d stick my turgid Pogue in her MacGowan and squirt my Waxie’s Dargle all over her Belfast.

8:23 pm March, 21 Crucial Head said...

He’s just Gay-lick.

8:25 pm March, 21 Crucial Head said...

I’d go all Nottingham on her Young Dubliners.

8:27 pm March, 21 Crucial Head said...

I’d Dropkick his Murphy while sticking my Stiff Little Fingers in her Emerald Isle whilst Flogging me Molly.

8:43 pm March, 21 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I’d plunder her Paddy while floosing his Patty-Pat.

8:48 pm March, 21 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

St Patrick (Padraic) commonly nicknamed St Paddy, gets a mis-rep’d nomenclature, St Patty, which gives rising credibility to the fact He may be a She.
On an island with many boob-shaped potatoes and no snakes, it must be true.
And yea, this picture shows us so: SHE be the raison d’etre for St Pat’s day after all.
And send him back to Mexico City.

9:30 pm March, 21 DarkSock said...

I’d Phil her Lynott because she’s a thin lezzie

9:30 pm March, 21 DarkSock said...

^top that, bitches

9:46 pm March, 21 DarkSock said...

I’d ring her Belfast, thereby Dublin her pleasure.

10:16 pm March, 21 Crucial Head said...

I would frost her celtics with my Blarney Castle.

10:17 pm March, 21 Crucial Head said...

He’s a member of the Irish Re-Pud-Lickin’ Army.

10:18 pm March, 21 Crucial Head said...

I’d perform Aer Lingus on her Cork Airport.

10:20 pm March, 21 Crucial Head said...

I’d stuff me James Joyce in her William Butler Yeats. And I’d be none to Jonathan Swift about it.

10:46 pm March, 21 DarkSock said...

I’d re-Joyce both her Ulysses.

10:51 pm March, 21 DarkSock said...

As the recession worsened, the Epcot International Pavilions took on a decidedly more adult tone.

10:52 pm March, 21 DarkSock said...

^”It’s a small girl, at your balls…”

10:55 pm March, 21 Steve L. said...

i should’ve just emptied a bottle of Jameson so i’m not reminded of St. Patty’s Day douchebaggery.

11:04 pm March, 21 Steve L. said...

actually i would still be reminded of St. Patty’s Day douchebaggery if i did that. but drinking Guinness (and, of course, Jameson) is about the principle of the matter.

11:34 pm March, 21 The Dude said...

I’d put my shamrocks on her clovers.

Is it April yet?

11:38 pm March, 21 Wheezer said...

Aye, ol’ Wheezer’d be Dublin ‘is fun wit’ de fine li’l lass’ taters!
.
Aye, she walked by me an’ I remarked, “Wot a fine li’l lass.” She slapped me face! Can ye believe dat?

2:05 am March, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d dangle her participles..

2:07 am March, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d Van her Morrison.

2:07 am March, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d Ewe her Malmsteen. What?

2:11 am March, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d Pierce her Bronsan.

2:12 am March, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d Clannad her Enya.

2:13 am March, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d Edge him out of the picture.

2:14 am March, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’s let her Bob my Geldof.

2:16 am March, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’m going 5 am freesryle before crazt doctor now.

2:16 am March, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d Barbarian her gates.

2:17 am March, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d Emerald he Isles.

2:22 am March, 22 Kroeger said...

Fuck it. My fingers don’t work. Fucking quacks I’m going outside to sleep in my car.

2:38 am March, 22 tall guy said...

Boobs!

6:50 am March, 22 Deltus said...

@DarkSock: ”It’s a small girl, at your balls…” I just about fukken died, right there.

8:41 pm March, 22 DarkSock said...

chickka chickka bawm bawm

1:01 pm March, 23 Stephanie said...

One of the best reads on the internet guys.

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