Thursday, March 3, 2011

Mr. Unclean Loves The Pear

Once, when I was a kid of about twelve or thirteen, living with my parents in Boston, it was a particularly hot summer.

One day, in between summer camp and the beginning of eighth grade, a giant waterbug that looked like a Pumpy Cockroach flew into my bedroom window.

It landed on my one prized “adult” possession of the time that my mom had let me keep: my poster of Carol Alt.

The pumpy cockroach went “Bzzzz.”

And then, strangely in its falsetto Vincent Price insect voice, it said, “I love the assss pearrrrr.”

Then it buzzed back out of my window and into the night.

# posted by douchebag1
9:31 am March, 3 Medusa Oblongata said...

This is a re-run. Wheeze? Either way, it is more horrifying the second time around. Like a buffalo wing burp.

9:34 am March, 3 jonezy said...

them are some firm pears- looking very ripe.
.
John Malkovich has really gone out of his way in practicing for his next role

9:35 am March, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

That’s some serious taut sculpted pear on Red there. Wow!!!

9:53 am March, 3 Don't Douche For Me Argentina said...

I think this douche’s eyebrows fell down to his lip. And does his stomach tatt say Integra? Is that what we’re doing now? Getting a tatt of the name of the car we drive? Its a good thing I don’t drive a Dodge Dart anymore or else that would be super embarassing.

9:54 am March, 3 Wedgie said...

Integral? Integrate? Integrity?
Integra?

10:13 am March, 3 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

WTF? Why do they all have the exact same squinty, close-set eyes??
.
These 3 are not only related, but their parents are also related.
.
I will skip over such minor questions such as why is he drinking urine, and was this photo taken at an Ikea…

10:13 am March, 3 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

No doubt, some perfect ass pears there. My question is why the hell would tatt “integrity” on your gut ? wtf is that supposed to mean ? I do like how he turned his janitor pants into shorts, very clever. Now get back to mopping the hallways and leering at the little girls at the gradeschool.

10:15 am March, 3 DRK said...

Is it just me, or does it appear that the tallest person in this threesome is only about 5’4?

Pear on the left is De-licious.

10:16 am March, 3 Mr. White said...

@magnum douce
His tat actually says “Integral Calculus.” He’s a professor of Applied Mathematics at Stanford. These two ladies are his T.A.s.

10:39 am March, 3 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

His tat says, “intergovernmental” his ia a janitor at a public school-

10:44 am March, 3 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

The tat says, “Intergalactic love machine”
.
He also changed this to his legal name in 2007

11:00 am March, 3 DarkSock said...

It’s unusual to see this guy without his brother nearby…
qfwe

11:01 am March, 3 DarkSock said...

In his later years Mr. Clean repudiated all he once held dear and procured an unfortunate fondness for smokable energy crystals.

11:06 am March, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Mr. White
.
I thought it was “Integration by Parts”. As in he’s part Mongoloid, part retard, part redneck, etc. And he’s clearly from Harvard. See the crimson hew in the facial area. These two bleeths are criminal justice majors taking Calculus I for the seventh time that sit in the front row who come to class dressed like this for every class. Not that he minds yo.

11:12 am March, 3 Antony Scrotus said...

I thought his tattoo read “Negro” at first and thus his confusion as to his identity could have been explained, but it’s worse than I thought, it says “Integrity” and the rest of his resume/CV can be found on his back or perhaps in his trousers. BTW, pears are great.

11:13 am March, 3 Hermit said...

There is a fine line between douchebag and dirt bag. This guy crosses that line.
.
.
Medusa 9:13 is right, and like a re-run of Three’s Company it’s even worse the second time around.

11:28 am March, 3 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Is this the modern version of the photo Cool Hand Luke takes when he wants to show everyone how successful he is after he breaks out of the joint? Mr. Unclean…you are no Paul Newman.

11:36 am March, 3 Wheezer said...

Yes everyone, this is Stu. This exact photo has appeared here before – let me dig around to find it…..

11:53 am March, 3 Bigphatnotadouche said...

Thursday Ass pear is a treat, espcially the redhead. Pear is always welcome.

12:08 pm March, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

Stu? is that short for stupid? who cares I can’t take my eyes off of red head pear. I nominate for HoP.

12:09 pm March, 3 boone doggle said...

deja poo

12:14 pm March, 3 Wheezer said...

The brunette pear here was also in another pic with another brunette pear and some Jim McMahon wannabe. One of the lovely ladies wore a skull bikini. I think the brunette here wore a bikini with white polkadots and frills. (Trust me, you don’t forget an image like that…..just where to find it.)
.
I’m having a rough time trying to find it, but those are a couple of the wonderful details I do remember. I think in the post that features this repeated pic of Stu, I referenced that other photo somewhere in the comments thread…..though the old comments threads may have disappeared with the site transfer, etc.

12:29 pm March, 3 banana hammock said...

I just began gyrating to the red head…. that is some zesty pair!

12:35 pm March, 3 Douchble Helix said...

Wheezer. Is. God. Millenniums ago he would have been a King’s right hand man for history knowledge and all other kinds of important things.

Douchey Lewis, great job!

12:45 pm March, 3 prettycoolguy said...

I’ll bet money that he got arrested later that day.Tatted out shirtless white trash + drinking always = jail. I hope that they showered after touching him.

Red’s pear is driving me crazy right now.

12:52 pm March, 3 Medusa Oblongata said...

I knew I could count on you, Wheeze. A cyber-cake is headed your way. It’s already been farted on by one of the finest inmates the Playpen had to offer.

1:14 pm March, 3 Deltus said...

Carol Alt. Great poster. I wonder how many loads of teen ejaculate were issued forth while gazing at that poster? Or the one I had, of Heather Thomas in the pink bikini, pulling the one side of her bottoms askew with her thumb. You know the one.

2:52 pm March, 3 Douche Bottle Bob said...

The brunette kinda looks like that whore the governor of NY was having sex with.

3:27 pm March, 3 DarkSock said...

When Tina’s British girlfriend told her to “lick me bum” she misunderstood totally.

3:32 pm March, 3 Baron Von Goolo said...

@ Wheezer –

If memory serves it was a black ruffled bikini with white polka dots and I think maybe she was in a picture with a dbag that had been on the site more than once – a perpetually shirtless musclebag with an oddly angular, beaky face, like a Punch puppet. I think he was dubbed Clownsomething or Somethingclown. I’m having trouble digging it up too.

4:40 pm March, 3 Guid is Good said...

Mr Unclean is like a scribbly Buddha – the bleeths can resist rubbing his belly.

7:25 pm March, 3 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Well, at least we have five bulbous shapes to grovel over: Four buns and a piece of shaved head. I’d say it might make a fine advertisement for A Brazilian Hot Wax.
Carnival Son.

7:35 pm March, 3 Steve L. said...

whoa. Carol Alt pwns.
.
tomorrow i’m probably gonna be looking at Friday’s Ass Pear and secretly lamenting that she’s (probably?) not as hot as Carol Alt.
.
i’m an asshole like that.

11:26 pm March, 3 Wheezer said...

OK, the brunette’s first(?) appearance is here – I like the way her frilly panties…..hug that sweet ass pear!
.
I am bound and determined to find the first appearance of this particular shot of Stu, though. Damn it!
.
Son.

11:31 pm March, 3 Wheezer said...

Somehow, I knew Jonesy’s “John Malkovich” reference was the key, but I forgot about the Boss’ penchant for douche/scrote/choad derivates…..
.
Anyhoo, without further ado, here’s the same pic.

12:04 am March, 4 Wheezer said...

Let’s hope the comments thread shows – an Anon named these two chicks, and though I’m not sure about the redhead (“Samantha Harris,” he says), he definitely nailed the brunette as “Ericka Underwood.”
.
I’d like to nail both of them myself.

12:57 am March, 4 Anonymous said...

Wheezer rules!!. I read many of the old comments. They discuss some nipple slipple from left Hott. A hunter recognized this guys as ‘Stu’.
.
All of which points out the need for a searchable data base of d-bags and hotts. If Keezmovies can do it, DB1 can do it.

2:24 am March, 4 teh_abominable_snowdouche said...

Truly a horrifying sight.

4:00 am March, 4 Collaz B. Popped said...

So tell me sir, what do you do for a living?

Saladtosser? So you work in a kitchen somewhere…?

5:39 am March, 4 FoghornLeghorn said...

Using his best Cuba Gooding, Jr. voice, the photographer shouted, “Show me the money!” And they did.

6:02 am March, 4 Hermit said...

@ D. Lewis 11:28
.
Nice catch. This dude is more a ” Dragline” kind of a guy.

9:37 am March, 4 Et Tu Douche? said...

Weezer for the WIN!!!!

10:25 am March, 4 Stephanie said...

Intelligent looking guy,good work girls…gotta love that word integrity on his stomach,for he would know all about it.

11:24 am March, 4 Baron Von Goolo said...

Google image search…so much…pear…soooo..muuuuuuu…..

1:17 pm March, 4 Anonymous said...

^^ Not to mention copious amounts of side boob reveal!!

5:16 pm March, 4 Levi said...

It’s the logo of a hardcore band called “Integrity”.

3:45 pm March, 7 BlaqkJax21 said...

The Red head hottie is Samantha Harris. She has been in playboy and was/is a Hawaiian Tropic Girl and she has done various shots/spreads from various sites displaying her visual talents over the internet.

[img]http://tinyurl.com/4r65dp4[/img]

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