Thursday, March 17, 2011

Reader Mail: The Britbag

Count Bagula writes in with the spreading Jerz Virus in Britain:

—-
Dear DB1,

Apparently MTV is the bringing the dose of televisual herpes known as Jersey Shore to the UK…the show will be known as Geordie Shore. Why set this show in the North-East of England, you may ask?

This cardigan-wearing, chest-shaving, wannabe-Situation is the answer. His friends look on in awkward confusion as he speaks of ‘GTL for life’, ‘a Jesus piece’ and ‘bitches’…all they want to do is enjoy a quiet pint with the girls who’ve lived on their block since they were all 3 years old. Sadly, the Solo Bag lowers the tone. A dark day indeed.

– Count Bagula

—–

Britbags have been there for as long as fist pumping took viral club flight. The Jersey Shore is merely the signifier, not the sign.

Mmm… I salute the Brit Hotts from my wanderings in London a few years ago. Awkward, shy, alcoholic and boozy flirts, the birds of London may not be as hott as the ladies of the Eastern Bloc, but they sure can stumble out of a pub at 2am and then let me pooch their anklets by Harrods.

# posted by douchebag1
11:36 am March, 17 Mr. White said...

I will also add that London was a-poppin’ with librarian hotts when I visited. Yummy.

11:42 am March, 17 Crucial Head said...

Caption:

Despite Abernathy’s oak-colored tanning powder being finer than talcum, a putrid dust pungent with a heavy rot that invades every pore, every orifice, every opening and breathing vent with a semi permanent festering stink that stayed in his body for days and exuded itself again and again in the heat of any movement – Doris and Gerty agreed to take a quick picture with their mildly retarded cousin.

11:51 am March, 17 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Far, far from hotts. and this guy looks like he took the short bus to school. We can’t get an irish pear or something today?

11:52 am March, 17 Anthony LaBaglia said...

Ugly + Fat= Nott Hott

11:53 am March, 17 boatbutter said...

Haven’t seen a cleft lip bag before. DB1, is this a first?

11:57 am March, 17 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Brits are so cute when they think they are living in the contemporary. Hott(?) on the left is still in Xanadu mode. Probably has an 8 track of Olivia Newton John’s greatest hits in her car. Hott(?) on the right is powered by bangers and mash. Just can’t help but chow down on some long, spicy bangers.

12:25 pm March, 17 Betty Cocker said...

I requireth Irish pear! These brithags are harshing me pre-Patty’s Day Party Celebration! ¡Viva la Ireland!

12:41 pm March, 17 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Crucial
.
Did they play with all 4 of his tits? You know, the ones with nipples and the ones in the center of his “chest” that are vertically aligned that don’t have nipples. Just askin’.

12:45 pm March, 17 The Minister Scott Stapp said...

Young Pede O’Phile was the first under sixteen fighter to retire as a result of his 0/39/-39 boxing career. The injuries are witnessed by his dislocated mouth, Catholic nose, shamrock ear, external kidney and his habit of calling girls Kenneth.
.
English girls are as good looking as the Chip Butties they eat before they puke the night up and shag a bloke with brown teeth.

12:47 pm March, 17 The Minister Scott Stapp said...

Irish pear indeed. Son.

1:05 pm March, 17 Lil Douche Coupe said...

So the show will be about Chavs? Are Britbags Chavs?

1:42 pm March, 17 Stephanie said...

The only thing between the useless Jersey Shore herpes and the British ones are the bad teeth.

1:51 pm March, 17 Betty Cocker said...

Damnit Stephanie, you stole my bad teeth joke. Touché. Am I right ladies? Is thing on? Bada-boom! Rimshot!
.
Please send help.

1:56 pm March, 17 Mr. White said...

irish ass pear.
.
Although I’m partial to Irish front pear.

1:57 pm March, 17 Mr. White said...

^Sorry, link fail. That should be ass pear.

2:15 pm March, 17 Betty Cocker said...

I too am Nancy Dreuche and in need of a humping, by a human no less.

2:34 pm March, 17 Betty Cocker said...

@Mr.White, Blarnystone and Blasphemy! How darest you provide a link to The Chive! It took big cabbages to do that. May your cornbeef be enjoyed by many a lass this evening. I’ll check out the front pear after I’m done shining me pot o’ gold. Winketh.

2:42 pm March, 17 Mr. Biggs said...

F’n britbags. Having relatives in England I’m familiar with them. They’re like the cancerous moles of the pubs. Why not put that soccer hooliganism to good use and toss them to the curb with their panties over their heads?

3:08 pm March, 17 Vin Douchal said...

What a holiday. When I lived in Massachusetts I double locked the doors and didn’t look out the windows. Irish neighborhood kids, eight-year-olds and up, would drink their face off then look for non-Irishes to beat up , usually 5 on 1.
.
The only good thing about it is corned beef goes on sale for 69 cents/pound. I’m all over it

3:23 pm March, 17 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Vin,
Irish lasses also dig the 5 on 1, but for different reasons.

3:27 pm March, 17 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

God Save the Queen….and flush the Britbags down the loo, preferably the specific loo from the movie “Trainspotting”.

3:28 pm March, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Vin
Southie is too obvious sounds like Charlestown? Jamaica Plain? or the Savin Hill section of Dorchestahhh? I lived in Bean Town too and it was quite unsettling to see that behavior especially as you mentioned from the little ones.

3:39 pm March, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

I spent a week in London mostly in Hampstead & Camden Town. Good times, good city Chicks were cool and easy to get along with.

3:42 pm March, 17 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

…and by easy you mean, they deep throat kielbasa sausage like it was declared an endangered species and the only recourse for kielbasa reproduction is esophageal resuscitation.

3:48 pm March, 17 massengill said...

So is that cleft palette or was his mother an English Bulldog?

4:06 pm March, 17 Dex said...

Hey look, two fat bitches took their dog for a walk.

4:11 pm March, 17 wolfram74 said...

A very rare sighting , the elusive Hairlip Bag .

6:37 pm March, 17 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Quit mocking the harelip, ‘taint his doin’, can’t you find anything better to milk for a joke?
Like, maybe, those two Jersey cows?

6:57 pm March, 17 Thadius Maximus said...

ASBO for that knob. Just for looking at me.

7:16 pm March, 17 Wedgie said...

Mr. White:
Back away from the Chive. You should probably de-louse and scrub your body with disinfectant, just to be safe.
Sometimes the wise choice is not to boldly go.
Just sayin’.

7:19 pm March, 17 Deltus said...

WTF is wrong with his lips??

12:27 am March, 18 Scroteophobic said...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-11140142
.
Well this travesty looks like it is going to do one thing for Jersey shore. Next to the 4 fuglies poised to star in it even Snooky starts to look like a nearly-hott. The city that gave us Cheryl Cole and they find these swamp donkeys to show it off…

7:06 am March, 18 Wheezer said...

Crikey mate! ‘Ere, wot?
Cor, I’m just gettin’ liquored,
lookin’ like an arse!

10:14 pm March, 18 Stephanie said...

Betty, I am sorry.

Those are fat bitches? Wow,Dex!

1:43 pm March, 19 The Dude said...

Hoofkn-ray! My new fish slap target.

2:33 pm March, 19 Betty Cocker said...

@Stephanie 10:14p, Don’t worry about it. I’m sure another Britbag will bestow this site with his douchiness soon and I will just have to be on my toes and get my licks in before you. And I’ll have you know I am a huge fan of all of your work(mocks). I’m not sure why your jabs are never recognized in the Monthly votes. You might wanna get an avatar that showcases your jugs, also wear glasses if you don’t already.

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