Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Reader Mail: Willem’s Rappercrud Tag

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Subject: Utter D-Bag

This photo is of a cute friend and her utter d-bag boyfriend. He is such a d-bag it is almost is if he is trying to make an ironic statement about douchebaggery but unfortunately for her he is way too dumb for that.

The best part is that he thinks he’s rapper.
– Willem

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That “video” may be the more reprehensible slice of humanity fail I’ve seen since the Criss Angel music career crisis of the late 2009s.

The Wankstabag category continues to be the most infuriating and perplexing, as hiphop wigga suburban shitestains long ago crossed into pathetic self parody and part time employment at Carl’s Jr. Tasty Barely Legal Belinda deserves far better. I scornfully reproach the failure of her parents as she complains about her struggling career as a custom jewelry designer, then stare at her pokey sideboob when she’s busy removing the swizzle stick from her appletini.

# posted by douchebag1
1:49 pm March, 30 Geoffrey said...

reminds me of
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lRD958nAU8

1:54 pm March, 30 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Sweet Sugary Moses Eating a Donut… This is why we mock. That’s one load his mother should have taken in the butt.

1:54 pm March, 30 Charles Ulysses Farley said...

Almost there, Belinda. Now raise that knee up about a foot more with enough force put a chinchilla on the IR for six months.

1:55 pm March, 30 Wheezer said...

The best part is that he thinks he’s rapper.
– Willem

.
Like Brian Austin Green (B.A.G.), perhaps?

1:57 pm March, 30 Anonymous said...

Why did I click those links to see a rapping douchebag and a closeted homosexual dancing around a parking lot like a pixie?

Shit like that makes me want to drive knitting needles through my eyes so I can never see stuff like that again no matter what links I click.

The blindness would be sweet relief.

1:58 pm March, 30 Et Tu Douche? said...

Nice man wallet hanging from waist, What a dick!!!!!

2:04 pm March, 30 soy bomb said...

Where did I miss the memo that said dressing like an infant is sexually appealing to women?

2:06 pm March, 30 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

If that video mentioned Link Gaetz, I’d forgive all douchebaggery. He didn’t, so I won’t.

2:09 pm March, 30 Et Tu Douche? said...

Easily the most vile and rage producing category in the pantheon of baggery.

2:11 pm March, 30 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Anyone who is a fan of the San Jose Sharts is a bag in my book. Thankfully they will probably be one and done like most years…

2:11 pm March, 30 Daggerbagger' said...

I just watched his ‘ video clip’… fuck he needs a lobotomy! Check the mad threads he’s peddling- he’s Gagsta, thats for sure. I know this because just regurgitated spaghetti onto my keyboard.

2:11 pm March, 30 Et Tu Douche? said...

@CND
Link Gaetz wow!!!! kudo’s sir.

2:13 pm March, 30 Banana Hammock said...

By “udder” she means Willem the Boob, though now speaking of.. I request more defined imagery of Barely Legal Belinda’s side udders.

2:18 pm March, 30 jonezy said...

fuck.
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I’m picking my brains up all over the place, Jackie Onassis style, cuz this just blew my mind.
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..
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What? Too soon?

2:21 pm March, 30 jonezy said...

if your “creative talents” include a carbon copy delivery of another artist’s piece of work, but with one word changed….
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..
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wait for it
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you might be a Dennis Leary

2:28 pm March, 30 Wedgie said...

I agree that guy is a huge d’bag. But I think we need to tighten up our underwriting standards around here as regards what is the definition of a hot chick.
Because that ain’t it.

2:41 pm March, 30 Et Tu Douche? said...

He’s like all tough and shit but I’d put my money on T. Mills to whoop Wilhelms ass. At least T Mills fucccked a white girl once.

2:44 pm March, 30 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

I dunno DB1, Barely Legal Belinda looks way past legal to me…as does her barely needs to be there bra… which I would like to get past pronto.

2:55 pm March, 30 Vin Douchal said...

He is a rapper. There’s a video to prove it.
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Rappers are not musicians nor are they creative. They talk and say dumb things over monotonous drum beats.. The dumber the better. This Bleeth is all caught up in it. Good for you both, you deserve each other.
.

Now go off into the sunset to a trailer park with 4 snot-running-nosed kids , jobs as a cashier at BK / Nursing Home security guard to pay for diapers and Tylenol with the memories of your glory days as an entertainer.
.
Fuck you, Son

2:56 pm March, 30 Vin Douchal said...

Eminem excluded ^

2:57 pm March, 30 Medusa Oblongata said...

Notice the parallel between these two “music” videos? I mean the San Jose Sharks. Note fan wearing Sharks jersey in the Criss Angel clip….I deduce that the SJ Sharks are moving up on the NY Yankees as douchiest sports franchise…..

2:58 pm March, 30 Medusa Oblongata said...

“Teal” is a one-syllable word. Fuccen dead ghey phag.

2:59 pm March, 30 Medusa Oblongata said...

For some reason, I am repeatedly imagining taking his slender, bony hand in mine, and then crushing it like a stale Saltine cracker.

3:00 pm March, 30 SharksFan said...

This guy sucks dick.

3:11 pm March, 30 dbBen said...

It works because they both love art
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Not his uncle Art, rather, the creative outlet.

4:19 pm March, 30 Mr. White said...

If you repeatedly use the word “teal” in your rap, you are not hardcore. See also taupe, fuchsia. and ecru.

4:23 pm March, 30 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Vin
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I think you are giving most rappers WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much credit. Just yell whatever dumb shit comes into your brain over sampled tracks that some engineer already set up for you, edit, voila’, another “hit single”. The hardest part for them is remembering what stoopid shit they were screaming in the proper order. Thankfully my home compooter doesn’t have speakers so I couldn’t hear this abortion but I think I’m safe in saying he has negative talent. And when did they upgrade to a trailer park? I thought they were still living out of his Ford Fiesta.

4:26 pm March, 30 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I think this cumspot IS the only person I’ve seen so far who does get a workout when he drinks a bottle of beer. He looks like he might weigh a buck 10. Carrying a golf bag full of clubs. Filled with 50 pounds of cement.

4:30 pm March, 30 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

In his exceptional documentary “Waiting for Superman”, Davis Guggenheim explains how, when compared to students from other developed countries, American students lag way behind in every category but one. They trail in reading comprehension, grammar, mathematics, science, and such. The one measured category they excel in? That’s right: Self Confidence. Douchey Douche isn’t number one, isn’t even close to being number one. He’ll never score a record deal. Never have a club tour. Never make a dime off of his “effort”. But by god he’ll always believe in himself and his ability to rap like the masters he listens to on the corner where he scores his crack.
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The best he’ll ever be is a steaming pile of Number Two.
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That’s convinced its a Number One.

4:40 pm March, 30 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I didn’t know that Starvin’ Marvin could rap.

4:55 pm March, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Pee Wee?

5:15 pm March, 30 PooshDouche said...

I didn’t know chicks dig the Auschwitz look.

5:49 pm March, 30 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I just finished poking my eyes out with a sharpened carrot. Joke is on me, as the image was already seared into my frontal lobe. Anyone know how to perform a lobotomy with a celery stalk? I can go in through the eye socket, cuz, you know, they’re clear already.

6:49 pm March, 30 diedouche said...

fag

6:57 pm March, 30 Sir Douche Alot said...

the rap has a silent c

C-RAP

7:22 pm March, 30 Guid is Good said...

Beware of Bleeths in sacks.

8:24 pm March, 30 Sir Douche Alot said...

***UPDATE***

He has made his YouTube vid private now

LOL

10:55 pm March, 30 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

There are douchebags, and then there are gals who wear gunny-sack bag dresses. I guess it’s a case of “God makes them and they deserve each other.”

3:58 am March, 31 Jean Luc Scrotard said...

The Rapperchoad made his video private….I’m not sure but I actually think he did me a favor by not letting me watch it

8:02 am March, 31 DarkSock said...

dammit, beaten to both the PeeWee and Auschwitz riff….aw man….

8:20 am March, 31 Steve said...

I love how when I clicked on the video yesterday he had a full essay on how much he loves the haterz. Check the video today, it’s now private. What a fucking pussy.

9:04 pm March, 31 darksouldealer said...

and thus the power of the mock! look at it as a victory; he was so humiliated he did the opposite of what the more dare i say beefy douchies do, he high tailed and ran. victory!, i say. victory…

ecru…oh man, the things you learn

4:06 am April, 3 Mr. Biggs said...

Heavens to Murcatroid. How did I miss this. Total retinal burn in :20 seconds. That is such a low in douchey rap videos, Spencer Pratt is making fun of it.
Exit stage left.

5:21 am April, 4 vacation rentals said...

They talk and say stupid things monotonous drum beats .. The beast, the better. This Bleeth is trapped. Good for you both deserve.

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