Monday, March 7, 2011

Scoliosis Joel

Everywhere Scoliosis Joel walks, a midget trumpet player follows behind him, playing “Barrrrruhhhmp bump bump…. Barrruhhhmp bump bump…” in time with his footsteps.

Or, at least, that’s the world I want to live in.

Margarita’s mother played a Bond girl in “You Only Live Twice,” but her modeling career hasn’t gone so well since she moved here from Antverp.

Sadly, she finds herself clinging to fresh squeezed vegetable juice elixirs and men with bad credit rating.

But she’ll keep trying. She’s sure the payoff is just around the corner.

# posted by douchebag1
4:01 pm March, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger from the Psychiatrists Office said...

Nice body hair Fonzie. I’ll mail you some OxyContin you look like you need it werewolf freak. Maybe he’s more of a Lurch. I’d fucle her with Mrs. Kroeger’s BeJeezus sized clit, maybe more of a quahog than a clit but boy is it salty, and grotesque. Boss.

4:03 pm March, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger from the Psychiatrists Office said...

Is that a mat of chest hair or an apparition of Lucifer doing the pee-pee on a ford thing. Sweet fuck I’m stoned.

4:12 pm March, 7 creature said...

‘moose, squirrell’…I dunno, Ivana, he’s one or both?

4:14 pm March, 7 Et Tu Douche? said...

Margarita’s Mom has that just recently divorced, I’m down for anything, naughty MILF pout. Get back in the game Margarita’s Mom and release those 15 years of pent up sexual frustrations. Play safe, watch out for douchebags, enjoy your new found freedom and try not to spend too much of the settlement on puds like Joel here.

4:18 pm March, 7 Fatness said...

Wait, what? Where is Margarita?

4:41 pm March, 7 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I never trust a woman whose left eye is smaller than her right and whose wrist is the same size as a Bud Lime beer bottle.

4:44 pm March, 7 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

These two are filled with Eastern Europe, and not in a good way. Ok, true, there *is* no good way.
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Margarita drinks bud lime because she thinks the scent covers up for lack of dental hygiene, and the hangover is less than her second favorite: lemon Pledge.

4:47 pm March, 7 Dex said...

Poor Joel, you are so close, and yet SO FAR, from earning a nottadouche. All you have to do is shave and get a haircut. Unfortunately, your ridiculous chin-pubes and unforgivable ‘hawk have pushed you far into the realm of people I mock. And to add further tragedy to it, your lack of ‘roid-arms and questionable posture means I’d probably do it to your face.

4:54 pm March, 7 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

He looks like the first contestant on an infomercial for spine straightening by jellydong implantation.
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“Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from such classics as ‘I was a Teenage Creature from the Black Lagoon” and ‘Beach Blanket Bimbos’. I’m here to tell you about a fantastic offer that’s available for a short time only. After years of doing my own stunts, I had become hunched over and could hardly walk upright. Even the most mundane of tasks became excruciating to do. That is until I found the Dongalator 5000. A 17″ ribbed jellydong was surgically implanted in my back right next to my spine and now I feel great! It’s made of a space-age polymer that provides enough stiffness for stability with a gel-filled center for enough flexibility that I can do do back flips! And if you schedule the surgery now, I’ll even throw in a vaginoplasty for free. That’s a $750 value for absolutely free. But hurry, this is a limited time offer. Wait are you waiting for? Pick up the phone and call.”

5:09 pm March, 7 bflak said...

Eye of coitus?

5:20 pm March, 7 Don't Ask, Don't Smell said...

^More like “eye of voidness”. Joel, seriously with the beard? You almost earned nottadouche. I’m willing to forgive the hawk too. You disapoint me Joel. Now go bang your friend’s Mom.

5:20 pm March, 7 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I’d NEVER mock a soul for scoliosis (in his case, more like kyphosis;,l but I’d chastise him for wackily trimmed facial hair, or at the very least, wearing it with a matching “LOOK-AT-ME” hairdo, which is his own form of mocking us for mocking him. Or perhaps detracting us from staring at his hunch back. Which seems not all that hunched.

5:26 pm March, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

My comments from the doctor’s office still don’t show. Fucking doctors. I’m going back to booze and weed, after meds are gone of course. Where is Eddie Money when you need him? Or Lisa Bonet. Son.

6:32 pm March, 7 Steve L. said...

Margarita also insists that she’s able to take one look at anyone and identify whether he is her Mr. Right.
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and Margarita has had a few dozen Mr. Rights already.
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god these high and mighty chicks piss me off.

6:33 pm March, 7 soy bomb said...

If you took a crowbar and bashed him in the head with it, he’d go down *snap* just like that.
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Pussy.

7:11 pm March, 7 Wedgie said...

Strange, cat-like shadow has either fallen across, or been shaven into, his sallow chest. Considering her remarkable resemblance to Julie Newmar, I think she is 2011’s version of Catwoman.
Now, ditch that shitty beer, and get into the tight fitting black outfit.
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Oh, yeah, one more thing. Light him on fire.

7:51 pm March, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Dr. Bunsen
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RE: 2 Live Crew

I haven’t heard that song since shortly before I quit the rugby team in junior year for less homoerotic activities like raquetball. No, that was pretty gay as well. Volleyball. that was quite queer. Nautilus training was by far the most gay. However that was the year I met the most wholesome Mrs.Kroeger and dumped her because I knew I was a pig. Then I went on a run of whores, booze, and drugs which has not ended and I ran into the Mrs. again and we had two retarded children and got married and I went insane.
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I lost my train of thought again. Son. I had a point I think.

8:28 pm March, 7 creature said...

“what I like about Joel is that he wears a beaver pelt on his chest”

9:15 pm March, 7 Vin Douchal said...

Shmeckie Fart-Smythe from the The Bachelor, Moreno Valley with the finalist Misti Poledanz pose at their dream honeymoon location, The Best Western-Cajon Pass in Phelan, Ca known for it’s lifelike dinosaur collection facing the 15 freeway……
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…. sorry, that’s an inside joke for SoCal dudes that have driven to Vegas …

9:26 pm March, 7 DarkSock said...

@ Reverend Chad Kroeger:
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I love you, man.
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Son.

9:28 pm March, 7 DarkSock said...

Caption:
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“Eventually the scourge of crystal meth even reached into the recesses of the deep country Pennsylvania Amish”

1:12 am March, 8 Joey Bagadouchey said...

Skill-full cropping and photo-shopping may fool some, but, I KNOW these two are Centaurs. They always have that smug look about them, when posing for mere mortals. Haughty bastards, go to hell, Centaur- people!

3:26 am March, 8 Collaz B. Popped said...

I’d fwap on her Eastern European chin as long as possible in a haze of Jameson and chronic.

While Joel is passed out in the hotel room chair.

3:32 am March, 8 BallsPartyOfTwo said...

Bud Lite Lime = Autodouche

4:01 am March, 8 Harley Parts said...

I quit the rugby team in junior year for less homoerotic activities like raquetball. No, that was gay as well. Volleyball.

5:11 am March, 8 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That Stone Temple Pillots sure could pull some tail. Son.

@Dark Sock

I love you too, man. Got any extra Ambien. The Oxy with Valium and chronic and booze is way too harsh in the morning. Son. See the way I used the word “too” twice. What?

6:23 am March, 8 creature said...

@ Rev Chad

spike your coffee & snort some bath salts…son

6:36 am March, 8 Deltus said...

Her right eye is, like, twice the size of her left eye. I mean, they’re both staring at me, but I’m getting stared at twice as much by the right. And it’s freaking me out, man! IT’S FREAKING ME OUT!!!

8:45 am March, 8 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Deltus
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She’s got the kavorka and the Eye of Coitus. Yikes! Which is which? Maybe she is a witch? Should we build a brisge out of her?
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@ Rev Chad
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I feel you pain (insert animated gif of Bill Clinton here) son. Can’t sleep for shit myself and my idiot doctors want me to do some sleep study bullshit. Just gimme some fuccen beer (the hard stuff fuccks my stomach up pretty bad), any SSRI, and some Oxy and I’m good to go for about 6 hours of uninterrupted bliss. Why can’t people just give me what I need and then leave me the fucck alone?

8:46 am March, 8 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

^ To laymen, brisge = lack of sleep. Now BRIDGE is something you make out of a witch.

12:24 pm March, 8 Medusa Oblongata said...

They’re both looking at me like they’re trying to read my mind. Well, good luck. Those missile codes will never be found!

8:31 am March, 9 Stephanie said...

Duct tape him to a two x four and maybe he’ll stand up right.

5:21 pm March, 12 Alaska Mohawk said...

Lol.. Always fun to read the comments of people with no life. but what they have to say of others.. You guys could use a real life.. And the picture was put up by a jealous douche.. But if you’d like to meet the real person you can find me on fb as Alaska Mohawk. You’ll see I stand very well without problems and for guys that think they’re so tough in words.. Prove It! So join me and the good times.. or sit at home on your computer and talk shit of others that have more fun things to do in life.. 1Love internet homebodies.

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