Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Sometimes Shane’s Just Gotta Choke a Bitch

There’s two ways Shane knows how to tell Maria he kinda sorta likes her. Or at least, wants to bang her when he’s not too hung over.

1. Choke her sorry ass

2. Write “Olive Garden” in script above his belly button

3. Go shirtless at all times

Don’t tell Shane that that was actually three ways, and not two. Shane was never good at no math.

# posted by douchebag1
1:12 pm March, 2 Luis Douchuel said...

Tiny white triangle panty reveal! My day is complete.

1:21 pm March, 2 boatbutter said...

Nice catch Luis.

Only one man can pull off shirtless at all times.

1:21 pm March, 2 boone doggle said...

^5 Luis!

1:30 pm March, 2 jonezy said...

the most unfortunate part is that she’s married this pudwank, and will in all likelihood spawn his children, after which her presumably taught “heiny” will drag like the knuckles of a scoliotic primate

1:35 pm March, 2 Taint Nuthin But A G-Thang said...

Jonezy, she may wear a ring, but he’s not. Thus, there’s hope that maybe this is just, um, her brother or something. Cuz in general, it’s simply sad that a hott THIS hott would be seen in public with a pube THIS pube-ey.

1:36 pm March, 2 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Chickie looks like a young Celine Dion. My heart will go on her unison any day.

1:38 pm March, 2 dbBen said...

Please, for the love of the service industry.

1:44 pm March, 2 Medusa Oblongata said...

That is one of the shittiest sleeves I’ve ever seen. I thought it said “Flipped Engagement” on his stomach. That’s why he’s trying to choke her. He wants the ring back.

1:47 pm March, 2 army (ret) douche said...

he’s no king of sears

1:52 pm March, 2 Southern Scrotic said...

Flipping the bird with the left hand is always a classy touch.

1:56 pm March, 2 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

What we can’t see is the Mongolian three fingered strangle hold she’s got on her pubes. He needs to take an anger management class.
.
.
.
And she needs to shave.

1:58 pm March, 2 Vin Douchal said...

He’s the long lost brother of Randy and Dennis, Shane “Splatterfuck” Quaid

1:58 pm March, 2 soy bomb said...

“No Shane, No! That’s a lady, not a chicken!”
.
.
DB1 is really stretching it by putting this in “college” category. Mahap he meant “collage” as in that sh*t that’s on his arm. Did he go into the tatt shop, look around and say: “I’ll have one of everything”?
.
.
Tool.

2:05 pm March, 2 Wheezer said...

I think his stomach tatt says “Agave __________
.
Maybe one of you can help me decipher that.

2:11 pm March, 2 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

seriously, that’s enough tonguing, licking, unjustified shirtlessness, and bird-flipping for one day.

2:31 pm March, 2 Hermit said...

His stomach tat clearly says,
Filipino Gynecologist.

2:42 pm March, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Good Lord not another one of these pics today.
.
Doc Bunsen’s Top 10 Things He Hates About Pics Like This:
.
1. Douches Pavlovian response to document physical “superiority” over female.
2. Female’s willing submission to douche’s response per #1.
3. Shirtlessness for no fuccen reason.
4. Bad, bad sleeve tatts.
5. Douches who feel the need to spread their legs 17 feet wide to accommodate their 1 inch cocck.
6. ANY asshole that sticks their tongue out when a picture is taken.
7. Women who wear bukkake shields where each lens is the size of the Mount Arecibo Observatory.
8. The “subtle” flipping of the bird. Really? Really?
9. Completely gay stomach tatt.
and the best for last…
10. Complete and total non-appreciation for the hott in the first place.

2:43 pm March, 2 Captain Garanichode said...

@Hermit
.
Not so sure, I believe it reads “Rectal Refugee”…

2:43 pm March, 2 Wedgie said...

I can’t deciper the lame tatt, but his undies are from Calvin. So he is clearly a gaybag, choking his sister because she refused to let him borrow her eye liner.
Silly pole smoker.

2:56 pm March, 2 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Maria, proceed directly to intense therapy sessions to resolve those “my daddy didn’t love me so I must be an unworthy person who takes abuse from men” issues. Seriously !

Shane: your break is over, get back to your shift at the 10 minute oil change shop.

3:02 pm March, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

His stomach tatt says Hyper Elephantitis (the disease where the penis is very small, but the testicles are EXTREMELY large).

3:45 pm March, 2 Et Tu Douche? said...

Poor Monica Seles life just hasn’t been the same since she left the tour and as Senor Douchuel noted earlier that is a nice panty reveal reminiscent of your glory days on the courts.
.
Shane disgusts me on so many levels. His douchosity is off the charts wrong.

3:53 pm March, 2 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

This picture is the veritable raison d’etre of this site.
He is so offensive on so many levels, as noted @Dr. Bunsen Honeydouche, that he deserves to be mocked long and hard….three words he’s probably not acquainted with.

4:13 pm March, 2 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

That’s not a “imma throttle you” choke grip, mock or otherwise. That’s thumb and fingers over the carotid ala asphyxiophilia. Don’t know what to think about that… But seems like an uber douche thing to do during happy hour.

5:16 pm March, 2 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@ Boatbutter

Nice Ricky aka: Smoky. He does a lot for two cheeseburgers.

5:31 pm March, 2 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Ya’ have to love her impermanent matching tatts, albeit on the straight and narrow, running down the front of her top. She wouldn’t want to all-out compete with her hubby’s arm and belly crapola, er, crayola.

6:39 pm March, 2 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Thank God for the undies poke.
.
.
.
.
Hers, NOT his, ya maroon!

6:42 pm March, 2 Count Mockula said...

Save the choke-hold for the bedroom Shane. Didn’t prison teach you anything?

8:33 pm March, 2 Stephanie said...

Shame on Shane,someone should collar you and make you lick their toilet clean.

9:33 pm March, 2 Medusa Oblongata said...

BEHOLD THE TRUTH
.
Sorry, Rev. Kroeger.

10:41 pm March, 2 Steve L. said...

if there was a fork on that table i’d be morbidly aroused.

10:44 pm March, 2 Wheezer said...

There’s too much toxicity here today. These choads are bothering me, and I’m sure you’re all sick of their pustulish(?) natures.
.
So, being a good broheim and ‘baghunter, I give you something else to ponder…..you tell me what you think.
.
And, of course, if you find more worthy “thoughts” to post, feel free.

10:44 pm March, 2 Douche Springsteen said...

no shirt, no shoes….NO DICE. but all douche.

11:36 pm March, 2 Fatness said...

@Wheezer, re: Ms. Hendricks. I think I liked her “Firefly” era look better…

11:55 pm March, 2 Kennedy Smith said...

As Dumbledore once confided, I’ve seen things in my life that are truly horrific. Now I know you’ll see worse.

Such as faux-strangulation to look cool.

3:35 am March, 3 psd-to-xhtml said...

I thought it stated â Flipped Engagement on his stomach. That’s why he is trying to choke her. He wishes the ring back.

6:26 am March, 3 Anonymous said...

Shane, if you can’t put enough pressure on her throat to knock that smile off the bitch’s face, you ain’t shit.
You call yourself a douchebag? Her tongue is supposed to be sticking out, not yours, you PUSSY!

6:42 am March, 3 Deltus said...

@Dr. Bunsen: good list. Every single one of those points, absolute truth. Especially heinous is the tongue showing. I yearn to grab it with pincers and pull.

10:48 am March, 3 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

While on vacation with Maria’s family, Shane tries to bond with his father-in-law, by demonstrating his control over women. Later on the golf course, Shane had an unfortunate incident with his driver. Maria’s father rejoices that grandchildren will not be in his future.

12:48 pm March, 3 Douchebag Apologist said...

I say not a douche. This is a hot chick with scumbag.

3:48 am March, 4 Collaz B. Popped said...

Yep, Bunsen’s Top 10 says it all.

Again, these DB’s flashing tongue. Again making some kind of contact with the hot with mouth.

I think he’s on the level with King of Sears for the tongue/contact/pic fouls.

2:11 pm March, 4 fred said...

someone pass him a tongue scrapper.

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