Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Sven Counts to Two

Although, technically, so is Julie.

Using her boobs.

I needed to spell that joke out.

Because it’s early, and your humble narrator is scratchy.

# posted by douchebag1
7:27 am March, 23 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Sienna Miller sure can pull some Scandislavian Nordic bag.
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Sven of the wet-hair and shirtless vest has fallen far from the heights of his Viking ancestors. The closest he gets to Viking glory now is the glory hole he man’s during pre-season in a restroom at Mall of America Field in Minnesota.

7:33 am March, 23 Deltus said...

Anybody ever noticed that a hat makes a hott even hotter? Like, by 1 point, or even 2 in some cases. Why is that?
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Usually when it’s a cowboy hat, or a ballcap, but even a hat like Julie’s wearing can lead to the Hat Wearing Hott Enhancement (or HWHE).
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This requires further study. And by study, I mean searching out pics of hotts wearing hats (hatts?) and masturbating to them.

7:34 am March, 23 Mr. White said...

Heidi Klum’s younger sister can sure pull some Euro-Brad Pitt bag.

7:36 am March, 23 Mr. White said...

@deltus
I have a theory: All of the hats you describe are more typically men’s hats, so the hott wearing such a hat evokes the fantasy of her taking it off your head and wearing it as a sign of affection/lust, and the promise of the possibility of nookie.
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In some cultures, wearing a man’s hat indicates that she would accept anal from said man. FACT.

7:38 am March, 23 Matt in VA said...

Um….Julie is really not that hot…hat or not…But Sven is still a douche..

7:44 am March, 23 wonderdouche twin said...

Julie looks like Courtney Thorne-Smith’s worn out younger sister.

7:52 am March, 23 Douchble Helix said...

Not Brad Pitt, exactly. More like the guy on SNL portraying Brad Pitt on the Jeff Bridges episode. Bahw.

8:04 am March, 23 Mocturnal Emissions said...

Did he just receive a swirly from a bully douche at this club? She is exhibiting hover hand and “Not that into him” torso leanaway. That means she’s good to go other douches, begin the game throwin’ and drink buyin’ process now.
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@Deltus, I would agree with Mr. White as to the explanation of your HWHE theory, with the exclusion of the anal clause (Anal Clause, Santa’s dirty little secret). Anyway, I know when I put on my Hockey Mask/welding helmet/Backwards Ballcap (Go Local Sports Team) I get threefold the cat calls and “Sit on my Face” offers I normally get. Then again, I live next to Dock/Lumber Yard which is always under Construction.

8:07 am March, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Wow. I hope one day when I get out of the hospital she will Tuts My Barrah. That questionably male character just needs to Prepare to Die. Dr. Bunsen? Calling Dr. Bunsen? Dr.? Mr.Bunsen?

8:12 am March, 23 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I needed to spell that joke out.
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Nah, I was just way ahead of yah, boss. I hope to be able to teach her how to count to twenty with her nipples (and fingers).

8:35 am March, 23 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

I concur with M.E. @8:04, total hover hand and look of regret / queasiness over getting too close to greaseball.

8:47 am March, 23 Tanath said...

he had a cheat sheet that was going to let him get to three but it was in the hat julie stole…

8:50 am March, 23 Collaz B. Popped said...

She’s so Euro,,,,,,

FWAP.

8:58 am March, 23 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

That’s no hott, it’s John Darling from Peter Pan
http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/6500000/John-Darling-peter-pan-6584937-300-237.jpg

9:04 am March, 23 Et Tu Douche? said...

I want to believe her fun bags are real I really do but alas I’d only be kidding myself.
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I’m in agreement with Deltus’s HHWE theory and Mr. Whites succinct follow up to said theory. Good work gentlemen.

9:21 am March, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Rev Chad
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You rang? How’s the day been going?
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I believe Mr. White was looking for the phrase “Hi you have a great ass. Would you mind if I wear it as a hat?” Or in the immortal words of The Geek “A girl in a hat is so… is so… vogue.”

9:24 am March, 23 tall guy said...

At first glance I found Julie somewhat captivating. Further inspection slightly reduced her allure based on the slowly turning cogs of my brain this morning. Isn’t she merely a female version of Sven? I’d still, unquestionably, do her though. Sheesh, modern living…

9:31 am March, 23 banana hammock said...

Absence of the obvious bleethiness indicates that there is a chance that those perky mounds of mam flesh are indeed real. I volunteer a invasive motorboating. I also volunteer a soccer cleat to Sven’s crown.

10:23 am March, 23 Wheezer said...

WTF? My hair looks just like his right now.
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Of course, I’ve been sick and just got out of bed. The other difference is that I’ll be showering with soap, shampoo and water instead of Axe, and I will be grooming my hair before I go outside.

10:26 am March, 23 Medusa Oblongata said...

She has a pre-botox Nicole Kidman thing going on. If I could only get the stain of Tom Cruise off of her, she would be most edible.

12:12 pm March, 23 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Sven has to make a Vee-sign to get us to look at his Vee-neck shirt, but that’s what happens when chicks with scoop neck shirts and plump cones bust, er, hone in on the photo-action.

12:31 pm March, 23 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I would not have gotten the joke, so thank you boss for spelling that out for me.

That Sienna Miller sure can pull that vintage Kato Kaelin-looking bag.

12:51 pm March, 23 Stephanie said...

The only test he passes is the one for herpes.

6:14 pm March, 23 dewthedouche said...

Taylor Hawkins of Foo Fighters is a douche? No. Can’t happen.

Must be all the Jager and Letterman appearances.

7:27 pm March, 23 soy bomb said...

@Deltus, RE: HWHE
One thing that really gets my Segway® goin’ is the sight of a Hott in a Shitty Car (HISC). I think both theories are related. Like the Hott is totally down to earth if she’s in a shit car and maybe she won’t be too freaked out when I corner her in a darkened alley.

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