Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Screaming Oh

Look closely… do you see it?…

There!… In the corner of Jennifer’s eye…

You see it right?…

That brief glimmer of recognition that accepting Jeffrey The Hardware Store Owner’s marriage proposal was a horrible, horrible mistake.

Sorry, Jennifer. All that awaits you in your future now are repetitive shopping trips to CostCo, SUVs in the driveway, the sound of lawnmowers all day, and nasty pre-teen children who, like, totally hate you both.

# posted by douchebag1
9:28 am March, 10 Wedgie said...

You forgot to mention premature ejaculation; he’s making the “I’m coming” face right here.

9:31 am March, 10 Wedgie said...

Dude in the background has some sweet threads going too. Huggy’s rich uncle died & left him a shitload of $$.

9:39 am March, 10 Anonymous said...

I’d really love to take that dirty cap off of her fine self, take a big steaming hairy shit into it, and then smash the loaded hat right over his head. That would truly give him something to scream OHHHHHH about.

9:42 am March, 10 Hold Me Closer Tiny Douchebag said...

Wow. She’s heavier than she looks. All her weight must be in the trunk.
.
All his weight is everywhere. Douche, if you don’t mind I would like to practice my hand eye coordination by throwing grapes into your gaping mouth hole. Oh you don’t mind? You love food? That’s a breaking newstory if I’ve ever heard one.
.
Is this Gynochin’s portlier brother who prefers blondes? I need to know. I’m doing a case study on the entire Gynochin Clan.

10:00 am March, 10 Et Tu Douche? said...

Hmmm!!, slight side boob peek

10:03 am March, 10 Fatness said...

Uh, DB1…he’s not the owner. He’s the overnight stock clerk who pretends to be the owner when the local milfs come in looking for C cells to power Freddie.

10:03 am March, 10 Hold Me Closer Tiny Douchebag said...

@Et Tu, I support your new Hmmm!! meme.

10:08 am March, 10 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

“Golldurn it, Jennifer! Can’t you put your ‘Chocolate Fantasy’ dildo somewhere other than on my Laz-E-Boy?”

10:08 am March, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

All I can see is paisly shiny in the background. Strangers lurk in he forest behind my house whispering evil thought into he as I sleep what is to be a non-glorious sleep. These eyes of space are upon my soul begging me to join them. I can’t. Dark soul at the convenience store says what are you looking at. I attack him with wonton bloodlust like my previous incarnation as a Lord in the King’s courtyard. Ladies begging me to beg them. Erections. Dripping pussies at the after orgy feast, But, the battle is tomorrow, tonight we frolic with disease ridden whores, old mead and a curried mutton compote on stale old bread. Mice too big to be mice pull her pumpkin carriage as her untainted womanhood gets moist for the first time thinking about my cocck. Of to battle. Fight the good fight and all that. Doesn’t matter, my serfs will fight while I sojourn to break fast on wine and boar. They will die before they retreat, knowing of the evil with which shall be rained upon them if they do not do the landlord’s bidding.Wine was strong that day as the battle waged on. St. Thomas Aquinas and the Right Honourable Colonel Sander’s meet me in a ghost dream. India, how did I get here dudes? No answers. Looks of disillusionment surround me, Tommy starts on about Copernicus and tells all gathered in fascination of our collective genius. Colonel babbles about his 7 special spices and Negroes, whispering. Chad, Don’t bogart the joint. Fisticuffs start. Sanders goes all UFC and the Saint is tapped out. My turn next. Having seen the colonel fight before I decide there is only one way to defend my self against his cane and lethal coock, run and go all Rambo-Terminator style in the woods. It worked, he was dead. I pulled out my gaint cocck and necophile his old soggy ass. Boy, he was tight.
Kirk, I grow weary of the chase. John MacEnroe and

.
Stoned again. Fucking ceiling fan is alive. I should go back to work. This duo is just stupid. I could push her boobies in real tight.

.
DB1 described my life perfectly. AAAAAAAAAGHGH!

10:13 am March, 10 Hold Me Closer Tiny Douchebag said...

Goddamn it Reverend, you can’t just leave a MacEnroe hanging like that! What does he do? Do him and Colonel Sanders duke it out KFC style or what?

10:34 am March, 10 Deltus said...

Hott has some arm muscle on there. She’s bleeth, but I find her sexy. Wish we could see the butt topology, though.

10:42 am March, 10 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

I briefly dated (stalked) Nola here, but she left me (closed he window blinds). While she was kicking me off of her fire escape she told me she was getting back together with Hank here…so I better watch my ass.
.
I said goodbye Nola, I hope that nail selling bastard makes you happy this time.

10:42 am March, 10 Baron Von Goolo said...

This is the only known photograph of a sexual maneuver called “The End of Daze.” It starts with covert, under-the-skirt sex in a public location, and it ends with a dwarf ramming a pineapple up your happy hole at the same moment the blond reveals herself as Patient Zero for something called “Necrotic Hammerwarts.”

10:44 am March, 10 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Her* window blinds^ I hope that wasn’t a Freudian slip.

10:45 am March, 10 Vin Douchal said...

He used the Sparkly Eyes Technique to land her
.

10:46 am March, 10 Edvis said...

Hardware store? Nope. He runs his own truck providing mobile windshield repair…ever since he he lost his job delivering bottled water to offices after that unfortunate “zipper” accident.

10:57 am March, 10 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Rev
.
I can’t believe you left out the part about the musical stylings of flautist extraordinaire Ian Anderson playing in the background, your omnipresent Warlock bodyguard and your harem of Iberian wenches.
.
Son!!!!!

11:12 am March, 10 Vin Douchal said...

Jeffrey is living the dream. The one where you have to shit really bad and don’t make it to the bathroom in time

1:59 pm March, 10 banana hammock said...

photo caption: “My Hat, where’s my hat?… Bitch took my Hat !!”

2:24 pm March, 10 DarkSock said...

photo caption: “Then, as Cindi writhed in his lap, Todd’s ex-wife crept behind him and without warning blasted a hot rooster tail of fecalized Mexican cornbread into his back surgery stitches.”

2:25 pm March, 10 DarkSock said...

Todd learned a hard lesson about not removing his genital piercings while getting an aggressive lap dance from a fishnet-stockinged stripper.

3:04 pm March, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I believe a miniature pony is extracting revenge for the equine community by performing a maneuver known as the Shetland Fire Hydrant.

3:06 pm March, 10 Stephanie said...

…and a moron who watches sports all weekend,and yells at you,and kicks the dog,and makes you be his nigger,and you end up washing his socks…. and smelling his farts…Jennifer,run away fast,now!

3:33 pm March, 10 Hold Me Closer Tiny Douchebag said...

@Stephanie, I would prefer if you used the term “nigga” instead. I find the letter “er” to be quite offensive. And you are right he does appear to be quite gaseous. But he looks like he might be able to whip me up a quality sandwich. On account he eats a lot of them. Because he’s fat. I guess what I’m saying is, this douchebag puts the ease in obease. Yeah I know, there’s no a in obese. Thanks for ruining my joke, English Dictionary.

5:52 pm March, 10 Steve L. said...

HERNIA!
.
that’s the first thing i thought of.

7:46 pm March, 10 ehcuodouche said...

It looks like she just kneed him in the family jewels.

9:44 pm March, 10 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

You’d scream too if you were holding a Valkyrie in a 21st century incarnation of a signature headpiece.

9:47 pm March, 10 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

You’d scream too if you discovered your fantasy broad wore a backwards hat to signal her female parts were reversed with her bunny-hole part.

9:49 pm March, 10 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

You’d scream too if your fantasy date knew Spock’s nerve-paralyzing neck and shoulder grasp.

9:52 pm March, 10 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

You’d scream too if her garlic breath was more powerful than her boobs-in-yer-face.

9:55 pm March, 10 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

You’d scream too if her knee-jerk reaction to your butt-squeeze was straight ball hit in the first inning.

9:57 pm March, 10 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

You’d scream too if she gave the photog the hairy-eyeball while twisting yer hairy balls with her knees.

9:59 pm March, 10 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

You’d scream too if you were four times her size but five times as sensitive to the pain of getting balled.

10:04 pm March, 10 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

You’d scream too if you discovered she was going commando and peeing in yer crotch.

10:09 pm March, 10 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

You’d scream too if yer hemorrhoids were itchin’ while she was scratchin’ in the wrong place.

4:07 am March, 11 Motorcycle Accessories said...

I would like to practice my hand eye coordination by throwing grapes in to your gaping mouth hole.

10:19 pm March, 12 Totes deBag said...

Is this not Gynochin??? or do my eyes deceive me?
kisses
Totes deBag

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