Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The Tuxedobag

About time we ran another one of the prime categories of choad running free on our streets like so many Brazilian street urchins.

No sub-category needed for The Tuxedobag.

He is Tuxedo. And he is ‘Bag.

Gillian is that cute girl you met in human resources on your first day of your first job after college, and thought to yourself, “I can’t believe I’m working a real job! And I totally have a chance with her!” Six months later you were fired. And no you didn’t.

# posted by douchebag1
9:24 am March, 29 tall guy said...

Christ! His hair looks like a bloody toothbrush.

9:36 am March, 29 douche bagel said...

which makes sense because i’m pretty sure she’s a dental assistant

9:49 am March, 29 Vin Douchal said...

Just the hair , which is the style nowadays, and whatever the hell that thing is on his ear are about all I see wrong with this dude.
.
He looks nappy in that tux. I play dress up every day in a shirt and tie, so throwing on the tux once in a while feels good ( the tailor told me there’s no more room to let out in the arse so I can’t get any bigger).
.
I’m going with notta, folks, and kudos to a little bit of fashion taste around here
.
She reminds me of Vera Jimenez , a.k.a. the only time I’ve ever jacked it to the weather report
.

10:29 am March, 29 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Since I’ve been getting to the party too late each Friday to write a Haiku I will do so now:
.
His hair stands on end
I wonder why it does that
Something ’bout Mary?

10:38 am March, 29 Vin Douchal said...

@ MC
.
You’ve also been missing Wednesday Limmerick”
.
A douche in a cheap rental tux
Acts like this is the chick that he fucks
But his facial expression
Says his ass gets a denting
From the football team’s ‘roid raging schmucks

10:43 am March, 29 Anonymous said...

I like that Vera Jimenez. A hot little Mexican Tamale.

She has accumulated an impressive list of awards.

http://www.ktla.com/about/station/bios/ktla-news-bio-jimenez,0,1195011.story

Nonetheless, I am more impressed by her Golden Globes.

10:45 am March, 29 Dudes said...

That’s shawn desmond. I can respect the bro. he’s a musician and shit. pussy gets thrown his way more than you would ever imagine

10:52 am March, 29 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Her neck seems too short
As if she is a rather
hot Doug Batey type

10:58 am March, 29 soy bomb said...

I dunno Dudes, I can imagine quite a lot.

11:05 am March, 29 Mr. White said...

@dudes
I don’t know if you meant Shawn Desman and shit, but the only Shawn Desmond I’m finding on Google is some random public relations dude in New York and shit. If you do mean Shawn Desman and shit, then (a) I don’t think that’s who this pic is, but even if it is the same dude, (b) Shawn Desman is the epitome of douchenozzle, as shown here. And shit.

11:19 am March, 29 Jacques Doucheteau said...

No wonder pussy never gets thrown my way. I’m just a paltry musician, severely lacking in the shit department. Once I get my shit together though, I’ll need helmet to protect my overwhelmed imagination from the onslaught of pussy being catapulted my way.
.
You hear that shit Vin? Us narrow-visioned musicians could learn a thing or two from Shawn here.
.
Shit.

11:26 am March, 29 Mr. White said...

@jacques
Try this tip to elevate your game: Whenever I perform, no matter how big or small the venue, I put a giant turd on the upper bout of my classical guitar. Then no one can question my dedication and shit.

11:40 am March, 29 Vin Douchal said...

You know what’s the shit? Actually shitting yer britches while hitting a high note and shit. Shit’s awesome

12:00 pm March, 29 Mockotini said...

Shit, that douche is a musician? Where’s my pussy at so I can commence throwing it at him already?

12:01 pm March, 29 Et Tu Douche? said...

I think what Dudes meant to say was that “he’s a musician and shart”
.
I’m gonna make me some popcorn and shit and await the ensuing shit storm that is sure to be comical genius. You seasoned reg’s crack me up and for that I thank you.
.
This might give “Son!!!” a run for it’s money

12:29 pm March, 29 DarkSock said...

I’m late to the party and shit. Son.

12:47 pm March, 29 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Seriously, is this picture from the archives of 1986? And what’s with her pleather half-jacket? Or did someone cut off the bottom two-thirds of it as a prank? That look went out the door along with Haircut 100, ABC, Men Without Hats, Duran Duran, Aldo Nova, Asia, Triumph, etc…

1:04 pm March, 29 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

James Bland here spent some serious coin on that Gibraltar size rock she’s wearing. Gillian is hott despite the foreshortening damage to her neck and torso… presumably she spent her teen years working as a mole inside a whack-a-mole coin op game. Looks more Persian than Latina to me, but then again who cares?

1:07 pm March, 29 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

I had a dream about pussy being thrown my way once, it ended badly. Had to get up and change my pajamas.

1:35 pm March, 29 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Chickie is Toronto newsbunny Melissa Grelo. The only question here is which one will send the takedown request first.

1:54 pm March, 29 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Fucck, if pussy is gettin’ thrown his way then I’m looking to form a kazoo orchestra. Anybody wanna join? Just make sure to bring your own bucket of Tidy Cat ‘cuz I can’t pay for everyone.

2:22 pm March, 29 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

If pussy is getting thrown his way, would it be undignified to follow him with a net in order to catch the pussy that misses him?

3:39 pm March, 29 Dr. Douchenstein said...

Yup, that’s Shawn Desman alright. Honestly, he’s a prototypical douche. Take a look at some of his music videos. He’s got some weird douche tux going on in one of them. It’s supremely douchey.

On a positive note, I’m extremely excited to know that his music has not spread outside the confines of Toronto. Although we’re done for here, hopefully the rest of you will remain untainted by his crappy music.

As for the girl, that Melissa Grelo who works for CP24. I’m certain he’s not getting a piece of that, but sadly she has been lost to the dark side. She’s married to some former “male model”. Ah, when will the day come when girls will finally wake up and stop falling for these turd burgers.

5:22 pm March, 29 DJ TooDouche said...

Shawn Desman = rockstar leniency. Douchey by looks only, he’s actually a really chill, non-egotistical guy. He deserves a pass

7:14 pm March, 29 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

“The Scream” is getting to be more and more influential as ” art determining hairstyle.”

That, or Dagwood Bumstead reacting in horror is the new standard in hairstyles for men.

9:11 pm March, 29 Stephanie said...

This guy looks like 10,350,568 other guys.

9:13 pm March, 29 Mockotini said...

^So true, Steph. So fucking true.

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