Wednesday, March 9, 2011

There Are Many Things Not Worth Seeing in This Life

Triple X Groin Shave Reveal on a strangely lumpy Oldbag by the pool is one of them.

When Candi on the right giggles, she jiggles. Like Jello. Mmmm. Jello.

So we got that going for us in this pic. Not sure it’s enough.

# posted by douchebag1
7:15 am March, 9 massengill said...

“American Royalty?”
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You, sir, are no King Douchuous.

7:20 am March, 9 Crottenham said...

This is why I never got tats…..they look really stupid once you pass 50! Wow, what a douche……..

7:23 am March, 9 Deltus said...

It’s not just 3 X’s, isn’t that the way they did it for that really shitty movie, XXX, starring Douche Diesel? Why? WHY?!?!

7:24 am March, 9 Wheezer said...

His only saving grace is that he’s smiling in the presence of hott.
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Ummmmm, but he’s still an oldbag. Smiles don’t wash away the stupid tatts, doofus.
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And are the hotts doing some welding later?

7:28 am March, 9 Anonymous said...

That old Ben Kingsley sure can pull some hotts.

7:29 am March, 9 Mr. White said...

@deltus
I was thinking the same thing. Getting a groin tat of the logo of a Vin Diesel movie that nobody saw? Beyond pathetic. You might as well just tattoo “Empty Inside” on your cranium.

7:30 am March, 9 SharpStick N' Eye said...

There is something unsettling about this douche’s left arm. Is that a bicep or a tricep. And Triple X? More like Triple Why? Of all the above the junk tramp stamps on a dude this one has to be the lamest. You’re really setting yourself up for a “Can I get my money back?” crack from the ladies. Or gents. In fact I see this as more of a tattoo a gay porn star would want.
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And “American Royalty”? Who are you? Prince Albert Inacan? Well you better not let him out. Ever.

7:34 am March, 9 Organic Alpaca Nutrition said...

I am currently taking orders for our deluxe organic llama feed. Your order will be packaged discretely and sent directly to your home or place of business.
Also we have mineral-enriched Alpaca vitamins and goat and sheep lubricants.

If interested, contact us at internationalalpacanutrition.com

7:42 am March, 9 SharpStick N' Eye said...

@Organic Alpaca Nutrition, um sheep lubricant? Yeah, I’m not clicking on your animal porn link. Fool me once.
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And I give the above douche’s tattoo a rating of three ZZZs, because that’s what I’d rather do instead of talk to him.

7:44 am March, 9 Guns-N-Douches said...

I’d vote that tattooing “American Royalty” on one’s chest is a sure sign that the wearer is nothing close to royalty. No class, no taste, no modesty, JUST DOUCHEBAG.

8:02 am March, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Picard to Enterprise. Will, it seems that the transporter put my head on a douchebag again. Fucking Ferengi.
.
.
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Son.

8:06 am March, 9 Mr. White said...

Finally, someone who’s willing to send my alpaca food to me DISCRETELY. I can’t tell you how many funny looks I get down at the Tractor Supply Company when I try to get them to wrap all of my farm supplies in plain, brown paper.

8:07 am March, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Always a joker, Vin Diesel froze his body instead of his retarded looking head.

8:11 am March, 9 DoucheyWallnuts said...

C’mon guys, don’t you recognize this guy? The American Royalty tatt is a dead giveaway. This is Jed Kennedouche, the long lost Kennedy brother. He was sent away at an early age, the illegitimate son of one of the Kennedy broads and an unknown father. The XXX tatt is the diaper size he uses and serves as a reminder of where the waist line of the diaper needs to be placed when he gets his thrice daily changing.

8:16 am March, 9 Anonymous said...

Goat and sheep lubricant.

Is that for ease of entry?

Because when time is short and you know the farmer has actual buckshot and not rock salt in his shells, there’s no time for foreplay!

8:23 am March, 9 Deltus said...

In a war of doucheitude between Oldbag and Vin Diesel, Vin Diesel wins, because at least he’s made money with his doucheing.

8:24 am March, 9 Deltus said...

Actually, in a war of doucheitude between Oldbag and Vin Diesel, nobody wins, because… well, it’s obvious.

8:26 am March, 9 banana hammock said...

I think Van Sleezal’s chest tattoo says “Organ Donor” in slovak?

8:26 am March, 9 Fatness said...

Brothabag in the background looks a little disconcerted that these wimmin are touching his pool toy…

8:27 am March, 9 Mr. Biggs said...

XXX GSR alone is enough to make this site. Nothing like showing your dedication to second rate action flicks via GSR tattoo. Is this the upcoming male version of a tramp stamp?

8:28 am March, 9 banana hammock said...

XXX is the term best used by Family Feud when the answer is “Not Correct”, oil-slick here is in his own charming way “Not Right”…

8:28 am March, 9 Mr. Biggs said...

Yeah … where’s Vin Douchal when you need him? I’m awaiting his commentary.

8:29 am March, 9 DarkSock said...

@ Mr. White:
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I think it’s the “goat and sheep lubricants” where discretion is valued.
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I wonder if that sheep lube works on horses?

8:32 am March, 9 DarkSock said...

Meanwhile, in the annual near-killing of the ‘Sock: It’s storming like a sumbitch all night here; Ms. Sock tells me early this morning that the thunder sounds funny; keeps rolling, not stopping. Sleep, Woman, I say to her.
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Then sirens, and on my drive to work there’s shit all over the road. Apparently God’s war on mobile homes continues; my house is on the other side of this trailer park’s tree line:
qwe

8:34 am March, 9 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

That is not a very big man. His tattoos are in 10-point font.

8:37 am March, 9 DarkSock said...

^No one was hurt; how stoned must they have been? I was in a mobile home that got nailed by an F3 tornado when I was 10; and yes, it sounded like a train.
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I hope that wasn’t my dealer’s trailer.
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Q: What does a tornado and a Mississippi divorce have in common?
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A: Somebody’s gonna lose a trailer.

8:37 am March, 9 banana hammock said...

I donate OldBag as the first pillar for the rebuild of that unfortunate causality of God vs. Trailer… He is surely made of “would”.

8:38 am March, 9 DarkSock said...

That Jim Cantori from the Weather Channel sure can pull some tail.
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I’ve met that dude; he is like this guy; 4′-3″ tall. This guy is so short he has to reach up to wipe his own ass.

8:39 am March, 9 DarkSock said...

“Junk Stamp”….heh heh that’s a keeper.

8:40 am March, 9 Stephanie said...

When you hit the 40 year old mark,shorty, it’s just time to put a shirt on.

8:41 am March, 9 DarkSock said...

That’s his 8″ tall vestigal twin sticking up out of his right shoulder blade; he’s fellating a Chapstick™ right now.

8:42 am March, 9 banana hammock said...

The gods of trailer destruction took pity on a god of Mock, must be some sorta intergalactic arrangement… Good to hear that you and your gaggle of Socks were untouched.
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Good news! I checked and “trailerparkvsgod.com” is available via GoDaddy for a low price of $11.99/yr

8:45 am March, 9 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

My dad has pictures of himself with his “bros” from long ago. They were wearing work pants, plain white t-shirts, drinking Bud in cans, and their “ink” was the dirt they got on themselves while building a retaining wall. Fuck these asshole douchebags. Time to go back in time.

8:54 am March, 9 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Sock
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Is that one of those FEMA trailers? If it had jumped the tree line and landed on your house you’d have probably lost a few shingles, maybe a section of gutter.

8:56 am March, 9 SharpStick N' Eye said...

@banana hammock, better grab that web address before Stackhouse does. Its a risky address though. It probably wouldn’t withstand an internet shitstorm.

@DarkSock, Is your boat okay and were any horses injured? Seriously though, I’m glad your still with us.

8:58 am March, 9 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Upon hearing the storm intensify, DarkSock dashed to the harbor to secure his boat. Nicely parked, ‘Sock, nicely parked:

9:27 am March, 9 Wedgie said...

Wow, that Ben Kingsley can still pull tail.. Gandhi’s been hitting it at the gym.

9:42 am March, 9 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Baron Queball the Overstuffed, Knight of the Old Republic, Champion of Lower Posterior, Heroic Swallower of the Flesh Lance: true American Royalty.

9:57 am March, 9 tall guy said...

Cartoon arms, silly tatts, paid to pose hotts and a detectable uncertainty in his mealy mouthed smile that desperately needs reassurance all add up to one thing. An immature idiot lacking any credibility. There’s growing old gracefully. There’s growing old disgracefully. But sometimes, the only discernible growth is that of artificial hormone replacement drugs. Sheesh!

10:01 am March, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Dark Sock
.
If your dealer’s burnt. I’m always holding in my personal stash.

10:04 am March, 9 Et Tu Douche? said...

“Alpaca vitamins and goat and sheep lubricants” Sounds like something you wouldn’t be surprised to find at the ol’ Sober Valley Lodge.
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Candi-O & Hott friend your non-bleethiness is a positive, your choice of men makes me anxious that you might be heading to the dark side.

10:27 am March, 9 George Douchington said...

You fools are so gullible. The old man’s face is photoshopped on to a young guy’s body. Skin tone does not look like that on a man in his mid 50’s to 60’s.

10:44 am March, 9 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

George Douchington, my dear man, american royalty does not succumb to the perils of aging like the common man. The semen of a young thai man applied liberally to the face daily fends off the signs of aging. No fools here.

10:47 am March, 9 dbBen said...

Oldbag+GSR = dbBen seppuku. There is no honor in this life.

11:20 am March, 9 Medusa Oblongata said...

“American Royalty”. Yeah. But he couldn’t spring for laser/a decent tattoo artist worth his/her salt. Nice cop-out coverup there, asshat. “Gimme a big black sun!” Yeah. What was under there, the name of the first dude to lovingly finger your asshole after the swim meet?
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And furthermore…there was one time and one time only in my life that I have fallen asleep in a movie theater. It was during Triple X. I lost a bet with the Ex-Mr. Oblongata and as a result had to go see that sorry piece of crap. That anyone would even get a tattoo to commemorate that awful waste of video, much less put it over their flaccid little pee pee makes me wanna vomit.
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AND FURTHERMORE….That women want to be seen with dipshits like this makes me wanna saw off my tits, sew my pussy shut and join a monastery.

12:00 pm March, 9 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Arnold from the mail room figured that he wanted to make the most of his vacation to Mexico so he got some shitty tatts (“Since everyone around the office calls me King Asshole I might as well get a tattoo that let’s them know that I’m the best at it!” and “Man that Dos Equis is GOOD! I’ll let everyone know I drank 3 of them in 5 minutes by getting 3 X’s right above my peen. That’s some hardcore shit right there. AND the ladies will love it!) and a picture with two sorostitutes from UCLA on spring break while bein’ a mac daddy. Pretty soon he’ll get sponsored for livin’ the high life any day now.

1:20 pm March, 9 FlipFriddle said...

@DarkSock
My wife and I always joke that Cantori is responsible for all of those Weather Channel chicks constantly being preggers. That guy’s on the job, son! Always watch the skies for those godless tornadoes!

XXX, three strikes and yer out. Vomit.

1:44 pm March, 9 Inquiring Minds said...

One of the worst-kept secrets in Hollywood is that Vin Diesel is a flaming gaybag. Sleep tight, “Royalty.”

2:25 pm March, 9 Vin Douchal said...

This is what you see when you look at a curdled glass of milk through a kaleidoscope after dropping acid. It ain’t pretty , Son.

It’s what my older sister’s Viet Nam Vet friends call , “a total downer bumout with sparkles and dogshit” . Those guys have a way with werdz

4:44 pm March, 9 Horace Dangleballs said...

Stanley Tucci’s got D-bag abtats? Who knew?

4:53 pm March, 9 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ inquiring minds 1:44
I can corroborate that.

5:11 pm March, 9 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

That Daddy Warbucks can sure pull some tail.
“Come to Daddy, Babies!”

5:19 pm March, 9 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

After all those years,That Mr Clean can sure pull some tail.
“Look what we found in the shower!”

5:30 pm March, 9 soy bomb said...

@ Inquiring Minds: Tell me more! Perhaps you could go off on a mini rant about how much you hate Vin Diesel as well!

5:31 pm March, 9 Inquiring Minds said...

Sure thing soy bomb! If I recall correctly, the abomination of a film known as XXX was marketed directly at those LCD’s amongst us who watched professional wrestling, or “WWE” (formerly known as “WWF” back when it was awesome because I was 5). I know this because I had a few useless roommates in college who ate up that crap and remember the trailer for XXX wafting incessantly through the house. As stated previously, Vin Diesel, the bald-headed “star” of said film is a gaybag. I laugh bitterly at every mindless twat who skewered themselves at the thought of that hairless ape mounting them when he was, in fact, more interested in his target audience. The fact that this oldbag has a “XXX” tattoo is the most depressing thing I’ve seen today, and considering that I live in Redondo Beach, that’s saying a lot.

5:41 pm March, 9 Steve L. said...

American Royalty may not be worth seeing, but he’s very much worth beating up.

6:02 pm March, 9 Doucheous Rufus said...

No, no, no! He’s not “American Royalty”, He’s “Jerican Royalty”! He made his fortune selling cheap 5-gallon containers online.

6:31 pm March, 9 Guid is Good said...

He’s no Tendon Ted.

7:04 pm March, 9 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Horace 4:44
Oh, god, why did you say that? I LOVE the Tooch. Except in ‘The Lovely Bones”, he was fuccen creepy. Other than that, I would let him go places Frank Mercurio could only dream of. I WILL be fapping over this in about three hours. Oh, thank you, Yahoo! Images.
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@ Soy Bomb: I told you I could corroborate. My sister, the immortal Noomsie Oblongata, was an employee at Polo Ralph Lauren shortly after the Fast & Furious movie hit it big. When one store was out of an item, they called another store and had the item delivered. Anyway, Noomsie got a call one night from their NYC store. She was friendly with the fabulously gay boy who handled such matters yonder. Anyway, the little gay boy was all aflutter that night when he called.
“Omigawd, you will NEVER belive who is in here. And he’s one of us!” He sang into the phone. Noomise asked who, and he gushed, “Vin Diesel!”
She asked what he meant “one of us”. The little gay boy went on to explain how Vin was there after hours (celeb privilege), with a handsome young man. They were rather touchy and feely with each other, and Vin was rather swishy in mannerism as well as speech. He was looking for a coat which they didn’t have in his size, hence the reason for the call to the Chicago store to order one for him.
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Watch XXX again. Watch the scene where he is at the big loft-rave-party thingie. Watch where he follows that girl into the room with the plastic stuff over the door and they kiss. Watch his hand on her back. Watch the subtle arch of his torso away from her. That boy is G-A-Y Gay!

7:09 pm March, 9 Medusa Oblongata said...

Oh, look, I found it for you. Skip to 3:28 and save a few brain cells, I know seeing 2/3 of this movie made me 7.62 IQ points dumber.

7:38 pm March, 9 SharpStick N' Eye said...

@Medusa 7:09p, you are my hero. And I mean that in a totally non-Vin Diesel way.

8:16 pm March, 9 Inquiring Minds said...

Thanks Medusa. Case closed. Looks like this oldbag needs to cover up yet another mistake. If you haven’t learned by now gramps, you never will.
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“Son”

8:34 pm March, 9 soy bomb said...

Thanks Medusa. Your story is much funnier than mine, er, “Inquiring Minds’.”

2:46 am March, 10 Joey Bagadouchey said...

This is what happens when you lose all the p90X discs except for the ‘Chest, shoulders and Triceps” one…… he’d have been better off with just the yoga, then maybe he could learn to give himself oral and could just stay home…..

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