Thursday, March 10, 2011

Who Wears Short Shorts?

Douches wear short shorts!

Kelly’s body, enhanced by nature and abs workout DVDs is a glorious apple tree of poochable natural incongruity, and whilst I ponder the genetic variances and impossibilities of evolution, I crack hump a tree stump, then dance the watusi sadly.

# posted by douchebag1
2:36 pm March, 10 Hold Me Closer Tiny Douchebag said...

Woooah. Does that douche have a wicked case of blue balls or what?! Way to much peen in this scene. I like a little mystery boys. Sheesh.

2:51 pm March, 10 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Smallest black man I have ever seen. And I mean that in more ways than one. His draw string is bigger than he is. Hell Andre the Doucheant’s smurf sized pene is bigger than he is.

2:53 pm March, 10 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Interesting place to store the Real Doll remote control.
.
.
He’s so small he could dangle from her stiff nipples and not touch the ground.

2:58 pm March, 10 Stephanie said...

I like a little left to the imagination too.Makes it mysterious.Less obvious… I think douches that aren’t packing the rod wear these short short to enhance what little they have. That also goes for their clothes,their abs,their hair,their whatever,it’s called distraction from what little they offer as people.

2:58 pm March, 10 Stephanie said...

He’s so small I need a microscope.

3:04 pm March, 10 DoucheyWallnuts said...

That is one frightening, hairless body being sported by thumb dick in the royal blue hot pants. It’s actually so horrifying, it kills any chance of wood sprouting as a result of ogling Kelly’s taut torso and splendid boobies. Pygmy-bag on the right induces projectile vomitus and Snarky, in the background, deserves a slap to the duodenum.

3:10 pm March, 10 Et Tu Douche? said...

Girl in background, fleeing the scene with hands in the air me thinks is yellin “I’m mad as hell am I’m not gonna takes this anymore” after having been witness to the eurobaggery debacle.
.
Bruvvabag signaling how tight he likes a mans anoose.

3:11 pm March, 10 Charles Ulysses Farley said...

Larry B. Scott hasn’t gotten much work since his pivotal role as Lamar in “Revenge of the Nerds”.
.
.
And is that a groomed happy trail on her belly? Douche/Bleeth grooming techniques are a true mystery to me.

3:13 pm March, 10 Rockabilly Johnny and the Electric Foreskin Benders said...

Blue Shorts:
“Man I’m hung like a bull moose.”

Black Midget:
“What you talkin’ ’bout Willis?”

3:15 pm March, 10 smackdouche said...

Vests: The poolside fashion that never goes out of style.

3:15 pm March, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“And for my next trick I’m gonna whip out my nub and shake it back and forth until I can squirt a microliter of baby paste right through Jamal’s target and have it land dead center on Todd’s bukakke shields. $20 says it will only take me 2 seconds to do it. You in or what?”

3:16 pm March, 10 DarkSock said...

Gymkata!!!
.
.
.
*sorry, Baron; I couldn’t wait for you to say it any longer.

3:17 pm March, 10 smackdouche said...

I can’t be the first to notice that Minibro is saying: OTAY!!

3:18 pm March, 10 DarkSock said...

It’s famed rapper L’il Ween.

3:19 pm March, 10 DarkSock said...

It’s famed rapper T-Peen.

3:19 pm March, 10 DarkSock said...

It’s famed rapper Poo Diddler

3:19 pm March, 10 Luis Douchuel said...

I like to think her phone is set on vibrate.

3:21 pm March, 10 DarkSock said...

It’s famed rapper Two-Inch Shakur

3:22 pm March, 10 DarkSock said...

It’s famed rapper Willy Smalls

3:22 pm March, 10 DarkSock said...

It’s famed rapper DMXtrasmall

3:23 pm March, 10 Luis Douchuel said...

Now we know: Baby Gap sells vests with little sunflowers on them.

3:55 pm March, 10 Hold Me Closer Tiny Douchebag said...

@Luis D. And racing swim trunks too!

4:02 pm March, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Bruthabag indicates the number times he has been successfully hogtied with the string from his own swim trunks.

4:02 pm March, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Is Angelina tryin’ to adopt another one of them African kids again?

4:04 pm March, 10 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Grandchild Flash (with the Furious 5 nowhere to be found) personifies the term ‘overcompensation’.

4:06 pm March, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Emmanuel Lewis still can’t get no respect.

4:34 pm March, 10 Wedgie said...

Wait…..RealDolls makes a remote control version?

4:42 pm March, 10 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

These people are of such radically different size (height anyway, they both have micro-packages) – is this Gulliver’s Travels: Las Vegas?
.
Enough about those dingle berries. I want to baste Kelly’s taint with warm mink oil and buff it with a chamois until it shines like a mirror… while Kelly uses my laptop, paypal and ebay accounts to buy her deadbeat real boyfriend a fake Rolex.

4:43 pm March, 10 Long Time, First Time said...

Oh, my! I do like this woman. And hate these bags.

4:44 pm March, 10 Long Time, First Time said...

By the way, where’s the Hall of Mock queen Dicy? Seems like that was a piss poor choice for the Hall of Mock.

4:54 pm March, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I am 1,500 % sure that these guys have heard of Zyzz, Maury.

4:54 pm March, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Chuck Barris’ “The Dong Show”.

4:58 pm March, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Kelly was not afraid to show off her third trimester abortion scar in public.
Kelly was also not afraid to show off her third trimester abortion off in public either by dressing it up in a sunflower vest and racing swim trunks from Baby Gap.
.
.
.
.
(with appreciative nods to both Luis Douchuel and Hold Me Closer Tiny Douchebag)

4:59 pm March, 10 ehcuodouche said...

It’s like revenge of the nerdouches

5:33 pm March, 10 Deltus said...

Dammit, smackdouche, you got to the “Otay” line before me. Interesting trend, though. Usually the douchebags are trying to “GROOOOO”, but now they’re coming in pocket size. He’s almost a keychain for a large sized gym-‘bag.

5:38 pm March, 10 Steve L. said...

i was gonna say that Kelly falls short of natural incongruity due to abs workout DVDs, but then i thought… aw fuck what the hell.
.
i am that shallow.

5:46 pm March, 10 Steve L. said...

i have a tingling suspicion that someone is never going to wear short shorts again.

6:14 pm March, 10 Hermit said...

Noted anthropologist Sir Nathaniel P. Grapenuts poses with Mbuti, a native pygmy brought back to the States from Papua New Guinea. Mbuti is believed to be the only living pygmy who is proficient in Kung Fu, Taekwondo and Texas Hold’em.
Dr. Grapenuts follows in the footsteps of his legendary Grandfather Dr. Alexander J Grapenuts.
To Dr. Grapenuts left is his lovely wife of many years Gwendolyn

6:32 pm March, 10 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

More of those strange orange wristbands. This hospital really, really sucks at keeping its low functioning herpezoids from escaping.
.
Mini-cretin Phil Lewis is never going to recover if they can’t keep him on his meds.

6:47 pm March, 10 Anonymous said...

Phil Lewis demonstrates Manjitsu: the art if bringing a smaller than average man to climax using just two fingers. Phil is a ninth degree rainbow belt.

9:06 pm March, 10 Anonymous said...

It’s famed rapper Too Short

9:07 pm March, 10 Anthony LaBaglia said...

Hey WTF did it call me Anon in that brilliant Too Short reference?

9:08 pm March, 10 Anthony LaBaglia said...

Guess I had to “log in.”

Waah wah wah wahhhhh

9:09 pm March, 10 Anthony LaBaglia said...

It’s a George Clinton tribute, “Ironic Dong.”

9:12 pm March, 10 Anthony LaBaglia said...

It’s The Poo-Tang Clan

9:15 pm March, 10 Anthony LaBaglia said...

It’s Butch Casserole and the Cumdance Squid

9:15 pm March, 10 Anthony LaBaglia said...

I’m goin back to watching The Search for Spock

9:27 pm March, 10 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

He used to be in the Blue Man Group until they discovered his hammer was fakin’ it.

9:29 pm March, 10 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Kelly has the thin brown vertical lower center tummy line of a post-pregnancy hormonal gift for all to see,
And no, it isn’t cootie tracks.
Although her boobies track very well on full-inflation.

9:31 pm March, 10 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

If ever there were a Mutt and Jeff, it’s Tighty-Blue and Tiny-Red.

9:38 pm March, 10 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Like the famous M.A.S.H. road sign pointing multiple directions and miles to meaningful cities, so does the hand of Big Blue Stuff point to Short Brown Stuff, and the short stuff points to Big Stuff Boobs.
What else do we do with turkeys?

9:39 pm March, 10 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

DB1 forgot to mention the two Waldouches in the background. Yeah, even a blonde can be a Waldouche if she’s got a Waldo with her.

9:40 pm March, 10 soy bomb said...

I hate douches. They’re so dumb.
.
.
.
This is my testimony.

9:43 pm March, 10 soy bomb said...

Kelly was pregnant when she woke up this morning.
.
.
.
.
She’s not pregnant anymore.

9:44 pm March, 10 soy bomb said...

That was an abortion joke.
.
.
.
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WINNING!!!!1!!!111!!

11:06 pm March, 10 Wheezer said...

@’Sock, 3:16 p.m. –
.
^Why do I have a urge to run around with a rainbow wig on my head? Anyway…..
.
Gymkata = Parmistan cheese.

11:14 pm March, 10 Wheezer said...

@Charles Nelson Douchely, 4:04 p.m. –
.
The Furious 5 are there – it simply depends on whether Grandchild is a lefty or a righty.

11:17 pm March, 10 Wheezer said...

@Long Time (to hold this weird grudge), First Time, 4:44 p.m. –
.
She’s probably doing her own thing. You could probably ask her yourself if you’re that concerned. A little bit of research would let you know how.

12:20 am March, 11 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Wait, which one is Kelly? Is it the black chick with the camel toe?

4:06 am March, 11 Motorcycle Accessories said...

I think douches that aren’t packing the rod wear these short short to enhance what tiny they have. That also goes for their clothes,their abs,their hair,their whatever,its called.

5:50 am March, 11 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

The midget Brothabag is a genius touch to an altogether amusing ensemble.

8:48 am March, 11 Long Time, First Time said...

WHEEZ…
.
Just saying… POOR CHOICE FOR HALL OF MOCK!

9:15 am March, 11 Double Standard said...

@LTFT, she’s hot dude, its society’s age old double standard. Facts o’ Life my brutha. Same reason Kim K. continues to be famous without any real talent. Geezus its been happening forever, of course its gonna happen here, on a site called HOT CHICKS with douchebags. Its gonna happen here double. So make that a quadruple standard barkeep, shaken not stirred.

9:38 am March, 11 Wheezer said...

Long Time (to hold this weird and unexplained grudge)…..
.
Can you then outline your criteria for inclusion in the Hall of Mock? Have you catalogued each and every one of Dicy’s posts?
.
If you’re going to return a few months after initially expressing your displeasure, then you owe it to us to explain exactly why you disapprove. That means including examples and providing comparisons to others’ posts.
.
Of course, you’ll be doing this with the full realization that this site is supposed to be for fun and the mocking of the silly trends of douchebaggery – just wanna put that out there.
.
In other words, explain yourself or get over it.

9:57 am March, 11 Anonymous said...

I’ve look at this again. The guy in the red shorts has to be sporting a Prince Albert. The string is hooked inside the tag on his vest, with the other end hooked to the ring that is giving him the Weiner Tuck. Either that, or an extremely skilled surgeon did his gender reassignment surgery before he began his hormone therapy.

1:02 pm March, 11 banana hammock said...

I think I dropped my wallet down Kelly’s clam-cover…
.
Uhh fellas, by-the-way, Grape smuggling is a Crime!

1:06 pm March, 11 banana hammock said...

Why do I smell pee?

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