Friday, April 15, 2011

Ask DB1: Demographic Mating

——
Hey DB1,

Long time reader, first time, um, submitter. Erg.

Actually, no pic for you. Just a question. I’m sure you’re aware of all the articles about, well, men being huge failures, women now constituting something like 2/3 of college students, women getting better jobs, etc. I say great.

With lots of (many hot) women floating around, and a limited selection of guys, are we demographically doomed to end up with ever more hot chicks forced to not only pose with and tolerate, but even reproduce with douchebags?

-The Waldouche

—-

Not necessarily, Waldouche.

I believe it was Immanuel Kant who first introduced the notion of “subjective discrepancy,” which articulates a discourse of identity outside of an authorial framework.

What this means is that boobies may boobally bounce in disproportionate, or proportionate, ratios, but that cultural variables are independent of such statistical mean averages.

Which means the DB1 has no idea what he’s saying, because the ‘Train is a’flowin’, Red Cup style.

# posted by douchebag1
9:28 am April, 15 jonezy said...

did everyone already see this one?
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I had a girl last weekend tell me that I needed to buy her a drink, to which I replied, “isn’t this the age of women’s rights? Shouldn’t you be buying me a drink? We both have the right to vote now if I’m not mistaken”
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But then I was drunk and alone shortly thereafter, so I guess I should move to Chapel Hill.

9:30 am April, 15 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

If “men being huge failures” is a deal breaker for women then I’m up shit creek. I need a drink.

9:38 am April, 15 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Damn, Magnum wishes he didn’t already graduate from college (like 20 something years ago). I need a drink. Douchey Lewis, you buying?

9:40 am April, 15 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

I’ll buy a round of Jack and cokes…

9:44 am April, 15 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

So I read the article and the message I came away with was that when women were in the minority they bitched and complained that men set the cultural standards. And now that they’re in the majority at college campuses, they bitch and complain that men set the cultural standards.

The two Scrotato Head tator tots are strapping young boys. Good grades. Their mother’s good looks. Engaging and mature personalities. God they are going to rule in college! I am already so proud.

9:47 am April, 15 Mr. Biggs said...

What DB1 failed to mention is this is all a fulfillment of prophecy. At this time of impending Passover holiday, let us remember the prophecy against the Pharaoh that a Hebrew would cause his overthrow. Upon which the Pharaoh decreed all Hebrew sons be killed.
So if today, the Pharaoh is Goldman Sachs, and the Hebrews are the college males, and the douchebags are the spawn of Pharaoh, then what we are seeing is the colleges as the harems of the Pharaoh.
It’s morning. I can’t think straight. Someone else take it and run with it?

9:49 am April, 15 Mock the Pain Away said...

Law of Supply and Demand boys, didn’t anyone take Econ? That means its in your favor hot chick to idiot ratiowise. Get out there and get some poon of the tang variety. If anyone has earned the right to drink at 9:47 in am its me, a single woman who has the odds stacked against her in the current Humponomic climate. I will take a Jack and Coke in a glass non URC-style, thank you Mr. Lewis.

9:49 am April, 15 Anonymous said...

Jack and coke. My preferred beverage.

9:53 am April, 15 jonezy said...

I’m not sure they have Coke in Darksock’s neck of the woods, so we’ll have to buy him a Jack and Pepsi.
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(I hate those fucking bartenders that don’t warn you. Or you order jack and ginger and they combo coke and sprite to create ginger- fuck that, I’ll drink it straight if you’re going to do that!)
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try Wild Turkey and coke folks- it will put hair on your balls, especially for Mock the Pain. And by hair on your balls, I mean drunk quicker of course.

9:59 am April, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’m not working while I wait for the misses to get her second wind back. Fuck, at 39 she should be able to work 70 hours a week, clean the house, spank the kids, succk my dirty pole, shave her wrinkly uterus saggin puss, and get my goddamn beer while I deplete my savings on important things like everything. I’m gonna take her money, get a pardon, get the little one off to school this fall. get my passport (not ncessarily inthat order) get my old transcripts. pack the dog in my old VW van if the fucker starts and see if I can get in as a walk on with the University of Vermont ski team and medical school. Is 46 too old for NCAA. 55% girls. Holy fuck that would be a riot fest of epic sore cockness….. What the fucck was I talking about? Oh yeah. Boobies galore at public schools! While I’m off topic let me state that this is the last year I am cooking Passover seder for my three princesses. Damn Jews and their holidays, kosher this, kosher that, do I have to get a Rabbi’s badger to come over and bless this shit, the Monsignour Rudy Villeneuve won’t, french fucker. But he’ll come over to sponge my scotch the old bastard and eat all my Jew food, Fuck carp stinks when you cook it inside for Gafiltafest. Speaking of frenck fuckers, how about that Price in nets. How do you watch hockey in the states. Do they have it on basic cable like here on ten channels or do you watch it on a computer.And if youre out west nobody cares. KTLA doesnèt cover it I dont think. What happened to my damn apostrophe. Fucking freezing weather, I maight as well put my head in a vice and pop my eyes out instead of going out in that gogawful buulshit. Ièm geetin too stoned and I know I had a point to all thius nonsenscial tit convo while cooking jew meal into frigging balls and boiling a chicken. Oh. I remeber it was that Db1ès stuff was unintelligible.

10:04 am April, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Mr. Scrotato head et. al.
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Congrats for having boys cocksuckers.

10:12 am April, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I mean that in the nicest way. Sons.

10:12 am April, 15 Anonymous said...

Pepsi Cola, and the manufacturing of ginger ale by combinging cola and citrus sodas are well known communist mind control techniques implemented by the KGB.

10:21 am April, 15 Et Tu Douche? said...

Beware the woman who controls the purse strings. I know some guys dig it and even aspire to it. It’s fun at first but then you begin to realize you’re just a puppet wearing close you wouldn’t normally wear, going to parties you wouldn’t normally attend and socializing with people you have a great disdain for. In essence you’ve become a tool. Alas I speak of first hand knowledge and it was in retrospect the most demoralizing, emasculating period of my life. It was a lesson learned and I’m better for it. If your soulless and have no sense of self respect then go for it, If not I say don’t to it, it can really fuck with your self esteem.

10:26 am April, 15 DarkSock said...

@ Jonesy:
.
Please. Down here you hafta mix with an RC cola. OR a delicious Barq’s root beer, which originated here in Biloxi. Actually Coca-Cola was first made in Mississippi, as was Rock and Roll, the Blues, Faulker ramblings and Human/Equine Internal Micturations. Also the dude that invented MTV and one of the first VeeJays is from here but we speak not of that.

10:30 am April, 15 DarkSock said...

I read somewhere a few years back that Mississippi was 47th in per capita income, but 3rd nationally in personal donations to charities. New Hampshire was 3rd in the nation for per capita income, and 47th nationally per charitable donations.
.
.
Fuck New Hampshire and the me-first pasty cock sumps that populate in. Without consulting Wikipedia, can anyone name anything New Hampshire’s ever done that’s worth a shit? Besides getting their collective weeni suckled by presidential wannabees?
.
.
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FUCK NEW HAMPSHIRE.
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.
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Great. Now I’m pissed. Thanks, Poo Humpshire. I hope you burn in nuclear fire then are swamped by an icy tsunami. Fuccen Yankee Starfish Stabbers,

10:36 am April, 15 Et Tu Douche? said...

@DarkSock
Spring skiing on Tuckermans Ravine is pretty cool but other then that NH is pretty jive.

10:38 am April, 15 Vin Douchal said...

@ Rev
.
You watch out of town hockey in SoCal the same way you watch baseball, purchase the package that shows you all the games.
.
For $79 I get all the hockey games and $170 I get all the baseball games. Mostly HD ( Hockey in HD is the ballsz)
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As for free channels, or at least the ones that come with basic cable , for hockey we get Versus and the NHL network. Baseball the MLB net.
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If I didn’t do that I’d be at the mercy of the Fox TV network’s Saturday broadcasts with the know-nothing Joe Buck and the poster boy for dementia, Tim McCarver and the local Fox stations for the Doyers, Angels, Kings and Ducks.
.
.

BTW, watch out for the Ducks this year. Teemu Selanne is on fire scoring goals and throwing fists and they have four lines that can score and can rotate three good goalies through the roster

10:40 am April, 15 DarkSock said...

Oh, don’t get me wrong. The land, topographically speaking, is just fine. But everyone human in NH needs to be feed to Rabbi’s badgers. Feet first.

10:40 am April, 15 Vin Douchal said...

@ Dark Sock
.
I think John Irving (one of my faves) is from N.H. That’s all I’ve got about that little podunk pine tree farm.

10:41 am April, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Dark Sock
.
You have blown my mind with that perfect inverse relatonship given the variables you were using. Wow!
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New Hamphire has a cool state slogan, a nice ski hill at The Balsams, cheap booze, oceanfront with seafood, Yankees, apple eating roast pork goons, isolated backwoods weirdos, Maine haters, and my friend Jamie who lives there hunting and fishing and skiing all the time when he is not working 24 hours a day as an assistant to his retarded cousin who goes to university somewhere and needs a bud to wipe his ass and feed him. Maybe retard is too general a term, I…..

10:42 am April, 15 Mock the Pain Away said...

@Jonezy, thanks for the recommendation, my brass ones could use a little fuzz.

@Anonymous 10:12a, gotta love the KGB for their refreshing beverage ideas. Gotta love the KGB…gotta love the KGB….gotta love the KGB…me sleepy now.

10:44 am April, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Vin
.
Fluke last night. I wanna see some fightsssss.

10:46 am April, 15 Vin Douchal said...

@ Rev (continued)
.
One other cool thing is I get the MLB radio package and listen to Boston A.M. station WEEI Red Sox broadcasts on the cell phone with my bluetooth while driving around. Pretty cool.
.
.
I now apologise for all the sports talk in the only way I know how :
.

10:47 am April, 15 Anonymous said...

Sean Avery is getting a sweater tonight. I want to see Ovechkin pwn that punk ass cunt.

10:48 am April, 15 Vin Douchal said...

And this:
.

10:48 am April, 15 DarkSock said...

Nothing wrong with roast pork goons. Or Raspberry Mammaphones.

10:49 am April, 15 Vin Douchal said...

Is that photo a red x?

11:32 am April, 15 Wedgie said...

Yes, Vin. But the video gave me a chubby. And I have to go into a meeting now, so thanks.

11:38 am April, 15 Vin Douchal said...

Let’s try again:
.

11:39 am April, 15 Vin Douchal said...

Or just go here instead: Maria Venus Denim Shorts Most Perfect Ass Pear In History photos …fuckers

11:41 am April, 15 Deltus said...

Hot sapphic kissy smoochy. Me likey!

11:59 am April, 15 Hermit said...

I’ve lived in the South on two occasions, visit frequently, and am always amazed at the ratio of hot , Southern babes, to average, or below-average looking men. Once, while on vacation I met a toothless, neck-bearded inbreed. When he introduced me to his hotter than hell, dark-haired, brown-eyed, tight bodied goddess of a wife, I honestly thought it was a f#@kin’ joke.
.
I pondered this phenomenon for a while, and finally asked a wise old Southern Gentleman if he could explain it for me. (I think it was Colonel Sanders, but I’m not sure.)
He stroked his white beard, adjusted his glasses, leaned on his cane, and said,
“Sonny, during the Great and bloody Civil War the South lost many of their best and brightest. The North poured an endless onslaught of robotic Industrial Clones at the Southern forces, finally wearing them down to a rag-tag group of shoeless, malnourished ghosts, some reduced to fighting with staple guns and garden weasels. The esteemed and honorable General Robert E. Lee said it best when he uttered those immortal words, ‘Dude, where are they all coming from?'” The old gentleman continued, “The only men left to breed were retards, Effeminate plantation owners and draft-dodging cowards. He then spat a wad of chew on the ground between my feet, looked me in the eye and said, “T’was you Damn Yankees what did it.”
.
I got back in my truck, ran over a small child and returned North, ashamed and deeply moved.

12:18 pm April, 15 Wheezer said...

Sonofabitch…..I need to go back to fuccen college…..

12:32 pm April, 15 DarkSock said...

When I fly out to Cali with Mrs. Sock to see her friends I’m amazed at how lizard-like the ladies her age look, and they can’t believe how her skin still looks and tastes the same as when she was 20.
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Humidity Preserves The Flesh.
.
Medical Fact.

12:37 pm April, 15 Wedgie said...

Vin:
That brunette is fine, but she doesn’t make the all-name team.
However, the lovely Ann Poll (pronounced, of course, Pole) is a first-teamer.
Fuccen great site, Mr. Douchal. PS: Congrats to the Fontucky High Schoolers who did well at the State Hoops Tourney. And here all this time I was thinking you guys just make left turns fast for a living.

12:44 pm April, 15 Vin Douchal said...

I got one word for you , Darksock, “Tan Lines”
.

2:41 pm April, 15 Medusa Oblongata said...

^ Why is she sitting in a plate of spaghetti?

2:44 pm April, 15 Medusa Oblongata said...

Cheer up, boys. The shortage of capable males and the overpopulation of capable females, means women will work a lot harder to get the good ones. You make yourselves desirable, and you will be able to request hott boobie succle thigh nookiebiscuits to come over to your house and jello wrestle for your affections. Winner gets a lifetime supply of your winning semen. Loser gets occasional semen and cuts your lawn in lingerie. Win-win. So get your fat asses up, do some cardio, take a shower, you got some smart seeds to sow!

3:09 pm April, 15 Leisure Suit Larry said...

@ Hermit
.
You need to learn how to drive better. Hopefully that child you took out was a female of breedin’ age. Hell, down there that means anything over 8 years old. You shoulda taken out another 10000 or so breeders gettin’ back up North. I’m sure you saw Idiocracy. Stupid Southerners breed like cracked up bunnies. At least you had the good sense to deeply move your ass back up North.

3:52 pm April, 15 DarkSock said...

Crackers have more sex, LSL. Hells yea

3:52 pm April, 15 DarkSock said...

@ Medusa: I think Beethoven is eating her out.

4:20 pm April, 15 Mock the Pain Away said...

@Leisure Suit Larry, first off, big fan of your franchise, second off I’m sure not ALL southerners are mouth breathin’ bible thumpin’ breeders. Just like not all Canadians are like RevChad, or else that place would be called America 2.0 by now because we’ld just send up Morgan Fairchild with a bong and some cold ones and we would have their land 4 hits and 3 BJs later.
@Hermit, you had me till you ran over that kid. Maybe you should get a phonebook so you can see over the steering wheel.

5:49 pm April, 15 DarkSock said...

Nobody fucks in New Hampshire. Medical Fact.

5:50 pm April, 15 DarkSock said...

And dayum, Vin, that gal’s got some fuzzy forearms.
.
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.
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You know what that means.
.
.
.

5:50 pm April, 15 DarkSock said...

^I don’t.

7:33 pm April, 15 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

New Hampshire=Lake Winnepesaukee.GOOD.

11:43 pm April, 15 Sir David Douchenborough said...

Actually, this ratio is a double edged sword: If it were the contrary in which there were more ‘bros’ than hotts, if would be a nightmare, and I am not saying that off the cuff. Societies with a lopsided and stratified sex ratio skewed towards the hotts are more stable. The down side: As the economics goes, the price and cost of sex is much less. Woman can no longer drive a hard bargain, especially if they are socially mobile because as they move up professionally, there are less men. Hence, professional women and hotts are seemingly going after douches. This is all over the place now in the NYTimes and such. The convenient part they leave out is that more educated women are getting married now relative to 50 years ago, which sort of undercuts that pop sociology a wee bit.
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Just as long as there a plenty boobies, I am fine. Now, where did I put than bottle of Danfield’s.

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