Friday, April 29, 2011

Ask DB1: Woo Hotts in Razorback Nation

—————-
Greetings, DB1.

I recently made the move from douche epicenter Miami to the remote foothills of Fayetteville, Arkansas, where I aim to study the ancient pleasures of taught, barely-legal flesh.

My question stems from a problem inherent in Razorback nation.

A large part of the social life surrounding a small, secluded college town is sports allegiance, and a large part of showing one’s love for the Razorbacks is calling the Hogs.

One calls the hogs using an old war cry passed down from the nation’s founding fathers: “Woo, Pig! Soiee!” I’m sure you’ve already figured out from whence my conundrum stems. This makes every nubile female in the area a Woo-hottie.

Admittedly, the problem is merely an embarrassment of riches, for as King Douchuous has shown, all pretenses are cast aside when tiny-heinie is in striking distance. Or, as it says in the book of Doucherotomy, “Lo though I walk through the valley of the bag, I shall fear no autumn-scented vinegar dilution.”

I was hoping you might knight me, your subject, and strengthen me for my one-man war on bags so that I might scale Rapunzel’s enchanted thigh and bringing all that is holy back to my chambers for delousing.

I shall not fire until I see the whites of their tan lines,
Poppa’s Got a Brand New Bag

————

Woo Hotties in small towns may cry “Woo!” for any number of reasons, as the Wannabe Gatorbag and his Woo Hotties pictured here can attest.

Nor is the Woo Hottie to be shunned. No not even when she utters the annoyingly shrill “Wooo!! Jager shots!!”

For whatever douchadox the Woo Hottie provides through her drunken mating call, the taut suckle thigh beckons. And potential savior status awaits a better tomorrow.

# posted by douchebag1
9:39 am April, 29 Deltus said...

In examining the douchadox, taught suckle thigh outweighs bleethy woo calls in a two to one ratio, as discovered 3 years ago through special study on this very site.

9:48 am April, 29 Deltus said...

BTW, I can’t choose betwixt the mighty jiggle fleshy boobage gnaw on the blonde on the left, and the tight firm supple fapitude of the brunette in the white skirt in the middle. Both are yum.

10:12 am April, 29 Douche Springsteen said...

Good lord, look at the cans on that one on the left. How does she get around without a back brace? Better yet, how does she manage to even stand upright?

10:17 am April, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^ Yes to Deltus illuminated insights.
.
In 1984, the girls were all into George Michael, Bono, and Sting at the Canadian university campii. In those golden times all a guy needed to do was be decent in hygeine, have messy or neat long hair, and he was in with the dorm chicks. No real fraternity stuff here except some poseurs at the public institutions covered with ivy which are hard to get into but easy to get out of. After all, you go there to meet people who will advance your agenda. My agenda was pussy, weed, and booze as you may guess from previous postings. So I went into university with high D’s. Got out the same way after 17 years and a master’s degree in poon. So it was easy back then. Better if you had a few bucks and maybe if you played sports, but the jock monkeys were nowhere as near as much a factor in college society as appears to be the case in the great country to the south with all the scholarships, pro leagues, and tornadoes. I had the advantage of having a huge cock and three quart ejaculations, bongos, a toaster oven, and a mescaline recipe. Is Dark Sock OK? The wind got bad for this desolate outpost but only knocked out power lines and trees and shit. If you had a some weed and money for beer you were in pants. The spectacle of abs and grooming and tats were almost nowhere to be seen . If they were they were met with ridicule that was only tempered by the threat which the mocked may retaliate with. I was a mouthy little fucker at 5′ 6″ and I didn’t give a shit so I made fun of all the douchebags. I forgot what my point was. Was it rhinoceros? It was that it was much easier to have fun three decades ago than it is now. And really, did you all watch the wedding because all of your networks were sucking royal bag this week. I missed fucking Maury this morning because of those horse face parasites. Diane Sawyer was so excited she was fingering Barbara Walters under the table thinking about gettin Prince Charles to tickle her theremin like Jimmy used to fuck it on stage with his dirty Gibson Rocket. Fuck Jack White. You shouldn’t let your sister play drums and really shouldn’t stick your rythm into her tiny ugly snot holes. Please invade Canada if the New Democratic Party form a governement. Who am I kidding you will never know about it there because everybody is waiting for Obama’s transcripts. Anyway this shithole may be going down so I am going to renew my stone.

10:21 am April, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^ and blondie on the left has a couple of nice gargantuous AMF funballs.

10:22 am April, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d like to spare her 4/7 split.

10:30 am April, 29 Anonymous said...

White Skirt. Holy Shite.

Poppa’s Got a brand new Woodrow.

11:00 am April, 29 Fatness said...

Fayetteville is dangerously close to the Wal*Mart mothership in Springdale. Beware of leaded cosmetics, shoddy lingerie and Chinese condoms. Son.

11:03 am April, 29 Vin Douchal said...

@ Rev. Wow, just wow. Whatever you’re ingesting should be mass produced
.
This line-up of hotts is spectacular. It looks like the green room at Vivid studios. Male porn stars need fluffers? Pffft … amateurs.
.
.
@ Hockey Dude’s
.
Phenomenal first round for Lord Stanley’s prize , eh?

11:11 am April, 29 Nancy Dreuche said...

Thank you RevChad, I have no need to watch any of the Royal Wedding goings on. It will forever be remembered as the day Diane Sawyer fingered Barbara Walters to me.
.
Woo hotts are fine with me. They run interference between me and the bags usually. I’m not below or above sacrificing a Woo hott to get out of a situtation douche free. To woo hotts! Wooooooooooo!

11:11 am April, 29 Anonymous said...

Indeed. As a long suffering Caps fan, I was pleased to watch them dispatch Torts and the Rags, especially that little queer Avery, so quickly.

Rollie the Goalie, however, has me reaching for my Rolaids. I hope Neuvirty is up to the task of stopping TB’s fire power. Stamkos is the real deal.

11:12 am April, 29 The R said...

Why is there a pic quite obviously taken inside a University of Florida locker room attached to a letter describing the state of the University of Arkansas?

11:15 am April, 29 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

A small note to the photographer of this mess. They’re lights, learn how to fuccen use them! Blue tube top looks like she wants to shave blue dress’ face off with a plastic spork. Yeah, cat fight! While that’s happening I’ll try to shed some more light on orange dress on the end. And by shed more light, I mean her dress.

11:21 am April, 29 DarkSock said...

I’d like to make Orange Sun Dress raise her back.
.
.
.
sorry

11:24 am April, 29 creature said...

look into thier eyes while pretending to listen while wondering if they’ve been shagged by Arod

11:31 am April, 29 Nancy Dreuche said...

@R 11:12a, you’re over thinking this site. Perhaps your razor sharp powers of observation would best be utilized analyzing TPS reports.

11:47 am April, 29 MoeDouche said...

The splendid and intoxicating aroma of nubile pussy comes through in this photo-op. University of Florida, HERE I COME!

11:53 am April, 29 Deltus said...

“Fear not the woo-hott, for although the utterings be banal and irritating to thine ears, the body therefrom it comes is most often quite bangin’, and she’d hump you into a quivering, spent mass on the ground for buying her and her friends a round. And this is good, and as it should be.” – Book of Doucherotomy 18:1 – 20

11:59 am April, 29 Tony Ventresca said...

Hey Reverend, regarding Canadian federal politics and the election: I’d rather be a socialist fool than a reactionary fool.

12:27 pm April, 29 Mr. White said...

“Woo! Jager shots!” just means “My blood alcohol level is moving in inverse proportion to my standards, and the Mr. White Line will soon be crossed.”
.
And I wait.

12:54 pm April, 29 I R A Darth Aggie said...

“Woo, Pig! Soiee!” gets a notta and go in peace from me as it is old, far older than the douche plague upon us.
.
Just don’t say “gig ‘em” around the Arkies. They don’t like that.

1:16 pm April, 29 Anonodouche said...

There are so many hottie mammaries in this picture.

2:22 pm April, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Tony V.
.
I’m just a middle of the road guy who wants to keep all my stuff, have low taxes, leave my kids a fortune, stop the influx of families of ethnic groups pledged to my destruction, end bilingualism and the long gun registry, get rid of gay marriage, and get some GD law and order up here. And increase military spending and encourage a two-tier health system. And tens of thousands less people should be going to our free elite universities. Education should be privatised. Big mega jails as well. Go Jack go!

7:07 pm April, 29 Nancy Dreuche said...

The male equivalent of the Woooo! Hott, is the attractive alcoholic or stoner dude. For you ladies out there looking for something that isn’t too serious (like an independent woman in her late 20s and 30s or recent divorcé) these gents are perfect for fucking and chucking. Just fuck’em until something better comes along. It will be easy to leave because they’re always sorta disoriented and they won’t choose you over their booze or drug. Just make sure you use protection.

7:46 pm April, 29 Poppa's Got a Brand New Bag said...

I just want to go on record in thanking Deltus for the belly-laugh. If that’s not funny, I don’t know what is.

May it please the court: I am hammered.

PGABNB

7:53 pm April, 29 Ted Brogan said...

These are some fine specimens here. With motorboatable bookends!

8:51 pm April, 29 ehcuodouche said...

Jenny on the left put her boobs in sideways again.

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