Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Benny Runs with the Dasani

Because even those doing the twelve steps need to shake it out once in awhile.

# posted by douchebag1
11:33 am April, 5 Medusa Oblongata said...

I hope Stacky doesn’t see this.

11:37 am April, 5 Medusa Oblongata said...

The advantages to shaking it out as a 12-stepper? No hangover, going home with 85% of the money you had when you left, no beer goggles, so he/she looks the same in the morning as he/she did last night, no one ends up pregnant by mistake, you know where your car is.
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I’m fresh off my nuptuals, boys and girls. Should I hyphenate? Medusa Oblongata-Biscotti? Either way, I’ve been married for 4 days now and I haven’t been threatened with a Cleveland Steamer once. Pffft. It’s all going to hell in a handbasket already!

11:38 am April, 5 Medusa Oblongata said...

Is he pointing at his water, or the menstrual blood stain on his hip from when they were grinding on the dance floor?

11:42 am April, 5 douchebag1 said...

Congrats on the nuptials M.O. and may your experiments with avant-garde horse fisting continue in the post familial status you now imbibe.
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– management

12:04 pm April, 5 Mr. White said...

Congrats, Medusa! Although you know what they say: No Cleveland Steamer, no Cleveland Steamclean.
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Isn’t that what they say? Somebody should say that, anyway.

12:05 pm April, 5 I R A Darth Aggie said...

You’re only assuming that’s water.
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That could be Goose instead…

12:06 pm April, 5 I R A Darth Aggie said...

M.O. got married?
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Deer lord, why?

12:10 pm April, 5 DarkSock said...

Medusa’s right. At one point I had a large forture. I spent over half of it on whiskey, weed, loose women and hot rodding old cars.
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.
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But I squandered the rest.

12:11 pm April, 5 Wedgie said...

Congrats Medusa. I would pay good cash money to see the wedding party photos.
Was there any of the traditional family knife-throwing?

12:11 pm April, 5 DarkSock said...

Looks like it’s just you and the laundry gimp, Mr. White.
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If I were you I’d be pissed. On.

12:11 pm April, 5 Geoffrey said...

Godamm she is fine.

12:16 pm April, 5 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Medusa
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Congrats! May this time be infinitely better and longer lasting. And the marriage too. Oh, and BTW, Doc Bunsen Jr IS NOT your wedding gift. Could you please send the little guy back? I kinda miss him. Thanks.

12:19 pm April, 5 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Good thing Mr. White has had Dicy bound up in the playpen for such a long time. That is why we haven’t heard from her, isn’t it?

12:21 pm April, 5 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Benny is so stupid that he thinks D-A-S-A-N-I spells goose. At least he has his “special helmet” on when the bus driver pushes his ass to the back of the short bus.

12:49 pm April, 5 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

I like the 4 plastic wrist bands to show the ladies he’s out clubbin it all the time. and nice orange swatch and gym shorts under his stained pants ??? you actually chose to put this outfit on?

congrats M.O. I guess it can’t be bad after 4 days. Give it some time.

12:55 pm April, 5 jonezy said...

Congrats indeed M.O.

1:04 pm April, 5 Reverend Chad From Rehab said...

More congats to Medusa. I’d raise a glass and a doob to your inevitable folly, but I’m here until Friday. Some of the people behind the second door are really nuts, unfortunately that is where the cute girls are.

1:21 pm April, 5 army (ret) douche said...

I think we have a front runner for the next weekly. I want to vote for this bag in the net monthly!

1:29 pm April, 5 Vin Douchal said...

Medusa’s Wedding. The Hon. Carl Yastrzemski presiding
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1:30 pm April, 5 Vin Douchal said...

The Blushing Bride’s Dollar Dance
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1:31 pm April, 5 Hermit said...

Congrats Medusa, though last time I married a foreign national she ran up thousands on my American Express and left me shortly after she gained citizenship. Hope you fare better.
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The doctors at the rehab center found more crack in Reverend Chad than a Southwest Airlines 737. Good luck rev, say hey to Nurse Ratched and don’t eat the radioactive Japanese sushi.

1:36 pm April, 5 Vin Douchal said...

The girl singing in wedding band had to cancel after a nasty spill in rehearsal:
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1:37 pm April, 5 Vin Douchal said...

So they moved the party outside
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3:25 pm April, 5 El Bastardo Magnifico said...

I stabbed a guy in the neck with one of those little plastic hamburger swords once. I forget why.

I’m missing the point here.

3:28 pm April, 5 Yes said...

Gah, if only she knew what prisoners would do to this turd.

“They got this thang where they sag their pants past they butt. It’s a style–they call it some sort of ‘gangsta style’–you know, it’s sexy, to us, right, and see they wasn’t prepared for this right? So, you sag yo pants in here man somebody be up in yo butt and it’s just that simple.” — The Booty Warrior

5:29 pm April, 5 Fatness said...

I will never figure out how showing the world that you have no idea how to dress yourself is somehow a societal “plus”, but I don’t understand paying $600 for a bottle of rutgut vodka at a smelly, boring club either.
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Congrats, MO.

5:51 pm April, 5 soy bomb said...

This guy is seriously dressed like a toddler. I need to break something.
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Congrachoo, uh, congradja, uh…Glad you got married last weekend Medusa!

6:00 pm April, 5 Medusa Oblongata said...

Danke, Danke. I hearts him. Even though I swore I’d never do it again, he eroded my steely resolve and made me wants to have nerd babies who will have respectable haircuts, address adults as “ma’am” and “sir”, and will never be allowed to listen to gangsta rap, under threat of being made to go to school naked.
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That being said, there was no honeymoon of which to speak, I got right back to work over here at the ol’ flesh foundry, vacation has to wait until later, when I have more money and more free time. In the meantime, I’m a girl with rather reasonable expectations, and I can hardly get mad when I’m crawling in the door after a 12-hour shift at 1:30 am, and he’s NOT waiting at the door with a red ribbon on his hoo-hah. I told him not to worry about it. We’re both well into our 30s so we’re not the stunt genitals we once were, anyway. But once I’m better rested and have recovered from all festivities, he better pee in my butt like a fuccen MAN.
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@ Wedgie 12:11
Really?……How much….?

6:31 pm April, 5 Your Mom's Favorite said...

I’ll never understand the chonie reveal. Douche is wearing a belt too. I’d ask for my money back from the belt company if I was him.
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Congrats M.O.! As a bit of a runaway bride myself, (hey, I was 26 and everyone knows thats waaay too young to shut down the vajayjay factory forever, especially when you’ve got one that cranks out the hits like mine.) I can appreciate your willingness to give it another shot. Good luck to you for making the big jump into legal and binding commitment. Especially when you had a rough time the first time. Hopefully this one sticks and he’s not just using you for a Green Card. If he is, fuck him, theres always chicks or Frank, right?

7:44 pm April, 5 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

I raise a vial of the Rev’s to our Beloved Queen and her gent. May all your mirins always be jelly, and may your stackhouse never get impacted.

7:45 pm April, 5 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

Rev’s meds, I gotta learn to proofread

8:09 pm April, 5 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Egads, and congrads, Medusa.
How many times is that now that you’ve taken the holy vows?
Now, do yourself a favor and move to the North Shore.

8:10 pm April, 5 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Oh, and the underwear reveal is disgusting.
Doesn’t he know it’s far more stylish to go commando?

9:15 pm April, 5 DarkSock said...

Dammit, I’d just settled on “Hissing Fetus” for my band’s name, and now I have “Stunt Genitals” thrust into my face.
.
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.
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wait….

9:16 pm April, 5 DarkSock said...

And pull up yo pants, Fool; I can see yo draws.

9:32 pm April, 5 We Will, We Will, Mock You! said...

@RevChad, to the padded cell with you already. You’re milking this bit out Lohan-style. Martin Lawrence’s dissent into madness was less annoying. At least Brittney shaved her head and then shut up for a week. Jesus Rev, take a note from the professionals.

5:57 am April, 6 Reverend Chad from Rehab said...

^WWWWMY/Nancy Dreuche
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Bit eh? I am glad to have had this site in my 5 serious attempts to get off addictive drugs I’ve been on for 15 years for no reason. If I didn’t joke about it I would go crazy and there would be the tragedy for my kids. I have to get off of psychiatric care to renew my term life insurance policy. It’s working this time. Thanks for the help. I feel great but I am jonesing for a beer.

6:17 am April, 6 We Will, We Will, Mock You! said...

@RevRehab, I hope it works this time for the sake of your kids or I will mock you to your grave old man. I’m half Italain and I have access to Old World curses/hexes, just sayin’. And making fun of stuff is the only way I get through the day too or else I’d be up to my ears in anti-anxiety pills and weedohol as well. Ah, modern life.

8:08 am April, 6 DarkSock said...

Dibs on Rev’s stash

10:37 am April, 6 Rolling Mocks said...

^which one? The Handlebar or the Fu Man Chu? Let’s hope the Rev mailed it all to some nice old lady with Glaucoma and Erectile Dysfunction.

11:18 am April, 6 massengill said...

Congratulations, Medusa! If Vin’s pic is accurate, I think I see Matt Stafford in attendance. Kudos!
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@ Darksock
My suggested suggestion to the band name dilemma: General Genitals and the Hissing Fetuses.

11:19 am April, 6 massengill said...

I think I meant “suggested solution.”

Suggested suggestion. IS THERE ANY OTHER KIND???

2:19 pm April, 6 Troy Tempest said...

Medusa – congratulations – me and Mrs Tempest send you our greatest congratulations to you and Mr B. Just wonderful. Enjoy each other, and always be kind.

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