Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Beware the Blue Feather Hottie

The Zoastrians predict that a Blue Feather Hottie bearing the Mayan Eye of Coitus will someday mate with Gozer the Destroyer of Worlds to form a Stay Puft D.J. Asswipe with dog tags and stupid belt.

Or I could be getting my sophomore year ancient religions class mixed up with 80s movies references again.

Which has been happening to me ever since I took Introduction to Quantum Bueller II Freshman year.

# posted by douchebag1
9:46 am April, 19 Anonymous said...

In honor of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, I’d like to take a goalie stick and whack his chiclets back into his throat, each one hittiing the uvula along the way.

Then, I’d like to take Zedno Chara’s extra long stick and jam it business end first into his rectum.

9:48 am April, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s so dirty she uses a rain barrel for a dildo.

9:48 am April, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

Dare I say the hott looks douchier than the dude here? Not that that the dude isn’t douchey, what with his fake dog tags from the military he will never serve in, and Asian symbol chest tatts from Rob down at Tattoo Express. Belt is not that bad and at least the watch has minimal bling. But the chick, doucheface, douche pose and Stevie Nicks inspired outfit. In this particular case the “douche” is more salvagable than the “hott”.
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Floral print dress in the back knows a good Dress Barn find when she sees it.

9:49 am April, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s so dirty she brushes her teeth at a glory hole.

9:49 am April, 19 DarkSock said...

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _________
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ./ It’s a trap!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,,,—~~~~~~~~—, . . . . ._________/
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,-‘ : : : :::: :::: :: : : : : :º ‘-, . . /. . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . .,-‘ :: : : :::: :::: :::: :::: : : 😮 : ‘-, . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . ,-‘ :: ::: :: : : :: :::: :::: :: : : : : :O ‘-, . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . .,-‘ : :: :: :: :: :: : : : : : , : : :º :::: :::: ::’; . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . .,-‘ / / : :: :: :: :: : : :::: :::-, ;; ;; ;; ;; ;; ;; ; . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . /,-‘,’ :: : : : : : : : : :: :: :: : ‘-, ;; ;; ;; ;; ;; ;;| . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . /,’,-‘ :: :: :: :: :: :: :: : ::,-~~,’-, ;; ;; ;; ;; | . . . . . . .
. . . . . _/ :,’ :/ :: :: :: : : :: :: ,-‘/ : ,-‘;’-‘’’’’~-, ;; ;; ;;,’ . . . . . . . .
. . . ,-‘ / : : : : : : ,-‘’’ : : :,—‘’ :|| /,-‘-‘—‘’’_,’’’ ;; ;,-‘ . . . . . . . .
. . . :/,, : : : ,-‘ —,, : : : ||/ /,-‘-‘x### :: ;;/ . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . / /—-‘’’’ : # : : : : : | | : (O##º : :/ /-‘’ . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . /,’____ : : ‘-# : , : : : : ‘-,___,-‘,-`-,, . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . ‘ ) : : : :’’’’—,,—,,,,,,¯ :: ::—,,’’-,,’’’¯ :’- :’-, . . . . . . . . .
. . . . .) : : : : : : ,, : ‘’’’~~~~’ :: :: :: :’’’’’¯ :: ,-‘ :,/ . . . . . . . . .
. . . . .,/ /|| | :/ / : : : : : : : ,’-, :: :: :: :: ::,—‘’ :,-‘ . . . . . . . .
. . . . .’| |/ ‘/ / :: :_—,, : , | )’; :: :: :: :,-‘’ : ,-‘ : : : , . . . . . . .
. . . ./¯ 😐 | : |/ :: ::——, :/ :|/ :: :: ,-‘’ : :,-‘ : : : : : : ‘’-,, . . . .
. . ..| : : :/ ‘’-(, :: :: :: ‘’’’’~,,,,,’’ :: ,-‘’ : :,-‘ : : : : : : : : :,-‘’’ . . . .
. ,-‘ : : : | : : ‘’) : : :¯’’’’~-,: : ,—‘’’ : :,-‘’ : : : : : : : : : ,-‘ :¯’’’’’-,_ .
./ : : : : :’-, :: | :: :: :: _,,-‘’’’¯ : ,—‘’ : : : : : : : : : : : / : : : : : : :’’-,
/ : : : : : , :¯’’’’’’’’’’’¯ : : _,,~’’ : : : : : : : : : : : : : 😐 : : : : : : : : :
: : : : : : :¯’’~~~~~~’’’ : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : | : : : : : : : : :

9:49 am April, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s so dirty she uses 20 grit as a contraceptive sponge.

9:50 am April, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s so dirty she wears a retainer on her cervix.

9:51 am April, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s so dirty she blushes when called a cowpig.

9:52 am April, 19 Hermit said...

Shame on you, you greasy-haired, bar skank!
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You thoughtlessly mug for the camera, never caring that dozens of featherless blue egrets lay naked and cold somewhere in the North Canadian wilderness.
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May spotted owl nestlings hike their immature vents over the nest and cover you with foul-smelling spotted owl poop on you as you pass underneath!

9:52 am April, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s so dirty her feminine hygeine is a chimneysweep.

9:56 am April, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s so dirty she shaves with defoliant.

10:13 am April, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Hey, that bitch stole my musky spinnerbait lures! Those things cost $10 a throw at the Mincoqua Bait and Tackle shop.

10:14 am April, 19 Deltus said...

She’s so dirty she has to hire a hazmat team to douche herself. Safety first, kids!

10:14 am April, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

She’s so dirty she gives HIV TO needles.

10:19 am April, 19 jonezy said...

Marketing in the Age of Uncle Buck 203

10:20 am April, 19 jonezy said...

MacroEconomics 304: Keynesian or Anthony Michael Hall?

10:21 am April, 19 jonezy said...

Advanced English Literature w/ the bald biker guy from Weird Science….

10:21 am April, 19 jonezy said...

nope- nevermind- don’t got nuthin good…

10:22 am April, 19 Mr. White said...

Actually, DB1, it’s spelled “Zoroastrians.” Sorry. I dated a Zoroastrian in college. It’s a fascinating, ancient religion that’s dying out because they often marry outside their religion.
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The girl herself was batsh!t crazy, though. In a good way for about 6 months, then quickly becoming not in a good way.
.
.
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I should try to find her on Facebook. Maybe she wants to get back together.

10:23 am April, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

She’s so dirty she could be used as an STD repellent.

10:28 am April, 19 Vin Douchal said...

She’s so dirty she gargles with yak cum
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BTW, I can’t sign in up in the left corner. Anyone else experiencing this or is my computer laughing at me like when Audrina Partridge saw my cockk?
.

10:31 am April, 19 Bigphatnotadouche said...

Fran Drescher can pull some Douche.

10:49 am April, 19 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

She’s so dirty homeless men will change subway cars due to the smell.

10:49 am April, 19 UFO Destroyers said...

She’s so dirty, her crabs gargle with DDT.
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There is one thing that is bothering me–well, more than one, but I’ll just go with this one. Is that a horse’s tail coming out Dirty Blue’s rear end or does Dress Barn girl have a horrible purse?

10:54 am April, 19 Zorro said...

In the Zoroastrianist teachings it is said that in the End Times Fidel Castro will trade his fatigues for a windbreaker.

11:01 am April, 19 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

She’s so dirty even I would nail her.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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Ok that’s a lie.

11:03 am April, 19 Mr. White said...

She’s so dirty, she was rejected as a cast member for Jersey Shore.

11:04 am April, 19 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Wouldn’t ^

Swing and a miss.

11:08 am April, 19 Deltus said...

She’s so dirty she was ejected from the set of a German scat porn film for grossing out the actors.

11:11 am April, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s so dirty Charlie Sheen wouldn’t do her.

11:27 am April, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

@UFO Destroyers 10:49a, let me field that question for you. I believe the hideous purse belongs to Blue Feathered dirty hott. It goes with the whole gypsies/tramps/skeeves ensemble she’s got goin on. Dress Barn woman is most likely carrying a sensible purse, also purchased at Dress Barn.
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To paraphase the eloquent Kenny Powers, Blue Feather hott has clothes like a fucking dickhead.

11:33 am April, 19 Mr. White said...

She’s so dirty that all of the washing machines in her neighborhood laundromat now have chlamydia.

11:51 am April, 19 DarkSock said...

She’s so dirty you have to stuff the rubber inside your urethra.

11:52 am April, 19 DarkSock said...

She’s so dirty she does the Afghani Hot Pocket.

11:57 am April, 19 DarkSock said...

She’s so dirty her OB/BYN prescribed that she sit on Fukushima Dai-ichi’s crippled number 3 reactor for 2 hours a day until the sores stop running.

11:58 am April, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

She’s so dirty Dave Navrarro took one look at her snatch and went “DAAAAAYYYYUUUMMM, That’s some nasty shit!”

12:38 pm April, 19 Douche Springsteen said...

That guy’s face reminds of the velociraptors in Jurassic Park.

1:03 pm April, 19 Deltus said...

She’s so dirty she’s barred from going within 500 yards of a hospital without first boiling her nethers in bleach and scrubbing clean with a wire brush.

1:36 pm April, 19 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I have a radical idea. The door swings both ways, we could reverse the particle flow through the gate.
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How?
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We’ll cross the streams.
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‘Scuse me Egon? You said crossing the streams was bad!
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Cross the streams…
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You’re gonna endanger us, you’re gonna endanger our client – the nice lady, who paid us in advance, before she became a dog…
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Not necessarily. There’s definitely a *very slim* chance we’ll survive.
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I love this plan! I’m excited to be a part of it! LET’S DO IT!

2:11 pm April, 19 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

What we thankfully aren’t going to witness are the blue balls he’s going to have at the end of the evening after he’s shot his wallet wad all over the bar for her and she leaves with the guy with the bandana and the shirt that say “I’d F*ck my Mother if she’d let me”.
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Poor smiley McAlmostadouche. Just never forget you brought this on yourself. Now go back to the mailroom where you belong.

7:08 pm April, 19 Mr. Biggs said...

LOL vintage post, DB1. Or maybe I’m just partial to Ghostbusters.

9:22 pm April, 19 Stephanie said...

That feather’s about to go up his butt. With the necklace. I just had to say it!

10:22 pm April, 19 soy bomb said...

Wasn’t it in Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me where the presence of a bright blue feather signified that a douche was involved in the mystery or something? This Bleeth must be a huge Lynch fan. Who knew?

4:58 pm April, 20 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I had no idea “The Nanny” was being re-conceived and newly produced for 2011.

12:21 am April, 24 Roman said...

For someone that cares about whether a photo was real or Photoshopped, maybe you can try Photoshopped Image Killer. This free website maybe can give your answer. By analyzing something like Exif data or so. But it it really bad that the seller is touching op those images? Maybe he just sharpened the image and removed some things from the background.

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