Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Bowser the Beachsnake

It’s like those old Frankie Avalon/Annette Funacello beach blanket movies from the 1950s.

Only with less twist dancing and more Valtrex.

Annette Hippie Hott sucks on her lollipop with what Freud calls an oral fixation due to trauma during the oral stage.

In a strange coincidence, Oral Stage was also the name of the first Mormon to set foot in the Adirondacks.

# posted by douchebag1
7:28 am April, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

This looks like a typical day at Venice beach populated by the typical douche culture that migrates there. After the cops wake them up. Or else they would drown. Is that a bad thing? Yep, makin’ no sense because the coffee cup is empty. Shit.

7:43 am April, 26 Deltus said...

He’s a douche that, without the tatts, would consider himself without “game”. They help define him, which makes him all the more pathetic.
.
I want to watch her suck that lollypop, whilst self-abusing.

7:44 am April, 26 Nancy Dreuche said...

^ Uh yeah, I’ll just be over here studying the sex habits of teenagers. With my binoculars. For science! And Big Daddy better make more than a surprise cameo. And by Big Daddy, I mean penis.

7:49 am April, 26 Et Tu Douche? said...

Poseur the beachsnake……….I got nothing.

8:12 am April, 26 Hermit said...

Bowser’s hope fades more each day as he rides his scooter to work in quiet desperation, eyes squinting against the cold drizzle. The scooter obediently follows the steel track installed in the road by tin-badged city planners and fat bureaucrats who surreptitiously masturbate in elevators and utility closets. They control the Machine from hidden places, their beady eyes glued to monitors, insuring no one strays to the right or the left.
.
He’s endured the temporary job at Taco Bell® for six years now, and can no longer deny his fate. This IS his life. Nail polish remover and vodka can’t clean the salsa and shame from beneath his finger nails. He tells his family and friends that he wants to go to school. They nod politely, and talk behind his back. The promise of further education falls to the greasy floor like the “ground beef” he serves, seasoned with phosphates, yeast extract and lies. Desperation runs down the back of his neck and puddles on the floor between his shoes, where it mingles with processed cheese and hot sauce.
.
When his shift is over he returns home guided by the same steel track in the same road. He retires to his dusty garage apartment. He turns on the TV as he cracks open a bottle of Dark Eyes. As he slowly drifts into unconsciousness, the Discovery Channel drones on in an endless loop of re-runs, and he dreams of that day at the beach, Annie’s bedroom eyes, firm breasts and his life’s elusive relevance.

8:16 am April, 26 Mr. White said...

She’s hate-fucking me with her eyes. And I’m O.K. with that.

8:20 am April, 26 creature said...

Bowser discovered axe handles during his anal stage

8:25 am April, 26 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Mr. Stick there might wanna spend a few less hours in the tatt parlour and a few more hitting the weights. It looks like he could not punch his way out of a paper bag. He also seems to think that a smart phone in each fist and nerd glasses give him the machismo look he craves.

9:00 am April, 26 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Shirtless at what looks like a lame concert with a St. Louis Cardinals hat and a “livin the dream tatt” on the arm. Really? What dream would that be?

9:01 am April, 26 DarkSock said...

Pfah???

9:14 am April, 26 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I’m with ^ Et Tu Douche?…After looking at so many of these pudwack, fucbags I find myself unable to muster much in the way of mock. And as I type this a terrifying thought crosses my mind: Is this the nefarious plan of douchebags, to so numb us to their ways of chodewankery that we no longer have the strength and desire to mock, and as a result accept? Oh my, I will have nightmares tonight….Forget about the Zombie Apocalypse, the Douchebag Apocalypse is on the horizon…

9:18 am April, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Ashley Simpson and Pete Wentz throw a free concert in the parking lot of the Albuquerque Isotopes. Interest level seems appropriate.

9:18 am April, 26 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Why does he have a Thai lettuce wrap tattooed below his belly button? Nevermind. I don’t want to know. He’s a total dweebus with or without the bargain ink he got from the junior associate at Frank’s Quality Tattoo Shack. Too lame for me to focus too much contempt.
.
Annette does freelance neutering of puppies just for grins. She’s been known to neuter the same puppy 4 or 5 times. I’m getting a strong “hates men, especially daddy” vibe from this psycho beast.

10:06 am April, 26 Anthony LaBaglia said...

Boss, the Mormon spelling is ‘Orel.’

10:39 am April, 26 Natasha said...

That’s my sister! haha

10:51 am April, 26 BlackPath said...

I was going to say is that planet earth on his naval? WotF?

10:58 am April, 26 Medusa Oblongata said...

“Livin’ the dream”……..more like a nightmare.

11:00 am April, 26 Medusa Oblongata said...

“Livin’ The Dream”. Will that still apply when he’s in the nursing home, shitting in a bag and breathing with the aid of a machine? Jus’ wonderin’…

11:03 am April, 26 Medusa Oblongata said...

“Livin’ The Dream.” Will that still apply when he’s a cuckolded divorce’ in an efficiency apartment and working at a car wash? Jus’ wonderin’.

11:04 am April, 26 Medusa Oblongata said...

“Livin’ The Dream”. Will that still apply when he’s 350 pounds and impotent? Jus’ wonderin’.

11:07 am April, 26 Medusa Oblongata said...

Remember kids: Never get a tattoo that references your current station in life (i.e. ‘Gangsta 4 Life’, ‘Bad Boy’, ‘Sexxxy’). You never know where you will be in 25 years. This message brought to you by the Cynics’ Tattoo Union Local 305.

11:13 am April, 26 smackdouche said...

After the “High School Musical” trilogy faded into obscurity, Ashley Tisdale began to hang around with
men that referred to her as “that Disney bitch”.

11:37 am April, 26 Douchble Helix said...

Diamonoid earing, glasses with no lenses. I hate this punk.

12:25 pm April, 26 Wheezer said...

Which St. Louis Cardinals player is he?
.
a) Albert Poo-hole
b) Stank Poo-sial
c) Boob Gib…..Son
d) Ted Sizedless
e) Zyzzy Dean
f) Red Shamedeist

12:27 pm April, 26 Wheezer said...

Or maybe:
.
g) Poo Crock
h) Curt Dud

12:28 pm April, 26 Classy SD said...

Biggest douche in SD with the worst tattoos I have ever seen and there have been tons of horrible ones on here. Someone please post where he got that from so I never go there. Go back to the sticks douche.

12:30 pm April, 26 WTF Ink? said...

That has to be a first year tattoo artist that just bought their first tattoo machine. It looks like pencil drawings on rice paper. Nice dream

1:30 pm April, 26 Anonymous said...

Off Road Tattoo in the first Jackass movie yielded better results than this pudwhack.

1:32 pm April, 26 Steve L. said...

a certain dinosaur with a turtle shell is now very angry.

5:08 pm April, 26 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Hermit 8:12p, the plight of the career Taco Bell employee has not been fully understood until now. Thank you.

8:50 pm April, 26 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Boss, it was Bowser the Hound by Thornton Burgess.

11:00 pm April, 26 Stephanie said...

I believe that’s the new Ed Hardy sucker. Ironic isn’t it? And look at of the Michael Stipe fart.

11:36 pm April, 26 Kamagra said...

The promise of higher education rests with rich soil as “hamburger”, he wins, seasoned with phosphates, yeast extract and lies

1:49 pm April, 27 SD street cleaner said...

I saw that douche get his ass kicked in Hard Rock down town a couple of months back.

4:05 pm April, 29 Dream Cube said...

Biggest tool bag in SD

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