Thursday, April 21, 2011

Burningbags

Hey Hippiebags! Phish sucks!

EDIT: As a number of ‘bag hunters in the comments thread pointed out, these are not, in fact, hipsterbags. They are hippiebags. I’ve amended the post to more accurately reflect the tag. Good work, and good point, fellow hunters.

# posted by douchebag1
3:15 pm April, 21 Vin Douchal said...

Couldn’t tell you if Phish sucks or not but the Grateful Dead were awesome. Ask Tom Wolfe

3:41 pm April, 21 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

Uhh, you mean hippiebag? No self-respecting hipster would be caught dead listening to a jam band. In fact, I’m pretty sure you would have to immediately forfeit your hipster card if you were found to own a Phish CD.

Big difference between hippies and hipsters, yessir.

3:42 pm April, 21 Wedgie said...

Nothing smells quite like hipsterbags after a few days of desert heat, minimal hygeine and plentiful psylocybin.

3:54 pm April, 21 Et Tu Douche? said...

Saw the Dead close to 50 + times, lots of New England Fall & Spring tours in places such as Providence CC, Worcester, Springfield, New Haven, a 6 night run in the Garden. The boys kicked ass!!!!!!! and Phish and their poseur fans suck!!! Phil Lesh rules!!!

3:54 pm April, 21 tall guy said...

Unless it’s a mirage, she appears to be sporting a massive set of jugs.

3:57 pm April, 21 Hermit said...

Phish may suck, and hipster bags come and go, but give them their small ounce of credit for leaving the safety of their suburban prisons where, like their mothers and fathers before them, they circle their neighborhood cages in a pointless dance of redundancy. The electrical impulses course through the deadened synapses of their broken nervous systems. It drives them onward to inevitability. They flood the highways and interstate loops like lemmings in a high speed funeral procession.
High fences and corrugated metal attempt to hide the ugliness of the machine with grease and blood oozing from corroded mechanized biceps. Motor homes with moldy mattresses, plastic wood and dried semen on the frayed and faded curtains. They turn their heads away pretending not to see. They dazzle their eyes, staring blankly into lighted monitors and screens of plasma while their own corpuscles, blood and plasma become corrupted, eating them as the virus spreads.
A single blackbird tugs at a shredded fabric softener sheet, oblivious to the conformity of the sculpted golf course. A place where emasculated semi-men hide from their domineering wives in a failed attempt to preserve what’s left of their testosterone, which is slowly being extracted from their pores by their women, talking heads on TV sets, and the machine, as it grinds and churns.
.
Wrap-around uni-shades is already balding and running out of time. Large-breasted, braless and sunburned Earth Mother‘s boobs are maturing into the matronly flesh hammocks Grandma warned her about.
Time is running out.
So drop your acid, endure the dust and hordes of copy-cat, drunken non-conformists, and have Daddy’s Winnebago back by Monday.

4:01 pm April, 21 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Hipster goggles,
Hipster hat,
great round boobies,
with all of that!

4:10 pm April, 21 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

This is actually a behind the scenes photo from the latest Mad Max sequel:
.
Mad Bag Beyond Douchedome

4:16 pm April, 21 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

What the hell is going on here? I don’t know how yall do things in Caly-forney, but hipsters do not listen to goddamn Phish any more than Pat Robertson attends mosque or Louis Farrakhan goes to temple.

Here in the heartland, hipsters are hipsters and hippies are hippies, and they do not mix. Hipsters. Do. Not. Listen. To. Jam. Bands. In fact, there is not a type of music that you are less likely to find in the possession of a hipster than Phish. The stuff is literally hipster kryptonite.

4:42 pm April, 21 Brononymous said...

I’m liable to agree with mdl421 on this one. Funny glasses and a concert do not a hipster make. You need to do some research DB1. I suggest LATFH.
Now if this were Coachella on the other hand, yeah you’d probably be looking at some hipsters.

4:52 pm April, 21 Nancy Dreuche said...

Is that Jon Largeman’s wife in the background with the sunhat, Janice Largeman?

5:22 pm April, 21 DoucheyWallnuts said...

@ MC 900 Foot Douchebag
Damn you for beating me to the Mad Max reference…damn you…

5:58 pm April, 21 Doop said...

Y’all are turning homo, not one comment on the bounteous boobies, the hippy chicky titties, the stoners softies.

Homos I tell ya.

6:06 pm April, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Wow. Serious discourse about a serious item. Damned Phish, they ruined an otherwise otherworldly experience at Stowe, a renowned hippie mecca by putting a harsh on my CSNY buzz man. I’m sure I’ve told that story when I was fried. Did I ever tell my Dead and Santana stories, Serious issues with Garcia and Carlos and the brown acid? Difference between hipsterbags and hippies? I never thought of it. Hippies win, hipsterbags shave. Chad stays stoned. Medical marijuana is a scam, the feds just want to tax us again. The Man’s shit costs 10K a year in Canada. The Reverends shit costs 280/month and is a great substitute for the pshycs man. Based on 2 grams a day=4 phats of all bud doobosity.
.
I feel you Hermit. In a hippy way.

6:09 pm April, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Doop
.
The fat chick in the background is all kinds of hippy sexy. You can have her stoner softies. Thank you.

6:14 pm April, 21 Nancy Dreuche said...

I demand a RevChad Santana story! How could you have been bogarting Santana/Dead stories man? Puff puff tell!

7:31 pm April, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Mission Viedo? Mission Viedo? Where the fuck is that?

7:51 pm April, 21 Wedgie said...

^It’s just north of Laduna Hills in Dorange County. Doh!

8:05 pm April, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^I got stoned and ordered a bunch of Easter skateboards from a place called Socal Skateshops. Burrrrrp!. Just wondering where a good Canadian orders his shit from when the dollar (C) is high Wedgie. I got myself some new wheels for my old pig and a longboard, and the little Jew girls get their first boards late next week by the trusted USPS. Are the chicks hot in

10:21 pm April, 21 Mr. Biggs said...

Hippie? Hipster? Thats just splitting hairs. Long pink dreadlocked patchouli hairs.

10:26 pm April, 21 DarkSock said...

I think they are at the Burning Pee festival.

10:32 pm April, 21 Anonymous said...

The VeeDeeRoo Festival in Tennessee?

1:22 am April, 22 the douche whisperer said...

@hermit
.
that was simply brilliant. thank you sir.
.
fuck, so do all burners have to turn in their ‘baghunter credentials now? while it’s true that many trustifarians are present at the burn, there are still many great things about that place. you just have to leave before the weekend frat crowd arrives.

5:59 am April, 22 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Geez, I can smell ’em from here.

6:05 am April, 22 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Hermit, moving as always. So glad I don’t have a domineering wife to hide from. One of the perks of livin’ the batcherlorette life. That and pizza for breakfast. By the way, has anyone seen my Shoedini?

10:19 am April, 22 Mr. Biggs said...

Wow Hermit, room on that mountaintop for one more?

10:25 am April, 22 douche bagel said...

this is precisely why i don’t go to music festivals. one too many mushrooms and i could end up hanging with this crowd

11:15 am April, 22 DarkSock said...

They are inside Plinky’s Mom’s butt.

1:32 pm April, 22 Troy Tempest said...

From an eye witness:
.
So like this was like decades ago and this whole Burning Man thing was new and so like we drove out in my buddies van and staked a claim with our tent and then turned the van toward the other side of the playa, and set the cruise control to 10 MPH, and the front chairs spun around and we just started partyin and gettin all kinds of fucked up and after about an hour we realised no one had been driving the truck for a while so we looked out front and saw the end of the Playa so we turned it around and drove back toward the tent and spun the chairs around to face back and continued partyin with no one driving the truck and we didn’t set it right so we kind of missed the whole thing and ended up in some other corner of the Playa like an hour or so later and so we turned it around but we couldn’t see shit cuz it was later afternoon and we were fuckin hammered and so we just sort of pointed it where we thought the tent was and after about a half hour we realised we had no idea where we were so we just kept partyin’ and then the sun went down so we stopped and had some food and water and waited for the fires to start at the camp, and sure enough, when it got dark we saw the lights of some fires so we drove back to camp, but it was too dark to find our tent so we ate sheets of acid and ran aroun like lunatics all night long. At least I did until someone gave me a kneadable eraser and I was fuckin lost for hours tearing that sucker apart. then I met this chick named Connie who gave me a blow job. But first I had to wash my dick off. Then she gave me a blow job. I never saw her again. Mebbe cuz I was singing songs by the Carpenters the whole time. “I’M ON THE TOP OF THE WORLD LOOKIN DOWN ON CREATION…” Man I was fuckin high. The whole week was like that. I never thoguht that many naked chicks could be so un-sexy – cover some hot chick with playa dirt and sunburn and man – that is one scary lookin skank.

3:58 pm April, 22 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Thanks, Troy, that first run-on sentence gave me the runs.

4:33 pm April, 22 Pep said...

I guess I’m the only burner that reads this blog. What you don’t understand about our community is that it’s a community. Douches that go to clubs and vegas could never handle bm, it’s not to impress anyone it’s to find yourself. And I got a question, if a douche is someone that works out alot, wears stupid shirts, and trys to fit in with the “in” crowd how can a burner be a douche? Please explain, is it the edm music, the hot naked girls walking around or just doing what we want when we want? I like to think we’re better people than the douchebags normally on the page. (not trying to troll just curious)

7:03 am April, 30 dwing said...

Consistantly this site F’s up the difference between hippies, and hipsters ….. both of which are different than burners. Maybe “hipsterbags” like phish, but I have never met a hipster that would admit that Phish, Grateful Dead, Phil Lesh, Modeski Martin and Wood, or any other does not make their stomach turn.

To be clear hippies love jam bands. Hipsters want to kill themselves if forced to listen to them for more than 30 mins.

And Burners are completely fucking different than either of the above…. though I will admit these people in the picture may have been tourists.

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