Friday, April 1, 2011
Friday Haiku
Spring Break woo girls, “Woo!”
Heathen Joe crosses the line,
Kelly’s butt: fondled.
Future researchers
Will study this choad’s dried pelt
Like the Dead Sea Scrolls
— Wedgie
What is proper greet?
Look him in eyes? Or read face?
Confounds Ms Manners!
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Ahab stands in crowd
Watching Queequeg hunt Hotties
Moby Dick style
— jonezy
Who’s more desperate?
The girls with daddy issues
Or me for looking?
— Mr. Scrotato Head
Douche Maul is confused
Can’t remember which virgin
He left his sleeze in
— saulgoode42
Tatooed wanker dude
Ponders “Ass the other white meat”
Acid trip for skin
— Douchetastic Sam
Sometimes, when “raging
‘gainst the dying of the light”,
you should just give up.
— collossus of choads
This pic documents
The decline of the West
Douchies on display
Joe lets slip a shart.
It runs down wall behind him
Now 2 shits in view.
What can happen when
A tattoo artist gets bored
Medusa: week off?
Future researchers
Will study this choad’s dried pelt
Like the Dead Sea Scrolls
Hey comic-book face!
It’s hip what you’ve done with ink.
Old age will enhance???
Ahab stands in crowd
Watching Queequeg hunt Hotties
Moby Dick style
He’s biding his time
One drunk sorority girl
Wakes with a sore butt
Douche Maul is confused
Can’t remember which virgin
He left his sleeze in
Gas Huffer Face Makes
Gas Huffing Time so much fun!
Ran out of paint cans….
Now clearer meaning
To “Face only mom could love”
But truth? She doesn’t.
Sometimes, when “raging
‘gainst the dying of the light”,
you should just give up.
Kimmie’s facebook post:
“Spring Break is so crazy fun!”
She hates her parents
Tatooed wanker dude
Ponders “Ass the other white meat”
Acid trip for skin
Only job for douche
Is back room printing press ops
And he got printed!
Hottest spring break spot?
Why, travelling carnivals!
Only one ride though…
Hoo Boy, Tattoo Man!
You sure show unique physique!
But still Choad Wankscrote!
Mr. Smith from Shop
Poor choice as school chapperone
Expert with his Wood
Dancing for money,
Funds raised for tat removal,
Need stronger lasers
The Muffin Top Girls
Jam with white rapper, “Stink Eye”
Crowd dissipates quick
As mom used to say
Let this be a lesson kids
No tatts while on crank
Spring break Daytona,
Marred by tragedy this year,
Swamp thing attacks hotts
Timmy’s early cheats
Writing ink answers on palms
Loses all control
A sad reflection
Of youth today what the fuck
Is wrong with his face?
Do you think he has
Rap sheet as long as your arm
And ugly as his
Ray Bradbury tale,
Ink moves to tell us story,
Of douchebag’s failure
Cutoff jeans come back
He should cut off his pantlegs
With legs still in them
Send his photo to
The embattled Libyans
They’ll keep Gaddafi
What is proper greet?
Look him in eyes? Or read face?
Confounds Ms Manners!
Don’t know which hurts more,
Covering body in tats,
Or girls’ cold shoulders
Hey, to be kind here
These hotts ain’t really all that
Some booze will fix that
Douche has a sad tale
Survived Egyption bombing
Building bits left marks
Gimp from “Pulp Fiction”
loses clothes; inhibitions
must be skin-to-win
Drunk at Daily News,
Falls into comic printer –
Girls spend settlement.
Paul learns hard lesson
About passing out wet on
Pile of comic books.
Circus Freak Show Man
Meets some locals on day off
But this won’t end well
The crazy thing is
His ejaculate squirts out,
Looks like Aim toothpaste.
Douche Maul saves the space
Still clear on his pec for his
Next victim’s portraits
When he wipes his ass
The used tissue looks just like
Tammy Faye Baker
His bad tat makes him
look bit like Ben Grimm, The Thing.
Or is he just grim?
Who’s more desperate?
The girls with daddy issues
Or me for looking?
Twenty Thousand Kids
And one guy trying too hard
Lola-fail-oosa
Hey there, waiter-boy
Is that a fly on your face?
Your shit clouds my view.
Things are looking rough,
Jesse James has fallen far,
Somewhere Sandra laughs
Dungeons and Dragons
Encounter table: Four nymphs
And an umber hulk.
My Dead Sea Scrolls haiku may be non-original work. I seem to remember something similar on a previous Friday. If this is true, I apologize to its author. But remember, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Or is that flatulence? I get those mixed up. Too much brown acid back in the day.
It’s Chris Andersen!
Smooth basketball pickup line:
Check out my Nuggets!
Kelly glances leftwards
Soils her white panties
Kurt gets a boner
State U soros dance
With the sideshow escapee
White van is nearby
Ugly Kid Joe tries
To hide from himself his own
Worthlessness, and fails
Happy clean white girls
The Thing from Tattoo Lagoon
Take refuge in “Woo”
spring break woo hotties
summon Tatt Monstrosity,
leave scars on the soul
Midwestern farmgirls
whoop at scavenger hunt find:
porch beef tatt farmhand.
Rod Steiger wanna-
be “Illustrated man” co-
vers thighs for ladies.
Just a matter of
time before Execution-
er selects victim…
Maul got carried a-
way doodling tatts in class. Co-
eds prefer bare bear.
Gals showing skin are
so skanky sweet. Mauls showing
skin are porch beef dim.
Pirates no longer
bound fair maids, but make them do
the freak-dance instead.
Billis and the Na-
vy nurses whoop it up in
“South Pacific Douche.”
A parents’ nightmare
is their daughters’ poor judgment.
What about HIS parents?
Oh, sonofabitch…..
I’m back on day shift and I
couldn’t mock this? THIS?????
New Choadiac sign
on his arm? No, he’s just a
generic Cancer.
White shorts, blue tube top.
Just in from Minnesota,
dances with a douche.
“Douche Maul is confused
Can’t remember which virgin
He left his sleeze in
– saulgoode42”
Funniest shit I have read in a long time. Classic
that’s just fucked up
pulling under age
clueless woo hotts with douchey
tatts: now or never!
Maynard James Keenan
shows us who the real tool is
ladies say “no thanks”