Friday, April 1, 2011

Friday Thoughts and Links

I only wish the Night Oranger were an April Fools joke.

Sadly, that dragon tatt is all sorts of fake-tanned reality.

Crazy Eyes Kendra may be an extra from “Prince of Persia 3: The Epstein Bar Mitzvah,” but her curves are firm and taut.

And so they take us softly into Friday Thoughts and Links.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “Call me Mr. Lamb Fries!”

Here’s a hilariously stupid Russian Wedding Video, unfortunately with unfunny sound effects added. I both celebrate and blame the black dude from “Police Academy” for unleashing decades of comedic fart and helicopter noise imitators.

Waiting for Godot: The Videogame

Rutgers University pays Snooki more money to speak than it paid Toni Morrison. Your humble narrator hangs his head in shame.

National Hockey League something or other Brandon Prust is getting it on with numerous hotts while cheating on his girlfriend Michelle Trachtenburg. Cheating on a quality Semitic librarian hott like Trachtenburg is a huge wtf no-no, but the dude’s young, a successful athlete, makes millions, and scores quality suckle thigh. So there’s that.

All you need to know about life: Fagabeefe.

Some Thief stole a computer and then got busted by the owners of the computer, who found the pud rocking out, douche style.

But you are not here for theifs dancing douche style. You are hear for fruity chomp pear. Here ya go:

Beach Lineup Pear

Mmmm. Like warm summer brownies on a cool misty evening. And chompy suckle bite.

The weekend is nigh.

# posted by douchebag1
12:58 pm April, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

As a pastor, I am usually not one to complain about the little things in life. Only the big things, and by big things I mean this Friday post and links really sucks balls. On by suck balls I mean it is usually hilarious and disturbing.

12:59 pm April, 1 Wheezer said...

I love the Beach Lineup of Pear – no foolin’!
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And DarkSock? Next time you go on an Ambien/Maker’s Mark bender with Crucial Head at one of those combo horse race/architect convention things, please make sure you pass out behind your locked hotel room door. Otherwise, this could happen to you…..again…..

1:04 pm April, 1 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Prust isn’t cheating ON Michelle Trachtenburg, he’s cheating WITH Michelle. The girlfriend (ex??) is the quality suckle thigh hottie, Marie Pier. Now, if Ms. Pier wants to dry her eyes on my shoulder, I’m not gonna say no…
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Oh, and the Rangers drool. Son.

1:07 pm April, 1 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Marie-Pier Morin is enough to get me to watch the Quebec version of Deal or no Deal, despite not speaking only enough French to get slapped in Rimouski.

1:17 pm April, 1 Wheezer said...

Snooki’s advice to students: “Study hard, but party harder.”
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Boss, we don’t fault you for your role in exposing this “person” because it’s some marketing “geniuses” at MTV who are truly reprehensible—–ummmmm, responsible (that, too). But you should at least get a little bit of a kickback from all the undeserved cash that bitch is making for being nothing but a…..well, nothing.
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And when I say kickback, I hope it’s from an assault rifle you or someone else has pointed between her eyes.

1:38 pm April, 1 skrag2112 said...

That Snooki story reminds me to get busy finishing my bomb shelter. Society’s collapse is imminent.

1:51 pm April, 1 Mr. Biggs said...

Mediocre links at best this week, Spies Like Us notwithstanding. Oh, and constantly saying you don’t care about stars while putting up links to them? I would classify that with ironic hipsterbaggery.
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Sorry man sometimes I just gotta part with the norm here. Especially when this quality link I sent you goes unpublished.
Witness #82. SARA SCHAEFER:
I’ll admit it: I have a butterfly tramp stamp. But to make it less embarrassing, I got quotation marks tattooed around it. Now, it’s ironic! When people see it, it means: “Ha, butterfly tramp stamp. What if I actually got that? Wouldn’t that be funny? I’m a hipster.”

3:35 pm April, 1 Et Tu Douche? said...

Shame on you Rutger’s and more importantly shame on the advisors who oversee the Universities Programming Association for allowing this to happen. What a fuccking shame!!!!!!!!!
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Can’t hate on hockey players. They’ve got puck bunnies waiting for them in most cities. Would you say no to Marie Pier or whoever she is?
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These fuccking kids today are so clueless and shit. In my day if let’s say I stole a bike (a bad ass Huffy W/Sissy Bar) the last thing I would’ve done was ride it around the neighborhood where I stole it from. It was called common sense.
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I’m liking the pear this week, why you ask? cause in my mind they all look natural and not gym toned and no thongs screaming “look at my ass that I’ve spent months toning and shaping”. Just the asses they’ve grown into and accepted. It’s actually quite refreshing.
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As I head off into the weekend after this foulest of Fridays to lament the state of things I bid you all good tiddings.

6:19 pm April, 1 I douche, therefore I am said...

I don’t understand the hatin’, the Godot link is legendary in and of itself! I have to admit, though, that this week’s pear does nothing for me…

7:22 pm April, 1 Buzz Lightyear said...

It’s not that I hadn’t seen that look on Uncle Rex’s face before, but it was one fine indication that someone was going to have a peripheral butthole exploration pretty darn soon. I bet it is Candy. Candy with her moist sweet armpit hairs caress the night with her womanhood and she had one sweet turdcutter. Half of the town had licked or prodded her sweet turdcuttter by the time she was just thirteen. Then she went and got all bitchy about turdcutter this turdcutter that and said no more looking at my turdcutter. Uncle Rex and Turdcutter Candy had met before. It was when Uncle Rex invaded her estates at Turdcutter, Homoslavia. Probst! That she became particular about turdcutting. So I tell her don’t worry dahlingk just cut someones turdsausage with you sweet dot and get it over with. She says Candy is OK to go comrade. I plow her fertile crescent with my tongue, smoosh with her sphinctus and tell her that she’s not getting another rimming like this again till the good almighty comes home to Branson. Cunt says weel that’s every day. So for 32 years I give her another rimming everyday topped up with an anal probe because I have her just fucking right warped most of the time because that’s how I roll Homes. Enough about tire rotation the real rotation we’re into man is kind of the way caress thiss keyboard. Caress of Steel as it were. Caesars, Lepers, Barbarian at my Gate, fuck man it’s true. My bonfire’s are burning man like manhattan burned in the early 1990’s and like the human flame burned at he Olympics and Burning Man and burn man, that wa all so yesterday man its history. Where does time go? How does the ripple flow? How did the barbarian get ny vanities man. Just How?
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.What? I’m calling who? I don’t gicwe a fuck about your reconstruction.I don.t give a fuck about your IVY LEEGE> Papa says an unconstricted life is an unconstructive life. Woulkd you like to say uther weiise! Eat my sAusage you demon of the whore ,capitalaism, Fuck capitalism man! Beer should be free for all. Poor fucking beers being held against their will. I want to pop all thisae fresh beers yo. Shut upi wigger, her name is Fresca, Frescalexgetdafukoutofere. @001 a Spce oddity, the only thing odd about it it makes me want to speltz myself. That disgustin Germanic habit of farting in a cold room, rolling in exotic grains and salts and excrementing amonst the crowd while yelling I want a Speltz in ny harse. Wooooo-Hooooooo. I’m koo koo for SPETLTZ.

8:11 pm April, 1 DarkSock said...

I don’t get the dissing on today’s links, but hey, if you don’t like them then SEND SOME IN. Same with those that kvetch about pictures they think are below par. This site’s lifeblood is submissions. If I have a good link, I’ll stick it in a post. But if I have a GREAT one I’ll send it in to the boss.
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I get more joy out of this site than I get out of my monthly top tier cable, and this site don’t cost $120 a month. DB1 only charges me $52.
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That was a sweet link though, Biggs:
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Lance Armstrong finally retired from pro cycling. I guess he’s taking his ball and going home.
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I was so sad when I heard that Gary Coleman passed away this year from multiple aneurysms. Which is kinda like “Diff’rent Strokes.”
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I just flew out to LA for a while to make it in showbiz. Little tip: When airport security asks why you’re flying to LA, don’t tell them that you plan on shooting a pilot.
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When I visit my Christian parents and gay brothers in Florida, I spend my time going to church and then gay bars. The last trip, it dawned on me: I’m living like every Republican senator.
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When Obama was running for president, many people in the media frequently compared him to Abraham Lincoln. Yet after he was elected, the comparisons pretty much stopped. Yet I think he’s more like Lincoln now than ever before for a couple of reasons:

1. 20 percent of Americans thought Lincoln was a Muslim

2. 30 percent believed Lincoln was born in a Log Cabin in Kenya

12:15 am April, 2 McCrude said...

Beach line-up is a classic pose. And I love it. But I have to fault this one for putting the worst pear in front, the best in back. Rookie error.

1:21 am April, 2 soy bomb said...

Dark Sock
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Gary Coleman’s dead?
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I seriously didn’t know that.

4:53 am April, 2 Spiele Book of Ra said...

Wirklich ein guter Kommentar. Ich sollte hotchickswithdouchebags.com mehr lesen 😉

7:33 am April, 2 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

Meanwhile, My westlemania weekend is also getting snooked up. Fucc. Get the weapons

7:33 am April, 2 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

wrestlemania. Stoopid spell check

7:41 am April, 2 DarkSock said...

Was Gary Coleman every really alive?
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Conny Chung must be inconsolable.
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Wait….that’s the other Gary.
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I’d do Conny Chung.

8:55 am April, 2 DarkSock said...

Little known fact: Michael Bay decided to remake “Waiting for Godot”; he called it “My Dinner With Andre”.
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Thespionic FACT.

8:56 am April, 2 DarkSock said...

^….*tumbleweed rolls across screen, crickets chirp*…

9:59 am April, 2 Et Tu Douche? said...

Son!

10:58 am April, 2 DarkSock said...

The firm did our spring crawfish boil yesterday; 120 pounds of mud bugs, with corn on the cob, whole ‘shrooms, alligator sausage, pork sausage, whole garlic cloves, and red potatoes all boiled up in Zatarain’s and lemon juice and dumped across 4 folding tables covered in newspaper.
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New England crab boils? BWAHAHAHAHHHHH….dumb ass yankees. Go choke on a scrod, whatever the fuck that is.
WEQ

11:02 am April, 2 DarkSock said...

If anyone from Massachusetts did ever attempt a “crayfish” boil this is how they’d gay it up:
eqwt

11:04 am April, 2 DarkSock said...

Only downside: it will burn when I poo for a few days now. Which I rather enjoy, to be honest.
EE

11:29 am April, 2 Et Tu Douche? said...

Damn you he of Dark Hosiery, now I’m hungry.

11:32 am April, 2 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Looks like a good boil with them big crawdads. I won’t tell you about my boil except that is festering, near my brownstar, and it will be lanced while I am in ‘retraining’ this week. I am bringing in Listerine 185 to keep my breath crazy fresh.

11:44 am April, 2 DarkSock said...

You can get a righteous buzz off of Listerine; mean hangover though. Try cutting it with vodka.

11:45 am April, 2 Et Tu Douche? said...

Crazy Eyes Kendra looks like she’d be all enthusiastic and shit in the sack. Nice jugs!!!

12:06 pm April, 2 Et Tu Douche? said...

Grey Goose spiked with Mint flavored Listerine, two packs of Marlboro reds, an 8 ball of snap and a satchel BC buds is a winning combination and by winning I mean still up 12 hours later blabbering on about nothing but hey at least the breath smells good.

9:37 pm April, 2 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Beach pear line-up is the weakest ass pear I’ve seen on this site, soft as the sand they’re sinking into. They look like someone walked all over them and gave them a flat ass.
However, if a drunk marimbist came along, I’m sure he’d get out his mallets and play them for a fartsong.

12:11 am April, 3 soy bomb said...

Hey Dark Sock!!11!! I’m from Massachusetts and shit son, and I made a (poor) living raising CRAYFISH and shit in my brook, son.
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That’s why I moved to Los Angeles. Upgrade from CRAYFISH catchin’ to…anything else.
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Just popped 2001 Space Odyssey in the ol’ Blueray and popped sumthin’ else too.
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Huzz

4:45 am April, 3 Steve L. said...

Snooki’s empire douches on and –
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i know i’m repeating myself. i just can’t get the doom and gloom out of my head.

4:45 am April, 3 Steve L. said...

serial-entrepreneurial computer wizards do us proud.

4:47 am April, 3 Steve L. said...

but why would computer wizards use a Mac?







apologies to Mac users.

9:13 pm April, 3 DarkSock said...

What’s a brook?

1:54 am April, 4 Plumber Services said...

In my day if you told me a bike (bad ass angry w / Sissy Bar), the last thing I did was go around the neighborhood, where I won. E ‘is called common sense.

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