Friday, April 22, 2011

Friday Thoughts and Links

Your humble narrator is trying to get healthy on this lazy California Friday as he stares at Bropec douche and absolutely perfectly taut and full of firmness and female win, Mira the Tasty Ambiguously Asian Hott, as Vegas brings them together in unholy tandem.

No more HoHos. I’m on a Hostess-less Fast.

For at least a week. Or maybe just three or four days.

I gotta go at least 48 hours.

Ah screw it.

Mmmm… HoHos.

Here’s your links:

“Have you any idea how successful censorship is on TV? Don’t know the answer? Hmm. Successful, isn’t it?”

RIP to the late, great actress Elisabeth Sladen, “Sarah Jane Smith” from the old Doctor Who. I felt the first pull of the Hott at the age of four while watching Doctor Who on PBS.

The Grieco finds work. Corman style.

Fake intellectual and guy who isn’t as interesting as he thinks he is, NBC’s Brian Williams disses hipsters. Occasional forays into pop culture riffing can’t save the soul of a clown who makes a living offering up false equivalencies with a furrowed brow and a fancy tie.

U.S. Lacrosse now selling douchecessories. Et tu, Lacrosse? Very depressing.

The Faces of Cochella. Kind of like “Faces of Death,” only with less monkey skull and more patchouli.

Stiller and Meara remain comedy legends. Even their stools pwn Carrot Top.

Speaking of comedy, Patton Oswalt rules. “Well here’s Jon Voight’s ballsack!” for the epic win.

Crazy eyed hot chick brings the psycho sexy, goes to Lil’ Wayne Concert, runs into HCwDB legend The Spiker (at 3:20). The Spiker lurks.

But you are not here to watch crazed eyed psycho hotts run around Lil’ Wayne concerts videoing themselves. You are here for pear. Here you go, you’ve been good:

Straddle Chain Pear

Mmm… like the Battle of Bunker Hill, only with firmer glutes than Martha Washington had.

No idea what I’m saying. Another week has passed. Enjoy its end with spirits and crackers.

# posted by douchebag1
12:51 pm April, 22 Wheezer said...

I wanna park my 10-speed with Straddle Pear’s bike chain.
.
OK, I gotta park the 5-speed twice…..

1:07 pm April, 22 tall guy said...

Bropec needs a Bro (aka The Manzier).

1:11 pm April, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I wanna park my 18 speed, which I never rode cause it looks like a girl’s bike to me, in Spiker’s face. Fucking Dana Carvey bleached oldbag at a L’il Wayne show. I have three questions:
.
Who the fuck is L’il Wayne?
.
Is he really little like lilliputian little?

Where is my drink?.
.
Why is the brothabag above so irritating to me for standing beside a hott chink?
.
Is the New Testament a hoax?
.
How long do I have to wait for the Canadiens to lose to B.?
.
If Ben Stiller was choked and gagged and deaded snuff-style in a forest, would anybody care?
.
Do I have enough pot for the weekend? That was rhetorical.
.
Is my penis small and spectacular as part of a divine plan or did the doctor cut too much off?

1:16 pm April, 22 Troy Tempest said...

Stiller and Meara are the funniest couple alive, period. How they spawned Ben, I have no idea.

1:40 pm April, 22 Rockabilly Johnny and the Electric Foreskin Benders said...

Stiller and Meara were funny when I was a kid, and are still funny as hell.
.
.

The comments from the Brian Williams story were all pretty good. I cut my favorite exchange below, “leilani” hit the nail on the head..
.
.

lukuj:
.
.

comment:
Ok, I admit it. I am NOT “with it”. What in the world is a “hipster” and why should I know or care what one is???

.
.
leilani:
.
.

reply:
Actually, you may not realize this, but by confessing your lack of hipness to hipsterhood, you have just established your credentials as one of the very few genuine hipsters.

All the others who claim to have the keys to understanding the hipness of inherently ineffable hipstericiousness are just pathetically obsolete poseurs, because hipsterhood operates under a set of rules strikingly similar to the Heisenberg uncertainty principle: the minute you think you’re hip, you’re not.

2:25 pm April, 22 Nancy Dreuche said...

The douche has a picture of George Bush tattoed on one of his knockers. Must not be from Louisiana.
.
The Spiker was at a Lil’ Wayne concert? Thats almost as awkward as runnung into your principal at a GWAR concert. And twice as awkward as me making a GWAR reference.
.
Happy Earth Day y’all. Do something nice for Mother Earth today. I made her a coupon for one free car wash. If you get her a card can you put my name on it please?

2:40 pm April, 22 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Well, Lamp ain’t shown, and nobody’s said it yet, so I just gotta pontificate: Straddle Chain Pear’s half-boob reveal AND Perfectly, PERFECTLY perfect straddle chain pear is almost intoxicating!
.
How does one go about touching the used paper napkin, that her doorman dropped into the city wastebin on his way to catch the subway??? I would like that soul connection!!

3:23 pm April, 22 mr.reeve said...

Why does the brothabag in this photo have Kelsey Grammer tattooed on his chest?
Chain pear was good. Real good. Time to eat some soul food, drink and watch the Lakers.
Easter exposes me for being an addict of Peeps. Those fuckers have crack in them.

3:29 pm April, 22 mr.reeve said...

Does the Grieco go straight to Netflix’s “watch instantly”? Maybe but there is no way he tops the straight to dvd king Mr. Ray Liota. Street Kings 2: Motor City. “Get some” SON

3:46 pm April, 22 Wedgie said...

Hey, Brothabag, what day is it?
“Chest & biceps, muthafucka.”

4:12 pm April, 22 Et Tu Douche? said...

Patton Oswald emceeing the disco dance off in the Starsky & Hutch remake is classic!!! “Dancing Rick” in said dance off is disco baggery at it’s finest.
.
Hmmmm!!!!! Straddle Chain Pear

4:16 pm April, 22 El Bastardo Magnifico said...

Zebra bikini bottoms with Pink Sailor at Coachella… I dunno, I’m feeling her. With my mind. I like those thighs.

4:24 pm April, 22 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

OK. Really? REALLY? No one is going to say it? Alright then, I will. I would pee in her butt. That’s right, I would. And I’d be damn happy about it. Sorry Mr. White, you had your chance. IS she Quartblasian? Is she just Blasian? I need a ruling here.

4:25 pm April, 22 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

In certain municipalities, Brothabag here would be arrested for going topless with moobs like that. The kind with nip-dip.
Mira is perfectly safe in her denim Onesie.
And Straddle Chain Pear deserves to be padlocked.

4:45 pm April, 22 ehcuodouche said...

Well at least she had the right reaction: “Whaaaat the fuuuuck was thaaaat?”

4:48 pm April, 22 Et Tu Douche? said...

The Lil’ Wayne concert disturbed me on so many levels. Gummi bears, Chai Tea, Frozen yogurt at a concert? WTF????
.
I kinda wanna congratulate the Spiker for still “chasing the dream”, “living the life” but alas It’s false hope, naivete, a lost cause. When he awakes one day, in his small 1 bedroom apt, to brutal, soul crushing reality and realizes that he is in his mid 40’s, months late on the rent broke, lonely, and no prospects I only hope a family member or a true friend is there to lend support, guidance and a safe haven to stay at. The sad truth though is that when the money is gone and the party is over he’ll realize that people he thought were his friends were not and the youth he clung to is now nothing but a long lost, bittersweet memory that will haunt his days and keep him awake on many a restless night.

4:54 pm April, 22 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Doc B
Hines Ward Blasian, the chick detective from “The Wire” Blasian,
Mira the Tasty Ambiguously Asian Hott I don’t think so. i could be wrong though.

4:57 pm April, 22 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Et Tu, I almost feel bad for The Spiker after reading your post. Too bad he couldn’t have gotten that wake up call a little sooner. I’m not volunteering, I’m just sayin’.

5:17 pm April, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Earth Day, wasn’t that fucker last year. I hope the hipsterbags remember it. I was wondering this morning what all the shit was on the Google page. It was not until a McDonald’s employee told me I couldn’t put household waste in the dumpster that the sad realization began. Frustrated with hat boy I threw my garbage on a main thoroughfare, pissed on the shoulder, and let my dog relieve itself on a nearby yard while the girls threw their garbage out of the minivan that the local constabulary advised me that I had to pick up my garbage. He told me it was Earth Day so Iwent home and threw all of my spring cleaning shit into the creek besides my house. It will dilute, won’t it.

5:52 pm April, 22 Nancy Dreuche said...

@RevChad 5:17p, you’re gonna get the nature bushes in an uproar over that post. They’ll come at you hard with their matronly bingo arms a swingin’. I at least hope you celebrated 4-20 by smoking a garbage bag full of weed Rev. Or else I would be disapointed to call you my “internet dealer just in case everyone I know dies and I need a hook up.”

5:58 pm April, 22 Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky said...

Earth Day is for chumps. I, for one, feel no elation at being an earthling. I am dangerously close to renouncing my citizenship, to become a homeless, wandering expatriate. It’s been raining here for two weeks, the temp is 46F. I look out of my hovel at flooded fields and swollen creeks, gray skies & miserable birds building sodden nests of shoelaces and aluminum foil. The hatchlings fall to the soggy mud and disappear into the primordial ooze of desperation and futility.
I’m as despondent as Kathy Bates when she realized that Paul Sheldon didn’t really love her. Crestfallen.
Fuck the Earth.
I have so conditioned myself that I can ingest shards of Plexiglas with no ill effects. It does not pass through my digestive tract, but is completely dissolved by the hallucinogenic & hydrochloric acids I have stored in my pancreas since the time of my troubled childhood.
Viewing Ass Pear seductively flossing her snatch with a logging chain heartens me some, but it may take Prozac, strong weed and NyQuil to lift me from these depths.

6:11 pm April, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

420 never ends. My kids are half stoned when they go to school, but they eat well and laugh all the time.
.
^Cheer up Mr. Downer Pants.

6:19 pm April, 22 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Mr. Happy Go Lucky with Hermit-like features. Maybe you should eat more bran?

6:32 pm April, 22 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

I like the tatt of the Dwight D. Eisenhower bust on Bropec’s right pec. Not sure what “Unconditional” refers to, except for maybe unconditional economic growth in 1950’s America. Nice touch, Bropec.

7:09 pm April, 22 Douchey the Great said...

As I looked at the pic and realized that this douche has Pumpito’s boobs, aka bigger tits than the girl he is with, I give you props DB1 for pressing on with the Friday Thoughts.

7:46 pm April, 22 Vin Douchal said...

I like Crazy eyed hot chick that brings the psycho sexy. She’s cute. She’s funny. I like funny. That way when she laughs at your sexual performance you can just think of it as her sense of humor talking

9:52 pm April, 22 Darksock said...

Bropec for Golden Globes 2011. sSon.

6:41 am April, 23 Tony Ventresca said...

Elizabeth Sladen, hottie in her day and the only Companion that Tom Baker didn’t treat like shit.

7:13 am April, 23 Greek-God-like bodies and masculine features said...

Brothabag needs to back of bench pressing for about 2 months. That or remove his peck implants. I’d still wreck his ass……oh yes I would.

7:36 am April, 23 Hermit said...

Bropec’s nipples remind me of a young milk cow I once had a brief romance with some years back. She had big brown eyes with long lashes and a pleasant disposition. Her brown, downward-pointing nipples flowed with a cream so udderly sweet you’d swear it was the bovine nectar of Greek mythology.
I used to feed her raisins from an antique ceramic bowl.
She was always willing, and like a compliant mare, would move her tail to one side when approached from the rear.
But, alas, her father was rather bull-headed and would never approve of our inter-species relationship.

8:29 am April, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Hermit 7:36a, peeing in horse’s butts is one thing, but sex with cows is just gross. Maybe you should have tried to milk her Dad to get on his good side though.

9:34 am April, 23 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Sweet Don Rickles tattoo.
.
Mira is from the magical island of the Brazilippines. Sadly it’s only a matter of time before a steady diet of the national dish, bacon wrapped bacon with clotted cream, catches up to her and she swells up like a puffer fish.

9:44 am April, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

@McCrudeshoes, good to see you again. I’m sure she may also enjoy a certain recipe my dear troll me posted here awhile back. Deep fried cinnamon loaf topped with creme fraiche. Mmmm mmm. Down it and then chase it with a glass of Hermit’s girlfriend’s teat juice and you’ve got yourself a nice little meal.

10:02 am April, 23 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Nancy I’ve been battling radioactive pirates for the Wold Security Organization while completing my doctoral thesis on quantum dynamic climatology. But I’ve returned to bask in the radiance of you and your sock puppets. It’s worth it, even it costs me that third Nobel.

11:17 am April, 23 Troy Tempest said...

Russell Brand is total ass, but this interview is fucking brilliant and well worth watching as he deconstructs the fame machine.

11:30 am April, 23 massengill said...

I think Brian Williams is hilarious. He did a similar bit at the end of last year, panning both hipsters and the NY Times at once.

http://video.ca.msn.com/watch/video/brian-williams-media-story-of-2010-ny-times-discovers-brooklyn/17y31vwo0

12:12 pm April, 23 Hermit said...

@ Nancy 8:29,
.
Even my limited scruples preclude fellating an angry bull to influence his decision-making process.

11:21 am April, 24 Dr.Douche said...

The douche : “Yoooowww ma’ boobs are bigger than the chick next to me dawg!!”

2:55 pm April, 24 Steve L. said...

Faces of Death was fake, y’know.
now if only the Faces of Cochella was fake too…
*sob*

2:57 pm April, 24 Steve L. said...

oh and Dr. Who has sure come a long way.

8:32 pm April, 24 Kamagra said...

I only hope a member of the relatives or a true mate is there to lend support, guidance as well as a shelter to stay at. The mournful truth though is that when the money is gone & the party

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