Friday, April 29, 2011

Friday Thoughts and Links

Rare shall we witness the unholy triumvirate of Douche Nipple Lick, Douche Hand Gesture, and Douche Kissy Lips all commingling in one overpriced Vegas shanty town.

Let us hope this image doth not pass before our eyeseth again.

No idea why I’m talking like I’m James Earl Jones’s flunky in Conan The Destroyer.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB Book Pick of the Week: “Feeling extremely foolish, the acting representative of Homo Sapiens watched his First Contact stride away across the Raman Plain, totally indifferent.”

The woo hotties from Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World debate why hot chicks date douchebags (starts 1:30 in).

Sure most movies have larger budgets. Actors who can act. Sets. Sound design. Catering for the crew. But where other movies lack in heart, inspiration, creativity and 80s era Dungeons and Dragons memory, The One Warrior pwns them all.

The brilliant Louis C.K. busts some Oldbaggery.

Speaking of quality comedians, here’s the late, great Mitch Hedberg at the top of his form.

For those of you keeping up with the story of the douchebag with the monster truck who killed someone outside of a strip club (and you know who you are), here are the latest updates from this breaking story.

‘Nuff of that link stuff. Here’s your pear:

Bicycle Repear.

Chomp. Fondle. Chomp.

For the weekend is uponst. And Adonai looked upon it, and it was good.

# posted by douchebag1
12:36 pm April, 29 Anonymous said...

Thank you, Bicycle Repear Man!!

12:40 pm April, 29 Anonymous said...

Too bad about the gut, but that’s a great side boob reveal.

12:52 pm April, 29 wonderdouche twin said...

I would gladly put some miles in that saddle!

12:56 pm April, 29 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Heh…fat bottomed girls make the world go round….

1:02 pm April, 29 Anonymous said...

When trouble strikes at any time and any place . . .

BICYCLE REPAIR MAN!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U01xasUtlvw&feature=related

1:12 pm April, 29 Deltus said...

I want to be reincarnated as her bicycle shorts.

1:31 pm April, 29 mr.reeve said...

Repear makes up for the gunt in the picture above.

1:47 pm April, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Gunt girls gargle gism generously, genuinely, gingerly, and gratuitously with gravelly groans. Gotta getta gunt. And nice holy. holesome, hirsute horns, Henrietta. Son.

1:53 pm April, 29 Douchelexic said...

That main pic of Fedora Frank with the bleeth licking his chest is a little disturbing. Fortunately, some Bicyle Repear and a classic Conan reference balanced things out.

2:03 pm April, 29 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

DB1 You forgot AB REVEAL, not that he’s got any, but it’s the move…

2:04 pm April, 29 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Kind of like “if there is an ab reveal in the forest, but there are none is it still an ab reveal?”

2:22 pm April, 29 Wedgie said...

Damn, Tubby, cover that shit up. Pregnant bitch ruined this pic.

2:57 pm April, 29 Mr. Biggs said...

Oh Dear God. That bicycle seat just adds to the stiffie. Do they have this in a poster size?

Louis CK is good too.

3:23 pm April, 29 Geoffrey said...

One of the best pears

3:30 pm April, 29 Stephanie said...

Honey,there’s no milk coming out of that nip.

4:24 pm April, 29 ehcuodouche said...

That Ellen does good things for my Wong.

4:24 pm April, 29 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Stephanie, gold. As per usual.
.
I applaud the Scott Pilgrim clip where the one actress states that we all are capable of being douchebags, male and female. That’s the reason right there to not put the hott on the pedestal. Hott chicks can be douchebags. More often then not their behavior is douchier than some dudes. But since most dudes on this site are looking to score with the hott, exceptions are made. Such is life. So with that I hope noone takes this site too seriously because the only way to truly change things would be to collectively mock douchey behavior no matter who does it. Otherwise you’re just pissing in the wind. Which is entertaining to watch, but not that effective.

6:27 pm April, 29 Guns-N-Douches said...

Fucknutz douchebag with the monster truck is a good example of the turds that inhabit Dallas. There’s a fuckload of douche here, I’d say it runs only second to Las Vegas for douche-per-capita.

Douche to the core.

6:34 pm April, 29 DarkSock said...

I want to be her bicycle, I want to be her bike;
I want to be her bicycle, and lick her like a dyke.

8:34 pm April, 29 Mr. Biggs said...

I know I’m not the only one who thinks the way lady bikers flirt their asses over the bicycle seat is just heaven.

5:44 am April, 30 The great Bagdini said...

Early contender for a Douchie, i don’t care what category.

8:04 am April, 30 mr.reeve said...

Sock, are you still drunk from the Saints draft picks? I would be if I was a fan. SON

12:02 pm April, 30 tall guy said...

Agree with Nancy Dreuche @ 4:24 4/29

Many hott chicks do act douchie. Well documented fact. And the collective mock from respective genders to one of their own douching it up is about equal too. One reason I believe us guys don’t happen to notice such things is because we are too poisoned with testosterone to notice anything but the hotts butt. Age, dare I say maturity, has made it possible for me to observe such things with a benign detachment. Almost.

2:54 pm April, 30 Nancy Dreuche said...

@tall guy, thank you for being vulnerable and admitting culpability in letting the hott chicks have an easier ride. I only bring up this point to warn you guys, not to be a femenazi buzzkill. I have taken advantage of the easier ride before. I have treated guys poorly because I knew they liked my looks and it didn’t matter what I did. My poor ex boyfriend of 7 years suffered the wrath of my doucheyness all because I kept testing the theory. He would not leave me no matter how much of a taint I was to him. But that was 9 years ago and I have grown a ton since then. I spent a lot of time on my own and dated here and there but nothing serious because I didn’t want to do the
same thing to another guy by being self centered and douchey. And part of me still feels guilty (I peaced out after the wedding invitations arrived. Hey, at least it wasn’t at the alter.) So as penance I try to warn guys I see in similar situtations. Do not let the hott chick walk all over you. It doesn’t mean doing that stupid thing where you make her self conscious about an imperfection by putting her down constantly or any of that other game bullshit (that says more about your own insecurity than hers) it just means don’t let her treat you like garbage and just treat her like any other person. And I definitely respect guys who don’t treat hott women differently than other women because that usually means they are more mature.

2:56 pm April, 30 Sir David Douchenborough said...

That gentleman in the picture looks like clammy eel that has adapted for terrestrial landscapes. That, or he is what would happen if Today’s Special accidentally animated the gender-ambiguous mannequin in the department store (Context for that reference here)
.
Would one consider the Green Ranger proto-douche? I dunno. He kicked ass when I was 9. I was really hoping he would summon the dragon with a flute, really in that clip. Supposedly, the actor has his own dojo now complete with his own style of martial art.
.
How serendipitous to have bicycle repear girl with such great cycling weather. I might just stroll out to see those taught temptresses stream along like an elegant, serene river of ravashing beauties along the waterway paths. For Bicycle Repear Girl, I would do The Tour De France in a tricycle with square tires if it meant I was able to adjust her seat.
.
And Hat Tip to Ms. Dreuche again. Indeed, there are some traits of douchbaggery that are not sex specific.

3:21 pm April, 30 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Sir David, thank you. And thank you for the Today’s Special flash back. I used to watch that as a kid and then stare at the JC Penny’s department store mannequin and wait for it to come to life. Yeah, it didn’t happen. Glad to hear its sunny skies in your neck of the Canadian woods.

4:48 pm April, 30 DouchYouWannaDance said...

DB1,

A Tip on the YouTube vids. You can link to the exact point in a video by adding “#at=nnn” at the end of the URL, where “nnn” is the exact time in seconds that you wish to jump to.

Hope this helps.

5:01 pm April, 30 DarkSock said...

@ Mr. Reeve –
.
Yeah….After that I’m hoping for a strike. Where’d mah damn paper sack go?

1:08 am May, 1 Guid is Good said...

In the future there will be only two kinds of people – monster truck drivers and strippers. SON.

3:22 pm May, 1 Medusa Oblongata said...

RE monster truck driver and the pending lawsuit:
Not to ignite a debate here or anything, but suing a bar for overserving makes as much sense as suing a restaurant for overfeeding. The job of the bar is to serve you alcohol. Alcohol gets you drunk. It’s the responsibility of the individual to determine if he/she has had too much. It’s the responsibility of the police to arrest drunk drivers. It’s awful that people get killed by drunk drivers, but such is the price one pays for life in a free society.
.
My recommendation would be to sell that silly-ass truck, give the money to the family, and then make him be Dad’s personal gardener/punching bag for about 20 years. That’s sorta fair.

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