HCwDB of the Month
It’s a brand new week and your humble narrator is ready to rumble. So lets crank it up. Lets get things poppin’. Lets mock some choad and lust their hotts.
I need you. To bring it. Here’s your nominees:
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: The Poos Brothers and Terézia
Classic Vegas schroad?
Perhaps.
But the Twinbaggery is stereo, and not just Stereodouchtonic.
The Poos Brothers are bringing the stupid face.
Terézia has brought the creepily yet sexily high belly button pooch belly into play.
Together they form the alchemy of a pure hottie/douchey mixture of frothy alpaca cud.
But enough to win the Monthly?
Lets see what else we have. Oh yeah, this one:
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: Minnesota Marnie and Dieter
Dieter is so wrong, a euphretes desert gecko named Ron just shed six layers of skin and coughed up a half digested cricket roach.
Which is pretty damn wrong.
If you think about it.
Minnesota Marnie isn’t impressed by Hyundais.
But she is impressed by tasty soda pop on television sets.
I have no idea what I’m saying. Lets move on:
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Mister Zebracrotch and Karnie
Oldsack.
Hangs like lumpy oatmeal in the breeze.
Marnie wants money.
That wasn’t a haiku. It was simple truth, W.H. Auden style.
Because when people mess with me, like Zebracrotch embracing quality lady kind, then I bust the ole’ English poet inspired quality smackdown free verse.
Like 8 Mile.
Only with more Longfellow.
Speaking of Longfellow, where’s Bubbles? Maybe she can help me straighten it out.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: The Tardopoulous Brothers and Stephanie McGee
The second of our two Tag Team Douchers in the Monthly Finals, the Tardopoulous Brothers are East Coast “Brah!” pudwankery.
In fact, Vegas oddsmakers figure they might split “bros” the vote, letting one of the other nominees slip in for the win.
Are the oddsmakers correct?
Or can the tonguey punchworthiness of the Tardopolous and the tasty boobie bouncy of Stephanie McGee triumph (lose)?
That’s where I need you to come in.
Only one of these four can make the Yearly.
And it must be the best, choadiest slice of wrongness of the four.
Which rises to the top (bottom) of the pile?
Vote, as ever, in the comments thread.
This month seems a little bit weak in the “HC” area. I’ll have to go with Zebracrotch and Karnie. Duck face and all. Dieter scares the living bejebus out of me. But Marnie is quite average.
You got that right, Ted brogan.
But it’s Stephanie McGee FTW.
My vote goes for Stephanie and whoever is with Stephanie. Mmmmm, boobs….
Stephanie’s boobies makes me think of all the ways I would like to soil those fun bags.
The douches make me think how to soil myself after a weekend of tequilla and burritos.
The Brothers Poo and Terézia are higher on my list than her navel is on her torso. Her belly button is so high when she got it pierced her insurance paid for it as a tracheotomy. The PooBros are a stereophonic fecal Bronado.
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PooBros & Terézia FTW.
What up fellow super sleuths? Votin’ time! I’m gonna go with the Poos Bros and Teréhighbellybuttona. She looks like the sweetest of the hotts and the least deserving of the douchbag double team. Save her baghunters, because I’m sure on the scale you aren’t as douchey as these two. But you could always submit a pic and a brief description of yourself for my official ruling.
If Marnie were only a bit hotter, I’d vote for Deiter. Because he’s what a turd looks like after a full blown beer and cheeto orgy.
Zebracrotch, yeah, well that hair and that stupid mankini, but at least he looks like he’s having fun.
Last I checked, this site was called Hot Chicks With Douchebags, not Real Dolls with Douchbags, although that might be a worthy alternative name for this sight given some of the beauties to grace these pages. So that means I can’t vote for Stephanie.
So my vote goes to the Poos brothers Terezia’s glorious belly button.
there is only one quality Hott on the ballot and that’s terezia. too bad she’s with poos brothers, but that’s where my vote goes…
Mister Zebracrotch, is the most original of the bunch, and gets my vote.
Hots be damned, Dieter is a stain, a greasy foul smudge in the alley of douche. D FTW.
Tardopolous brothers.
Fuzzy-tongued douchebags if ever I’ve seen ’em.
The Poos Brothers think they’re all “gangsta and shit like Frank Sinatra.” Terezia thinks she can escape a former Soviet Block country with her hotness. Only one of the three is correct.
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Poos Bros and Terezia.
Terézia is the only actual Hott here this time, as Stephanie McGee seems more like a parody of one than an actual hott. Nice boobage though. Terézia’s natural curves and nice smile make the two chunderheads next to her that much more offensive. Hopefully they trundled off to play sword swallower shortly after this photo was snapped.
Terézia carries the ‘win’.
The Tardopoulous Brothers
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The punchworthy factor is so strong with them that the emotion completely overwhelmed me and broke me. Now I’m just a little depressed zoloft lump and didn’t even hit the screen.
Minnesota Marnie and Dieter FTW.
Orange skin, pink lips, duck face, dress shirtless vest, sculpted brows. Dieter is the Lucky Charms or douches. Packed full of your daily requirement of ass wankery.
^^^^^”Of” not “or” ^^^^^
Poos Bros FTW. Something about those stupid fucking hats they have on and the smug look on their faces make we want to set them on fire and put them out using a pitch fork.
The Poos Bros are the silly two-headed elephant in the room, and by that I wish I could vote for Stephanie’s McGees.
The Poos Bros are on a mission from God FTW.
Zebracrotch
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Boy that Son of Enoch, Grandfather of Noah, Methusala sure could pull some tail. Son.
Them there’s sum shiney cannon balls on Stephanie, but she looks like a kewpie doll, where as Terézia just looks like a whole big bag more of svelt, perky fun. And speaking of big bags, we gots the chest tat, sun goggles, ear bling, gi-normous watch, white belt, and shit-eating grin. OH, and Terézia, who looks like a whole big bag more of svelt, perky fun. Speaking of big bags….Wait…Poos Brothers and Terézia FTW
Tereza and the Poos brothers FTM. Her breasts are perky, her smile is innocent and kind, and yes, her belly button is unusually high- but thats ok, because she is a bubble of gyspy-cuteness in an otherwise Lo-hott month. The Poo brothers, unlike Deiter and Zebra(who are freakish anomalies), are real-world scotums who pose a very real stench threat in your very neighbourhood. Yes, you’ve seen them ‘illin beachside mackin on hotts and crankin thumpin beats, and yes, it pissed you off. They need to be slapped on their smarmy faces by a large wet fish
Let us remember the name of the site. Here we have douchebags all, but the hottest chick is Stephanie McGee, and her winning (losing) douchebags illicit feelings of hate, loathing and nausea. Dieter, while clearly a douchebag, is just pitiful. Terezia is slightly less hot than Steph but the Poos Bros also illicit feelings of pity and other, less intense emotions. True, award winning douchebags should be hated, not pitied.
You’ve gotta admire anyone who can pull of camouflage and a tiara in the same outfit and still look good.
Steph FTW.
The Poos Brothers and Terézia FTW, for she is save worthy.
It will have to be the Poos or Tardopolous brothers, because the other pictures just make me sad.
The Tards get the edge based on douchal signifiers. They also are more punchworthy and inciting of violence to otherwise harmless forest creatures. And boobies.
it’s going to be a tard-slide. no real competition this month.
Not since Millenium Bag has a bag disturbed me like Dieter.
But it’s Poos and UTF-8 Terezia ftm. Poos #1 is working his speed bag and Poos #2 has to bring his sister’s watch back to her tomorrow.
What a great lineup of scrotal shame!
And by great I mean, a group that had my gag reflex going a gaga.
Dieter is all that made the Third Reich unholy and worthy of eternal damnation — like a young Joseph Goebbels with bronzer — may he forever be condemned to fake and bake in the oven of his choice.
That being said, Stephanie is just too damn hot and the Tard Bros. are offensive even by Nazi Youth Camp standards….so they take the prize….and by prize I mean Stephanie and the Tardopolous Bros. FTW…after which the dudes need to be euthanize d…or be condemned to share the rest of their lives in a small dingy cell, applying lotion to Dieter’s ever-more-crusty epidermis whilst he softly sings Edelweiss to them and dreams of Der Fuhrer.
It’s hard to believe this,but Dieter actually smells,the smells are coming out of my screen, it’s so bad. Or is that my husband silent farting again? I cannot believe Marnie rubs up against that stain!
The Poos Brothers and Terézia FTW
Terézia = wet dream
No further explanation needed
Zebra crotch
It looks like I’m the only one who voted for Dieter…this is just another example of why Democracy simply doesn’t work.
I’m flummoxed on this one: Dieter is the cruellest, most foul-tempered rodent I’ve ever layed eyes on, and seems a virtual shoe-in for the Closet of Poo, and sweet sweet Stephanie, with her cascading boucles d’ors flowing down between those bountiful, huge tracts of land. The picture I keep staring at is Steph while the picture I scroll by the fastest to prevent myself from vomiting all over my screen is the cheeto-turd Dieter. Since this site is all about the mock, it’s Marnie and Dieter FTW
Laid. Damn it!
The Poos Brothers and Terézia FTW! Why? She is so hot and has the jebus bling that the power of Christ compels her to immolate the turd monkey next to her and the soon to be ass hat behind her. Jackals and baghunters and ‘huntresses rejoice at her site for for she is the offal maker that cleanses the palate AND the eyes.
BTW: is Dieter even a dude?
Wethinks more proof is required….
For me it comes down to the Poos / Terézia and Tardopolous / Stephanie. Stephanie’s cleavite can not be denied and she has a sweet face, which is thrown into stark contrast sandwiched between a couple of pasty mongoloid bros, but I think the Poos and Terézia edge them out. Where the Tards have no pretensions, Poos try to latch on to the 50s Vegas classiness of the Rat Pack with their fedoras, but below the eyebrows it’s all douche. Big glasses, chin shrubs, chest tats, bling and 6 pound watches signify these guys as solid stage-3 Vegas choads. And oh Terézia, curvy and supple, and the one thing that really edges her out over Stephanie is the 95% naked body with the rosary. That really speaks to the latent Catholic guilt in me when I imagine those breasts heaving with a cross between them.
#4 gets my vote Double Damn Douches and Biggest Bestest Boobies FTW.
I vote Dieter. I always go with whichever face is most worthy of a shovel.
Wow this is like choosing between four different flavors of ice cream. Each brings such unique qualities to the table. And by qualities I mean boobs.
My first impulse is to go with oldbag. This is based on the “crime against nature” rubric. The others are bad but not as offensive.
My boner would like to for The Poos Brothers and Terézia
Mister Zebracrotch and Karnie
for the win
Tits McGee ( no one picked up on that , good one Db1) is soft fleshie-goodness coated in dainty little bootie socks, lacey underbritches and squeaky tee hee’s looking for a tatted up, sideways cap wearing white rapper types, as shown here.
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She’ll live this moment down in her middle age. Her parents will live down wasting their money on classical violin lessons.
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She’s Auto-Bleeth just being in the room with the schmegtacular Tardopoulousesesses much less posing happily with her dreamboats.
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Steph and Bro’s for the month and a good paddeling.
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Hey Steph, call me
I’m with Terézia and her (twin) merits on this one. Are there douches in that pic? I don’t care… Wait, actually I do. Why God, why?
Got to go with #2 (Dieter) on this one.
The Poos Brothers and Terézia.
Tardopolous, though Stephanie may not have “it,” the Tardopolous have it in spades. And by spades, I mean I want to hit them with a spade.
Stephanie ftw
No brainer: Stephanie and those noxious bros.
The camoflage NYY cap and the pierced tongue cannot be denied.
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Neither can Stephanie McGee’s boobies. Yum.
FTW.
If I vote towards the baggiest bags, I would have to go with the Tard Bros. Douchehats, hand signals, tongue out, overall douchetude. Steph isn’t hard on the eyes, she just looks more manufactured. And there appears to be not a whole lot going on upstairswise. But hey, sometimes dumb is better. The easier to shake ’em after you hit it. And of course by hit it, I mean angry badger style-coitus.
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If I vote towards the hottest hott, it would have to go towards Téřéźíá. First she looks exotic. Like Spanish or something, and even if she’s not she could pretend she was of Spanish if you needed her to. I bet she just has to say ¡Hola! and its instant cream jeanage for dudes. Yeah there’s the belly button thing, but c’mon, that’s it. She’s got the smile, she’s got the bod, she’s got low standards (Exhibit A: Hangin’ out with these two.), she’s playing the sexy religious angle (one of my
favs) which all in all makes her real world attainable. Even you
gentle reader, have a chance at bangin’ this chick.
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And so I remain undecided.
^Das dude, um this where we vote so like, peddle your wares elsewhere.
What Roulette said!
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And Tits McGee for the win. Lordy, them some bubbly nubblies. And those are some toxic douchies.
Is there any HCwDB rule against stuffing the box?
I REALLY wanna stuff Terézia’s box and I want to give her this win so she might like me later. C’mon guys!
@FDR 5:31p you do what you gotta do to get your candidate into your orifice,er office.
My impressions:
Dieter reminds me of the strangely tanned, ambiguously lesbian, middle aged waitress that would serve me in early mornings and local divey diner. Maybe i missed the memo that the new androgynous look is to be a blonde, tanned Annie Lennox tweaked to as far as that I can see, but anyway.
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The Tard brothers do present me with a compelling case, but I have to think on a larger scale. Something tells me, Stephanie McGee was on some sort of bachelorette party, and when it comes to parties such as those, the aim is to get photographic evidence of the most willfully embarrassing coupling. This fits the bill, but I am hardly convinced that Stephanie McGee is finding any comfort in this picture. If anything, she is just doing this on a whim soon after, she is going sext high school dropout turned personal trainer, Chad in hopes he will get leave Hooters and drive over in his pickup to console her.
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No, there has to be a mutualism going on, and The Poo Brothers and Térezia fit the bill. We should all recall the absolute folly of the Stereodoucetonic twins and their inexplicable love for TMNT water bottles. But, there were women still drawn to them like this picture. In fact, Térezia reminds me of those innocent girls who took weekend Confirmation courses with me in my junior high days: They would bring their rosaries and profess to the Catholic priest their undying commitment to Catholic Doctrine. But we would all know that they were just doing it for show for their parents and the priest, and the minute they were confirmed, they would make it straight for The Brothers Poo in all their Protestant edginess. Nowadays though, Térezia cannot avoid them, and the signifiers are all there. Compared to the others, the key is to pick out just out incongruous the props and spectacle is. The Turd brothers can get away with it if they are at a house party or club. But, I mean, who on Earth wears a freakin’ fedora to a pool? Unless you have a 5 piece jazz band tucked away by the swim up bar and you are about to jump onto the trumpet to play me Yardbird Suite, Peanut Vendor, Duke Ellington, or Charlie Parker, you are an automatic douche. The white belt and the white glasses are a nice touch. It is nice to know that some twins lack any originality. What was Paul Poo Brother doing in the background, thinking that if he dressed just like his brother Peter Poo that in a moment of relapse they would just tag team Térezia? Because that would have been creepy, really creepy.
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The Poo Brothers and Térezia because Opus Dei would have a freakin’ field day and reenact The Inquisition if they found out their innocent soon-to-be-non-virgin members of the Church were about to descend into such scrotological sin.
In the biggest landslide victory since the 49ers throttled the Broncos 55-10, the Tard Brothers and Steph FTW. That’s right, bitches…Super Bowl 24 reference. Also, assuming she’s legal, can I get an early HoH nomination for Ms. McGee and all of her silicon-enhanced goodness? In the highly possible event that she’s jailbait…well…whatever…
Tard & Steph are classic HCwDB.
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but Zebracrotch is evil.
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EVIL. like Dracula.
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therefore, i must vote for Zebracrotch.
Well don’t I feel special being on here. I vote zebra crotch FTW
^You feel lumpy to me. You should get that shit checked. Especially with hair and teeth growing out of it like that.
Our little hotessa McGee, with her curly locks, bodacious tatas, and sweet indifference to the foul stench of douchness that surrounds her, takes the prize.
Zebracrotch and Karnie.
Morty has put in the hard yards with his 3 x-ray clinics and now it is time to party. Karnie looks like she can provide all types of fun – for a price.
Boy, this is a tough one, DB1.
I guess I vote those two douchebag POO BROTHERS and their HOT CHICK TEREZIA, but only because they are all a bunch of friendly douchies and I’m in a friendly mood.
And cuz my bro once named his two Siamese cats Jake and Elwood.
And Terezia seems like a friendly pussy.
I gotta go with:
The Poos Brothers and Terézia
The ultra-high naval placement on Terezia is really freaking me out in a third nipple kinda freakishly sexual way!!
Dieter is horrendous, but his is a wrongness too Euro to be a serious contender. He is doubtlessly foul though, and should be keel hauled, tarred and feathered then beaten-up for good measure.
Now I’m guessing the Brothers Poo are always in formation. I find that irritating in the extreme. The signifiers such as dumb hats, 10lb watch, oversized shades (worn anywhere, anytime) and stupid outline tatt quoting some redundant passage from a cartoon are only icing on the cake, and Terézia is a cake I’d like to cut with my pork sword.
Poos for the win!
Down by the jetty, I cast my vote for Mr Zebracroth Snr, because we must save Karnie before she slips into the irretrievable Stage 4.
The Poos Brothers are so noxious they actually have fumes pouring off them.
I am going with The Tardopoulous Brothers and Stephanie McGee because in my experience guys with pierced tongues give great head. Titts McGee’s boobies are gonna be around her waste when she hits 30 by the way.
Still love the cocck. Still love the boys……..
my vote goes to the james franco twins (poobros)
The Tardopoulous Bros and Stephanie’s glorious funbag motorboat flesh ride bouncy bouncy heaving jiggling swollen member inducing love mounds of awesome FTW.
The TardBros and Stephanie because, what else, boobies.
I cast my lot for The Tardopoulous Bros and Stephanie. The Bros are only just now beginning their journey of great annoyance, like the fresh piles of poo that I find on my lawn each morning. I KNOW ITS YOUR F*CKING DOG DAVE! KEEP IT IN YOUR OWN YARD ASS FACE! And like that poo they will shrivel and darken as they age until life takes a shovel to them and tosses them into the trash or, as in my case, on to Dave’s front porch.
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And Stephanie. I will rub my head against your taught melons, until the squeaking noises make you giggle and krinkle your nose, and the static causes my pubic hairs to stand on end. Yours would stand on end too, if you had any.
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Tardopoulous Bros for the shovel and Stephanie for my boner.
Dieter is just a frikkin alien lovechild, and Zebra is his daddy. The Poos bros are only low level dualouche. But Stephanie is championship material. And by championship, I mean “hang my medal AND the flag on DIS!”
I always thought the term “smoking turd” was metaphorical, but The Poos Brothers and Terézia offer photographic evidence of this phenomena. Terézia, despite the gravity-defying location of ‘s oddly placed belly button, and the Poos Brothers ftw.
Yike, can’t say the hotts are blowing up my skirt this month. Stephanie McGee just looks like she’s not that bright, and Karnie’s a baguette (though she’s a hot baguette). I’m going with Minnesota Marnie and Dieter, because I am positive she is prettier than this picture would suggest, and he’s a gigantic piece of orange poo.
Can’t get enough of Stephanie — taut, tanned, curly hair, seriously yummy blouse hammers.
Anybody else want to take a Black & Decker nail gun and shoot it through Asshat’s tongue, against the wall, so that generations of regular dudes can give this guy the continuous nad kicks he so richly deserves? Line forms to the left. Wear the steel-tipped boots.
I’m going to go against type: I love redheads, and Terézia, Marnie and Karnie are various shades of red. Actually, they may use the same hair color.
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Thus Stephanie McBoobs FTW. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. And by best of times, I mean “boobs”. And by worst of times, I mean “The Brothers Tardopoulous”.
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Son.
zeeba-krotch is most foul…karnie most alluring
Minnesota Marnie and Dieter just ever so slightly edge out Guy Fieri and that other chick. What the hell is Dieter? He looks like a Billy Idol head got stuck on a Stretch Armstrong and left in the microwave for twenty minutes.
I want to give my vote to the one who needs it the most. That one is Stephanie, since her her bust and IQ are roughly the same, she doesn’t have a whole lot else going for her. Except looking adorable in a tiara.
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HoH nomination.
The Poos Brothers and Terézia should certainly win. The teal goddess of eastern europe has a tummy I could bounce a quarter off and most likely a trunk to boot; maybe even get a little gnaw on before the brothers return.
Those brothers… one has “Kill with .45 Slug in Case of Escape” Tattooed on his chest while the other one anxiously watches out for bounty hunters who can smell the pud miles away.
Gotta go with the Tard Bros. Douchetastic in every possible way. The Poos are Stage 2 or Stage 3 dbags. Oldbag is barely worth a mention. And I prefer real-life douche to the obviously surreal douche that is the yellow guy.
It’s a disgusting quadoucheple on offer this week, and they all deserve a loser’s trophy. But the Poo Brothers take it away…their retro douche hats, made popular by Uberdouche and Hollywood Puke of the moment Charlie Sheen, are so timely. And Terézia is so hot I have to put my laptop in the ice box to cool it down.
Tard Brothers and Stephanie. I can’t decide which hand gesture is more poorly executed, or whose headwear is more unforgivable. Stephanie would give me a one-time, drunken hug at a frat party, which I would inevitably read too much into and embarrass myself over at a future date.
The Poos and Terézia. She makes the difference.