Monday, April 4, 2011

HCwDB of the Week: Mister Zebracrotch and Granddaughter Karnie

Last week was a maelstrom of douchelickery, perfect mammtasteries, creepy Miami beachery, pitch perfect dress-up douchebaggery, and even some classic Jerz.

We had visits from former Weekly Winning trainwrecks The Greasepitz and Night Oranger, and even mocked us a Sports Junkie from the metro-D.C. area.

But, in the end, Zebra crotch display on orange oldsaggery and lithe chewtoy barely legal hottie hott takes the win (loss). For while Oldbaggery often finds its champions, and while I came thisclose to giving it to Wimpy the Cinch Sack and Genevieve, I just couldn’t ignore this toxic example of crudboatwankery and perky hott combo.

For, the thing is, Zebracrotch cannot be excused as dress up or ironobaggery. Zebracrotch is genuinely orange, saggy, stupid puka shelled, and posing like a ninny.

Together with Tasty Karnie, who’s majoring in dead languages and likes old movies with Bogie and Bacall, hers is a giggle wasted on old trash pudwackery.

And that, fellow hunters and huntresses, is what we are here to mock, even as it congeals into hardened arteries and saggy creepy awkwardness at the school P.T.A. meetings.

And by congeals, I mean bacterially spreads like a pre-John Maddened foot fung.

Chalk up Mister Zebracrotch and Karnie for our third slot in the next Monthly, and the DB1 for coffee and a tasty Hostess pie.

# posted by douchebag1
7:25 am April, 4 Wheezer said...

I knew I should’ve gone to work today. Now my monitor smells like Doan’s Pills and Ben-Gay.

7:27 am April, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The 80 year old total shave is very gauche. She is a cutie. Anyway, the doc told me to relax until he calls so I’ve been getting a nice pre-rehab drunken buzz going and watching things like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bd-sfqzFdmk.

7:31 am April, 4 RAPETIME said...

Well, now this is very interesting. I had a bad feeling this would happen someday.

I know her.

That’s all I’m gonna say.

7:45 am April, 4 DarkSock said...

Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop slashing my armpit and stuffing meth bricks into the wounds.

8:51 am April, 4 Mayor McDouche said...

I’ll tell you what, it’s a dad gum honor to receive this award, dang ‘ol honor, I’ll tell you what.
Boomhauer

8:56 am April, 4 That girl said...

…whatever.

8:58 am April, 4 Wheezer said...

“Boomhauer! I can’t understand a word you’re sayin’…..
.
.
.
.
.
…..it’s gotta be the echo!”

9:13 am April, 4 Banana Hammock said...

I still think that Regis should lay off the Zima

9:40 am April, 4 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Rutger Hauer’s come a long way since Blade Runner. You’d think he’d have bought a shirt by now.

10:17 am April, 4 smackdouche said...

Does the orangeness of the beverage cause the orangeness of the bag? Is he trully orange on the inside? That’s commitment my friend.

11:04 am April, 4 DarkSock said...

Scrotato FTW…”Ye betta get it up…Ya can’t play if yeh don’t pay…*Kaf-kaff…*

11:44 am April, 4 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Deer Tasty Karnie
.
I’m not nearly as old, as grey, as orange, as hairless, or (sadly) as rich as Zebracrotch. But I am better looking.
.
Just sayin’, is all…

1:52 pm April, 4 Mr. Biggs said...

And a firm lesson to all who would cling to hope that douchebags ultimately burn and fall away to menial jobs and obscure poonlessness. This guy probably reproduced more than any of us could dream of, while holding none of the responsibility. And his colleagues regale him for it.
.
Chew on that.

2:55 pm April, 4 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Is it wrong for the Oldbagg to become a douche to get some? His cholesterol is high his self esteem is low. He wants to re-live his youth- but can’t quite pull in that trophy wife- so noting how some Hott are drawn to douche he decides it is cheaper to buy some hair gel and wear his ex-wife’s zebra panties to attract the feeble minded hottt. Is it wrong? Of course it is.

5:00 pm April, 4 Steve L. said...

is it okay to administer violence against seniors?
.
okay i promise i’ll be really gentle about the violence.

6:07 pm April, 4 douche equis said...

I love this man.

6:13 pm April, 4 Medusa Oblongata said...

Puke. That is all.

7:29 pm April, 4 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

He’s probably got a house on Siesta Key in Florida and is a retied German teacher from Merrillville, Indiana.
And still likes the high school frauleins.

9:01 pm April, 4 Nice plums. I can appreciate a man with a pair. Unfortunately this is no man, just your run o the mill douchebag. said...

Hes hot

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