Monday, April 4, 2011

Kevin the Loverrr

It’s important to Kevin that you pronounces his name correctly. He is not “Kevin the Lover.” He is “Kevin the Loverrrr.” You must roll the “r.” Like you’re choking on a peach pit.

The Crazy Eyes Carla Cousins suffer from both A.D.H.D. and panic attacks. So do not be concerned when they roll up your bar tab north of 200 dollars while talking about how daddy never told them he loved them and they someday dream to host a show “like Oprah.”

It’s worth it.

For the night will end with you holding back their hair while they puke in the bathroom of the nearby “Gas n’ Go.”

But for the chance to get a pokey peek at Carla #2’s heaving red bosom as that Mai Tai returns to the ocean from whence it came, it’s heartily and spiritually worth it.

# posted by douchebag1
1:39 pm April, 4 Anonymous said...

The puking hotties makes me think about a great Drive By Trucker’s Song, Three Dimes Down.

It was a straight shot
All it took was luck to not get caught
I laid three dimes down and the machine wanted 25 cents
In the back seat her and a friend,
one out the window and the other on the other end
One belt loop away from Sunday night’s news

If the part about being who he was didn’t help Tom get loose,
what’s a guy without a T. gonna get? Totally screwed,
while chicken wing puke eats the candy apple red off his Corvette
Three dimes down and 25 cents shy of a slice of the Doublemint twins
Come back baby, Rock and Roll never forgets

1:40 pm April, 4 Wedgie said...

I’d go $200……each. ‘Cuz Wedgie rolls phat in the ‘hood.
In my ’67 Dodge Charger.

1:42 pm April, 4 Wedgie said...

BTW we’ve seen these two before. I leave it to Wheezer the Jedi Master because I’m too lazy to figure it out.

1:57 pm April, 4 Mr. Biggs said...

I’d like to take notice and analyze this new trend in hottie crazy-eye, for though disturbing it is encouraging. It means the cycle of hottie attraction to douchebaggery is nearing its ungodly conclusion. For their attraction and entitlement to the overt display of cultural signifiers, and rejection of the real deal, is ultimately a departure from sanity, and the time is nigh where they can no longer get away with hiding said insanity.
First we saw it in celebrity self-destruction. Now it is cracking through the eyes of ordinary hotties. They will still cling to the pride that their love affair is more than it is, while the insanity continues to crack through the yoga’d, made-up exterior. And we shall continue to laugh and mock to its ungodly yet most entertaining end.

1:58 pm April, 4 Mr. Biggs said...

Oh, and I think it’s LOVARRR …. with an A, not an E. Get it right, losers.

2:00 pm April, 4 Mr. Biggs said...

BTW is that a chest tattoo? It looks like he’s wearing a lace negligee underneath.

2:14 pm April, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

All I can say is if I knew those two were a sure thing, especially in the blessed state of matrimony (Puke
), I would give up a few large a few times to tap thatt.
Until that day I meet them, I guess the ambulance forgot to pick me up. I will look like Captain .youtube.com/watch?v=y4XmI0eBiMQ&feature=related. Will it say Spaulding or youtube crap?

2:19 pm April, 4 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Damn, this guy must have some serious coin to be able to afford two Realdolls.

2:20 pm April, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^ I’m re tood did

2:49 pm April, 4 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Imagine if you will the Hott’s view of this tool’s grimacing faces as he reaches climax as she is slowly regaining consciousness and averts her eyes only to see his scrawny tattooed chest. She closes her eyes and the smell of mildew and gym socks lead her to conclude she is losing her virginity in the basement bachelor pad at his Mom’s house. At least she can have Coco Puffs if she sleeps over.

3:05 pm April, 4 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

Both are uberhot, despite the murderous jan brady eyes. I’d let them boil my pet rabbit.

3:08 pm April, 4 Et Tu Douche? said...

Hmmmm!!!! Carla #2’s heaving red bosom

3:13 pm April, 4 Et Tu Douche? said...

Carla #2’s heaving red bosom look very playful

3:56 pm April, 4 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Chick in the black looks like she needs her Ritalin dosage adjusted. Right now she looks like 4000 mg/day seems a bit much. I’ll bet she amped enough to try and pee in giraffe.
.
And douche boy… yeesh! His tatt thought process probably went like this: “I have $400 to spend. Hmmm. What should I do? I know, I’ll get a kick ass tatt. Yeah, a really cool one. Some abstract art or something. Yeah, I’ll be ironic AND cool. Let’s see, who should I get, who should I get? I know! That Thomas Kincaid is a real badass. He’s got all those pictures at the mall and shit. I get one of a roof on one of the cottages. Yeah, I fuckin’ rock!”

4:19 pm April, 4 Hermit said...

I’d be willing to bet fourteen Canadian dollars and a pack of Salem Extra Longs 100’s that I could snatch a dozen concord grapes with my prehensile tongue from the deep recesses of Blond Cousin Carla’s urethra in less than four minutes with both hands tied around my ankles.

5:00 pm April, 4 Hermit said...

My favorite all-time R&B artist is Urethra Franklin.
.
.
.
.

^ BTW all bets are off, if my exploring tongue happens upon a blocked fallopian tube or any hint of a hissing fetus.

5:18 pm April, 4 Steve L. said...

60.4% scotch and iterations of Oprah Winfrey DO NOT FUCKING MIX.
.
i still have an annoying boner for the Carla Cousins though. drinking is a two-way street, of sorts.

5:46 pm April, 4 Medusa Oblongata said...

Do you suppose they’re born crazy, hence they seek out the douche, or they become crazy as a result of exposure to douche? Discuss, discuss.

6:57 pm April, 4 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

The hotts are gorgeous.
The douchebag, well, what kinda guy with his basic good looks goes and gets all sorts of tacky chest tatts, then plays up the tacky with a low-cut top? At least he didn’t take it all the way down to the waistband.
It’s as if he wants big boobs, but knowing society frowns on male implants, goes for a Rosetta stone chest instead.
Translation: a true Rosetta stone three way, just like the photo shows.

7:19 pm April, 4 Wheezer said...

Kevin should’ve saved that tatt money for his receding hairline. Some ink up there might stave off the obvious for another year or so.
.
.
.
That’s what he’s considering here as the flash momentarily blinds him.

8:30 pm April, 4 creature said...

his favorite drink is weasel cockk

8:58 pm April, 4 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Hott on the left looks like the run-a-way bride. I think it’s the muppet- like googly eyes.

9:13 pm April, 4 Mr. Biggs said...

Medusa, it’s certainly a chicken and egg, vicious circle downward spiral. But ultimately I think it’s douchal taint that’s the instigator. It persists despite their protests, and soon they live in delusion of grandeur rather than recognize their corruption.

9:20 pm April, 4 DarkSock said...

@ Creature:
.
His favorite drink is Aunt Jemima mixed with shame.

9:21 pm April, 4 DarkSock said...

His favorite drink is flat Natural Light stirred with a severed bear dick.

9:24 pm April, 4 DarkSock said...

His favorite drink is Pygmy Squeezin’s® wrung out of a Snuggie® filled with the wee indigenous fellas then whopped with pool cues until wet stuff comes out. It’s legal in Arizona, and by Arizona I mean The New Mississippi®.

9:25 pm April, 4 DarkSock said...

His favorite drink is Kool-Aid with a booger in it, drank out of an old sneaker.

11:19 pm April, 4 Fatness said...

“as that Mai Tai returns to the ocean from whence it came”
.
classic.

7:20 am April, 5 I R A Darth Aggie said...

you holding back their hair while they puke
.
That ain’t happening. Hold your own hair back, you dumb scrunts!

8:18 am April, 5 Collaz B. Popped said...

Crazy eyes on the left,,,,fwapppp.

8:39 am April, 5 Merle Baggard said...

This makes me very angry. Those women are quite attractive.

10:48 am April, 5 Mr. Biggs said...

Crazy eyes … from the brain snapping contradiction that says “I’m sexually adventurous enough to bang a douchebag, but don’t you dare think lusty thoughts about me!”

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