Thursday, April 7, 2011

Your Thursday Morning Coffee Drip

You needed something to go with that donut.

Like Cyclops Mike. Who’s looking at you. And at you.

And the Cindy Sisters. Who look rather sultry, even when buying their Lee Press On Nails after Happy Hour at the Red Snapper Bar & Grill where they waitress on Tuesdays and Fridays.

# posted by douchebag1
7:25 am April, 7 Mock Jock said...

Gah, Mike’s drip is the reason I made a french press this morning. Male crazy eyes right there. He’s like a 40 year old creepy Cupie doll.
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Cindy sisters scare the bajeez outta me with the harpy nails, but I’m sure they’re really nice once you get to know them on a deeply personal level. Heheheh. Like that’s gonna happen. How bout I just buy everyone another round and we can forget I ever said anything about me ever getting to know you three as people.

7:54 am April, 7 The Reverend Chad in Rehab Jonesing said...

Sweet fuck. This is exactly the guy I don’t want to be. Smiley 45 year old pervert guy picking up girls that could be his daughter. He does pretty well at his sales manager job at the Mazda dealership, drives an RX-8, and has a nice rented apartment. The problem with Cyclops Mike is that while he may look genuinely friendly to the untrained eye, his blood rages with misogyny. His mother has been on him since he was on the football team in high school to stop hanging with the sluts and drinking so much or he will end up digging ditches. His chilhood sweetheart and ex-wife Linda was a year younger and thought Mike was dreamy. She went to Sarah Lawrence while he decided to be groomed in his Dad’s carpet sales and installation company. Well now, the second last recession lost Dad a lot of his new construction business, caused deadly alcoholism and the company folded. Still keen, Mike shook himself off excelled at car sales and married now pharmaceutical sales rep Linda.

She didn’t mind him being in the business because he was a “manager”. After a few years of putting up with his long days, the incessant ribbing from her peers about used car salesmen, and a one-too-many appletini evening in which she fuckst her mentor she had had enough. Mike spent months sleeping on couches of his co-workers cause he couldn’t stand the nagging of his mother who always said Linda was a gold-digging slut who would break his heart. He hit the booze real hard and started taking massive doses of B-12 so he could keep up with the salesmen and hit the bars. Linda really screwed him around in the divorce, considering there were never any children. Mike started drinking harder, started having a bit of luck with the young things, hit the gym for a workout and a tan. He also had his teeth laser whitened.
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The morning after this picture was taken, Mike woke up in his apartment to the Cindy sister’s, a rape crisis counsillor, and three big cops. The apartment smelled like roofies, viagara, and rogaine, with a hint of cunt.

8:18 am April, 7 Crottenham said...

Hilarious! All from one whacked out pic, bravo!!!!!

8:45 am April, 7 DayGloGuido said...

His Most Reverend Emminence Jonesing holds the floor from here out….

8:52 am April, 7 DarkSock said...

If he’s not the head of the Iowa Republican Party, he should be.

8:53 am April, 7 UFO Destroyers said...

Maybe in proper lighting, Cindy on our left would be a good looking if she’d ditch the pack and a half of Marlboro lights and not hang around with Mike.
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Mike, Mike, Mike: what could of been. Mike was the star fullback on his high school football team back in the 1976 and 1977 seasons. He got a partial scholarship to Eastern Michigan or a chance to walk on at Miami, OH. He chose neither since it was the time of rise of the WWF on the east coast. He learned that it took working up through the ranks of the “minor league” ‘rassling circuits before he could get called up to the bigs. After turning 19 he joined the North Ohio Federation and thought it would be all gravy after that. Not so fast. After playing the Gibroni for the stars for the first 18 months in the league, he got the call to turn heel and start swinging a chaise lounge when the match turned sour for him. Well, after several near finger amputations for swinging a large folding lawn chair, he’d had enough and wanted to do something else. So after that famed loser leave town match in Akron’s Civic Center in 1982, Mike headed to the bigs of Cleveland to try and hook up with the famed Erie Wrestling Association. That was the year the Cuyahoga caught fire for a second time when Mike was practicing his fireball lighting technique down on the waterfront. He quit the biz on the spot and hasn’t looked back from his cushy job at the Indian Casino as senior bar runner for the last 28 years.
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And if ya’ll think he’s still in his 40’s, the good Rev has some stuff for you so you can see straight.

8:55 am April, 7 Wedgie said...

Right Cindy shows her cockk holding technique.

8:58 am April, 7 Wedgie said...

This just in: Miyagi-do scores a 7.4 vs. Cobra Kai.

9:07 am April, 7 DouchYouWannaDance said...

Usually, the Douch has the “Half-in-the-bag” droopy-eyelid stare, and the Hott(s) sports the Crazy Eyes.

Rare example of inverse ‘baggery.

9:13 am April, 7 Mock Jock said...

@UFO Destroyers, he’s 49 tops. And the good Rev already sent me 2 bags of Crackahol and some LSDeeznuts, unsalted.
@Rev Jonesing, your jonesing stories are easier on the eyes. Kudos man.

9:14 am April, 7 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Mehtinks this is a family affair. Mike is dropping off his daughters at their second gig as strippers at The Rusty Blumpkin Saloon. Mike still has that silky smooth voice he used to pick up the ladies when he was 23 and now he puts it to use as The DJ at The Rusty Blumpkin. Now he can be a more involved parent to his daughters AND pimp them out for the highest price. Life is good for Mike.

9:16 am April, 7 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Rev Chad
.
Why would you ever want to give up being a perv? Don’t eat or drink anything they give you until this feeling returns. I’m serious.

9:37 am April, 7 Et Tu Douche? said...

Boozy Cindy sister on the right double fisting is alright in my book and what’s with the lime green globular substance that cylops mike has in his hand??.
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@ Rev Chad
Can I be your publisher?

11:37 am April, 7 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Sorry, they may be smiley but they ain’t that hott.
His eyes and round rosy cheeks make a far more entertaining contrast with his twin vees: the shirt neck and the hair pyramid.

12:05 pm April, 7 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I wonder if the Sisters Cindy would be offended if I tried to take them both home?

12:25 pm April, 7 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

left to right. rough, rougher, roughest. not a good looking crowd at the Rusty Blumkin Saloon.

2:28 pm April, 7 Fatness said...

I see they still haven’t upgraded the “employees” at the Rodeway Inn. Weren’t these three out back knocking on 18 wheeler cab doors last night?

9:30 pm April, 7 Stephanie said...

Crazy eye Neil Young’s a d-bag?

4:01 am April, 8 Steve L. said...

everyone in this pic is a cyclops.

7:31 am April, 8 Anonymous said...

Mike must be making good bank at the Mazda Dealership. Surely he had to pay high dollars for the surgeon with such elite skills. That surgeon did a great job on the two gentlemen in the picture with him.

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