Wednesday, May 18, 2011

After Hours Pear: Couch Pear “You Guys Are Getting Spoiled” Edition

I mean, seriously. Just sitting there, staring at your daily pear. Becoming Couch Potatoes. You guys are getting seriously spoiled.

Spanking Time!

Because like they say, “Spare the rod….” Ehhh, nevermind.

Enjoy!

# posted by Bagnonymous
5:22 pm May, 18 Wedgie said...

I take back all that stuff I said about Gulf Coast Architects.

5:25 pm May, 18 soy bomb said...

Huzzah! A million times Huzzah! I’ve enjoyed the Pear twice already!

How I would love to rest my furrowed brow ‘ponst those gloriously cheeky pillows at the end of a long day.

5:30 pm May, 18 Seymour Butts said...

You are a scholar and a gentleman, Mr. Sockk.

5:30 pm May, 18 Nancy Dreuche said...

I think everyone put in a solid days mock. I don’t think you’re spoiling anyone DarkSock. Now about that Man Candy Friday: Nancy Dreuche Drools Edition…um yeah I don’t really have any pics to send you, I was just hoping you had some lying around.

5:37 pm May, 18 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Episode #1 (Part 1) The Puffington Post .
.
I would like to gently ass rape this unknown flower before Guy Fieri gets to her cause he is a douche. My natural high would allow me to put her on a pedastel, or at least a pedastel sink for some loin frolic. It is widely known that the girth x length of Guy Fieri’s penis can not be described by mathematics as we know it. He has immense girth in the vicinity of R squared x his current caloric intake. The length of his penis is negative. He may be able to eat a lot of shit but not as much as my mouth has plowed through over the years. I have calculated that at one decagram per chick I have eaten over three pounds of shit out of girls asses. To be fair, half of that was the faeces of Mrs.Kroeger and my mother, who had an unusually large volume of wet farts and a limited amount of paper to wipe. As of late, mother and the Mrs. have had terrible bouts of incontinence requiring that I suck feminine pads and diapers for reuse in our eco crazy commune. My doctor has suggested that I stop reusing faeces and licking random bottoms as he can not get his books to meet death squad requirements on the quantity of Cipro is legitimate in the current health care/death squad budget. So I go online and get some anti bacterial products to allow mw to continue in my quest and mt slogan, ” No Ass Left Behind.” And by natural high I mean excuse me while I take a trip behind the licking shed.
.
Fucking Guy Fieri. Anyway the point of this the first article of the Puffington Post is to warn all seafarers, Nay all men of the Near Earth not to fool around with lady hoo-has because sooner or later you are gonna knock one of those Homers square out of the park like a juiced up Jose Conseco and get someone pregnant. It may not be so bad if you spawn a dude with whom you may revisit your youth and beat him into a culture you approve of. But what if you have two girls? Mouthy, smarmy, whiny, bitchy little girls who you can’t stand before they hit third grade..fucked. That is what I am fucked over by fate to face a life of health and prosperity and a fuck of a lot of free time. All is good when they are in school and their high pitched friends aren’t around and you take advantage of the one free hour you have per day to load up on booze and rolling papers in the shitty part of town where the 17 year old girl that has blown you fifteen times for a gram of pot and a slice of pizza takes you away from the machine for a fleetin minute of ecstacy in your pants.
.
And that is where Abel ended up the fucker. He’s my pot man. Son

5:46 pm May, 18 Nancy Dreuche said...

^I just cancelled my subscription to “The Post”.

5:52 pm May, 18 Mr. Biggs said...

“Where’s your face?”
“Between two pillows!”
“Those aren’t pillows.”
“Who asked you?!?!”

5:57 pm May, 18 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Why doesn’t NASA use the word “penultimate” to describe the Endeavor mission? Son.

6:02 pm May, 18 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

My last entry above was my penultimate comment of the evening.
.
I am having a server problem with my business shit that runs on Google Ads. It would be greatly appreciated if some of you sons would link to my landing page and if you get it enter “kroeger sucks” in the required fields. http://www.easyontariomortgage.com/lendingpage.aspx
.
Son

6:10 pm May, 18 Wedgie said...

Kroeger you broke the fuccen internet, congrats.

6:20 pm May, 18 soy bomb said...

Mr. Biggs coming in STRONG with the “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” quotes.
.
.
.
I think.

6:29 pm May, 18 Nancy Dreuche said...

@soybomb, yup its PTaA. My favorite is: “You’re going the wrong way!” “How do they know where were going?” when they’re driving on the wrong side of the road. Great movie.

7:16 pm May, 18 Crucial Head said...

It’s more fun posting comments in the alternate universe for some reason.
.
At any rate… fwap fwap fwap…

7:30 pm May, 18 Bigphatnotadouche said...

Ass Republic will be my go to website after HCWDB’s. Thanks Dark Sock.

7:46 pm May, 18 Et Tu Douche? said...

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After Hours Pear: Couch Pear .
No disrespect to the boss but he of Dark Sock is killing it and shit, Son. .
Re: Puffington Post, I would gladly subscribe to that. I think he’s into something and I do believe that in six months time with his lyrical stylings and some serious ad $$$ he could cash in and retire. I look forward to more prose.

7:49 pm May, 18 Et Tu Douche? said...

After Hours Pear: Couch Pear is giving me wood and by wood I mean wood. I got nothing I am humbled by all the greatness that yinz have been laying down as of late. Good stuff.

7:55 pm May, 18 Mr. Belvadouche said...

I road rashed my C&B’s and swaddled them in my tweed jacket. Plus, i fuked my couch cushion with a sandwich baggy filled with lotion…what now son?

7:59 pm May, 18 Mandouchian Candidate said...

I’d never leave her behind.

8:17 pm May, 18 The Dude said...

I’m getting behind in my work.
Now, I have to get back to work.

8:40 pm May, 18 Nancy Dreuche said...

Damn you Mr. Belvedouche, I was gonna write you off as another anon, but you had to get all fancy with a kick ass avatar. Gawd I wanted a butler so bad growing up.

8:40 pm May, 18 soy bomb said...

assrepublic.com?
.
.
.
I’ll never visit that site.

9:53 pm May, 18 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

After Hours Asspear has inspired a new entry in Balls’ Blue Book of canning: Evening Poached Pears.

10:15 pm May, 18 Vin Douchal said...

Hilarious , Rev.
.
I pay for Sirius/XM, Radio I/O for Bubba The Love Sponge and MLB baseball/NHL Hockey for home, auto and cellie
.
I would gladly drop the fucking trey for the Puffington Post. Shit is genius.
.
Get some 12 year old to design a website. Sure it may be better if a pro did it, but you can pay a twelve year old in chalupas, bubble gum and Victoria’s secret catalogues and it’s just as good

10:17 pm May, 18 Vin Douchal said...

I’m not so sure about couch pear. He ass cheeks aren’t that deep

11:11 pm May, 18 Jacques Doucheteau said...

“Spare the rod”? More like bury the rod.

3:44 am May, 19 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Did not quite get the part about “getting seriously soiled,” but now that I am in Hong Kong and not Afghanistan the food is better and that is probably not a danger. Meantime I think D. Sock and the gang are stepping up in the boss’s absence. Would not want him to return to find out we ruined the place.

6:06 am May, 19 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Damn you, pear. Damn you for being out reach.

8:43 am May, 19 Boner said...

Ass Republic = BONER….B…O…N…E…R…..BONER!

9:25 am May, 19 mr.reeve said...

I wish I was the couch. PEAR!!!

5:17 pm May, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

Would it be gay if I just flopped down on her and vigorously humped her ass until I had a spastic, chafing orgasm in my ill-fitting, sawdust-covered jeans? ‘Cause I ain’t gay.

2:53 am May, 20 Collaz B. Popped said...

Nothing gay about that Medusa,,,,this perfectionous pear screams attention 24/7.

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