Friday, May 6, 2011

Friday Thoughts and Links

What defines masculinity and femininity?

That which we assume is innate to who we are, in our most primal definitions, is, of course, not innate at all but societally and culturally defined. An acquisition to be sought and bought and held and then lost again.

Florida bans bestiality and baggy pants.

We are taught and told and sold and prodded to redefine in a perpetual state of destabilization aimed to keep us in a state of constant return and revisiting to the Temple on the Mount (The Mall), where such validation can be repurchased.

Von Dutch? Long gone. Affliction? A forgotten yard sale item. Ed Hardy? On the way out.

Up next? More overpriced cultural poo. Sold at 4000% percent markup.

But I’m not bitching. For boobies call their siren call, and the real remains out there for us to find.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “This is my advice to you: When you get there, figure it out who’s who. Find the man nobody’s protecting. A man without friends. And beat him until his eyes bleed. Let them think you are little bit crazy, but respectful, too. Respectful of the right men.”

Two weeks ago’s Farrah Hott and The Tie Fighter hang in Vegas. That dude gets a full nottadouche and a luckiest man alive award. It’s all down hill from here, T.F.

HCwDB legend and frolic artist, the ubersquaty Bobby Batz is still out there, still lip syncing to early 00s boy bands.

For those parties where you really need to celebrate a ‘bag for being a ‘bag: Douche Cake.

Snohomish County Public Utility, located in Washington,is filled with Pud.

Here’s a well organized catalog of hott celebrity Jewesses. I would Daven with each one in a cheap motel with a vibrating bed, then make them chant their Havtorah one by one while I tickled their kneecaps with a kosher ostrich feather.

And from Semitic librarian tasty chomp, we come to another type of chomp. For your viewing pleasure, I give you:

Perfect Chomp Pear

Take a bite.

For the Weekend is uponst.

And I just got my rug cleaned.

Which is not a sexual euphemism.

# posted by douchebag1
1:09 pm May, 6 Bueller said...

Yummy Meado Saprano Hott

1:18 pm May, 6 Organic Alpaca Nutrition said...

Fuck Florida

1:26 pm May, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s in the game. Why do we dwell on the Jew girls. The Ashkenazi’s will do anything for a Catholic with a dozen knishes and a bottle of Wodka. That’s how I found the Mrs. She was also in dire straits of alcohol poisoning and pregnancy. So I brought her to the Moile and had the baby cut off and disposed.

1:45 pm May, 6 UFO Destroyers said...

Club Zone, indeed.
Weapon of choice: Axe handle.
.
Hickory preferred.
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Fiberglass if necessary.
.
Carbon fiber is the dream.

1:49 pm May, 6 Wheezer said...

The Pear and the Jewish ladies have left me speechless.
.
But smiling.
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Thor beckons, and I will be wielding my Mjolnir when Jane Foster and Sif make their respective screen appearances. Verily!
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Have a great weekend, ya fuccen hatters!

1:53 pm May, 6 creature said...

yeah I just mowed my rug boss…I find vixens linger on the meal if the plate is clean!

1:56 pm May, 6 Deltus said...

Hotts is hott, Jewish or not.
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Little poetry for the weekend.

2:00 pm May, 6 C. K. Doucheter-Haven said...

“Floridians are going to have to start pulling up their pants and stop having sex with animals soon. ”

That may be the greatest lede in the history of journalism.

2:08 pm May, 6 Hermit said...

Rich took up the anti-bestiality fight after a number of cases involving sexual activity with animals in recent years, including a Panhandle man who was suspected of accidentally asphyxiating a family goat during a sex act and the abuse of a horse in the Keys. The bill would make such acts a first-degree misdemeanor
.
They’re coming after you DarkSock, don’t stray too far to the east. Stay in Mississippi where you’re still able to wear loose lower garments and woolen scarves around your legs, and are still free to love whomever you want, be it lizard, sheep, goat or horse. The family goat may have been asphyxiated, but We’re all being throttled by The Machine as it tightens it’s grip on a naive and confused populace. Unrelenting and dangerous, all “for the greater good.” Bestiality and baggy pants soon lead to ice pick lobotomies and razor blades in your Corn Flakes.
.

Tiny poisonous snakes slither discretely through tall grass and medical waste, sunglasses hide their identities, they leave a wet trail of silent destruction and subtle violence. Peanut butter, no jelly.
.

The Chubby toddlers who survive whooping cough and government sponsored diphtheria epidemics are tossed into the Totalitarian Abyss by commercial goons, the flesh hanging off their grisly faces revealing skulls of plastic and fiberglass, heavily insulated wires leading to electric relay switches do all the dirty work, so no human hands are defiled.
.
New World Order death squads put on a pompous pantomime. Ruptured spleens of plastic soldiers line the killing fields, the disenfranchised children of The Machine, their bodily fluids replaced by antifreeze and Diet Coke.
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Skeletal camels and jackasses search for sustenance in the darkened desert, casting elongated shadows from a bleeding moon. George Washington’s wooden teeth lay broken, diseased and splintered.
.
Meanwhile, the haunting, unblinking eye sees all from atop the pyramid.

2:11 pm May, 6 Vin Douchal said...

Slow day around here. I have an excuse, I have been exhausting every free porno sight on the net watching / oggling my new objects of desire, Trisha Brill and Marry Queen.
.
.

.
.

Have you guys ever tried tiava.com? nice

LOCK THE BATHROOM DOOR if you bring in the i-Pad ……. yeesh

2:11 pm May, 6 Vin Douchal said...

Whatev ^

2:19 pm May, 6 Hermit said...

Addendum to the 2:08 :
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The Machine has obviously silenced Lämp via selective internet kill switching.
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Is anyone safe?

2:45 pm May, 6 Wedgie said...

Chomp Pear is too cool….she leaves some patriotic skid marks alongside the brown ones. I salute her.
And may I also second the Alpaca’s sentiments. The only good thing I ever saw from Florida was a movie called Porky’s.

2:46 pm May, 6 Et Tu Douche? said...

Hmmmm!!!!!!!! Perfect Chomp Pear
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Loves me some naughty, low self esteemed Jewess’s. They can be annoying at times but they make up for it with unabashed abandon in the sack.
.
Bobby Batz still around, still annoying.

3:33 pm May, 6 Steve L. said...

Elizabeth Banks is Jewish? i did not know that. most welcoming news.

3:37 pm May, 6 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Vin:
Good call on Tiava, but I must chastise you for the failed Trisha Brill link!! I got:
You don’t have permission to access /topsexbomb/127/01.jpg on this server.

An’ I REALLY wanna see TopSexBomb!!!!

5:39 pm May, 6 Nancy Dreuche said...

So the whobags who get their panty hamsters crushed by Stackhouse are gonna be brought to justice. Finally Florida!
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@Hermit, The Machine=The Illuminati? I mean you covered all of the symbols they use. And if Lämp isn’t safe that means Turtle Boy is definitely in danger.

5:54 pm May, 6 Anonymous said...

obviously no one made it to second page 20th down

6:06 pm May, 6 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Anonymous 5:54p, Yasmine Bleeth!!! And that guy that posted needs to ixnay on the “This chick looks like my wife”. Fuckin weird. I don’t know you dude, and I could give two shits what your wife looks like. Obviously you’re not boning her hot ass enough if you have time to compile this list. Just sayin’.

6:59 pm May, 6 Hermit said...

The Illuminati are but mere school children, blindly being led to the slaughterhouse by their puppet masters. Chocolate milk and pencil erasers line the streets, paved with good intentions and the foreskins of Greek musicians.
.
The Machine’s pistons fire in perfect cosmic rhythm, it’s victims are leigon. It’s corroded cylinder walls are oiled by the entrails of the Illuminati.

7:50 pm May, 6 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Hermit 6:59pm, So from that I’ve narrowed it down to two suspects. Its either Chef Boyardee or Captain Crunch whose operating the controls. Your Ernie theory bears some truth (In all honesty he was far more devious than Bert) but being a puppet himself definitely excludes him from the master list.

7:52 pm May, 6 Nancy Dreuche said...

^Full disclosure: I was debating cereal vs. pasta for dinner so…

1:11 am May, 7 Douchble Helix said...

Trisha seems like a sweet kid [nsfw]: http://www.keezmovies.com/trisha-brill

1:16 am May, 7 Douchble Helix said...

Why isn’t Mila Kunis on that list that all of your future physicians and attorneys was passing around?

Speaking of which, did you know she was on Baywatch? Well, she was 11 years old. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mila_Kunis

4:36 am May, 7 Mr. Biggs said...

Gimme some Allison Stokke baby. I mean really. “Stalk” is right there in her last name.
And female pole vaulters have to be the most gender intimidating women out there. Yikes.

8:05 am May, 7 Anthony LaBaglia said...

Fucking funny Helix. Sweet kid.

10:01 am May, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

“George Washington’s teeth?” Wow!

10:29 am May, 7 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/ufc-fighter-has-idea-for-tshirt-with-a-bunch-of-sh,20338/
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LAS VEGAS—Mixed martial artist Phillipe Nover announced design plans Thursday for a new T-shirt that he claimed would be completely covered in hundreds of dumbshit fighting terms and stupid fucking tribal patterns. “This shirt will feature a rambling assortment of worthless violent images and words, like ‘grapple’ and ‘slam,’ all thrown together in the most unappealing colors possible,” said Nover, adding that graphics would include spray-painted angel wings, laughing skulls wearing crowns, random splatter marks, and other images so idiotic they could only appeal to 8-year-old boys from Long Island or emotionally undeveloped middle-aged men. “It’s going to look like two Ed Hardy shirts fucked and vomited on each other. I can guarantee it will be the stupidest, ugliest T-shirt ever made.” When asked if the inside tag would also feature an unsightly design, Nover admitted he had not yet thought of that but would be sure to include “machine guns or naked lady silhouettes or something else that’s stupid.”

11:12 am May, 7 tall guy said...

Whoa! There are some gorgeous ladies of the Jewish persuasion. Long may they prosper!

1:07 pm May, 7 Stephanie said...

When they have to start making laws for things like that….it’s clearly a sign of the Apocalypse.

8:30 pm May, 7 DarkSock said...

I would challenge Sen. Nan Rich, from Sunrise FL, and his definition of horse abuse.
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It’s not abuse if you’re stroking their ass.
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Medical FACT.

3:37 am May, 8 Wheezer said...

Bobby Batz no longer has his video up. Gee, did too many of us express our (ahem) “displeasure” with his douchebaggery?
.
Perhaps we are winning the war…..?

7:19 am May, 8 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Wheezer,
I noticed the comments thread too, I think your right

10:55 am May, 8 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

DB1 gives us a great week’s end photo of lateral views, douche-ribs (note the cigarette) and side-boob and other nekkid features, a veritable introduction to the feast of featured links.
Just sayin’, cuz so oft these photos get overlooked in the summation comments.
And by summation comments, I mean Jewess overload and Perfect Chomp Pear, who all speak for themselves above and beyond what anyone might say here.

11:40 am May, 9 Medusa Oblongata said...

Hermit @ 2:08
Jeebus, man. You raised my hackles with that one. Mr. Biscotti chuckles at what he perceives as folly when I barrel down the canned foods aisle with a full cart. I leer in suspicion with the people around me, brainwashed automatons, foraging for the ingredients for taco night. To me, they’re already dead. They’re the corpses I’ll hurdle one day. Their homes are the ones I’ll strip of wood to keep myself warm by the lone fire on a gray hill. And yes, I’m serious.
.
And my fantasies of having my way with Alison Hannigan while she speaks in a lilting Irish accent have been dashed. Now I keep hearing her talk like Fran Drescher and I’ll never be able to finish off listening to that.

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