Sunday, May 22, 2011

The Ballad of Hal E. Tosis and Jenny Talia

Hal’s poor eye wear choice makes him look like the demented love child of Jimmy Fallon and a bleached KarmaKaze pilot.

Jenny’s poor choice in hook-ups make her look like Mariah I-Don’t-Carey – complete with twins.  For her, I would gratefully write out palimony checks while extolling the virtues of vitamin E for her lovely creamy and supple epidermis as I gazed zen-like into her uncaring gum-smacking visage, like a doomed cockroach crooning to the uncaring anthropomorphic face of a vintage 30’s  wooden Emerson radio.

Damn, a splash of single-barrel Kentucky bourbon and a teenie-tiny Ambien pill chewed slowly with malice like it was the fiery nipple of Mother Anger, and these after-hours soliloquies just write themselves.

Wait…After Hours…but…it’s the weekend…Ummm….carry on.

# posted by Bagnonymous
11:25 am May, 22 Hermit said...

I met her sister once. Jennette L. Wortz.
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unfortunately

11:40 am May, 22 Wedgie said...

Nice cheeks and mouth, Jen. You probably shouldn’t use the Joker’s plastic surgeon.
Just sayin’.

11:44 am May, 22 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Why do I get the feeling this guy’s name is Peter?

11:45 am May, 22 DarkSock said...

Why do I get the feeling this guy’s in a wind tunnel?

11:45 am May, 22 DarkSock said...

“Yeah, honey, I do have a spare pair of sunglasses in my purse; here.”

11:48 am May, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

His name is actually Pietre Olmostman, imported from Scaberia, to coach the woman’s downhill crosscountry sledge jumping freestyle skiing team in Homoslavia. He dines on eclectic items like herring, maggotty cheese form the Italian mountainside, fine wines, coccks, and the odd Terrine de Jeune Fils Tainte. Son.

11:51 am May, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^That’s a Loaf of Young Boy Taint baked in a bain marie after being minced with shallots and port for you Merikuns.

11:53 am May, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^And yes a I am a foodie. But not a gay skinny one. And I am a half junkie.

11:56 am May, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

And Dark Sock must be rolling on amphetimines to keep rolling the way he is rolling. And by rolling I mean rolling.

12:05 pm May, 22 Wedgie said...

You guys need to listen to some Neil Young. Followed by some Nancy Reagan.

12:06 pm May, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@?Hermit
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I know a pleasantly plump tall adopted Indian who found out she was an Eskimo (politically correct term was Inuit, now Innu) while working for the Ministry of Corrections. So this Eskimo, Let’s call her Tracy cause that’s her fuccen name, has a good job with pension, knows to stop drinking firewater when she realizes there is a cock in her butt and comes with a nice little papoose about thirteen years old. She’s in with the cops so maybe a concealed weapon permit if you have grounds and she’s moving above the arctic circle soon. Her Indian names is Kahnekawga, in english that mean face that was meant for a sickly wolverine.

12:11 pm May, 22 DarkSock said...

^I know that girl, Rev. I saw her at the Ministry, once. Everyone was talking shit about her because she got a corner office reserved specifically for the Inuit employees within the ministry. It was a prime office space, with floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the city. Having that office and that magnificent view, presumably because of affirmative action, really disgruntled her co-workers so they started talking about her behind her back. Some of it was about her, but most of it was the Innu Window.
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sorry.

12:18 pm May, 22 DarkSock said...

^That is correct, Reverend Chad. I’m rollin’ on ADD medicine confiscated from the kids. Rollin’, Son.
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I’m like butter, baby; because I’m on a roll.
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sorry. again.

6:04 pm May, 22 Medusa Oblongata said...

Sunglasses indoors at night. On both of them. Shovel to the temple, simultaneously, from both sides.
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FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I am in a hattin’ mood today. Not angry, just hattin’.

6:50 pm May, 22 idfma said...

What the fuck? Are the sunglasses there to protect his forehead from the sun? Whatta dick.

8:44 pm May, 22 creature said...

these people grapple elfin gristle…
…& by these people I meam all y’all!

8:44 pm May, 22 creature said...

blaap!

11:20 pm May, 22 Stephanie said...

Judo chop to that face.

4:13 am May, 23 Collaz B. Popped said...

Im a hatter. Def.

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