Monday, May 2, 2011

HCwDB of the Week: Dead Bin Laden and Evil Bert

Today’s Weekly is held in honor of celebrating the long overdue death of that unholy crapwit.

No, not Evil Burt. The other guy.

As a former New Yorker who was living in the east vil on 9/11, witness to the events of that day, I can only postpone this humble blog’s frivolity for a moment to say, Amen.

And while you may think Evil Burt does not qualify as a hot chick, for the purposes of today’s post, he does.

Okay, here’s some more Gal Gadot.

# posted by douchebag1
7:07 am May, 2 Mr. White said...

You lived in the East VIllage, DB1? I was working in midtown at the time. If I’d known, I would have invited you to drink copious amounts of gin in my boss’s Murray Hill apartment while we waited for the MTA to start up again.
.
Except I guess this site didn’t exist then, and reservoir douche, Mr. White, and FLYTEETH were just a twinkle in my eye, so you would have just been some random dude off the street.
.
And for my money, Gitmo is the scariest terror muppet.

7:10 am May, 2 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Amen. A “small” force of 20-25 seals… Sounds like something out of a Tom Clancy novel.
.
Gadot makes my feel funny in my pants.

7:15 am May, 2 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

Evil Bert may be a total bleeth, but I still feel like a bald eagle exploding through an american flag this morning.

7:18 am May, 2 Collaz B. Popped said...

Still living in 212 area code,,,just hoping its not some additional propaganda.

Evil Bert is awesome.

7:35 am May, 2 Wedgie said...

One less ugly goatfucker in the world today.

7:39 am May, 2 Hermit said...

Evil Bert may be Bleeth, but I’d still do him if he shaved his eyebrows and promised not to tell anyone afterward.

7:51 am May, 2 Anonymous said...

A.M.F.

8:02 am May, 2 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Evil Bert looks like he would take you to that dark, musty stack of pallets behind Snuffleupagus’s place, play all sort of rope-and-slap games with you, and then dump your shaking and half naked outside Oscar the Grouch’s can where he snatch you, rape the shit out of you, and dispose of your body in a shallow dirt grave where Slimie the Worm would make compost out of your broken remains.
.
So yeah, he’s just the kinda guy you could so hang out with and do the Pigeon Dance.
.
And OBL couldn’t have gone to a better place.

8:11 am May, 2 Vin Douchal said...

There is douchebag activity in all of this. Who is Gotta-Climb-Up-A- Traffic-Light-During-Public-Gatherings guy.
.
Thankfully, there’s hot chick action, too

8:14 am May, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

So, does the S.E.A.L. who wasted his sorry ass get the $25 Million? Knowing some of these people, he’d give it back just to say he was the one who did it.

8:14 am May, 2 Nancy Dreuche said...

Evil Bert for Hall of Hott. OBL for someplace worse than hell. I’m thinking a Jenny Craig meeting filled with fat non-virgins.

8:16 am May, 2 Mr. White said...

@vin
Climb Up a Traffic Light Guy is like the Immortals from ancient Persia. The Boston PD shoots him in the face with a rubber bullet during a Red Sox pennant race, and up pops another one to take his place.

8:20 am May, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

And why didn’t someone give Evil Bert a few bucks and a Beretta to take out OSL while this pic was taken?

8:22 am May, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Vin
.
See anytime Michigan State made it to the Final Four. Or when they told all the little numbnutzes that they couldn’t randomly set dumpsters and couches on fire on their porches every weekend. I still remember that sweet smell of tear gas …

8:25 am May, 2 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Ummm…Gal Gadot. OBL must be cursing in the afterlife. Not only is he being mentioned in connection with a woman, but a Jewish woman at that.
.
Only way it could be better is if she was pictured beside bacon.

8:29 am May, 2 Hermit said...

Re: Climbs up traffic pole guy.
.
I was exiting an Allman Brothers concert when this brilliant, “Hey y’all watch this!” kinda’ guy decided to jump the short distance from the second story parking garage on to an aluminium light pole and slide down to the street.
All went well until he got towards the bottom and slit his stomach open on the “No Parking” sin attached to the pole.
True story.

8:30 am May, 2 Hermit said...

sin=sign^

8:35 am May, 2 Bigphatnotadouche said...

OBL sleeping with the fishes.
God bless the NAVY Seals.

8:37 am May, 2 Hermit said...

@ IRA,
They should have attached a suckling pig around Osama’s neck before they dumped him into the ocean to sleep with the fishes.

8:38 am May, 2 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Well spake. Those of us here in Afghanistan now had a good day today. If we could kill the other 25,000 that Pakistan is helping to hide out from us it would be a better day.

8:49 am May, 2 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Glad they finally got evil Bert. Even woke up the Mrs. to join me waiting for the Pres while I was smoking one in the house which at any other time would have ended with a high-pitched cussing or bad bag-tag. But she was in. Now, when is that fucking Rosie O’Donell gonna come out and say there was no Osama Bin Layton because it was Dubbya flying the plane all whacked out on coke that dids it yo. So I’m no American but that day is in my mind and will likely be the last thing I remember as some insidious disease steals the infinite knowledge of human history I have locked in the loin portion of my grey matter. Hermit’s Machine keeps rolling as we realize the subtle nuances which have eluded us these many years in some subliminal way. @@Bomb Pakistan@@. and calmed us into a state of economic panic, That day started innocently enough. I had a crew installing a sunroom at the residence of a professor of political science. She was watching the Today show with Katie and that bald fucker. The backyard was interupted with a scream and another scream and a Reverend Chad bring your crew downstairs to see this. Wow. @@Bomb Pakistan@@So I saw all the shit and called all the people I knew to discuss and when I couldn’t sleep I drove 300 miles to go to my hometown to refill my Clonazepam prescription because I was gettting the willies and booze wasn’t cutting it. So I’m driving through Toronto at 5 am by the fucking airport and there were a thousand planes sitting there. @@Bomb Pakistan@@Then Howard Stern comes on alone in his studio and goes on with a glorious anti-muslim rant for about an hour. I made it back and got my meds from some questionably Arab subsitite Doc and headed back to Viagara Falls. Hermit’s Machine is following me today. Not in a physical sense but an othe worldly way. The Machine can not correlate the Osama with its more modern model of totalitarianism and the mideast.@@Bomb Pakistan@@. Sons.

9:07 am May, 2 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

I nominate Evil Bert for Most Expensive First Date Hott at the upcoming 2011 Douchies.

9:14 am May, 2 Nancy Dreuche said...

^Nah man, Golden Globes all the way. He’s yellow for Chrissakes.

10:21 am May, 2 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Let’s all down a few in honor of those of us who have friends who were murdered by this muslim shithead almost 10 years ago. From where I still work, and lived at the time, I could see the damage done and smell the smoke that wafted from Ground Zero for weeks.

And BTW, we still have too much pussy in us, in that we should have said we beheaded the corpse and shit down his neck before letting pigs dine on the corpse. Who gives an eff that we treated his body properly, we did kill the fuccer, didn’t we?

10:44 am May, 2 Jean Luc Scrotard said...

SEaLs are getting the credit but it was the 160th SOAR and SFOD-D (Delta) Trust me.

11:27 am May, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Jean Luc
.
SEAL Team-6 with 160th SOAR b ringing them in.

11:38 am May, 2 Hermit said...

Rev,
Sometimes a man of the cloth such as yourself can bring the intricate machinations of The Machine to light from a spiritual perspective, and for that I’m grateful.
Though I’m glad to see Evil Bert neutralized, I’m troubled by the fact that Ernie is still lurking around in the Machine’s shadows, with access to the controls.

11:39 am May, 2 skrag2112 said...

Those SEAL guys are going to get offered some prime ass when they get back stateside. They deserve it. Hopefully they used OBL’s body as a latrine before they dumped it overboard.

12:11 pm May, 2 Wedgie said...

We shouldn’t be publicizing this shit. And we should be doing a lot more of it.
Kind of ironic that Obama killed Osama. How’s that taste, birthers?

12:33 pm May, 2 Stephanie said...

Well at least we can all finally agree on one thing. I would like photos of the dead body please so I can mock it properly. It would make me feel much better. I like knowing it was really really done,he’s dead-did they check the DNA because they all have beards, the same I hate America look on their faces.

12:40 pm May, 2 Hermit said...

Like a bad horror movie Bin Laden’s bloated corpse will wash up on the shores of the San Francisco Bay, he’ll shake himself off, expel several gallons of seawater and rise to his feet. The two gaping holes in his head will be partially filled with barnacles and seaweed as he slowly moves inland to feast on the delicate flesh of the transvestites and prostitutes on Castro Street.

12:42 pm May, 2 Crucial Head said...

Osama should have known he couldn’t hide forever from Şämȕrǽ Sčrǿħe and Lämp.
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No one hides from Lämp.
.
No one.

2:45 pm May, 2 Steve L. said...

so they dumped the body at sea. i was thinking they might need it for the (potentially upcoming) Deathers faction (thank you DarkSock for coining the term “Deathers”), but apparently burying a corpse within 24 hours is called for in Islamic law.
.
the things i didn’t know about Islamic laws…

6:20 pm May, 2 DarkSock said...

The last thing one this earth He registered was the gruff shouting of the Navy SEAL, the smell of cordite and a sharp “KRAK” report of the rifle.
.
.
.
Infinite blackness,then a slow awakening to an etheral mist….
.
His vision slowly swims into focus, his gaze uponst what surely must be the 70 virgins. One of the hazy figures slinks his way, removes the facial veil, and says in a high nasal voice: “HiYa!!! My name, as well as my six dozen clone brothers, is Plinky! What can we do ya for??? We got alllll the time in the world….can’t wait till ya meet our Momma! You are JUST the same shape as her last butt plug!”.

6:35 pm May, 2 Bag Margera said...

On another forum I go to, I started a thread about OBL’s death. 5 people jumped on it, wanting me to take it down, simply because it was unrelated to the forum, and it would start a whole bunch of crumby discussions. You know what I said to that? “BOOBIES” and “AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!” And then the admins deleted it.
.
Thank you DB1 for staying cool as shit, and not giving a fuck.

7:21 pm May, 2 Maxim Kovalenko said...

I don’t care what anybody says, John Largeman pulled the trigger.

8:25 pm May, 2 DarkSock said...

AMERICA, FUCKK YEAHHH – LICK MAH BUTT AND SUCKK ON MAHHH BALLLZ

5:46 pm May, 3 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

Congratulations, SEALS. Job well done. Now come home and smack around all those ‘bags who wear dogtags as a fashion accessory.

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