Thursday, May 26, 2011

Jame’s Affliction

What is Jame’s Affliction?

Apparently it has something to do with navel pus weepage (look closely…)

What is Jane’s Affliction?

Well, Jane, you have 80-year-old-man belt height positioning syndrome.  Which can be easily cured by disrobing in the presence of a licensed Baghunter (and/or huntress) and having Skippy’s peanut butter ritually rubbed into your bare skin with a vigorous circular motion hitherto unknown to the people of this area, but destined to take the place of the mudshark in your mythology.

# posted by Bagnonymous
1:58 pm May, 26 Douche Springsteen said...

Digging the Zappa reference on a Thursday afternoon. Not digging this pic so much. I’d still buy her an appletini and listen to her bitch about how she hates Helen in HR for a chance to “accidentally” brush my arm across her boobs when I drop her off at the end of the night.

2:03 pm May, 26 Mandouchian Candidate said...

I wonder if she leafs through Marie claire looking for L’eggs coupons and discount shingle vaccinations while she takes it in the old crapsky from this smurf.

2:06 pm May, 26 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

That belt is working overtime. Someone buy it a beer. If only there was some device she could wear… or some type of garment… that would keep her knockers from becoming knee pads. Someone should invent something like like.

2:07 pm May, 26 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

like that. Arghghg.

2:08 pm May, 26 Hermit said...

Jame has the slumped shoulders, mesothelioma and chin stubble of his maternal grandmother.

2:22 pm May, 26 Fatness said...

He’s been caught squealin’.

2:31 pm May, 26 Nancy Dreuche said...

Haven’t they invented belly button deoderant yet? Why are we technologically behind our needs as a sweaty people, technology?!!! That’s right I’m using this forum to tear technology a new one for the absence of proper belly button hygiene care.
.
And this has got to be a pic from take your douche son to work day. She’s either a travel agent or a Jazzercise instructer. The belt is a dead giveaway.

2:33 pm May, 26 Hermit said...

She looks like the secretary who works at the law firm where most of my out of court personal injury settlements are handled.
I sometimes watch her as she enters the elevator like professional harlot, with her serpentine eyes and manicured fingernails. She walks in high-heeled agony, the strained calf muscles accentuating pronounced and painful tendons. The cartilage breaking free of her nylon stockings and splattering on the wall of the reception room like overcooked spaghetti, where they drool down the wall and mix with the feces and broken spectacles on the filthy carpet. The hum of The Machinery drowns out the screams of those being tortured in the next room.
When her ankle finally exceeds critical stress intensity and breaks with a distinctive crack, she crumples to the floor in a puddle of Gatorade® and mixed emotions.

2:39 pm May, 26 Hermit said...

Nancy 2:31
The problem is he’s using only a deodorant which merely masks the odor. He needs an anti-perspirant to stop the continuous sweating and navel discharge.
.
.
I once received a Naval Discharge, but I don’t really want to get into that in this forum.

2:47 pm May, 26 jonezy said...

well, I assume Nancy has never experienced this, so maybe it has nothing to do with deoderizing at all

2:51 pm May, 26 Nancy Dreuche said...

^Damn Hermit, what haven’t you done? You know besides tell the truth. But I digress, I see what you’re saying about a proper anti-perirant. That is the ticket. And if your Naval Discharge story includes a few douchebags I say why not post it here. What else do we have going for us today? Work? Hahahahahahaahahaahahahaaha!

2:52 pm May, 26 Troy Tempest said...

We all know that Cunts are still running the world.

2:54 pm May, 26 mr.reeve said...

Jane looks like a 2-3 month pregnant woman to me.

2:56 pm May, 26 Vin Douchal said...

The mudshark in my mythology was replaced by a life-sized cardboard poster of Danica Patrick that I spirited from my corner liquor store. I keep them in business through my daily purchases of Kodiak and lottery games. Here, Fidooo ….
……
……….
Me: “Hey Hadji! Me likey. I’m gonna go ahead and take this with me”
.
Clerk: “Nono Mr. Douchal, vhy are you vanting to take that? It is for ALL our customers to enjoy”
.
Me: “Well they can swing by my house if they want sloppy seconds. I’m poking a hole in the puss and putting this thing over the old lady in the sack tonight.”

2:59 pm May, 26 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Jonezy, you are correct and if that’s what’s going on here no wonder she’s with him. Am I right ladies?!!! Oh wait I keep forgetting this isn’t my Oprah chat forum.

3:22 pm May, 26 Hermit said...

If I didn’t know better, I’d think Nancy is questioning my integrity.

3:33 pm May, 26 baffomet said...

Doesn’t she looks like Sydney Moon?

3:45 pm May, 26 Vin Douchal said...

This website actually exists : muscle-chick-porn

4:19 pm May, 26 Anonymous said...

This site has been pretty much totally ruined. That should teach everyone a lesson on extended vacations and leaving your idiot cousin in charge of the store.

4:48 pm May, 26 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Anon 4:19p how is it ruined? This is the same stupid stuff we’ve always done.
@Hermit 3:22p you’re bullshitting bullshitters, what did you expect?

5:07 pm May, 26 Douchble Helix said...

Every last one of us would have loved to come home to sweet Jane after work each day for the last 20 or so years. And taken her to some all inclusive resort, and have her drive everybody else crazy, knowing that by golly, I *am* gonna hit that hard tonight. And she’s gonna be drunk. I just might get my pinky up there. Maybe all the way up to the first knuck.

5:43 pm May, 26 Nancy Dreuche said...

^What more could a woman ask for? I mean really. Well said Douchble Helix. Sounds like a dream first date to me.

6:13 pm May, 26 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Nancy
.
A few personal questions to prove that you are a human woman. Just saying shit, Daughter. Waiting for the pear. Know what I’m saying?
.
Do the curtains match the drapes?
.
Do you have an inny or outy clitora majoris?
.
Do you have to wipe your outer pissers majora?
.
Do You shave?
.
Do you kegel?
.
Do you know Steve Buschemi?
.
Are you happy that that cunt Oprah is dead?
.
Do you eat sushi?
.
These questions are not meant to be sexual or provacative. Mrs. Kroeger is shaking me down.

6:32 pm May, 26 Douchble Helix said...

@Nancy D – I tried to describe the 20th year of a marriage that managed to follow the Judeo-Christian narrative of for better… till death…etc. 1st date? You truly are the woman of my dreams.

6:38 pm May, 26 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Rev,
Of course, anything for your wife. My answers are yes to all except 6. I know of Steve B., I don’t know him though. As for question 7, I don’t really care that Oprah is off the air. I was never under her spell and pretty much live my life according to me and not what someone on tv tells me to do. Unless its that Geico Gecko. Then I must listen. I am also unfamiliar wiith your particular anatomy terms in questions 2 and 3 so I’m just going to answer yes and hope for the best. I hope this helps.

9:42 pm May, 26 creature said...

inclined to give this cat a notta..he is merely stupid & happy to hit this cougar…bad fashion sense aside, for this Brah!

btw, informed recently that gals over 50 are jaguars (vrooom, vroom) & over 60 are snow leopards (hopin to take one down)…assuming over 70 are sabre toothed tigers (probably in my future)!

12:23 am May, 27 Steve L. said...

i’m surprised it took this long for HCwDB to connect the dots between one of the douchiest bands in the US with one of the douchiest brands in the US.

5:16 am May, 27 Collaz B. Popped said...

If she has the matching brown/beige retro platforms on, Ill love her even more.
Natural Breasts have the aesthetics enhanced ones always strive for. (but never achieve).

This guy’s getting a notta from me. He just got the wrong shirt at the mall. Might have stained it with Jane – maybe that’s why he’s smiling so hard.

5:16 am May, 27 Tanath said...

I don’t know…maybe stage 1 because of that shirt…or he may just have bad tasted in shirts…no bling, no hand gesture, he’s smiling, minimal hair product (not enough to be offensive), i kinda wanna give him a pass…but that shirt…I’d need more evidence to make an accurate determination…but this is America where people are innocent until proven douchey…and because I have reasonable doubt…i have to give him a pass…hope it doesn’t come back to haunt me…

5:17 am May, 27 Tanath said...

I meant bad taste in shirts…I’ll blame autocorrect on my iphone…even though I am typing from my computer and I don’t even own an iphone

8:07 am May, 27 Medusa Oblongata said...

High-five to her if that’s her ten-years-younger boy toy. Cunt punt if that’s her same-age husband and she’s letting him go around dressing like that. It’s part of the job description of a wife to intervene if her husband is playing with the douche side. I don’t have to tell Mr. B. how to dress, yet, he manages okay. I only make sure it’s easy access for the certain rape that is coming his way after we watch Squidbillies.

Leave a Reply

What is 9 + 7 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)