Monday, May 16, 2011

MR. WHITE’S HCwDB SING-ALONG EDITION: DOUCHEY IN THE STRAW

HCwDB reg Mr. White offers the following soundtrack for Country Molestern and his Reversed Cowgirls:

Oh I went down to the bar

But I didn’t make it far;

‘Fore I spied me a grinnin’

douchey hittin’ on the wimmin!

So I hit ‘im in the face

with a large metallic mace,

Then I made my move to court

a girl in tiny, tiny shorts.

Douchey in the straw, douchey in a hat

Hit ‘im in the stomach with a heavy baseball bat

Lookin’ at some ladies that you’d surely like to paw

Whlle you’re listenin’ to a tune called Douchey in the Straw!

Everybody now!

# posted by Bagnonymous
2:08 pm May, 16 mr.reeve said...

Nice work Mr. White. And nice cowgirls. Brunette has my pants moving all weird like. This might be a gaybag tagging along with his hot cowgirl friends.

2:22 pm May, 16 Jimmy said...

Gaybag all the way

2:24 pm May, 16 DarkSock said...

Do you know how hard it is to find a piss-yellow (yet still-legible) font color?

2:26 pm May, 16 Vin Douchal said...

I’d like to hit both these gals with a Northian-sized jizzload on their stomach.
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That dude looks like he’s passing a stone the size of a golf ball. Let’s hope he is
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Has anyone noticed today that if you click the picture there’s a parallel universe going on there?

2:29 pm May, 16 DarkSock said...

^ The alternate reality picture click. Ah yes. I can explain that.
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OK, no I can’t.
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So, while y’all are welcome to dwell in the alternate reality, I’d suggest getting behind the back page to the comments thread by clicking the “comments” link instead of clicking the picture. I’ll have it all figured out in a month or two. Which is fine since I expect the Boss back in two weeks. Unless the Florida Wildlife Commission finds him first.

2:31 pm May, 16 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

He has more bracelets than the hotts. A gaybag cowboy. John Wayne just crapped his coffin.

2:34 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

This appears to be the meme photo we need to improve Dark Sock’s numbers today.

2:36 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he makes Errol Flynn look butch.

2:37 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he maked Red Top look like a man.

2:38 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowboy dude is so gay the bulls run away from him.

2:38 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowboy dude is so gay the well ran dry.

2:40 pm May, 16 mr.reeve said...

Cowboy dude is so gay Liberace asked to borrow his bracelets.

2:42 pm May, 16 mr.reeve said...

Cowboy dude is so gay David Crosby fathered his children.

2:45 pm May, 16 creature said...

aside from a shit eatin’ grin & a stupid hat, ol’ Merv is just pleased as punch…don’t get me wrong he’s pure cheese, but, these gals are pure butter…Raven in the middle could melt around my blazing snicker snee!

2:48 pm May, 16 creature said...

@magnum
John Wayne was light in the loafers…true story

2:48 pm May, 16 DarkSock said...

Cowboy dude is so gay his bull-riding saddle is a Sybian.

2:48 pm May, 16 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Cowboy dude is so gay, Mr. Blackwell came back from the dead to tell him to tone it down just a smidgen,

2:49 pm May, 16 DarkSock said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he thinks the lyrics are “Homo on the Range”.

2:49 pm May, 16 DarkSock said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he had to give up Beechnut Chewing Tobacco because he couldn’t stop swallowing.
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^sorrry.

2:50 pm May, 16 DarkSock said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he plans to move to Butte, Montana.

2:58 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he gargles with Miracle whip.

2:59 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowboy dude is so gay his chaps are made from Gacey.

3:00 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he likes his prairie oysters off the vine.

3:02 pm May, 16 Fatness said...

I’d eat road apples for raven haired goddess in the middle.
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Heeeeeeee Hawwwwwww

3:03 pm May, 16 Fatness said...

Cowboy dude is so gay “cow poke” has an entirely different meaning.

3:04 pm May, 16 jonezy said...

per a suggestion I made a few months ago- I think DSock should provide a weekly “classic Samurai Scrote comments” post.
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There was one day where you compiled a bunch of them together and pasted them into a current comment thread. Now that you have the reigns, let’s re-hash some of the classics Son!
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And Shit.

3:09 pm May, 16 creature said...

cowboy dude is so gay, he has a ‘get back on this saddle’ tramp stamp

3:10 pm May, 16 Hermit said...

Cowboy dude is so gay, he makes Richard Simmons look like Rock Hudson.
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wait………….

3:11 pm May, 16 Hermit said...

Cowboydude is so gay, he makes Ru Paul look like J. Edgar Hoover.
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never mind

3:12 pm May, 16 Vin Douchal said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he can squeeze a charcoal briquette into a diamonique bracelette with his sphincter

3:14 pm May, 16 Vin Douchal said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he got fired from the sperm bank for drinking on the job

3:25 pm May, 16 creature said...

cowboy dude is so gay he thinks the saddle horn goes in the rear…
get it?

3:29 pm May, 16 Banana Hammock said...

ooooooosh… I am all about the hick girls. Hopefully the steers will keep the queers away from the cuntry hotts

3:31 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he uses his spitoon sideways.

3:32 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he uses discarded uterii for rope.

3:33 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he forgot what penultimate meant.

3:34 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he ejaculates ticker tape parades.

3:35 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he breaks of the crayfish tails and sucks their ass.

3:35 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he butters his corn internally.

3:36 pm May, 16 DarkSock said...

Cowboy dude is so gay the only rodeos he attends have Vikings and yogurt in them.

3:37 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowbot dude is so gay he always plays caboose.

3:38 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowboy dude is so gay his prostate is measures in leagues.

3:38 pm May, 16 DarkSock said...

Cowboy dude is so gay his saddle sores are on his knees.

3:39 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he goes to Vegas to fellate patio umbrellas.

3:39 pm May, 16 DarkSock said...

Cowboy dude is so gay only whales can hear him fart.
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What?

3:40 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he fists himself with pianos.

3:40 pm May, 16 DarkSock said...

Cowboy dude is so gay his spurs are mounted on his buddy’s boots.

3:40 pm May, 16 DarkSock said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he downloads dildos from iTunes.

3:41 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he fits Oprah’s corsets.

3:42 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he has a hydroponic cock operation.

3:43 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he sweats taffita.

3:52 pm May, 16 soy bomb said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he makes a three dollar bill look straight.

3:53 pm May, 16 soy bomb said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he thinks two homosexual men blowing each other isn’t gay enough.

4:09 pm May, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowbot dude is so gay he perspires piss- yellow ( yet still legible) font colors.

4:11 pm May, 16 creature said...

cowboy dude is so gay he thinks “Oklahoma” is butch

4:19 pm May, 16 creature said...

cowboy dude is so gay he farts “Home on the Range” in baritone

4:20 pm May, 16 creature said...

cowboy dude is so gay he shaves his anal tufts on longhorn

4:33 pm May, 16 Duck, duck, douche said...

Wait what? Who in the fuck gave darksock the keys to the car? Godamnit people, I leave for like 3 years and now this fuckers running the joint? I think I’ll go suck on the hot end of an Iroc tailpipe and pray for forgiveness now. He puts the peen in ball peen hammer people….come on!

What’s next? Flyteeth gets his own damn book and t.v. deal?

Fuck! I need some consistency in my bag mashing. When I infrequent this site I expect overly verbose commentary on the slow slide of society into all that is represented by Jersey Shore juxtaposed by a classic Dickensian work not “that dude could strain corned beef through a water grate”.

Regards
Yours very douchely the ex D.Baggins

4:59 pm May, 16 Nancy Dreuche said...

@duck, duck, douche, DB1 left because you touch yourself at night. I’m pretty sure that’s why your Dad left too. Are you happy now? I say the good Sir Sock is doin’ a fine job conducting this crazy train.
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And this douche is so gay he thought “Mamma Mia” could have used more ABBA.

5:07 pm May, 16 Mr. Biggs said...

Glee’s gone Western! And by Glee I mean Gay.

5:58 pm May, 16 Duck, duck, douche said...

Umm the only touching that occurs on an infrequent basis happens in the bathroom at your local truck stop when I pay Purg Hottie $5 to give me a blumpkin with the rimjob cleanup ace. Now crawl back under the chassis of that 2010 Prius and finish that Jiffy Lube special you were working on.

Sock wtf did you do with Jay? I’m Amber alerting his ass and calling for an all points douche bulletin.

6:05 pm May, 16 Flyteeth said...

OH IM GONNA GE TMY FUCCEN TV SHOW ALLR IGHT! IT WILL BE CALLED THE REAL TARMAL OF TARMAL TOWN!

6:29 pm May, 16 Nancy Dreuche said...

^I’m getting TV just to watch that Flyteeth. Uh well, as long as its on basic cable that is.

6:39 pm May, 16 Nancy Dreuche said...

@DDandD, gah I wish I knew how to change my own oil let alone other peoples. It would save me some serious cash. Thanks for thinking I had technical savvy. Keep on pining for DB1. Maybe light a candle in your window tonight.

6:41 pm May, 16 Duck, duck, douche said...

Flyteeth

Call it WHOARTHS OF TARMAL and I’m in for sure. Nothing but love for my brotha from another mother ship! Glad to see you got you’re own blog to differentiate you from all the other fagoaths.

However I have it on good authority that you are not in fact the real Flyoteeth, you are in fact merely a minion sent to do his masters bidding while he/she/it is off subjecting the intergalactic masses. Never the less I have love for you and all of our interstellar bag bashing brethren.

6:44 pm May, 16 DarkSock said...

“that dude could strain corned beef through a water grate”…
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heh heh heh I’m going to somehow work that into a post.
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I put the dick in “Dickensian”; the low in “Low Brow”; the fuck in “Strawberry”….
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Wait…there ain’t no fuccen strawberry…you’ll have to settle for vanilla or chocolate sir.
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I put the mmmm in Ammmbien…

7:36 pm May, 16 Steve said...

Oh man. I swore I would never visit Texas (or any redneck town for that matter), but this pic is making me seriously reconsider.





Actually, forget I said that. Being a Brooklyn native they’d be looking to start shit with me the moment I speak.

9:37 pm May, 16 Sir David Douchenborough said...

It appears my stereotyping machine is getting broken as I am at loss as to what the subtext would be for this tripartite tripping its way into one of many surreal reconstructions of a western drinking establishment. Are the hotts here towing Todd along to serve as a fabulous gatekeeper? It would appear so as there is no indications of poorly attempted alt-country attired douchenozzles establishing a holding pattern around these vixens, and one gentleman is in fact walking away with those two. I can only speculate that Todd performed his gatekeeping duty with ironically Peter-like gravitas, or said gentleman gave up before he even started.
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Either way, it may speak to their wisdom of these hotts if this was truly the logic. Then again, it could been just a “OMG! Let’s go to a Western bar and bring Todd along, it will be sooo fun!.” In which case, the douche arms race might result in Todd being distracted by a well placed ‘curious’ fraboy from Texas A&M expressing his joy of barebacking, and well, there will be little use in closing the gate now that the hotts have been released.

1:55 am May, 17 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he wears riding spurs on his balls.

1:56 am May, 17 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Cowboy dude is so gay Popeye can fist him comfortably.

1:58 am May, 17 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Cowboy dude is so gay his farts uproot giant sequoias.

1:59 am May, 17 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he put a glory hole in the back of a urinal.

2:02 am May, 17 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Cowboy dude is so gay the horn on his saddle has callouses.

2:04 am May, 17 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he has a lasso asshole.

2:06 am May, 17 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Cowboy dude is so gay he wears a 10-gallon colostomy bag.

2:49 am May, 17 Kamagra said...

These girls are pure butter … Raven could melt all through my laughter extravagant Snee

7:09 am May, 17 Collaz B. Popped said...

Cowboy is so gay his favorite band is The Dildonics.

7:18 am May, 17 Boner said...

Cowboy dude is gay he my boner gave him a boner.

9:53 am May, 17 creature said...

cowboy dude is so gay his boots pliet when he removes them

11:24 am May, 17 creature said...

cowboy dude is so gay his leggins are made of hardened santorum

11:47 am May, 17 Anonymous said...

Cowboy dude is so gay, he gets a colonoscopy to relax after a hard day’s.

11:48 am May, 17 Anonymous said...

Cowboy dude is so gay, his gerbils have full blown rodeos in his recutm.

1:21 pm May, 17 Medusa Oblongata said...

Cowboy dude is so gay, they use his ass for the bull chute.

1:21 pm May, 17 Medusa Oblongata said...

Cowboy dude is so gay, Custer’s last stand was in his colon.

1:22 pm May, 17 Medusa Oblongata said...

Cowboy dude is so gay, he thought Brokeback Mountain was about geography.

1:22 pm May, 17 Medusa Oblongata said...

Cowboy dude is so gay, he uses Roy Rogers’ sparkly shirts as shop towels.

1:23 pm May, 17 Medusa Oblongata said...

Cowboy dude is so gay, “Rhinestone Cowboy” was written about him.

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