Monday, May 16, 2011
MR. WHITE’S HCwDB SING-ALONG EDITION: DOUCHEY IN THE STRAW
HCwDB reg Mr. White offers the following soundtrack for Country Molestern and his Reversed Cowgirls:
Oh I went down to the bar
But I didn’t make it far;
‘Fore I spied me a grinnin’
douchey hittin’ on the wimmin!
So I hit ‘im in the face
with a large metallic mace,
Then I made my move to court
a girl in tiny, tiny shorts.
Douchey in the straw, douchey in a hat
Hit ‘im in the stomach with a heavy baseball bat
Lookin’ at some ladies that you’d surely like to paw
Whlle you’re listenin’ to a tune called Douchey in the Straw!
Nice work Mr. White. And nice cowgirls. Brunette has my pants moving all weird like. This might be a gaybag tagging along with his hot cowgirl friends.
Gaybag all the way
Do you know how hard it is to find a piss-yellow (yet still-legible) font color?
I’d like to hit both these gals with a Northian-sized jizzload on their stomach.
.
That dude looks like he’s passing a stone the size of a golf ball. Let’s hope he is
.
Has anyone noticed today that if you click the picture there’s a parallel universe going on there?
^ The alternate reality picture click. Ah yes. I can explain that.
.
.
.
.
OK, no I can’t.
.
So, while y’all are welcome to dwell in the alternate reality, I’d suggest getting behind the back page to the comments thread by clicking the “comments” link instead of clicking the picture. I’ll have it all figured out in a month or two. Which is fine since I expect the Boss back in two weeks. Unless the Florida Wildlife Commission finds him first.
He has more bracelets than the hotts. A gaybag cowboy. John Wayne just crapped his coffin.
This appears to be the meme photo we need to improve Dark Sock’s numbers today.
Cowboy dude is so gay he makes Errol Flynn look butch.
Cowboy dude is so gay he maked Red Top look like a man.
Cowboy dude is so gay the bulls run away from him.
Cowboy dude is so gay the well ran dry.
Cowboy dude is so gay Liberace asked to borrow his bracelets.
Cowboy dude is so gay David Crosby fathered his children.
aside from a shit eatin’ grin & a stupid hat, ol’ Merv is just pleased as punch…don’t get me wrong he’s pure cheese, but, these gals are pure butter…Raven in the middle could melt around my blazing snicker snee!
@magnum
John Wayne was light in the loafers…true story
Cowboy dude is so gay his bull-riding saddle is a Sybian.
Cowboy dude is so gay, Mr. Blackwell came back from the dead to tell him to tone it down just a smidgen,
Cowboy dude is so gay he thinks the lyrics are “Homo on the Range”.
Cowboy dude is so gay he had to give up Beechnut Chewing Tobacco because he couldn’t stop swallowing.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
^sorrry.
Cowboy dude is so gay he plans to move to Butte, Montana.
Cowboy dude is so gay he gargles with Miracle whip.
Cowboy dude is so gay his chaps are made from Gacey.
Cowboy dude is so gay he likes his prairie oysters off the vine.
I’d eat road apples for raven haired goddess in the middle.
.
Heeeeeeee Hawwwwwww
Cowboy dude is so gay “cow poke” has an entirely different meaning.
per a suggestion I made a few months ago- I think DSock should provide a weekly “classic Samurai Scrote comments” post.
.
There was one day where you compiled a bunch of them together and pasted them into a current comment thread. Now that you have the reigns, let’s re-hash some of the classics Son!
.
And Shit.
cowboy dude is so gay, he has a ‘get back on this saddle’ tramp stamp
Cowboy dude is so gay, he makes Richard Simmons look like Rock Hudson.
.
.
.
.
wait………….
Cowboydude is so gay, he makes Ru Paul look like J. Edgar Hoover.
.
.
.
.
.
never mind
Cowboy dude is so gay he can squeeze a charcoal briquette into a diamonique bracelette with his sphincter
Cowboy dude is so gay he got fired from the sperm bank for drinking on the job
cowboy dude is so gay he thinks the saddle horn goes in the rear…
get it?
ooooooosh… I am all about the hick girls. Hopefully the steers will keep the queers away from the cuntry hotts
Cowboy dude is so gay he uses his spitoon sideways.
Cowboy dude is so gay he uses discarded uterii for rope.
Cowboy dude is so gay he forgot what penultimate meant.
Cowboy dude is so gay he ejaculates ticker tape parades.
Cowboy dude is so gay he breaks of the crayfish tails and sucks their ass.
Cowboy dude is so gay he butters his corn internally.
Cowboy dude is so gay the only rodeos he attends have Vikings and yogurt in them.
Cowbot dude is so gay he always plays caboose.
Cowboy dude is so gay his prostate is measures in leagues.
Cowboy dude is so gay his saddle sores are on his knees.
Cowboy dude is so gay he goes to Vegas to fellate patio umbrellas.
Cowboy dude is so gay only whales can hear him fart.
.
.
.
What?
Cowboy dude is so gay he fists himself with pianos.
Cowboy dude is so gay his spurs are mounted on his buddy’s boots.
Cowboy dude is so gay he downloads dildos from iTunes.
Cowboy dude is so gay he fits Oprah’s corsets.
Cowboy dude is so gay he has a hydroponic cock operation.
Cowboy dude is so gay he sweats taffita.
Cowboy dude is so gay he makes a three dollar bill look straight.
Cowboy dude is so gay he thinks two homosexual men blowing each other isn’t gay enough.
Cowbot dude is so gay he perspires piss- yellow ( yet still legible) font colors.
cowboy dude is so gay he thinks “Oklahoma” is butch
cowboy dude is so gay he farts “Home on the Range” in baritone
cowboy dude is so gay he shaves his anal tufts on longhorn
Wait what? Who in the fuck gave darksock the keys to the car? Godamnit people, I leave for like 3 years and now this fuckers running the joint? I think I’ll go suck on the hot end of an Iroc tailpipe and pray for forgiveness now. He puts the peen in ball peen hammer people….come on!
What’s next? Flyteeth gets his own damn book and t.v. deal?
Fuck! I need some consistency in my bag mashing. When I infrequent this site I expect overly verbose commentary on the slow slide of society into all that is represented by Jersey Shore juxtaposed by a classic Dickensian work not “that dude could strain corned beef through a water grate”.
Regards
Yours very douchely the ex D.Baggins
@duck, duck, douche, DB1 left because you touch yourself at night. I’m pretty sure that’s why your Dad left too. Are you happy now? I say the good Sir Sock is doin’ a fine job conducting this crazy train.
.
And this douche is so gay he thought “Mamma Mia” could have used more ABBA.
Glee’s gone Western! And by Glee I mean Gay.
Umm the only touching that occurs on an infrequent basis happens in the bathroom at your local truck stop when I pay Purg Hottie $5 to give me a blumpkin with the rimjob cleanup ace. Now crawl back under the chassis of that 2010 Prius and finish that Jiffy Lube special you were working on.
Sock wtf did you do with Jay? I’m Amber alerting his ass and calling for an all points douche bulletin.
OH IM GONNA GE TMY FUCCEN TV SHOW ALLR IGHT! IT WILL BE CALLED THE REAL TARMAL OF TARMAL TOWN!
^I’m getting TV just to watch that Flyteeth. Uh well, as long as its on basic cable that is.
@DDandD, gah I wish I knew how to change my own oil let alone other peoples. It would save me some serious cash. Thanks for thinking I had technical savvy. Keep on pining for DB1. Maybe light a candle in your window tonight.
Flyteeth
Call it WHOARTHS OF TARMAL and I’m in for sure. Nothing but love for my brotha from another mother ship! Glad to see you got you’re own blog to differentiate you from all the other fagoaths.
However I have it on good authority that you are not in fact the real Flyoteeth, you are in fact merely a minion sent to do his masters bidding while he/she/it is off subjecting the intergalactic masses. Never the less I have love for you and all of our interstellar bag bashing brethren.
“that dude could strain corned beef through a water grate”…
.
heh heh heh I’m going to somehow work that into a post.
.
I put the dick in “Dickensian”; the low in “Low Brow”; the fuck in “Strawberry”….
.
Wait…there ain’t no fuccen strawberry…you’ll have to settle for vanilla or chocolate sir.
.
I put the mmmm in Ammmbien…
Oh man. I swore I would never visit Texas (or any redneck town for that matter), but this pic is making me seriously reconsider.
…
…
…
…
…
Actually, forget I said that. Being a Brooklyn native they’d be looking to start shit with me the moment I speak.
It appears my stereotyping machine is getting broken as I am at loss as to what the subtext would be for this tripartite tripping its way into one of many surreal reconstructions of a western drinking establishment. Are the hotts here towing Todd along to serve as a fabulous gatekeeper? It would appear so as there is no indications of poorly attempted alt-country attired douchenozzles establishing a holding pattern around these vixens, and one gentleman is in fact walking away with those two. I can only speculate that Todd performed his gatekeeping duty with ironically Peter-like gravitas, or said gentleman gave up before he even started.
.
Either way, it may speak to their wisdom of these hotts if this was truly the logic. Then again, it could been just a “OMG! Let’s go to a Western bar and bring Todd along, it will be sooo fun!.” In which case, the douche arms race might result in Todd being distracted by a well placed ‘curious’ fraboy from Texas A&M expressing his joy of barebacking, and well, there will be little use in closing the gate now that the hotts have been released.
Cowboy dude is so gay he wears riding spurs on his balls.
Cowboy dude is so gay Popeye can fist him comfortably.
Cowboy dude is so gay his farts uproot giant sequoias.
Cowboy dude is so gay he put a glory hole in the back of a urinal.
Cowboy dude is so gay the horn on his saddle has callouses.
Cowboy dude is so gay he has a lasso asshole.
Cowboy dude is so gay he wears a 10-gallon colostomy bag.
These girls are pure butter … Raven could melt all through my laughter extravagant Snee
Cowboy is so gay his favorite band is The Dildonics.
Cowboy dude is gay he my boner gave him a boner.
cowboy dude is so gay his boots pliet when he removes them
cowboy dude is so gay his leggins are made of hardened santorum
Cowboy dude is so gay, he gets a colonoscopy to relax after a hard day’s.
Cowboy dude is so gay, his gerbils have full blown rodeos in his recutm.
Cowboy dude is so gay, they use his ass for the bull chute.
Cowboy dude is so gay, Custer’s last stand was in his colon.
Cowboy dude is so gay, he thought Brokeback Mountain was about geography.
Cowboy dude is so gay, he uses Roy Rogers’ sparkly shirts as shop towels.
Cowboy dude is so gay, “Rhinestone Cowboy” was written about him.