Sunday, May 22, 2011

Rock Star Leniency Rule – Metal Edition

The lifeblood of this site are submissions by you, dear readers.

Photographs serendipitously snapped by you of that tool at your cousin’s wedding mackin’ on all the chicks whilst sporting an ant-trail chin-strap beard…

The Thick-necked gym troll whose image you clicked at a bar whilst he was distracted displaying full pee-cockk regalia, hoping to incite a coma-level call-and-response by yayo-fluttered labia, making their soft pink forced-air hum, like dying earthworms on a hot plate…

Or more likely, harvested at a club website, filled with endless frames of douchey party goers whose images go right into the Mock Hopper, its unmoving pig-iron grey lips dripping with yellowy chicken-fat and still-writhing veins; out of the other side come small-format tidy pictures, with a terse write-up from The Boss, and we’re off to the races…

Well, I see here that a well-meaning reg caught a tiger shark in his casting nets.

Better walk on by, Boy…

For this is Vinnie Paul, drummer for Pantera, Damage Plan, and several other side projects we’ll not bother to buy anytime soon.

Much respect to Vinnie and his poor late brother DimeBag, whose death, while about as metal as it gets, was tragic and in the end crushingly random, meaningless and too damn soon.  That kid that shot him, who himself wound up wearing his lungs for a vest shortly thereafter courtesy of an off-duty cop and his scatter-gun, took from us a primal force.  But Dimebag and Vinnie, who clearly have been mistaken by a valiant but novice eye, ain’t EVEN no douchebags, Hoss.

When you see tomorrow’s tool shed filled with last week’s preening and clueless contenders it will center us all, from these nottas and the pale scurrying wannabies.

It shall FOCUS us like the projector in a junior high school Sex Ed video that no one really wanted to watch but did.

For tomorrow is your last chance to vote before The Boss is Back next week!!!

EDIT:  Astute readers noted that my headline “pardoning” Vinnie P was redundant, and repetitive, with the Rockstar Leniency Rule; hence redundant.  So I retitled the post to purge all posted redundancy from this post.

DS

# posted by Bagnonymous
3:42 am May, 23 Douchble Helix said...

A ‘Pardon’ or Rock Star Leniency?

4:22 am May, 23 Collaz B. Popped said...

Major fuccen Rock Star Leniency.

6:16 am May, 23 DarkSock said...

I think true Heavy Metal guys like Vinnie, Zakk Wylde, Scott Ian, etc. stopped being rock stars a few years ago when the great pendulum swung far back to dance pop electronica ruling the mainstream.
.
.
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But, yeah…RSL would apply here too, I reckon.
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Damn you, Lunesta and George Dickel.

6:45 am May, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Samurai Scrote invented the ridiculously large Vinnie Paul snare. Vinnie Paul is so relevant to drumming today that it was discontinued by Pearl.
I like Vinnie, big, loud, fat, old like me.

7:09 am May, 23 Wedgie said...

More like Rock Brown Dwarf…..you are too lenient.

7:14 am May, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

Kettlehead Reveal. Pointing at her boobs. Stage 1 Bag. Bring it Fan Club! Pantera is cool but rules is rules.

7:19 am May, 23 Douchble Helix said...

Too bad, DS. You almost had the perfect week.
You’re in good company, though. It’s kinda like when HST got snagged by the CHiPs guy, so he does a bootlegger’s turn and some other fancy pageant walkin’ with The Great Shark to show this snot nosed punk cop that he didn’t just pull over some yabo from the hills. Or the valley. Or wherever. Yessirree, HST gets himself out of the vehicle just as cool as can be. Smoke in one hand, can of Bud in the other. Shit!
Aw Hell, just busting your stones. Great job all week!!

7:25 am May, 23 DarkSock said...

He passed my “Would I have a beer with this guy” litmus test.
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Donk? No.
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StackHouse? Hells no.
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King D? Mebbe…but he’d ruin it by ordering a Cosmo.
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Ricky The EveryBag? Fuck yeah.
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John Largeman? Did it last week.
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I regret nothing.

7:45 am May, 23 Wedgie said...

^Not even the hat?

10:47 am May, 23 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Sock 6:16
Zakk Wylde can suck alpaca balls after he got ensnared in this hot Douchebag mess. And, yes, that is the venerable Chad Kroeger chiming in there. Love the new ‘do. Rev, I had no idea you liked being so pretty. Snork. And If you notice, Zakk doesn’t show his face one fuccen time in this video. I wouldn’t, either. Hope he got paid well.

12:55 pm May, 23 Et Tu Douche? said...

Pantera’s version of Black Sabbaths “Planet Caravan” is right on and Dimebag Daryll is one of the cooler nicknames in rock. A definite notta.

10:15 am May, 24 Redneckbag said...

Great call, DS, and well said. …ain’t Even no douchebag. Not even stage 1.

3:38 pm May, 28 toasty redhead said...

I agree 100%

1:39 am May, 29 online game rentals said...

I agree 100%

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