Thursday, May 19, 2011

Out Caste – A Study in Societal Stratification: by Crucial Aloysius Head

The great philosopher Confuse-us once opined that the Douchebag Society has, since ancient times, adhered like donkey jizz to a complex hierarchy of tribal communities commonly referred to as an “Out Caste” system.

This system contains many levels of Scrote which have been detailed in full throughout the Holy Scriptures.

In this case, we see a devout member of the Out Caste system, Franklin Stein suffering the humiliation of letting his Bindi slide from Bra!man status (typically located between the eyebrows – directly in line with the mark of the bag), to the lowly Fungtouchable state (Bindi between the eyes – facial fung multiplying at an alarming rate).

Now that partially medicated Mary and ashamed Shelly have seen the folly of Franklin’s ways, mayhaps they’ll feel more at ease by joining me for a moment of Tantric respite on my yoga mat whilst I ply them with real comic book legends like Captain Haddock, Professor Calculus and Tintin.

# posted by Bagnonymous
9:03 am May, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Seal Team Six has acquired the target, waiting for go, over.

9:05 am May, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^Son.

9:09 am May, 19 Claude Douchenbagger said...

Right to Left
Speak no douche
See no douche
Douche!

9:15 am May, 19 Mr. Belvadouche said...

He 100% has this tramp stamp:
Enter @ Ur own Risk
!
!
!
V

9:23 am May, 19 mr.reeve said...

What fucking website is this, Vegans with Frumpy Chicks?

9:43 am May, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

The only thing that’s been punished is my eyes. No, I take that back. His poor, little weenus has been punished to the point that it puked its last meager amount of guppy mayo that landed between his eyes and formed a scab that he couldn’t leave alone and picked it off resulting in the bleeding bindi of Katmandouche. Now make yourself useful and get me some take away curry and a Lion stout, stat!

9:46 am May, 19 baffomet said...

What has been seen, can not be unseen….

9:54 am May, 19 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Shelly, do I know you? no, no, I don’t. I thought I did for a moment, but it isn’t the same tall, thin bottle redhead. Tho I think they use the same bottle of color.
.
Fortunately for my friend, as I’d have to give her crap for appearing her and reproach her for her douchebag ways.

9:54 am May, 19 DarkSock said...

Maria enjoyed the warm rush of sticky serum down her throat that followed the muffled *pop* as she bit down slowly on the fattened pale-grey deer tick that she plucked off of Mike’s forehead.

9:59 am May, 19 Mr. White said...

I didn’t know that you could get chlamydia on your face.

10:17 am May, 19 Vin Douchal said...

He is a dough-y mess of a man. Dude needs a serious make over from Clinton and Stacey. Or maybe a deranged Laotian soldier wielding a machete

10:20 am May, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

I feel like I’m being punished for something by looking at these three.
Ashamed Shelly has the right idea.

@Crucial, is Tintin the Tintiin of RinTintin?

10:25 am May, 19 jonezy said...

LOLz Mr. Reeve. Well played.
.
And Shit.
.
Back to the regularly scheduled Hotts Mr. Dirksulk

10:35 am May, 19 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Yes people, by all means keep drinking cheap scotch and smoking all through pregnancy. You will have perfectly healthy, intelligent children as referenced in exhibits A,B, and C. I have seen a higher combined IQ in a bag of tangerines…

10:40 am May, 19 Hermit said...

I give Shelly some credit for being ashamed.
.

She must also be commended for choosing a wife beater as maternity wear.

11:15 am May, 19 Hermit said...

I don’t wish to dispute anything in Crucial Head’s excellent discourse, but I must point out that Donkey Jizz has been entirely replaced in India and Pakistan by chemical epoxies and other man-made adhesives.
As far as I know, the only place where Donkey Jizz is still widely used is Homoslavia<sup®, primarily because Homoslavics are steeped in tradition, and the ritual harvesting of Donkey Jizz is still considered an enjoyable pastime.

12:05 pm May, 19 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Nothing says “Tough Guy” quite like a Punisher tattoo accented by man tits….

12:23 pm May, 19 DarkSock said...

^Actually, Douchy W, that’s a bite mark from Plinky’s Mom’s left penis.

4:33 pm May, 19 tall guy said...

Mmmm, tantra.

4:55 pm May, 19 Wedgie said...

While I agree that he is a douchebag, I must dispute the hotness of said “chicks”. Although, to be fair, the one that is hiding could be hot. You just don’t see them hide their faces usually, if they’re an asset.
Speaking of assets………is it pear time yet?

5:14 pm May, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

Where’s Frank Castle at a time like this? I’d like to see this guy get beaten into a dollop of butterscotch pudding.
.
@ Dr. BHD:
“Guppy Mayo”.
.
SNOT ROCKET.
.
You owe Mr. Biscotti 1 laptop. And make sure it’s a North American one, this gay-ass European keyboard confuses the shit out of me.

6:33 am May, 20 The Punisher said...

*shakes his head*

“Of all the superhero logos, this ass had to pick mine.”

*walks away muttering to himself*

10:54 pm May, 20 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I see something more akin to the famous monkey trio of “,See no evil, hear no evi, speak no evil,l” or put more like the British, “Honi soit qui mal y pense” which translates form the Latin into “Evil be to him whom evil thinks.”
Son.

10:57 pm May, 20 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

This appears to be some odd admixture of the famous “One-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people-eater” legend.
That’s what douche-Bleethbaggery does to a perfectly clear description of a Gargoyle

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