Monday, May 30, 2011

Peter Pumpinhead and Mary Mamm Wish You a Happy and Pensive Memorial Day

Your humble narrator has officially returned.

Refreshed.

Revived.

Refried.

Poached and sunnyside up. Back from my spiritual quest through the West Andes, Uttar Pradesh, the Adirondacks and the second floor of Macy’s in search of new socks.

A noble and far reaching quest in which I meditated, ruminated and micturated on the subject of hottie/douchey transendentalgism.

But first I must pay homage to the legendary and superb work of the master ‘bagger who held down the fort in my absence, DarkSock.

As the site continues to grow, I hope more ‘bag hunters can join me on the mainpage and continue the fight to mock the choadscrote and lust their hottie’s suckle thigh.

Also major props to all regs who contributed posts in my absence. Your hilarious work helped push me on my journey and brought about spiritual enlightenment from the Rashi God Shard that came to me in my fever dreams and visionquest.

Tomorrow, the mock resumes full-speed.

For there are douches to be collectively ridiculed.

And boobies to be appreciated.

And therein the dialectics of Truth occur. At the cusp of the generative event horizon of phenomenological perception. Where the limitations and impermeability of cohesive language ends, the semiotics of images begin, and the Lacanian lack reflects Ourselves back to us, mediated and transformed as the Other becomes the Self. And the virtual mirror of primal perception returns archetypal truth once again.

# posted by douchebag1
7:37 am May, 30 Crottenham said...

This picture suggests he has a teeny, tiny little head…..is that steroid induced?

7:53 am May, 30 Matuse said...

I don’t think that guy can put on his tshirts without help from someone else, with his ‘roid bumped shoulders getting in the way.

WHY DO PEOPLE THINK THIS LOOKS GOOD!?

7:54 am May, 30 I R A Darth Aggie said...

She is the perfect example of the DoucheDox: I am at once attracted an repulsed.

8:03 am May, 30 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Welcome back. Now is this guy paralyzed from the chin down? Every photo is the same full body pose?

8:18 am May, 30 Boner said...

He’s like a boner in every picture. Hard and leaning off to one side…..well at least that’s what look like………..

8:19 am May, 30 Boner said...

And happy Memorial Day to all the ‘bag hunters who serve in the military. Thank you and “Get some” sons……..

8:24 am May, 30 mr.reeve said...

^What “Boner” said.
Welcome back Boss. And nice work Sock. You did the Lords work Son and for that we are all greatful.

8:47 am May, 30 Ted Brogan said...

Welcome back DB1! You have been missed. DS had big shoes to fill, but he excelled.

8:48 am May, 30 Ted Brogan said...

Also, Lumpy McBrosefstein needs to figure out a way to work out his head muscles.

9:13 am May, 30 The Dude said...

WB DB1
LOL ROFL
Contraction Haiku For You

9:46 am May, 30 Nancy Dreuche said...

Hey cool, black print is back.
.
This effing Pumpin Head guy. This douche has to be as dumb as a box of retarded hair. Why else would you get that big? This is textbook over compensation. So either he’s got the world’s tinyest wang or he’s borderline tarded.

10:30 am May, 30 Crottenham said...

….probably both!

10:31 am May, 30 Douche Assassin said...

The problem is not that they do exist. The problem is that anyone has the unfortunate reality that, they too must be tainted with pumped up, super tan scrote.

10:43 am May, 30 Darksock said...

Hungover I am.

11:17 am May, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

BURP. Son.

11:57 am May, 30 Troy Tempest said...

I’m waiting for an image of him where his arms and chest have exploded like over-ripe meat melons.

11:57 am May, 30 Steve said...

I don’t get it. I thought steroid abuse INCREASED the size of your head. Well, at the very least, at least now we know he’s symmetrical. Until now I figured he was just big on the right side since he always leans his left side away from the camera in all the other pictures.

The best part is that one day he will literally deflate like a balloont. Someone oughta tell all these jocks that when you get old it’s all gonna sag whether it’s fat or muscle.

12:06 pm May, 30 Troy Tempest said...

and speeeekin of melons, Mary Mamm’s humungous fake booberoobie-oobies are gonna wreck havoc with her back in 10 years, and when she’s 60 and hasn’t had them removed, the osteoperosis from years of drinkin and druggin and bad food will have her bent over with a massive dowagers hump, holding onto a cane to stay erect.
http://www.visualphotos.com/photo/1×7775503/an_old_woman_dowagers_hump_np00433164.jpg
and they will droop all the way to her knees.
http://i203.photobucket.com/albums/aa106/thechameleon_rls/BigBoobs.png

2:23 pm May, 30 schlicht bindenburger said...

the cumbubble floats blissfully unaware!

2:39 pm May, 30 creature said...

welcome back boss…the gauntlet has been dropped & your royal subjects require that you feed us daily pear!
in this Mockna Carta we also demand a voice beyond the comments thread…we will not merely feed on cake…DarkSock has shown us the way & the villagers now carry torches…all that & fuck fish slap!

3:50 pm May, 30 Wedgie said...

A contender in the yearly.

6:05 pm May, 30 Nancy Dreuche said...

I do not want to be around this douche when the steriods stop working. If you thought RevChad’s multi-tiered breakdown was rough, imagine this douche all skin and tears. Non-stop.

6:09 pm May, 30 Douche ex Machina said...

This couple disturbs me to the point of insanity.

There. I’m insane now.

6:18 pm May, 30 Mr. White said...

I fear that this choad will walk away with a yearly in spite of a 100% lack of hot chick. Please save us, DB1.

6:39 pm May, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Is it just me or did Medusa’s post about the guy gettin assraped by a horse disappear?

a condom filled with walnuts is still no substitute for a dick.

i think he sits like that because he always injects the beef steroids into the same buttock.

sadly for him, his supplier is in the dominican, if he could afford quality american agricultural steroids, he would be getting his recommended(for him) daily allowance of antibiotics.

7:25 pm May, 30 Et Tu Douche? said...

I was hoping for some late night pear but alas nada. Oh well we was spoiled while the boss was away.
.
@Rev
Yes her post does seems to have disappeared

7:27 pm May, 30 Et Tu Douche? said...

@ Rev
Check that it’s not that it disappeared it is on the Fishslap post.

7:30 pm May, 30 Douchebag Apologist said...

They were meant for each other.

There is a God!

7:50 pm May, 30 Bag Margera said...

I remember Veg Armstrong well. I can’t remember if I voted for him, or got angry for him not being considered for the vote. Roidbags are the worst. They are at the top of the hit-list for me. Now that he is newly reincarnated as Pumpinhead, and littering all over this website, I expect him to be well on his way to the yearlies.

9:18 pm May, 30 Wheezer said...

Yes, DS1 (“The Hoss”) did quite an admirable job of maintaining the page, and don’t think it was all about the ass pear overload…..errrrr, suitable quantity of ass pear.
.
But now DB1 (“The Boss”) is back (see what I did there?) and we are all ready to mock alongside our refreshed and revered leader as he drains more ‘Train and wolfs down some Hostess snacks, and…..oh fugg it. BRING ON THE BOOBIES!

9:49 pm May, 30 DarkSock said...

And I would be quite remiss if I did not thank ALL of those who answered the call to share the burden of white-washing Tom Sawyer’s fence.
.
You guys all did an awesome job. I could have done all the posts in DB1’s absence as he sought enlightenment, but it would’a been like 2 weeks of my silly-ass posts. Plus gratuitous ass pictures.
.
But no. It was much more. It was an amalgam of the best and brightest that this website has to offer.
.
Plus gratuitous ass pictures.
.
And for that I thank you all.
.
We put the “ass” in “gratuitass”.

12:41 am May, 31 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

The “suck it” hand gesture. Nothin’ but class baby.

.

Well, nothing but class and HGH.

.

Well, nothing but class, HGH, and silicone.

.

Well, nothing but class, HGH, silicone, and daddy issues (for both of them).

.

Well… Um, yeah. I gots nothin’.

2:14 am May, 31 Collaz B. Popped said...

Tiny wienie, contender for the yearly.

5:03 am May, 31 Troy Tempest said...

See how he crosses his wrists? That’s as far as his arms can go. If his shoulder itches – he’s completely fucked.

5:58 am May, 31 Seth said...

Dude, it’s not just that he looks like a condom full of walnuts; it’s that every chick I’ve seen him posing with is fake breasts, orange tan, and bleach-blond hair. All of them look like porn stars two years before the Oxy habit becomes a serious problem and they have to start sucking off clients to in the champagne room supplement their regular stripping gigs.

Wow, that is a depressing image, actually.

7:51 am May, 31 Anonymous said...

In Veg Armstrong, she had at least a nice smile to go along with those ridiculous inflateable bolt ons. Now, just looks like a mean ass bitch. Not even smiling. Not good. For her.

3:32 pm May, 31 Stephanie said...

They win the people staring at you contest,unfortunately it’s for freakishness.

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