Sunday, May 29, 2011

Sometimes you slap the fish…and sometimes the fish slaps you

Well, my time behind the wheel here at HCwDB draws to an end. DoucheBag1 returns his firm and calloused hand to the helm; refreshed and wizened from his walkabout, like the Alpaca of Fate after catching that perfect wave.

What enlightenment will he bring forth from the misty crowns of the Andes and the ruins of Chichen Itza and Machu Picchu?

Specifically, has he learned any lessons about messin’ with them alpacas…?


We wait, DB1, with Bated Breath for you to share with us what you herd.

Because you have found the sacred truth:  That in each of us flows some alpaca blood.

We now rejoin DB1 in his journey: to learn, to discover, and most importantly…to mock them silly douche bastards.

And what of myself?  I too now feel a calling; a journey to enlightenment that will pull me away for some time; my own Walkabout.

I’ma Walkabout ten steps over to my wet bar and pour 3 fingers of my very fine 25 year old Rittenhouse Rye, splash a little Fiji Water into it, and enjoy. Because every journey begins with a step; however, like Reverend Chad, mine will end in 12 steps.

I’ll rejoin you all inside the Peanut Gallery tomorrow, where together we shall continue the Fight.

# posted by Bagnonymous
2:15 pm May, 29 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Whoa, check out the hippie chick……….SLURP!

2:20 pm May, 29 Et Tu Douche? said...

Fuck Fish Slap!!!!!
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Kudo’s to DarkSock for stepping in for the Boss and doing a masterful job in his absence. Well done Sir, well done.

2:22 pm May, 29 Et Tu Douche? said...

Hey Sock any chance we can get and by we I mean me a classic boating shot in honor of the holiday weekend and shit?

2:51 pm May, 29 creature said...

well done ‘Sock…you goofy bastard

2:53 pm May, 29 Hermit said...

As DarkSock’s reign of terror and illicit ass pear draws to a close, I wish to thank him on behalf of everyone.
And I do mean everyone, even those llama and alpaca packers over at 4chan.

2:54 pm May, 29 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Yes, yes. But the real question is: did DB1 slay 1000 douchebags with the jawbone of an alpaca?

2:55 pm May, 29 creature said...

oh, & fuck fish slap…he & that midget broad with yankee filth on her dome…if she were to wear a pizza for a hat, now then she’d be nearly perfect!

4:09 pm May, 29 Al Paccah said...

Welcome back. Great job by Sock. Pear’s O Plenty.

5:25 pm May, 29 Hermit said...

I’m hoping that chick on the left is the Eskimo Rev Chad promised to set me up with when I sneak into the Great White North.
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I’m thinking it’s going to take The Rev more than twelve easy steps to kick the narcotics.
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It’ll be more like a combination double marathon and Bataan Death March, but without the refreshments.

5:28 pm May, 29 Hermit said...

Did the Japs pledge so much a mile for each death marcher like they do for a Breast Cancer Awareness March or an AIDS walk?

5:29 pm May, 29 Hermit said...

Did they wear ribbons?

5:39 pm May, 29 Nancy Dreuche said...

Assapalooza is over?!!! All good things must come to a slippery oiled up end, I believe the old saying goes. Overall bang up job DarkSock. And getting a jab at RevChad in your farewell speech: Fucking priceless. For you are upholdig our mission statement in everything you do. We will out dick eachother. And we will do it hard. The out dicking part that is.
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When does old SquaresB1 comeback? I suppose we’ll know by the ringing of the 4 Prongs.

6:13 pm May, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The Reverend Chad has had a great sober day with extended family. And by extended I mean Dad pours 5 fingers if I help with the steaks and salad. I think I should go to a program, but then I realize I am down to ASA with Codeine, booze, and pot. So with the valium and clonazepam. and oxycontin out of my system, I am partying all summer at the Mrs. request as long as I start working seriously in September when the young one goes to JK.

As far as Dark Socks reign I can only say 17 things;
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1- Great job you crazy fuck.
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2- DB1 and Dark Sock may be the same person or corporation. We will never know.
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3- Boston may win the Stanley Cup. If they do not it will be the Canucks. Of this I am certain.
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4- The Baron is very creepy.
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5- What happened to Dicy, Nancy Dreuche.
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6- Do not go longboarding at 46! The details are classified.
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7- Remember Pearl Harbour. Sons.
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8. Be nice to a veteran tomorrow.
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9. The one pear over the edge was classic.
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10. I think a song is in order to send Dark Sock off onto that sweet gray area.
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11. My ball sides are chafing from fucking gardening.
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12. I was not near burning my house down.
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13. You are all nuts! Except me.
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14. My stethascope and sphignanometer tell me I should live for another day. Heartbeat 75 bpm. Blood pressure improved to 220 over 50 so its all good homeslice. I will continue after I beat my computer to death.

6:18 pm May, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

15. Fuck step one in AA. Rehab is for quitters. Son.

6:21 pm May, 29 Douchble Helix said...

Take a bow, DarkSock. You earned it.
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ps There’s lots of horses feeling pretty lonely after 2 weeks. Do what God put on this Earth for, son.

6:22 pm May, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

16: My computer is fucked so listen to More Human than Human for the DS.

6:23 pm May, 29 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Rev, How the fuck would I know? Its not like we were besties and went to the online powder room together to share makeup tips and talk about which one of you assholes we were gonna ask to Sadie Hawkins. She probably is doing the opposite of me and is actually getting some. Otherwise known as being dickmatized. That lucky bitch.

6:26 pm May, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

17: Fuck, am I ever drunk. I need your rye recipe Mr. Mississippi. The Baron of the Bayou. The Reef Keeper. The Oyster Otter. The Architect of the archipelago. The Crab Consulate. The Biloxi Beef. The Horse Pissperer.
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Kroeger out!

6:58 pm May, 29 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

Congrats to the sock for a job well done, and by a job well done, I mean giving us illicit daily pear. And kudos for remembering that the only one who wants a stackhouse retrospective is stackhouse.



And fuck fish slap, son

7:49 pm May, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

How many drinks does it take to get to the center of a good night’s sleep? I haven’t had so much fun with insomnia since I first saw a movie with Ashley Judd. Really would like to bone her and that Kate Hudson though. They are all kinds of older chick crazy yet much younger than me, and I am one hot gay bitch. The other Judd’s not so much but my cousin Karen used to like some dude named Judd Wilson who was somebody sometime in a breakfast movie. Indy 500?

.

9:08 pm May, 29 Darksock said...

I peed in a blog once…

10:54 pm May, 29 Jacques Doucheteau said...

All this talk about alpacas is giving me some ideas.

10:55 pm May, 29 tall guy said...

Well done DarkSock. Really enjoyed having you at the helm.

3:33 am May, 30 Collaz B. Popped said...

“You know who I am? I’m Fish Slap, I made my bones when you were going out with cheerleaders!”

Kudos D. Sock. – One Pear over the Line was classic.

Welcome back DB1, our humble narrator.

4:45 am May, 30 Hermit said...

@ DarkSock,
Now that you’ll have more time on your hands and your efforts will return to romance, be careful and do it safely, my friend.

4:47 am May, 30 Hermit said...

And, fuck you Jacques.

8:35 am May, 30 Douchble Helix said...

I can’t prove nothin’, but my computer sent out some spam e-mails today, which has never happened before. I’m blaming that dog-fucking site.

9:32 am May, 30 Troy Tempest said...

EXCELLENT work, Dark Sock. In one important way, actually better than DB1: You brought voting back to the weekly.

good work, mate.

12:09 pm May, 30 Medusa Oblongata said...

I was too busy doing actual work to get on here yesterday, but here I am, a day late and a dollar short, story of my life. Thank you, DarkSock, for all the laughs and giving my home on the web a shot in the arm. I feel like a real champ for having a hand in the proceedings! Well done, and a hearty huzzah to all of us! And on this Memorial Day, let us all pay tribute to those who have gone before…..Be they man or horse…..Rest In Peace….

7:11 pm May, 30 Mr. Biggs said...

At least he’s not wearing speedos.
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Well done, DarkSock. We aspire to your alpaca-inspired greatness.

9:40 pm May, 30 DarkSock said...

@ Medusa:
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Can’t rape th’ willing….
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^That also applies to those below the poverty level that vote Republican.
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And I do not condone horses peeing in men-folk. Much less what THAT horse did. That just isn’t…..MORAL. Gomer Pyle said it best…”SHAME, SHAME SHAME!”QYREA

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and, apropos of nothing…When did peeing in a horse become…”sexual”?
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EWWWWW!!!! GROSSSSS!!!!!
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Mr. White…suddenly I feel your pain.

9:42 pm May, 30 DarkSock said...

^Like Mr. White’s condom, suddenly I feel all pissed off.
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sorry….

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