Sunday, May 15, 2011

The DB1 Goes on Walkabout

Fellow hunters and huntresses, your humble narrator is embarking on a mystic and meditative roundabout for the next few weeks.

A contemplative hunt for the elusive Grieco Quark, the Kabbalah described ‘Bag Shard that Rashi and Maimonides once spoke of. The douchal revelation that ties the universe together and marks transcendent hottie/douchey dialectic.

During my temporary walkabout, the site will be run by #1 Grasshopper and Supreme ‘Bag Hunter, the legend that is DarkSock, along with able assistance from a number of other regs.

Treat him well. His font will be blue. His wit, rapier.

Carrying only mead wine, rice cakes and led by an ancient, wizened Uraguayan guide named “Tim,” I will ride throuh alpaca country armed only with my wits, trail mix, and a gummi bear slingshot for protection.

I will be back shortly.

In the meantime, your temporary leader, ‘Sock, will guide you.

Treat him well. For the ‘bag mock and hottie lust must continue, unabated, in my absence.

# posted by douchebag1
2:28 pm May, 15 YA said...

What about the horse peeing? Will we get that too?

3:06 pm May, 15 Wheezer said...

When the Boss returns and finds his site renamed “Hot Fillies with Architects,” he’s gonna be none too pleased.

3:45 pm May, 15 Nancy Dreuche said...

Are you having work done DB1? You can just tell us you’re having plastiic surgery, we won’t mock you for it. Oh wait… Bon Voyage! I’ll drop by and feed Flyteeth during your absence.
.
DarkSock, since you’re our new overlord can I request that there be no Four Prong pics during your reign. Also remember that one time I said you were the shit. I meant it. Don’t become a total dick now. Absolute pear, corrupts absolutely.

3:58 pm May, 15 Et Tu Douche? said...

@DB1
Having been on a walkabout myself in the past I offer you good health, and well wishes. If you are truly heading to foreign countries don’t succumb to ethnocentrism as the old saying goes “When in Rome.. ahh you know the rest,
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“Wandering re-establishes the original harmony which once existed between man and the universe”

4:15 pm May, 15 Douche Springsteen said...

godspeed, DB1.

4:25 pm May, 15 creature said...

by ‘walkabout’ do you mean hog phukkin in Arkansas, boss…just askin’

4:31 pm May, 15 creature said...

btw, does the mere presence of a camera make dimwitted hotts suck in their guts & clench their butt cheeks tight enough to crack walnuts?
…if so, uh, that would be a good thing

5:08 pm May, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

As a wise man on a mountain (Stowe, Vt.) once told me during the fateful CSNY trip with the current Mrs. Kroeger and her pet rabbit, Bunny: ” Do not pull on Superman’s cape, do not spit into the wind, do not pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger, and you don’t mess around with Jim.” He also said, ” If for whatever reason you have an appendage amputated don’t pick on the fucking scab!” Dark Sock! That fuccer can never pull it off, look at all of his past wreckage. I always found this song to be a good send off to an epic journey.

5:11 pm May, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Fucking Nickleback. That was supposed to be a clip of them being stoned off stage in Paraguay. This will have to do http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xH-_9cwdLug. Carry on my wayward. Son.

6:03 pm May, 15 Ted Brogan said...

What Douche Springsteen said.

6:33 pm May, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

If you meet Kayleen in the Orient, tell her I said hello. She has a radioactive smile. Too soon? If she has a kid with blue eyes. I want a DNA test.
.
When in Istanbul look up my friend Haldhoun. He said he’s the only Haldhoun in the the phone rock.
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If you swim with dolphins, keep your hand on your mackerel. Those fuckers bite cocck.
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Dark Sock! Salty Fuccen Tears.

6:39 pm May, 15 Hermit said...

It is said that….most people stand in sight of the spiritual mountains all their lives and never enter them, being content to listen to others who have been there, thus avoiding the hardships…
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DB1 is a seeker of Truth. To vanquish an enemy, one must know his foe intimately. I’m just speculating here, but I suspect he’ll enter the belly of the Beast. With a freshly-shaven groin and skin honed to an orange luster, he’ll make a pilgrimage to Vegas. He’ll spend a few days flexing his greased-up muscles for the poolside bleeth, swilling Grey Goose and pounding cans of Bud Lite Lime, all in an effort to immerse himself fully into the douche psyche.
.
He’ll return to LA and seat himself on a park bench, somberly reflecting upon his findings, while feeding whole wheat bagels to the ducks and homeless bag ladies in Griffith Park.

6:48 pm May, 15 soy bomb said...

Have a good one, Boss. I know we’re in safe hands with Dark Sock’s rapist wit.

6:52 pm May, 15 Douchble Helix said...

Stay the fuck outta Greece, DB1. You won’t want to leave your friends behind.

6:53 pm May, 15 Douchble Helix said...

Thank God for white sunglasses. I wouldn’t want to see all that.

6:58 pm May, 15 Flyteeth said...

@NANDY EDREUCEH
I ONLY DRINKK SALTTY FUCCEN TEARSS!

7:29 pm May, 15 UFO Destroyers said...

If it starts getting all rapey and stuff, I’m sure the new boss (same as the old boss) will run this ship aground and start peeing in horses’ butts.
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Just sayin’ son.
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Wishing you well DB1–get the laser hemmorhoid removal, I hear it’s like Star Wars and shit.

7:35 pm May, 15 douche equis said...

>>Absolute pear, corrupts absolutely.<<

Take a bow for that one, Nancy — awesome!

8:12 pm May, 15 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

So long as there is pear on Friday, I’m content.

In fact, if there is pear everyday (hint hint), I’m content.

8:33 pm May, 15 ehcuodouche said...

May you meet your own Jenny Aguttar on your way db1.

8:52 pm May, 15 Douchble Helix said...

I can’t tell for sure. Is this ‘walkabout’ thing code for something weird? I mean, if it’s a vacation DB1, why not call it a ‘vacation’? A late in life ritual of some sort? A belated Bar Miztvah? A Mormon mission? Hey, Mormon’s are cool, just look at Matt & Trey on Broadway!
Too much secrecy for me. Plus, putting the horse pee-er in charge? Whatev.

9:16 pm May, 15 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

We now know that when DB1 decides to walkabout, FLYTEETH suddenly reappears to state his case.
I hope DB1 sees the Dalai Lama on his “tour” and finds spiritual enlightenment, cuz he obviously needs it after a short career organizing the mocking of douchebags.

3:17 am May, 16 Collaz B. Popped said...

Please get shots of spiritually awakened, exotic pear on this pilgrimage.

7:13 am May, 16 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Oh, God, we’re doomed.
.
On the other hand, it will be interesting to see the difference betwixt DB1’s weekly winners and ‘Socks.

7:54 am May, 16 DarkSock said...

I like the cut of your jib, Indiana Choad…hmmmmm….Daily Pear….? I believe that if I keep it clean (only one labia, minimal explicit insertion pics…and strictly bleached buttholes, no gross ones) then I won’t get the Boss kicked off people’s work servers. The cool ones, anyway…

8:19 am May, 16 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Flyteeth, only the saltiest of course. Also I’ve got a bag of TARMAL Chow with your name on it lil’ buddy. We’re gonna have so much fun together.

10:15 am May, 16 tall guy said...

Walk well DB1. You have earned a break!

12:16 pm May, 16 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Boss is going to Switzerland? For it is only at the LHC that they hope to discover the Grieco quark. I am sure that once his hadron packet gets to 12 TeV he will discover the meaning of life the universe and everything. All will become clear. He will return to us like a new-born babe, a tabla rasa if you will. He will be stronger, wiser and able to leap douches while on a pogo stick if they are laying down. And he’s not tanked. Remember Boos, it is not the destination but the journey. And watch out for Steve Perry. He’s an irritating little fucer.

9:15 pm May, 16 jkg said...

As soon as I saw Richard Grieco cast in the Syfy low budget version of Thor, I knew there was going to be a shift in the Choadmos such that it would warrant DB1 to leave his Fortress of Doucholitude.
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Best of luck good sir.

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