Thursday, May 19, 2011

The Hot Mess: Medusa’s Sloppy Seconds Messy Edition

Medusa Oblongata takes time from her busy schedule of bleaching the playpen to deliver this societal eulogy:

In a perfect world, this douchenozzle would have just drowned in the pool. These girls would have fished him out, not to help, but to make a mockery of his hipsterdouche beard and shaved, pallid torso.

In a perfect world, Gigglescarf would swipe his wallet, while Raven LeVamp kneed him in his cold, shrunken genitals. They would leave his limp, wet body on the terrace and head over here for a repast of cupcakes, Doritos and Manhattans, perhaps followed by belly pooching, and more of Raven’s Eye Of Coitus demonstrations.

But this is not a perfect world.

This is where douchebags feel the supple young boobies of poolside hotties press against them.  This is the world where buffoonery and arrogance are rewarded with positive hott interaction.

This is why we must mock.

For the buffoons bed with the hotts tonight as the lone coyote howls over the hills and the tasty snack cakes lie in state in cellophane coffins.

# posted by Bagnonymous
11:12 am May, 19 Duck, duck, douche said...

The one on the right definitely tapes dong. Fairly certain she was one the latest episode of turning in to Chaz. I don’t want to call it a tranny, oh wait yes that is exactly what I want to call it right after she/he/it nuzzles my fuzzy warbles.

As for him I wouldn’t waste the $.32 a bullet would cost, I’d just point to the La Brae Tar pits and yell hair gel.

11:26 am May, 19 Vin Douchal said...

In his mind, he’s on the cover of Details magazine. In our minds he’s on a sewer cover beaten, passed out and head to toe in his own vomit and feces.
.
.
Too much?

11:33 am May, 19 Crottenham said...

Not Hott on the right has some tissue paper peeking out of her bra….drats, everyone thought she was 18, and a chick!

11:35 am May, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I don’t think I would oerform wet analingus here, particularly in regards to the dude.
.
And thank you to those who tested my landing page. It appears to work well in Mississippi, Utah, and California.

11:36 am May, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Niece of Samurai Scrote on the left? Discuss.

11:37 am May, 19 Vin Douchal said...

Dear kroeger sucks

We have received your request and very shortly an executive will contact you at your given details.

Thank you once again for your time.

Regards,
Dale O’Dair

11:42 am May, 19 mr.reeve said...

While I agree with Lady Medusa’s post, I think we deserve some pear postings with all this not so hot chicks being posted today. Check the websites email Sock. There’s pear there.

11:50 am May, 19 Marshawn EnhancedInterogation-Oldschool said...

i am thinking this is the rare berniebag, or corpsedouche, the girls have that special gleam of a job well done, waiting for winston wolfe to show up.

11:55 am May, 19 Mr. Belvadouche said...

whatever. I’d shove my English dong in both of them. Cover boy can wear as many shades as he wants…..this English prick is gettin it in

12:12 pm May, 19 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I think MO is far too nice in her assessment of this unholy triumvirate. In a perfect world Douche Nozzle would have died painfully during a late term abortion, and the two skanks with him would have been sold into the slave trade in some third world, eastern europe turd bowl, where they would have been subjected to non-stop anal intercourse with members of the radiation-mutated clean up crew from Chernobyl.
.
Too much?

12:16 pm May, 19 Mandouchian Candidate said...

DoucheyWallnuts FTW. Skank on right would have stretch marks on both sidesof her taint from all the giant, glowing, callused dong pulsing in and out of her sharthole…

12:17 pm May, 19 Mandouchian Candidate said...

And taint marks on both sides of her stretch.

12:17 pm May, 19 Duck, duck, douche said...

Admin Sock if the link isn’t as kosher as your circumcised salami please slap my hands faster than Anhuld can produce offspring and remove this post.

@ Medusa in case you haven’t found it on teh internets yet

http://www.latfh.com/

12:19 pm May, 19 DarkSock said...

@ Mr. Reeve:
.
There’s a website email?
.
.
.
Dammit, Boss!
.
Worry not, Mr. Reeve; there’s the nightly goody already queued up. But if I hack my way into that email, or if DB1 can sneak off 5 minutes with his sherpa’s iPhone while he’s distracted trying to pitch their yurt, then I shall see if he’ll forward it to me. Because more pear…is more.

12:22 pm May, 19 Duck, duck, douche said...

Oh and a word on the avatar admin. Kindly alter it before I am forced to pluck that forest you call anal hair with hedge trimmer and rusty straight razor I found in a sewer grate once.

12:42 pm May, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

@duck duck douche, wait you didn’t pick that avatar? I think she’s cute. You should just roll with it.

12:47 pm May, 19 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Medusa, may I say a fine job on taking over for DB1 for the day. And sorry, but I think the “straight out the barrio” (that barrio being somewhere in Scottsdale) look latin hot on the left is trying to work is sort of sexy. Just sayin.

12:48 pm May, 19 Mr. Scrotato head said...

The collective value of their futures would buy him a haircut and a set of Lee press on nails for the girls to fight over.
.
Nobody will weep their passing, and their parents have already made plans to turn their rooms into home theatres.
.
Montreal is warmer and less snowy today than the Scrotato Head enclave in Utah. That is not a good thing.
.
I need a drink.

12:57 pm May, 19 Mr. Belvadouche said...

@Magnum Douche

I agree. Her XS American Apparel tank would double nicely as my clean up tool

12:58 pm May, 19 Crucial Head said...

Herman soon regretted his limp grip on the Lucky Strike in his left hand, as a smoldering dollop of ash wafted like a fiery snowflake, into the knee deep pool of kerosene that bore their weight.

1:11 pm May, 19 Vin Douchal said...

I can totally play this:
.

.
.
…. on my computer , like you just did

1:33 pm May, 19 The Dude said...

Raven LeKamp has a price tag sticking outta her left side boob. $56 for that one, $156 for both. The other one is HUuuuuGe!

boobies.

1:39 pm May, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Mr. Belvadouche, I take back what I said about wanting a butler as a kid. Damn your a horny British bastard. Streaks on the china…yeah probably because you jizzed on it.

2:18 pm May, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The only thing I could do faster than Yngwie above is steal his Rolex if I needed drinkin’ cash.

2:52 pm May, 19 jonezy said...

that’s a funny looking “acoustic guitar” solo.
.
Eebocaster must have the same physician as Darksock
.
And shit.

3:44 pm May, 19 mr.reeve said...

@Sock, it was very high quality pear I sent. And by high quality pear I mean stiff tube steak quality pear. And by stiff tube steak quality pear I mean messy keyboard quality pear…..SON
I patiently await the glorious ass pear on this fine afternoon.

4:31 pm May, 19 tall guy said...

Nice post, Medusa. You really set a high benchmark.

4:32 pm May, 19 Wedgie said...

Raven is cute; if she’s a guy, I’m pissed. ‘Cuz that makes me somewhat gay, I think. Too bad, my parents will be bummed.

4:43 pm May, 19 Mandouchian Candidate said...

I bet both their poons smell like a KFC grease trap. But yeah, still would…

5:05 pm May, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

Meh… I was feeling generous. I get sick of always being a venemous cunt-ratchet all the time. Every now and then I gotta say something nice about the girls, even if they’re not that hott. I have a feeling that these two are going to ripen into something nice. That is, if they don’t die of Axe Poisoning.
.
@ Duck Duck 12:17–
I have seen that. And I’ll raise you something that will make every asshole on LATFH cry PBR-scented tears: http://dadsaretheoriginalhipster.tumblr.com/
HAHAHAHAHA YOU LAMEFUCK FIXIE BIKE ART FAGS!!! YOU DIDN’T THINK OF ANYTHING FIRST! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND IRONY AND YOU ARE JUST LIKE YOUR PARENTS! AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Aw, jeez, I just crapped myself.

6:28 am May, 20 Douche Wayne said...

“Francis is busy.”
“Busy doin’ what?”
“He’s taking his bath.”
“Oh yeah, well where are they hosing him down?!?”

Right here, Pee-Wee. Right here.

10:50 pm May, 20 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Well, it’s high time the ubiquitous red cup went Green. Even Bleeths and douchebags have to keep up with the environmental times.

Leave a Reply

What is 9 + 12 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)