Friday, May 13, 2011

This Guy Wins

I wish there was more to mock with this Oldbag Boatbag Stupidhead. Unfortunately, stupid tribal arm tatt and day-glo douche shorts don’t give me much to go on.

We’ll give him a stage-1 mock, and quickly move on to the real reason I posted the pic.

For Zebra Bikini Ashley is all that is firm and glorious about prime specimen suckle thigh and viable womb.

I would build a shine to her forefathers using only melted Jolly Ranchers, toothpicks and brill cream just for the chance to lick/gargle tea made from the gauze used to treat her thigh rash after a particularly taxing day of horseback riding before Kelly’s debutante ball.

Which is to say I chomp approvingly.

Even if she is using a Bud Light Lime cozy.

# posted by douchebag1
9:41 am May, 13 Cool Hand Douche said...

I worry about Ashley, and I know how close she is to “uncle” Chazz. Dude better slather on the UV-500 or his own personal oncologist will be scraping lesions off his catcher’s-mitt skin. His nipple already looks radioactive.

9:48 am May, 13 dannyb said...

Did he just recently shave his nipple hair?? Did he use half of some tanning bed glasses over his nip to prevent it from burning? Why did I even notice it?! Too many questions.

9:49 am May, 13 Fatness said...

I’ll be “building a shine”, but not to her forefathers…
.
I’m giving Oldbag Boatbag Stupidhead a provisional notta. He looks like he knows he is a lucky SOB, has no other signifiers other than the arm tatt and and if non-logo day-glo trunks were a ‘bag signifier then half the population is a ‘bag.

9:50 am May, 13 mills said...

I’d hazard a guess and say that this is a douche Dad with hot daughter pic

9:57 am May, 13 creature said...

he gets an ‘I hate you’ pass from me…lucky fuk
boats are the poon magnets of the millennium

10:08 am May, 13 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Look at the rack on this girl !! Damn, I need a boat. I gotta go with a notta pass and a stern warning to go get some sunscreen, old man !

10:09 am May, 13 jonezy said...

she could sit on my light tower any day.
.
which reminds me of the time I painted my schwingenstein just like that for Christmas

10:17 am May, 13 Vin Douchal said...

He looks my air conditioner repairman. She is not his wife. I approve, air condtioner repairman

10:18 am May, 13 Vin Douchal said...

Oh and fuckk you guys with this oldbag shit. He ain’t that old. It ain’t like he’s Abe Vigoda and shit

10:26 am May, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

How is this bastard remaining upright without the use of a walker?!! This is one of those aging bags who hits on his daughter’s friends. You know the kind that wants to hug hello and goodbye when you’re wearing a bathingsuit. Wait, that sounds like all of the regs on this site too. Well at least noone here is over 36. Cuz yeeeesh. That’s just would be just gross.

10:36 am May, 13 Anonymous said...

She is adorable and he seems content. Notta. Enjoy the ride, boat guy. And by ride, I mean that sexy Zebra Bikini Ashley.

10:59 am May, 13 Douchble Helix said...

Yowsa.

11:08 am May, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Nancy
.
On behalf of a few of us a kindly Friday Fuck-u. Walker? Phhttt!
.
I would let an Emo ride my skateboard for the chance to see those natural bigguns.
.
Dude does appear to have had nipple surgery.

11:19 am May, 13 Douche B4 Dishonor said...

This guy is my new hero, douche or not. What a hottie!!!

11:27 am May, 13 Fatness said...

More support for the notta: This is one of those “floating patio” pontoon boats. Even Darksock could drive one. Definitely not your standard douchebag penis extender.

11:29 am May, 13 Deltus said...

With the tribal and naught else, I’m giving a notta. Lucky shit, but I think he’s aware of that. And? Boobies.

11:37 am May, 13 creature said...

I’m with the rev…suck it nancy
some of us ‘oldbags’ have game & more!
get some! son

11:55 am May, 13 Bigphatnotadouche said...

I missed the dude on the boat. All I saw was the rack on the Hott out on the water, drinking a cool beverage on a motorboat.
Speaking of motorboats…

11:59 am May, 13 Bigphatnotadouche said...

Actually the Dude is the winner. I have to put on SPF 50 to even walk outside of my cubicle.

At least the early ASS pear makes time go by faster.

12:06 pm May, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

@HCwDB’s oldbags, When did you guys become so sensitive? Come at me oldbags with your so called game!

12:10 pm May, 13 diedouche said...

He gets a pass. Shorts are queer but pulled pear gets the win.

12:14 pm May, 13 Hermit said...

My walker has twin electric dildos, which drive the young girls so wild I have to turn down my hearing aid to drown out the screams of ecstasy.

12:15 pm May, 13 Hermit said...

Get some, Nancy

12:18 pm May, 13 Stephanie said...

There’s more erect than that lighthouse.

12:23 pm May, 13 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Did someone say “Motor boat?”
.
He gets a notta…the tatt is the de rigueur post-divorce accessory and is understandable…I’m getting soft in my old age…

12:27 pm May, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

I’m trying Hermit, I am trying. Its just when I open my mouth and speak my mind it seems to drive people away. Or I get a lot of offers to either go fuck myself or to fuck off. Hmmm…never an offer to fuck on though. Next date I have I’m not saying more than 10 words total. We’ll see if that works.

12:48 pm May, 13 Wedgie said...

Magnum Douche P.I. issues a “stern” warning. Fuck I love boating references. And because of that, I want to leave you guys something from our collective past, a poem, written by the late, great Judge Elihu Smails:
It’s easy to grin, when your ship comes in,
And you’ve got the stock market beat.
But the man worthwhile, is the man who can smile,
When his shorts are too tight in the seat.”
Oldbags with boats rule:
“Swanson, I wanna go over there! Move over Swanson, I’m driving.”

12:48 pm May, 13 Wedgie said...

PS: And, Boobies.
The End.

12:49 pm May, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Nancy
.
I have so many prolapsed uterii to council I don’t know where I find the time to fit the Mrs. in every day. Oh yeah. Cialis Pro, oyster shooters, and B-12. It works. Son.

12:51 pm May, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

And this dude may be the real deal notta. His nipple scar is the Jesus fish and I think the barbed wire may be real. Tough fucker.

12:52 pm May, 13 MoeDouche said...

NOTTA for me guys.
—-
This picture tells me he’s tapping that ass really good and often. Hey, who wouldn’t?!? I’d mount her with gusto anywhere and everywhere. Lucky bastard!

1:33 pm May, 13 Et Tu Douche? said...

Damn!!! she sure is some full figured hottness, a hearty job well done to her parents.

1:48 pm May, 13 DarkSock said...

I’ll build a shine…on her butt.
.
.
.
.
That’s all I got.

1:50 pm May, 13 creature said...

ND
maybe an opp. to pause & reflect on content…then proceed & by all means getsome oldbag, he may surprise you & be greatful fer the generosity
…& if ya wanna get paddled by a skateboard, drop by the SoCal shore in a zebrakini, if it properly contains you…I accomodate all qualifying applicants, son

2:01 pm May, 13 Anonymous said...

@ Wedgie –

SPAULDING GET YOUR FOOT OFF THE BOAT!!

2:40 pm May, 13 Wheezer said...

Zebra Bikini Ashley for the Hall of Hott?
.
I’m surprised no one else has thus far offered that idea.

2:53 pm May, 13 dbBen said...

@Fatness – haha
.
I’ll give him a notta, until he starts yelling at me on the golf course. Calmly I’ll respond: “Back off dude, this is my masters.” Then I will play so slow that he’ll begin to miss his first wife.

3:19 pm May, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Creature, I’m afraid I don’t operate that way. But if you send me a pic of you in a zebrakini, you might have yourself a goddamn deal.

3:40 pm May, 13 creature said...

@nd
not zebrakini, but damned sexy creature

7:42 pm May, 13 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Jebus Christ, she’s her own pontoon boat.

9:37 pm May, 13 H. Sapiens said...

Nice fenders

7:36 am May, 14 Boner said...

Boner….boner…..boner….boner….she…..gives…..me….a…..boner……..

7:49 am May, 14 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Creature, something tells me you’re more attractive than that gentleman.
@RevChad, I regret to inform you that my uterus is neither prolapsed relapsed or conlapsed. I’m sure you have quite the harem under your tutelage and I wouldn’t want to exceed maximum occupant capicity. On account its a fire hazard. Continue to show those prolapsed babes what’s what. You’re doing God’s work.

9:22 am May, 22 Stitches said...

I’m out of league here. Too much brain power on dsipaly!

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