Thursday, May 19, 2011

U.S. Olympic Synchronized Nodding Team

Oh, dear Reader, I’d love to tell you that the tri-choad neck tilt you witness was an image caught microseconds after their skull plates were simultaneously flogged by a 48 pound, 12 ounce baby dolphin calf carcass obtained from my blackened gulf.

But no. There is no necrotic marine mammal slap o’ Justice to be had here today.

These choads are crimping their C4 thru C7 neck discs in a reptilian display meant to land their empty heads on a primo spot on Grecian Gretta’s voluptuous dirrty pillows. But they are wrong, my friends. I have personally gazed into her eyes and her moonpie grin beckons for the RC Cola I keep in my pants.

That’s right, you Philistines; I can SEE her giving me the Olympic Greek Eye O’ Coitus beckoning me to Mount-A-Limp-Puss, and I suspect her phalanx yearns to be rammed by the Trireme of Love.

And then I woke up. Smelling of hay and stable. After having peed in a Trojan Horse.

Just in case you sped-read through the above gibberish, allow me to cut to the heart of the matter here: Boobies.

# posted by Bagnonymous
2:09 pm May, 19 Southern Scrotic said...

Boobies.

2:10 pm May, 19 YA said...

Horse peeing, fuck yeah.

Oh, and boobies.

2:11 pm May, 19 Anonymous said...

She is worthy of making a map of the Greek archipelago on her stomach wtih GreekStyle™ Love Yogurt.

2:12 pm May, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

She went for the triple putz! Either that or she’s got two magnetic personalitlies and they’ve all got metal plates in their heads. Red tank top looks like a serious bull dyke. You know, instead of a hilarious bull dyke.

2:17 pm May, 19 Anonymous said...

OMG. Is Douche to her immediate left Chimpy McPudwhack?

2:23 pm May, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Royal Crown cola. How I miss you my sparkly brown corn syrup mistress. We will meet again when I get my pardon for the DUI my sweet dark sugary drink and I can travel to your homeland again.

2:24 pm May, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

I’m afraid not Anonymous, its none other than Broey McDogfagtags. Nice try though. Chimpy couldn’t land this caliber of hott plus he’s (Chimpy) is definitely into being pooed on and Gretta doesn’t look like she’s that type of girl.

2:26 pm May, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

^Because I’m pretty sure Gretta never defecates. Ever.

2:27 pm May, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Later on that evening they changed their clothes and hilarity ensued. http://www.kewego.com/video/iLyROoaftdYY.html

2:31 pm May, 19 Mr. Belvadouche said...

@nancy

your fuckin right about the “streaks on the china, never mattered before….who cares”

Speakin of streaks…i have to use the restroom

nice tits lady

2:36 pm May, 19 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Another pair of painful looking store-boughts. And is she missing a couple of lower ribs? Hopelessly bleethed.

2:40 pm May, 19 The Dude said...

I like that she’s blocking a potential fake-boob grab with her right hand.

2:40 pm May, 19 Douchal Webster said...

I bet that’s Mr. Liptatt’s Holly, just without the ginormous goggles she usually wears.

2:46 pm May, 19 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Them there’s sum taunt titties. Son.

2:56 pm May, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Douchal Webster, my good man, this chick clearly farts unicorn dust whereas Mr. Liptatt’s Holly farts chocolate covered strawberries. Clearly. I suggest you look up “Try Again” in your Dictionary and get back to us when you have your shit together.

2:59 pm May, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

And Mr. Belvadouche, this site has gone on far too long without a creepy ass butler. Welcome, you are amongst pervs.

2:59 pm May, 19 Mr. Belvadouche said...

Is that Jimmy “two tatts” Bukowski’s giant butt blug next to smirky mcblackshirts arm?

3:00 pm May, 19 Mr. Scrotato head said...

Even his tattoo is nodding.

3:02 pm May, 19 Mr. Belvadouche said...

I’d play the xylophone on her ribs….with my uncut weathered dong.

3:02 pm May, 19 Vin Douchal said...

Yaah- she is wall to wall skin.
.
I think I’ve seen all three of these guys shopping for clothes when I’ve brought the 5 year old to Osh Kosh B’Gosh

3:10 pm May, 19 Vin Douchal said...

A day with these guys would be about as fun as when my sister would make me listen to her Amon Düül albums hen she was babysitting me…. Then Amon Düül II came out so I had to do the right thing and shatter them all with a bat.
.
It was worth the punishment meted out by dear old dad: pruning the rhubarb patch of snails and slugs

3:36 pm May, 19 mr.reeve said...

Damn SON!!! Finally a true hot to get my pants moven all around.
The choad rockers are barely noticeable with all that boobage and boner giving female GSR.
Pass the blunt and the Royal Crown, Rev. I am ready for work to be over…..SON

3:57 pm May, 19 Wedgie said...

She is a porn actress. Or should be.
Reminds me of Mrs. Douchal, errr……Aletta Ocean.

4:02 pm May, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Consider it passed Mr. Reeve. I had to go out and buy fucking Pepsi to come close to quenching my RC lust.
I was told that Costco might have some in Montreal so I am tentatively celebrating and getting way stoned in preparation for The Puffington Post entry this evening. I don’t know what it will be about tonight but it is sure to be delusional.

4:21 pm May, 19 Justin said...

These guys are what my Hungarian gypsy friend Zoltan would call “Slap Magnets”.

4:21 pm May, 19 Wheezer said...

We’ve seen these ‘bags before, methinks…..
.
You guys wanna go to the club? Wanna go to the club? Or do you wanna go to Vegas? Wanna go to Vegas? Or do you wanna go on a boat? Wanna go on a boat? Let’s go on a boat!”
.
‘Cuz DarkSock is driving (cue evil haunting background music)…..and I don’t mean that just as a metaphor…..

4:38 pm May, 19 Mandouchian Candidate said...

That Greek skeleton has some tit-tays. Makes me want to spill sherbert all over my shoes. Too late.

4:47 pm May, 19 Mr. Biggs said...

WOW, DarkSock, great writeup! I laughed the whole way through. Verily we are taking not only this website to another level, but the whole cultural discourse.

4:50 pm May, 19 Wedgie said...

Yeah, great write-up Socckk, except you spelled “nobbing” wrong.

5:18 pm May, 19 tall guy said...

She is hott. I know that much.

Work is keeping me from posting my thanks for all the great guest commentary. I am enjoying reading it though.

6:22 pm May, 19 Hermit said...

The FCC has closed this post’s parallel universe comments thread, I weep for our free speech rights, and hunger for some blackened dolphin calf carcass with wild rice and a squeeze of lime.

7:13 pm May, 19 Douchal Webster said...

I’ll take the “good man” comment from Ms. Dreuche – though I still have confidence that this is Holly. Look back at Holly’s photo – there’s something odd about her cleavage; in the Hall of Hott photo the questionable skin is on the inside of her right boob, and I had noticed it back then; in this photo it’s on the inside of her left boob. Circumstantially, these clowns look like they could easily be a soul patch away from members of Mr. Liptatt’s posse.

As the legendary Petey Green once said in Washington DC, “I don’t wanna arguh, jus’ want a ‘fif ‘o’ wine”….

10:09 pm May, 19 Stephanie said...

The obvious Italian 3 stooges= Tony bag of donuts,Tatty,Vinnie.

11:15 pm May, 19 mr.reeve said...

Sushi, IPAs and sake…..this chick is hot…..I am drunk………….

6:16 am May, 20 Anonymous said...

Nancy, I’m sure Gretta defecates.

But when she does, angles descend from the Heavens carrying a beautifully hand crafted wooden box made on Indian rosewood, which is intricately decorated with 24 carat gold leaf inlay. The inside of the box is wrapped in the softest velvet, so Gretta can deposit her droppings. The droppings are then lifted towards the Heavens so that all of God’s children may enjoy!!

Mr. Reeve. I am not drunk. And the chick is hot.

6:35 am May, 20 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Boobies, indeed.

6:38 am May, 20 Douche Wayne said...

“WHAT IS LOVE? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no mo’!”

7:20 am May, 20 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

My son needed an experimanet to show how a large mass has a gravitational pull. I think this gives me an idea!!

8:55 am May, 20 Banana Hammock said...

Their heads are gravitating toward her lovely faux funbags. Hammock approves, she is hott

9:41 am May, 20 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Anonymous, after reading that, I would have to agree that that is the actual scenario.

12:59 pm May, 20 mr.reeve said...

The chick is hottttt. I was just letting everyone know I was drunk and the hot was hot….SON

10:43 pm May, 20 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I believe the correct medical term for the head leaning like that is “torticollis” which, when translated into regular lingo, means “tortoise having had coitus.”
Or, as they call the turtle in the Bayou, “cooter.”
And most appropriately as we can call it here,
“Three Cooters and a Set of Hooters.”

10:46 pm May, 20 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

These males are afflicted with the NOD2 gene, which activates when presented with the no-jeans on a female.
True medical condition.

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