Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Where’s Waldouche? (With Your Guest Host, Mr. White)

HCwDB legend and micturation master Mr. White hides a grinning choad behind beautiful scenery in this episode of…WHERE’S WALDOUCHE:

“Somewhere in this picture of bountiful, ethnic curvy goodness, I’ve hidden a grimacing ‘bag desperately trying not to soil his swim trunks. Can you find him?

Oh, sweet Jarita on the left. We met our freshman year. I was just a rural boy from western Pennsylvania, and you were on your own for the first time in America, far away from the old country and your parents’ strict ways. You were shy and retiring, not yet having learned the power that your looks give you. You invited me to your dorm suite to work on our problem set together. We calculated eigenvalues and shared meaningful looks. You laughed at one of my jokes and touched me gently on the forearm.

Then you told me how you couldn’t wait for Father to meet me, because you were sure we could convince him that I was more suitable for you than the boy they arranged for you to marry when you were 12. You told me that you hoped our babies took after me in height, but that they would have your piercing brown eyes.

When you went into the bathroom, I crawled out the window. And I stole $20 from your purse on the way out. I’m sorry about that last part. That wasn’t cool at all.”

# posted by Bagnonymous
10:06 am May, 24 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Next, on a very special episode of Hot Chicks with Douchebags: Chunky tweens, and the mental anguish of bikini pooch.

10:18 am May, 24 Michael Carabini said...

Celia Fiennes gave a detailed description of the standard ladies bathing costume in 1687 ..The Ladyes go into the bath with Garments made of a fine yellow canvas which is stiff and made large with great sleeves like a parson s gown the water fills it up so that it is borne off that your shape is not seen it does not cling close as other linning which Lookes sadly in the poorer sort that go in their own linning.

10:53 am May, 24 Et Tu Douche? said...

“When you went into the bathroom, I crawled out the window. And I stole $20 from your purse on the way out” Awesome!!!!!!

11:14 am May, 24 creature said...

jailbait…& by bait I mean, well, y’know?

11:15 am May, 24 tall guy said...

Hmmm, delectable boobies!

11:29 am May, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I’m sure the eigenvalues you calculated were solutions to boundary value problems involving harmonic motion of damped spheres connected to a rigid pole. Her shy laughter was the result of the inordinately high initial frequencies associated with structures that lack girth and length.
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Oh, you thought I meant Mr White Jr? No, she’s has nice orbs and is a little skinny. Yeah, that’s what I meant.

11:29 am May, 24 Troy Tempest said...

Mr White – you silly boy – all you had to do is say “Hey honey – I’m going to go get some beer!” while she’s on the can, and then RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. It’s a lot easier than climbing out her window. dude – she was on the fourth floor of Jameson Quad Dormitory. You coulda gotten hurt. Ain’t worth it. Not for her. So, yeah – just:
1. knock on the door
2. Say: Hey sweetie pie – I’m off to get some beer. I’ll be right back!
3. Run before she can answer.
4. Keep running.
5. Hope the condom you used last night didn’t leak in her.
6. keep running.
7. When you get to the likker store, shoplift some beer. Schlitz tallboys.
8. keep running – back to Jameson Dorm – Because while she was in Jameson 469, You were in Jameson 240. Remember?
9. Your rooommate Larry what’s his face from Islip Long Island will want to hear about her and drink one of your beers. After a few hours of not showing up, she’ll come looking for you, and she’ll come to your room, and you’ll tell Larry “if its her, tell her I'[m not here” but of course he opens the door gets one look at her “large tracts of land” and says “come on in!” and there you are half stank on Schlitz and in bad need of a shower.
10. She grabs a beer from the Fridge and says “So why did you not come back up to my place” and you said you were talking to Larry and lost track of the time, and “Hey – look we need more beer!”
11. So you run out the door to get more beer, but instead you run to your ex-girlfriend’s place saying “Please hide me i nthe basement – this crazy third world chick thinks I’m supposed to marry her cuz I fucked her last night, and now I have to meet the parents and she has to get out of the arranged marriage because she’s not a virgin anymore…
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and your exgf says “OK, you stupid dick – but don’t even DREAM of putting the moves on me, and it’s just this one night – and you have to share the sofa with my cats.”
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to which you kiss her on the forehead and say “thankyouthankyouthankyou” and then scamper to the basement to gorge on a dinner of pringles and Fanta Orange soda.

11:44 am May, 24 Hermit said...

Mr. White, you sir are nothing but a cad!
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( I’ve always wanted to use the word cad.)

11:54 am May, 24 creature said...

darksock I don’t think the boss is coming back…he’s found “rapture” in a harem of llama & fossilized inca feces

11:58 am May, 24 Fatness said...

@Troy…I had a dream like that once.
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At least I hope it was a dream.

12:36 pm May, 24 creature said...

that body will need a burhka in 5 years…one on the right needs it now

12:38 pm May, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Never before has a Playboy bunny looked so unhappy. Poor little fella.

12:54 pm May, 24 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

One on the right has perfect measurements. 36-36-36. She could wear a pillow case as a form fitting dress.

2:04 pm May, 24 ehcuodouche said...

Jarita’s d-cups runneth over.

2:47 pm May, 24 Medusa Oblongata said...

Tell the truth, Mr. White. You peed in her Diet Coke on the way out.

7:37 pm May, 24 Nancy Dreuche said...

That’s messed up Mr. White. You shou’ld have at least taken $40.
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@McCrudeshoes, 36″, 36″, 36″ She’s a brick hou………..um no, she’s just a brick.

7:51 pm May, 24 Guid is Good said...

That’s a hard working bikini on the left!

9:32 am May, 25 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Nancy,
I could never really fathom the ‘compliment’ built like a brick shithouse. This rectangular obelisk of a woman is what I picture when I hear that phrase.
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One on the right has a cute face, but trust me, one day past adolescence and that baby fat will not look so cute. She’s a future Jenny Craig dropout.

9:32 am May, 25 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

oops, I mean left

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