Friday, June 24, 2011

Constance Bagopoulous

There’s an old Henny Youngman joke that goes, and I’m paraphrasing, “Ever see a douchebag in a pink shirt rubbing up on a hot Greek girl? That guy’s a douchebag!”

Wait, I think I got the punchline wrong.

# posted by douchebag1
9:43 am June, 24 Mandouchian Candidate said...

“Hot” is a reach, but man he is all things douche.

9:45 am June, 24 creature said...

that shirt was white ’til he washed it with his bloody underwears

10:17 am June, 24 Vin Douchal said...

Celebrating the day they both lost their behymen.

Rumpswab

10:22 am June, 24 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Do you think they paid for those drinks? Or just let someone else absorb the debt?

10:26 am June, 24 DarkSock said...

“Her” face doesn’t make it across the uncanny chasm for me; I’m calling rubber mask.
.
More specifically, I’m calling…Tonetta.
.
.
.
.
Hungry Eyes.

10:27 am June, 24 creature said...

her thick greek backside
makes for the perfect forum
to go Sophocles

10:27 am June, 24 Nancy Dreuche said...

Not only is her head tilting away from this douche, so is her uterus. Trust me, I’m a chick. I can “see” these things.
.
He violates my more hair product and jewelry than me rule, so my uterus must tilt away as well. That’s two strikes douchebag, I’m sure there’s a bleeth around here somewhere though.

10:30 am June, 24 Claude Douchenbagger said...

No I think the joke goes..Take my douche..PLEASE!

10:32 am June, 24 creature said...

Anika has that, “I’ll devour you in the sack” look

10:35 am June, 24 Claude Douchenbagger said...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she’d kill me. She thinks I’m selling dope.

10:35 am June, 24 Mandouchian Candidate said...

why the long face?

10:35 am June, 24 Claude Douchenbagger said...

I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.

10:38 am June, 24 Claude Douchenbagger said...

A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!

10:40 am June, 24 Vin Douchal said...

A doctor gave a douchebag six months to live. The douchebag couldn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

10:40 am June, 24 Claude Douchenbagger said...

A douche asked me, “Give me $10 till payday.” I asked, “When’s payday?” He said, “I don’t know, you’re the one who is working!”

10:41 am June, 24 Vin Douchal said...

A choadwank goes to a psychiatrist. “Nobody listens to me!” The doctor says, “Next!”

10:41 am June, 24 Claude Douchenbagger said...

The hotel I’m in has a lovely closet. A nail.

10:42 am June, 24 Vin Douchal said...

Donkey Douche was in front of a judge. The judge say’s “You’ve been brought here for drinking.” The Donk says, “Okay, let’s get started.”

10:42 am June, 24 Claude Douchenbagger said...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It’s a little inconvenient, they’re in two separate buildings!

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.

The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!

10:43 am June, 24 Vin Douchal said...

Those two are a fastidious couple. She’s fast and he’s hideous.

10:44 am June, 24 Claude Douchenbagger said...

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

She’s been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it’s ready.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

The more I think of you, the less I think of you.

Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?

10:44 am June, 24 Vin Douchal said...

A bomb fell on this douchebag. It slid off!

10:44 am June, 24 Vin Douchal said...

I think we found the same Henny joke website

10:46 am June, 24 Claude Douchenbagger said...

ba da boom

10:47 am June, 24 Vin Douchal said...

This douche says, “I’m so drunk that I forgot how old I am.”
So Constance says, “I’ll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over.”
The DB does this.
She says, “You’re thirtty four.”
He says, “How can you tell?”
Constance says, “You told me yesterday.”

10:48 am June, 24 Vin Douchal said...

Are you Douchebag? Okay, I’ll talk slower

10:49 am June, 24 Organic Alpaca Nutrition said...

Interestingly Nancy, an alpaca’s uterus always tilts slightly eastward during mating season, regardless of where her suitor is situated.

10:55 am June, 24 Nancy Dreuche said...

@OAN, you are just chuck full of useful information. How did I survive before? I was definitely in the dark in regards to alpaca boot knockin’, I’ll tell you that much.

10:56 am June, 24 Douchble Helix said...

She looks enthusiastic and optomistic. It won’t be long until ‘bags like that bring that to an end.

11:06 am June, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Did he get a free bowl of soup with that haircut? I love Tonetta. My mother-in-law not so much buy I send her a reminder every few days.
.
Brosphemus

11:06 am June, 24 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

The patient says, “Doctor, it hurts when I act like a douchebag.” “Then don’t act like a douchebag.”
.
.The douchebag goes to the psychiatrist. “Nobody listens to me.” The Doctor says: “Next!”
.
.
.A douchebag told me he had girl knocking on his hotel room door last night….Finally, he let her out.
.
.
.The more I think of douchebags, the less I think of them.
.
.

11:13 am June, 24 Geoffrey said...

A little material for friday thoughts and links

http://biggamechicago.blogspot.com/2011/06/dick-from-green-mile-is-marriedto-16.html

11:35 am June, 24 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

She’s cute, but the problem with Greek girls is that in 20 years she’ll have as much hair on her chin as him. Just sayin.

11:37 am June, 24 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I can’t believe you guys missed the classic of all classic Henny lines, “Take my douchebag, please.”
.
Here’s another one. “Last night my wife said the weather outside was fit for neither douchebag nor bleeth , so we both stayed home.”

11:45 am June, 24 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Old joke: What’s the difference between a gorilla and a greek grandmother?

One is 5 feet tall, 325 pounds, covered in thick black hair, hunched over and scrapes its’ knuckles when it walks. The other is a gorilla.

11:54 am June, 24 Claude Douchenbagger said...

@DocheWallnuts…see Claude Douchenburg at 10:30

11:57 am June, 24 Nancy Dreuche said...

@M. Candidate, those Greeks sure are a swarthy people. Just remindin’.

12:11 pm June, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Greek girls don’t like it in the ass because their ass pubes get all pulled and shit. I was never bothered by the hairy Medittaranean nipple syndrome mind you. Just pull them out with your teeth. But Greek girls cum juice is all gooey and chunky and shit like stinky tsatziki with minced garlic and parsley and shit. They also have premature uterus slippage after all the pounding their boxes take pumping out the hairy greasy pizza flipping babies their obsessed fathers knock them up with. More Greeks = More Camaros. Just saying. Mrs. went out with a dude I went to school with who thought he was a damned Greek god. She told him he was a just a god-damned Greek.

12:16 pm June, 24 Wheezer said...

Constance’s conjoined twin looked up from the coif of grease, wishing he could simply walk out that exit he sees sooooo far away.

12:22 pm June, 24 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Rev CK@ 12:11
_
They also have premature uterus slippage after all the pounding their boxes take pumping out the hairy greasy pizza flipping babies their obsessed fathers knock them up with. FTMFW.

12:22 pm June, 24 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Should have put that in ” Marks “

12:31 pm June, 24 Stephanie said...

Everyone is appearing down at the comedy cafe this Friday at 10,see you there mockers!

12:33 pm June, 24 Stephanie said...

She’s all happy now,until she sees he has_____________
(fill in the blank)

12:34 pm June, 24 Wedgie said...

The guy on the right mows his unibrow very neatly.

12:34 pm June, 24 Mandouchian Candidate said...

A vagina.

12:36 pm June, 24 Mandouchian Candidate said...

A sperm coiffe.

12:54 pm June, 24 Nancy Dreuche said...

That’s right Stephanie, I happen to be watching Dane Cook’s “Tourgasm” (What can I say, I’m a glutton for punishment) and I’m pretty sure we’re at least one and a half times more hilarious than those guys. Be sure to tip your waitress. Unless she’s ugly, then she’s just lucky to be able to serve you. Am I right ladies?

5:46 pm June, 24 DarkSock said...

She’s all happy now,until she sees he has unspackled face pocks like Dane Cook.

5:48 pm June, 24 DarkSock said...

^dammit I’m so stoned even my underlining is too high.

4:43 pm June, 25 Steve L. said...

$10 says that Constance Bag cannot pronounce any surname that ends with “-opoulous”.

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