Tuesday, June 28, 2011

“Crazy Eyes Killa” (real name is Jared)

Svetlana has learned many things on her journeys in America.

Things like how to turn on a red light.

How to grill a hamburger.

Even how to say “thank you very much!” in English so good, the Mexicans at the car wash don’t know she’s Russian.

But what Svetlana hasn’t learned? That shirtless, orange, groin shave revealing club douches who call themselves “Crazy Eyes Killa” aren’t crazy. Nor killas.

Their name is Jared. And they watch too much HBO.

# posted by douchebag1
11:21 am June, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Sweet Fuck! If that guy is not a really happy former cheer squad leader who realized he was queer as a pre-teen and is from Ohio but went to college in Indiana and works as a dancer at Johnnie 69 in Toledo. Then my names Orville Redenbacher. RIP Orville I still like putting butty and salt on your puffy midwestern nuggets.
.
Bonzo

11:24 am June, 28 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Queer. As. Fuck.

Only his cock addiction will prevent him becoming a supercarrier for Bulgarian Hepatitis.

11:25 am June, 28 Mandouchian Candidate said...

And seriously, who wears pants like that with no belt?



Flamers.

11:43 am June, 28 Vin Douchal said...

I’d like this guy to have this same look on his face toting a bazooka heading into the gaping maw of a Taliban stronghold.

11:45 am June, 28 Douche Springsteen said...

I did a wake and bake today for the first time in awhile just for the hell of it and had to go get a slurpee because I accidentally got too stoned to chew anything and as I was in line to pay for my drink I was mesmerized by the hot dogs spinning on that weird oily rack contraption that 7-11 hot dogs are displayed on and they looked a lot like Jared, minus the pseudo-Asian tattoos and tight trousers.

12:05 pm June, 28 Anonymous said...

^Douche Springsteen FTW!!

12:05 pm June, 28 Et Tu Douche? said...

Nice “Curb Your Enthusiasm” reference. I’m still trying to figure out if Svetlana is sneaky euro hot or dime a dozen spoiled rotten B.U. Jewess.

12:13 pm June, 28 Nancy Dreuche said...

I’m not sold on the gaybag yet. And she definietly is hott. This one could be a contender for the Weekly. Just imagine the two them doin’ it. Damn that’s maddening!

12:19 pm June, 28 Mandouchian Candidate said...

@ND- he would only get into it if she gave up the anal… definite gaybag. You don’t try to look like Joey Lawrence if you are straight. You just don’t.

12:20 pm June, 28 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Category: Pudwhack. Understatement of the day.

12:24 pm June, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Why is there a gecko pawing at his nipple like a kitten with a ball of yarn?

12:34 pm June, 28 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Why do I suddenly feel the need to play a game of whack-a-scrote?

12:34 pm June, 28 jonezy said...

she looks like a Russian Bristol Palin
.
he looks like the inverted colon of Gary Busey

12:39 pm June, 28 Nancy Dreuche said...

@M. Candidate, I’m still not sold completely. I mean sure they’re at a dance club, his shirt is off because its warm in there. And he loaned his belt to a guy he blew in the bathroom for a little “David Carradine-style” action, but that doesn’t mean he’s gay.

12:46 pm June, 28 Mandouchian Candidate said...

@ND- I guess you are right. In this no lines left unblurred society, he is just a good friend. The kind of friend who would go to town, get two blowjobs, and comeback and give you one.

12:47 pm June, 28 tall guy said...

He’s spent (i.e., wasted) a lot of time on his appearance. Clearly there’s a waxed back, sack’n’crack in addition to every other square centimetre (or inch…) of his oiled-up body. That hair, or what there is of it, looks artificially coloured (or colored…) as well. And if he wants to parade around shirtless, which isn’t something I’d suggest or endorse, he’s going to need several more hours in the gym instead of trying to attain bulk, cool and status from the couch. In short, a grinning Hyena. And I’m not overly taken with Svetlana either. It’s simply her time and eventually she’ll beef ou

12:49 pm June, 28 tall guy said...

ou=out

he-he
Correctional Centre

1:02 pm June, 28 Anonymous said...

@ Dude

Looks like he saved 15% on his car insurance.

1:03 pm June, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

By HBO, DB1 means that show I never saw about gay dudes in prison.
.
.
Wardens

1:12 pm June, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Anon,
If by saving 15%, you mean he teabagged his insurance agent for cash in a truck-stop men’s room, then I agree.

1:26 pm June, 28 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Peter Brady had been waiting years for that stoopid butt plug to finally work its way out after a Taco Bell and Goose dinner followed by an Elton John tapioca cram pie surprise for dessert.

1:27 pm June, 28 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

^ cram = cream. Anybody wanna make $0.02 the hard way being my typist?

1:33 pm June, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Dude needs to go to Hair Club For Flamers.

1:35 pm June, 28 Ted Brogan said...

He’s just thinking about what he’s going to do to all of you.

1:35 pm June, 28 jonezy said...

um, just in case you missed the finale of Sons and Daughters “her boobs are so big” circuit, let’s quickly give a good hearty chuckle for Rev Chad:
.
“Her tits are so big they have a warning to airbags on them”
.
If that’s not comment of the week…

1:40 pm June, 28 Nancy Dreuche said...

Hall of Gay?

1:56 pm June, 28 DarkSock said...

I’ve seen those eyes before…
hg
.
OK, maybe more like this version of Stimpson J. Cat:
.
wtut

3:19 pm June, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

“Oompa loompa doopido doo I have another riddle for you…”
.
Hey dick, Willy Wonka called and said you are late for your shift!

4:30 pm June, 28 soy bomb said...

Anyone ever watch that show “Svetlana” on the greatest cable channel known to man, HDNET? It’s pretty awesome.
.
.
.
.
.
Jackholes.

5:00 pm June, 28 creature said...

he wears dragons…nuff said

8:25 pm June, 28 Troy Tempest said...

He’s standing there saying to himself “Wow – the guy said meth would wake me up, but this is FUCKING AWESOME. I think I’m gonna have a SEIZURE!”

9:15 pm June, 28 Steve L. said...

the last Jared i know has this habit of getting fired for getting into fights or getting arrested for assaulting officers. nice guy in most circumstances, but he’s a creepy fuck when he starts talking about his history of violence.
.
which is to say, this HBO Jared character is a complete disappointment.

5:22 am June, 29 Van Doucheland said...

that guy still has PTSD (post-war traumatic stress syndroms). That is why he still got that psycho-look to kill grimace on his face!!
“Relax man” it’s not Charlie (btw what’s the new code-word for an enemy being in Afganistan? Skinnies, Barb(ies) 😉

10:11 am June, 29 DarkSock said...

Grampa Applewhite told him Hale-Bopp would circle back around again one day and to make sure he stocked the freezer in the compound with comely lasses because it was a total sausage party on the space ship.
qg

6:19 pm June, 30 Stephanie said...

Someone stole Jarhead’s brain.

4:53 am July, 6 Sandra said...

ThatÂ’s ralley shrewd! Good to see the logic set out so well.

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