Thursday, June 9, 2011

‘Ey! Whossgot da Benjamins?!

Morty got da Benjamins!!

# posted by douchebag1
1:44 pm June, 9 Vin Douchal said...

Looks more like he’s got the “Georges”

1:46 pm June, 9 Hermit said...

Morty has all that bling and damn near thirty six dollars in ones, so you’d think he should be happy, but he always seems a bit melancholy.

1:48 pm June, 9 Hermit said...

Maybe it’s because he suspects some low-hanging grapes on that stripper.

1:51 pm June, 9 Wedgie said...

Pac Man’s cheapskate albino uncle is making it rain.
Singles.

1:53 pm June, 9 Wedgie said...

Geez, thanks Morty! Now she can go to Subway for a nice turkey sandwich. With chips and a drink, too.

1:56 pm June, 9 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Heath Ledger needs some tits! Why so serious?
*
*
too soon?

1:59 pm June, 9 Mandouchian Candidate said...

With this much money, you can get 2 funnell cakes, a deep fried twinkie, and an 8 ball… Run along you little scamp.

2:00 pm June, 9 Douchble Helix said...

I could see being King Douchious IV for a weekend. Not so much being Morty for 5 minutes.

2:09 pm June, 9 Vin Douchal said...

Newspaper delivery rakes in the tips at Christmas time!

2:11 pm June, 9 Douchble Helix said...

It’s likely she’s a stripper, and that’s Morty’s bankroll, and they took a picture. Must be a nice place.

2:14 pm June, 9 Wedgie said...

^What makes you think she’s a stripper?

2:22 pm June, 9 jonezy said...

is it just me, or does that stripper’s nose stick out farther than her tits?

2:22 pm June, 9 jonezy said...

^ what makes you think she’s a she, Wedgie?

2:28 pm June, 9 Hermit said...

“She” may be less than beautiful, and of questionable gender, but the bitch’s knuckles prove she’s a brawler, and for that, I respect her.

2:31 pm June, 9 Hermit said...

Thirty seconds after this pic was taken, she cold-cocked Morty took his money, credit cards and bling, and left him lying prostrate and broken on the dirty strip-club floor.

2:44 pm June, 9 Et Tu Douche? said...

Reminds me of West Virginia and that dude who the $300+ Powerball several years ago. He was yokel from WV and he would start showing up at local strip clubs in WV with suitcases filled with cash to ply the ladies with. They eventually figured him out and there were several instances were the girls set him up out in the parking lot and he wound up getting robbed by the strippers & their BF’s. True story.

2:46 pm June, 9 tall guy said...

Ugh, Morty and his continual reappearances! Spare me.

2:57 pm June, 9 Reverend Chad Fuck Wordpress said...

Morty is a Whoredog Thousandaire and always get his stage fee paid in ones. No doubt an open strip bar.

3:02 pm June, 9 Hermit said...

@ Et Tu
.
.

The West Virginia lottery is responsible for more untimely death and misery than Newt Gingrich and the United Kennel Club combined.
.

Under the pretense of compassion, The Machine re-enslaves the once-liberated, then condemns them to trailer parks and government housing. Detained like pet store parakeets, too afraid to fly through open cage doors. The cruel masters break the collar bones of the ones foolish enough to seek exemption, and withhold sustenance and lottery tickets from those who refuse to pay homage to the wicked entity.
.
The West Virginia floodwaters well up from floor drains and sewer grates giving sorrowful proof through the night that the insidious flow of cholera is still coursing through streams and tributaries, the epidemic increasing in the diminishing daylight. Slack-jawed dependents, with disfigured faces pressed against the dirty window glass, stinking of incest and hereditary illness’ are forced kneel to the merciless and uncaring deity. Ten cent trinkets are laid down before it’s floor-mounted boilers in a vain attempt at appeasement. The Machine grinds the offerings into the blood-soaked ground like so many ticket stubs and soiled condoms at a miserable, torturous Rush concert.
.
Then, there are the days when it all becomes crystalline, the fog lifts and The Machine leaves a discernable vapor trail of uric acid and toxic mist, eviscerated bodies spit broken teeth through bloodied lips, blocking the footpaths of State Parks and opening the welcoming gates of psychiatric institutions and wholesale liquor outlets, eschewing all other forms of recreation. Swift Death Angels provide no promises, but vaguely hint at potential redemption.

3:09 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Morty developed adult onset Blingabeetus after his 52,000th rusty nail.

3:13 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^No condoms at RUSH concerts Sir. And please show them their due using the capital form of the word like this “RUSH”.

3:15 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Hermit
.

3:25 pm June, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

.

3:33 pm June, 9 creature said...

at last, i’ve figured it out….Rev Chad is Pfah in a mental ward!

3:34 pm June, 9 creature said...

& Morty is the Bosses gin soaked uncle

3:38 pm June, 9 dbBen said...

It’s funnier if you pretend his left arm is her right arm.

3:38 pm June, 9 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Was it, “Guess the Cock Size on the Tranny Night,” at Morty’s local Bingo parlor, and Morty won?

4:09 pm June, 9 Douchetastic Sam said...

Dolla’ dolla’ bills, yo. Who got da hookup bra? Unlce Morty and his Washingtons. We’ze talkin’ dead presidents.

4:18 pm June, 9 Wheezer said...

Is there an upper age limit for Weekly winners? Morty may be setting the curve.
.
Come on, Morty – though it’s clear you got your tatts way back in the halcyon days of 1973 while shitfaced on Blatz beer, it’s juuuuust a little late in life to be taking on all of the attributes of the modern douchescrote.
.
Go back to dreaming of your sleeveless denim jacket with the Old Style and Roadrunner patches while you dominate the pool table at the rest home. It’s cool, ya dig?

4:30 pm June, 9 soy bomb said...

Every time we see this cretin, he gets worse and worse. By “worse and worse” of course, I mean “better and better” to mock. Everyone should be ashamed that Morty exists.

4:56 pm June, 9 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Hermit
You had me at “Newt Gingrich and the United Kennel Club combined.”
.
I’ll read the rest later after I’ve settled in, Fucking unseasonably hot weather sucks Alpaca balls!!!!

5:02 pm June, 9 Nancy Dreuche said...

Morty is how I picture RevChad in a few years. No offense Rev.
.
That dude on the right looks Ford tough. Damn.

5:03 pm June, 9 Douchetastic Sam said...

Bling, bling! Pinky ring. Morty’s rockin’ the tin.

“It’s just that we lost a lot of good men out there…” he says through teary eyes.

At least he has Herschel the Stripper to help him forget the horror.

5:49 pm June, 9 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Morty is suckin’ up to somethin’: Why else would he hide his mouth behind a fan of one-dollar bills?

6:10 pm June, 9 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Hermit
Dude, you should create a blog. I for one would subscribe, your words like prescient art from the past such as Picasso’s “Guernica” and Munch’s “The Scream” ring true to this very day.

6:20 pm June, 9 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Hermit, you totally should get a blog, But you’re gonna need some pictures of boobs to get me to visit it every day. And I need full comment privledges, i.e. I get to post pictures of dongs and You Tube videos of my fav bands. Also, I get to answer people’s stupid questions in my own corner of the blog. Deal?

6:34 pm June, 9 Josh DuscheHammer said...

Here is Morty’s adopted son:

http://is.gd/g13yYy

6:46 pm June, 9 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Hermit, also if this blog of your’s could have a built in spellchecker, that would be sweet. And I want to vote on stuff. But don’t start that and then take it away, because that’s when your readership really spazzes out. You should also have a word of the day. People like that crap. Cool, let me know when its up and runnin’. Then I’ll tell those twats at 4chan about it, I’ll post that you are speaking ill of the great Zyzz and then see if your skilled enough to handle a virtual gang bang on your site. If your neckbeard is as awesome as the one in your pic, I’m sure you’ll handle it just fine.

9:16 pm June, 9 Stephanie said...

I thought Morty died of a chest grabber already.

9:41 pm June, 9 Wedgie said...

Well, at least we know where Newt’s campaign mangager spends his evenings.

3:01 am June, 10 Viagra said...

she cold-cocked Morty took his funds, credit cards and bling, and left him lying prostrate and broken on the dirty strip-club floor.

3:38 am June, 10 Collaz B.P. said...

Morty has 37 bucks…

5:48 am June, 10 Douchble Helix said...

Morty *had* 37 bucks…

6:24 am June, 10 MoeDouche said...

Tranny keeps going back to the old well…and one dollar at a time s/he will someday upgrade the goods to a ‘B’ cup.

7:08 am June, 10 Anonymous said...

I wish Morty were my dad. He rocks.

7:09 am June, 10 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Sadly for Morty, Blondie Bee isn’t going to go home with him for $36 in ones. She will, at most, drink a couple of $10 drinks on his tab, and then go home with the strip club’s bouncer.

7:58 am June, 10 Medusa Oblongata said...

Hermit needs a blog. Or my email address, so he can just send me his rantings.

10:31 am June, 10 Troy Tempest said...

So I blew it up in photoshop ran a few filters and I think they have all of $57 between them.

BIG MONEY BIG MONEY BIG MONEY!!!!!

10:51 am June, 10 Phil said...

I bet morty is 24 years old… but with all the meth, booze, smokes, weed, paint sniffing, glue sniffing, time in jail, panhandling… he looks like that

9:16 pm June, 10 Guid is Good said...

Morty curses Ben Bernanke and his quantitative easing. Back in the day he could afford a real female at the strip club – now even he’s not sure.

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