Friday, June 3, 2011

Friday Thoughts and Links

Lest there was any doubt about our HCwDB of the Month winner containing the necessary adouchremonts, our week concludes with Peter Pumpin’Head.

Having ditched Mary Mammageddon, Peter demonstrates douchery in two classic ways:

1. Busting the classic sideways peace sign (‘bag hand gesture #61) in presence of Pocahontas beach hotties.

2. The douche-nipple-poke from behind a tighty blacky muscle shirt.

The prosecution rests your honor.

It’s good to be back.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “Yes we do. But this happens to be a one hundred dollar minimum table. Perhaps you’d be more comfortable at one of our lower stakes tables.”

Shark Eats Shark. Stonerbags watch excitedly.

Preakness ‘Bags

If you’ve got some time this weekend, watch Sex Pistols creator/manager Malcolm McLaren gives an epic rant on what he calls “Karaoke Culture” at TED. “Life that’s lived by proxy.” This is pure genius, well worth your time.

If you’ve never thought about the country of Latvia in your life, now’s a good time to start. And by think, I mean boobies.

I never thought I’d find genius in advertising in a McDonalds Ad, yet here it is.

Grey Goose sales are sandbagging our economy.

This just seems like a huge waste of Ezra’s Bar Mitzvah money

Slayer of All things ‘Bag and reality show afficianado, HCwDB’s own Medusa Oblongata writes in with a douche tag from A&E’s Parking Wars. So this show is on TV, while my new show about brain-addled alpacas on the run from the law in El Paso, Texas, (“Alpaca El Paso”) languishes in development hell.

But enough about all that. Here it is. Your reward:

Zipper Latex Pear

Like two mounds of rubber marshmallow slappy spank happy penguin drool gnaw.

Go forth. And drink. Because I’m out of euphemisms for alcoholism.

# posted by douchebag1
12:32 pm June, 3 Wheezer said...

Zipper Pear just busted mine. Medical fact.

12:43 pm June, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

Swingers, classic movie.
.
Kinda well maybe Hmmm Latex zipper pear. It’s kinda odd looking.
.
I think we now know the real reason why George wanted to convert to Latvian.

12:44 pm June, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

Digging the Pocahontas beach hotties and I’ve had enough Peter Pumpin’Head

12:47 pm June, 3 Anonymous said...

I love the Pocahontas girls. And like Wheezer, Zipper Pear is putting a too much pressure on mine to point to the teeth pulling me apart. Call me crazy or call me sensitive, my face was actually drawn to the mirror. That’s a pretty face to go with them pretty cheeks.

12:48 pm June, 3 Anonymous said...

BTW, if I had pear like that living with me, I’d never leave the house. Because Domino’s delivers. SON.

12:54 pm June, 3 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

It’s with all due respect that I say: STOP IT WITH THE INFLATABLES please!!
.
Pull them out in the event of a water landing, or have a pack of clowns lead them around by strings next Thanksgiving, but for the love of fuck no more pictures.

1:12 pm June, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Man that guy is big. Reverend runs the summer with tank tops, unlike his, with an XL and is embarrassed of his shoulder size. But I can’t lose it unless I use a flesh planer. So I have to keep lifting weights to look uniform. This guy is fucked when he gets older. Son.

1:20 pm June, 3 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Peter Fuckin’ Pumpinhead… each picture, same douchy smile, same douchy expression of self-ignorance, and always with a fine piece or two that are drawn like retarded moth’s to PP’s shiny blue light. You can’t blame him, as a stimulus(his overblown ego and upper body) is nothing without a response (stupid chicks, clamoring to him like idiot fish to a shiny spinner) but man is mocking this douche, well, finally over…. Fuck off Petey.

1:25 pm June, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Nice Zipper Pear. I’m going to teach a lovely young girl to skateboard. Then I am going to smoke a fatty and watch that shark shit again. Son. Keep in touch over the weekend DB1, there are sure to be cloudy patches ahead in this shithole weekend for which we need to escape for a few drinks. That is the purpose of this site: isn’t it?

1:25 pm June, 3 Collax B. Popped said...

Im not sure whats more important to my overall future well – being,,,the Malcolm McDowell lecture or 5 minutes alone with Zipper Latex Pear.

1:31 pm June, 3 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

And I thought P P-head was just a steroid / hgh meat-clown with an extremely small cranium. He is all douche.

1:40 pm June, 3 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Why are men wearing tank tops that make it look like they put on their girlfriend’s little black dress by mistake?

1:45 pm June, 3 douche equis said...

Three pix, maybe four, of Peter and we only get one douche signifier beyond muscles, the sideways peace sign? In one pic? Weak. I’m not buying the nipple poke signifier — your friendly neighborhood Google tells me there’s only been one previous use of the phrase “nipple poke” on this site, and that was of an entirely different kind. Son. (Praying my html skill are still working . . .).

1:47 pm June, 3 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Zipper Pear- her pants are so shiny I can see myself in them, soaking her with a flesh tone squirt gun that I filled with Greek Yogurt. Enjoy a weekend everyone. Hopefully the Missourri won’t be new backyard anytime soon… Flood humor…

3:13 pm June, 3 Medusa Oblongata said...

Zipper Pear. i just chipped a tooth on my monitor. Son.
.
Peter seems to be making a scissor-snip gesture over his penis. He got big, freaky fake arms because his friends would laugh if he got huge, freaky fake tits. Paging Dr. Freud…
.
Spent all damn morning getting corn and snow pea seedlings into the ground today ’cause the douchepocalypse is gonna collapse civilized society. Then I spent the later part of the afternoon beating the holy fuck out of my three-headed hellhound, Peanut Oblongata after she went back in and dug them all up. Rotten shitfuck dog, I will pee in your butt, one way or another.

3:17 pm June, 3 Doucheasaurus Rex said...

HOLY LATEX ZIPPER PEAR BATMAN!!! That is all.

3:19 pm June, 3 tall guy said...

Hey, Medusa, ease-up on the dog beatings!

3:21 pm June, 3 Wedgie said...

Dr. Evil’s niece is pretty tight.

3:49 pm June, 3 Marcellus Shale DIscount Sale said...

who’s down wit zlp, you know me
who’s down wit zlp, this whole party!

well to be fair, anyone who didn’t know grey goose related purchases were hitting the derivatives market like a bag of red vinegar, deserves to lose everything.

3:56 pm June, 3 Vin Douchal said...

Hey Pete, I’ve got some (mostly) drug free piss for sale for your next meathead flexdown competition

3:57 pm June, 3 Collaz B.P said...

Douche Equi (great name),
I voted for Pumpin n if you look at all the pics,,,hes got a hat pointed at the 50 degree side tilt. In my book, thats autodouche. U add those things he calls swole arms that he cant even wipe his own ass with, and questionable black dress tank tops and you can see why he was a winner (loser).

fuck autotune

4:17 pm June, 3 tall guy said...

Hey fellow ‘Bag mockers, rather than waste the boss’s time i’ll put this question to you: is Gary Busey douche? I’d appreciate any Busey commentary – no, I am not writing-up or researching him, I simply happened to see him on TV last night.

4:24 pm June, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

@tall guy
Gary Busey as “Mr. Joshua” in Lethal Weapon was awesome and in my book warrants a notta. He had a bad motor bike accident awhile back that caused him some brain damage and he’s been kooky, to say the least, ever since.

4:26 pm June, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

Grey Goose article is brilliant!!!

4:47 pm June, 3 Mr. Biggs said...

You’re welcome for the Malcolm McLaren speech. It’s always the link I don’t think DB1 will share that he uses.

5:17 pm June, 3 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I’d hit ZipperPear the way Curtis LeMay hit Japan.

5:42 pm June, 3 Mr. Biggs said...

LOL “I simply cannot foresee any further scenario in which an industry bases its entire business model on the sale of its products to people who cannot afford them.”

6:22 pm June, 3 creature said...

blondie is holding a bottle of Mr White’s pale reserve

7:23 pm June, 3 schlicht bindenburger said...

that;s no tighty T, thats the Shmock!

7:44 pm June, 3 army (ret) douche said...

i am surprised he isn’t lactating

8:25 pm June, 3 Ted Brogan said...

DB1, You know what you are? You’re like a big bear with claws and with fangs. Michael doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

10:32 pm June, 3 Stephanie said...

Someone must have told peter pumpkin head to not leave his mouth wide open catching flies,dude should join the circus.

11:45 pm June, 3 Douchble Helix said...

Sshh. She’s looking right at me in the mirror. I swear, she’s checking me out!

3:26 am June, 4 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Speaking of euphemisms for alcoholism, I think Peter Pumpin’Head is almost certainly a victim of fetal alcohol syndrome. That vacuous leer that appears on his yap in every freakin’ photo is proof I would say. Sadly, probably 180 proof. 🙁

7:20 am June, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

Alright, so I guess this is evidence that P.P. can pose with some hot women. I stand corrrected. Maybe this was when Mary was having her third boob job and P.P needed to scope out a backup plan just in case she didn’t make it out of the surgery alive. Cuz he’s a gentleman like that.

8:22 am June, 4 Wedgie said...

Big Boy is looking around and thinking “why are all these chicks so flat?”
That is, if he can get past his first thought, which is “grooooooo”.

11:43 am June, 4 DarkSock said...

I was out deep-sea failing all day yesterday; did I miss anything?
.
I weighed in on mislead reader “micheal”‘s comments; I’m on the same page as you guys. It was a gas, but it’s good to have sanity restored.
.
HotChicksWithDarkSock.com is a fun place to visit but you DON”T want to live there. Much like peak oil, it is not sustainable, and gets dirtier and dirtier. Had the Boss stayed on walkabout one more week the site would have surely sported its first anal video.
.
Fuccen floodwaters have diluted the Gulf. All the fish have fled. Only caught one single 16” red snapper, under the limit. Sucks.
.
And yes there was a minor boating incident. Involving an oil rig, the bow of the WorldCat, an approaching crew boat, and some little crab scittering past on the water’s surface saying “you ain’t catchin’ no fish, bitchez!”.

7:35 pm June, 4 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

That kid rapping is about as comfortable as latex pear would be in a sauna.

1:29 pm June, 5 Dunc said...

anyone got a source on latex zipper pear? oh my!

10:29 am June, 6 RAPETIME said...

Nothing about Malcolm McLaren can be considered “genius”, or even worth listening to. His opinions are worthless.

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