Friday, June 10, 2011

Friday Thoughts and Links

Douches with ‘hawks and licky tongue are like a festering pus pimple on the fleshy ass check of civilization.

That is my only deep thought on this Friday aft’.

That, and Sun Chips are chip crack for the soul.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week:“Hi. Ed Ramsey from Delos. If there’s anyone who doesn’t know what Delos is, well, as we’ve always said: Delos is the vacation of the future, today.”

If you’re interested in keeping up with the goings on of your humble narrator, I’m Jewcy.

Speaking of your humble narrator, ever wonder what I dream about at night? Now you know.

Hidden boobcam on hot French Chick proves earth revolves around sun.

Long overdue: Teens set each other on fire. Back in the 80s, we just put Snaps up our nose.

Suburban White Jerzeybags watch a Tornado, call each other “Nigga.”

Reason #53 why Japan pwns our asses.

Nothing promotes the new season of a show quite like Douche Fights.

If Jim Carrey can bomb horribly on the Tonight Show in 1983, there’s hope for all of us.

Odious Oldbag Sir Ivan makes me want to cauterize my nads with a flaming q-tip. What a heaping pile of flaming poo this elephant sack is. Watch “The Dungeon” clip at your own risk.

But you are done mocking Oldbags and you want your reward. Here it is:

Teddy Fondle Pear.

That pretty much visualizes my first erotic dream when I was nine. So for that, I salute with a HoHo and sail off into Friday ‘eve satiated and scratchy.

# posted by douchebag1
12:43 pm June, 10 Mandouchian Candidate said...

That bear looks a little sketchy, but Dayummmmmmmmmm, the Pear is Perfect.

12:48 pm June, 10 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Love the Animal House reference.

12:57 pm June, 10 DarkSock said...

Sir Ivan, as a trained and licensed architect let me assure you that your “house” looks fuccen hideous. Kid.

12:58 pm June, 10 DarkSock said...

^I’m done with “Son”, kid. Kid is the new “Son”, Son.
.
.
I mean, Kid.

1:12 pm June, 10 jonezy said...

And Shit.

1:18 pm June, 10 jonezy said...

Ivan actually has that veil of douchebaggery where it seems he’s trying to cover a hideous childhood of being teased for his wretched looks and dull wit and now that he’s stacked some bills, he’s out to prove that he always has been a man among men.
.
Still a douchebag, but the saddest of them all- whereas most douchebags live in complete self-absorption where they have no sense of self reflection or true definition of who they ultimately are, I think Ivan here actually knows he’s a fragile, dim-witted baffoon on the interior, but is just going to go out and try his damndest anyway to pretend that he is truly happy with his shitty castle that he knows only makes him feel even more lonely and desolate.
.
But still a douche.

1:18 pm June, 10 Hermit said...

Sir Ivan, as a semi-homeless hovel-dweller, let me assure you, your house is no better thanthis.
Dickhead.

1:19 pm June, 10 Anonymous said...

this?

1:20 pm June, 10 Hermit said...

Yeah that, dammit!

1:35 pm June, 10 Anonymous said...

Then you’ll have lots to talk about!!

At least it appears that Axe has developed a therapeutic application for civilization: Cleansing the gene pool.

1:50 pm June, 10 Banana Hammock said...

She is hot… and the kinda hott that could make one forget that he was peeling chili’s earlier and pursues to touch his beanstalk anyways…
.
I digress; thank the gravy gods that I am not yet an advocate of 3D monitors or else I may have certainly broken it whenst one sir hammock held back a duce of donkey punch’s intended for boy’s hawks and licky.
.
kid~

1:55 pm June, 10 Et Tu Douche? said...

Mmmmmmm!!!!!!!! Teddy Fondle Pear.

1:56 pm June, 10 Et Tu Douche? said...

@DarkSock
Enjoy the RUSH concert tonight yo. Try and stay sober kid cause well you’ll be with your kid.

1:58 pm June, 10 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Hot Chicks with Douche Bags….or simply HOT chicks getting and giving a bad rap?
.
.
. YOU MAKE THE CALL!

2:01 pm June, 10 Et Tu Douche? said...

Yo niggazzz, that twistaaa video makes me so wanna break someones jaw.

2:05 pm June, 10 Et Tu Douche? said...

Bleeth with Sir Ivan is hideous as for his dungeon I’ll bet Mr. Whites is a lot better

2:21 pm June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

RUSH tonight! Wow! I will be watching the Bruins on the road to win in six. Still going for Van though.
.
Now I know how we get away with some Jew jokes. DB1 is a Nazi hunter for the Simon Weisenthal organization and was on mission for those two weeks. Son. Kid. Son,

2:49 pm June, 10 Troy Tempest said...

Who the fuck is that parasite, Sir Ivan? His place is to Castles what a prefab suburban split level is to a Baronial manor. It’s not a real building – it’s a cartoon of a building.

2:49 pm June, 10 Vin Douchal said...

@ all you fuccers mired in the 80’s :
.
.
Did this one slip by you ? Great band, great video. The guys that designed this video were on the same shit as Rev Chad
.

.
.
If you ask me it’s between Tony Hadley and Roland Orzabal for the best voice of that era

3:01 pm June, 10 Vin Douchal said...

@ Choad TDS 1:58
.
If you’re gonna show Nicole The Intern at Barstool, at least give a link to her Smokeshow of the Day

3:08 pm June, 10 Stephanie said...

Boob cams are only the first step to putting an ad on a women chest. And I hope that body spray those kids are using is Axe,cuz I’m using a lighter much more often,now. And the douche with his mouth open works down at the local porn shop hole in the wall.

3:48 pm June, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Stephanie, you go girl. Burn that douche to the ground. I hope dudes aren’t going around with crotch-cam or I’m frickin’ busted.
.
Congrats on being Jewcy DB1. Do you get to wear sweats that have that printed on your AssPear now? Is dude ass called AssPear? I feel bad that you guys don’t have a name for it like we do.
.
@DarkSock, RUSH is still alive?! The concert starts at 4pm and wraps up by 7?

3:50 pm June, 10 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Bring me that bear’s head on a platter!

3:56 pm June, 10 tall guy said...

Good links this week, eh, fellow mockers? Loved the write up and interview on DB1. Well deserved recognition.
@ Vin Douchal I think Tony Hadley wins that prize. A friend of my ex-wife in England was engaged in an on again off again type of shenanigan relationship with him. She suffered for his art I guess.

Enjoy your weekend all!

4:16 pm June, 10 Hermit said...

The Reverend’s bold predictions looked as if they would crumble like the kidney-infected urine in yesterday’s cat litter.
But, oh what a difference a couple of games make, my beloved friends. If Luongo can’t stay sober and doesn’t get it together tonight, The Reverend’s prognostications may well prove true.
.
I have no dog in this fight, I want it to go seven.
.
I would also like to see the war in Libya go seven, Qadafi’s been standing on his head. NATO will soon max out their Visa cards and the overheated gun barrels will have to be removed with oven mitts and melted down into confusion and molded into Tonka trucks for the children. I love the smell of cordite, bowel movements and antifreeze on a hot, deserted highway.
.
I’m slightly drunk, so excuse me if I seem more incoherent than usual.

4:32 pm June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Tears For Fears eh. Well we certainly all heard them non-stop for 3 years. Brings me back to my most carefree casual mating days so I guess I can relate to a few bops while they were around. I seem to remember this song of theirs played the most.

4:54 pm June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^ Forgot the link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOckQm-TpWk Four out of five Jewzies like this video.

4:59 pm June, 10 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

With all due respect to our current Teddy Fondle Pear, who’s up for some Drill Bit Bloody Pear?

5:06 pm June, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

@FDD, that doesn’t sound as soft and cuddly. And um, plushafeely. Is chicks posing with creepy stuffed animals a thing? I mean I know about the guy that married that pillow but that’s the extent of my knowledge.

6:09 pm June, 10 Reverend Chad Fuck Wordpress said...

Drill baby drill Pear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9:06 pm June, 10 08ArmyDoc said...

WOW, Sir Ivan is one of the douchiest I have EVAR seen!!!!! If you really want to gouge out your eyes, and slit your own throat, watch his other videos (Eve of Destruction is particularly spectacular)… There’s a great one of him marching around in a red cape and douchegoggles while doing some sort of headbobbing chicken strut and warbling through auto tune and reverb yet still sounding like a retarded fourth grader with undescended testicles and recent throat surgery. WOW.

And the naked Jerzbags are awesome. And their exhibiting such wide vocabularies under such stressful conditions – took my breath away. The new meme: “Like a Nigga”

9:10 pm June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

“Like a Nigga” I can’t resist a meme.

9:17 pm June, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I predict hockey playoffs “Like a Nigga”. Son
.

5:33 am June, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

Yo that game was tight Kid, I still say Bruins in 7 Son. Those Niggas won’t give up.

5:53 am June, 11 tall guy said...

@ Nancy Dreuch, re. the guy that married the pillow, do you mean the Japanese dude? If so, what’s with him!

8:14 am June, 11 Hermit said...

With the advent of warmer weather, it’s important to check your tire pressure and to top off oil and coolant levels.
When recharging air conditioner units, if you find yourself tempted to snort freon, do so in moderation.
.
.
Thank You

8:16 am June, 11 Hermit said...

@ tall guy,
.
The part of that story I found most bizzare was that he insisted on a blood test and a pre-nup.

8:59 am June, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@tall guy, yeah that guy and I don’t know what’s up. I would just like the video of when met “her” parents. I think it went down at a Sleep Train.
@Hermit, safety first. In marriage and in coolant consumption. Also NEVER mix the two.

10:43 am June, 11 P Showard Chunt said...

as we have by no doubt seen, and some through multiple magical elixirs virtually unseen, only to wake and re-see, the canucks now have those beantown bastards on the brink.

sadly sir ivan almost removes my will to live, seriously, what kind of world do we live in that can’t take out a narcissistic douchebag like that in an act of seemingly random violence. sure i am not advocating violence, but perhaps attitude adjustment therapy that just seems like a series acts of violence. if this therapy is slow going, and takes faithful application over many years, to produce changes, well, that is mere par for the course in many therapies.

ass kickings with verbal humiliation are the new drugs plus talk therapy.

11:25 am June, 11 tall guy said...

@ Nancy D. Thanks, and apologies for having misspelt your name.

2:24 pm June, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@tall guy, no worries, I mispell everything. Its not my real name either so we’re still cool.

10:09 pm June, 11 DarkSock said...

And why do the Jersey Shornado wiggas all sound like they’re mimicking the blue aardvark?

10:10 pm June, 11 DarkSock said...

^Kid?

8:12 pm June, 12 Stephanie said...

Nancy I’d also be busted looking at crotch cams of guys,but with all of their damn baggy ass clothes I don’t see a thing,hardly anything to report. Wish the clothing styles would change back to disco 1975 where you could see what religion they were,no,I’m kidding,that polyester sucked!

5:11 pm June, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Steph, I hear ya with the baggy clothes. Super difficult to make out peen. That’s why you’ve gotta convince them to Favre you a pic. If you need help with that just holla at me. I’ve had moderate success in that area.

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