Monday, June 13, 2011

HCwDB of the Week: Mr. Hawk Doesn’t Deserve This and Hottie Heather

Last week we had a Doggie ‘Baggin’ Old Bag (‘Eyyyy!) and a greasy bar puker. A clubbed out Brothabag with a Mocha Princess and Creepy Mutant Douchelips hitting on Cheerleader Hotts.

But among them all, no cohabit felt as legitimately wrong as Mr. Hawk’s tie wearing stupid hair kissing of doe eyed Hottie Heather.

And while there may have been stronger douchegaggers from last week, and some equivalently hottie hotts, it’s the combination en toto that defines the Boobie/Scrotey Dialogics.

And by En Toto, I mean Roseanna.

Chalk up Sir Hawk and Heather for the next Monthly, as your humble narrator stumbles around his dirty-ass living room and wonders about investing in a Dyson. Even if that Dyson guy is way creepy in the ads.

# posted by douchebag1
7:01 am June, 13 Wedgie said...

Correct selection. Please tell me he is just her gay co-worker.

7:04 am June, 13 Douchble Helix said...

A travesty. Monty had a Hell of a week.
.
How ’bout them grannies on Ms. Arquette? Delectable.

7:22 am June, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I don’t remember voting. Son. I liked Morty FTW.
.
Roseanna was pretty hot back in the day before she turned into an old purse. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lj6FnujB4wg&feature=related
.
Neil Peart was a guest drum soloist on Letterman last Thursday if any of you legions of the rocking triumvirate want to check it out. Kid. Fuck Jay Leno.

7:29 am June, 13 Douche Springsteen said...

I think what makes this really offensive is how he went the full 9 yards and douched out his hair for an even that required him to wear a tie. Class and poo don’t mix, AT ALL.
And how Heather manages to flash her pearly whites so prettily while that bloated face, reeking of AXE after shave no doubt, is pressed against her angelic visage is quite beyond me. The eyes though, they speak of horror and revulsion.

7:34 am June, 13 Douchble Helix said...

Hey Rev,
I didn’t think much of that link. Maybe it was a url that you didn’t mean to post here?
This may have been the one you were enjoying, and intended to post:
http://www.neatorama.com/2011/06/11/bronies-adult-men-who-like-to-watch-my-little-pony/

7:47 am June, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Sharks head is so shiny that Weiner could take more pictures of his ball grab with it.

8:28 am June, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

Yecch. I would not smiling if this douche was all up in my grill like that. Just say no to the mo’ Heather. Photo op be damned.

8:32 am June, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Douchble Helix, RevChad’s a total “bronie”. Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

8:37 am June, 13 Et Tu Douche? said...

A worthy winner and by worthy I mean she’s hott and has nice cans and he’s dope.

8:38 am June, 13 Et Tu Douche? said...

Bruins in a close one tonight to take it to 7 and I loves me some game 7’s and B( * )( *)B’s. Kid!!!!

9:53 am June, 13 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Maybe you should look into a Roomba, El Jeffe?

10:21 am June, 13 Hermit said...

I agree with the Rev.
Morty was an interesting study in cultural failure and one man’s desperate and futile battle with the passage of Time.
This is a guy, who should be bouncing his grandchildren on his knee, enjoying his golden years in the bosom of his family somewhere in Boca Raton, who is instead, spending what’s left of his dwindling UAW pension on the bosoms of strippers and crack-addicted welfare mothers.
Like a character in a Greek Tragedy, Morty’s fistfuls of dollars, paid sex partners and excessive, postiche bling can’t hide what the dour expression, vacuous eyes and blood pressure- related redness in his face reveal:
This guy is a train wreck waiting to happen, it’s just a matter of when and how.
Will it be the broken glass and spilled blood, mingling with anti-freeze and motor oil of a tragic, late-night, drunken car wreck, or the excruciating suddenness of a painful and debilitating coronary episode?
Time, alone will tell.
And guess what Morty, Time always wins.

10:53 am June, 13 ms. n. thrope said...

that Dyson guy sure knows how to suck…got me one of them vacuums & all it does is collect dust
Rev, you’re wrong about Leno…good cat
Hermit, everybody gotta die…best on the end of my hobo knife!

11:21 am June, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Creature, why’s it gotta be a hobo knife?

11:32 am June, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Hermit
.
You are 100% correct about Morty and his poor life choices.
.
However your reference to blood pressure related red face is a common misconception. It is entirely coincidental if a human has hypertension and a red face. The red face is more likely a sympathetic reaction to salty barfood and excessive drunken laughter which has, over time, broken many of the outer small blood vessels in Morty’s bloated visage. Son
.
Canucks in 6.

12:03 pm June, 13 creature said...

ND…I lifted it off a dead hobo

12:26 pm June, 13 i killed a hobo said...

you killed a hobo?

12:29 pm June, 13 DarkSock said...

Hottie Heather gots her Leelee Sobieski goin’ on; I always thought of Leelee Sobieski as being the poor man’s Helen Hunt. I’d rub cocoa butter on both their bunions.
.
Helen and Leelee, I mean. Not Mr. Hawk’s.

12:31 pm June, 13 creature said...

nah just lifted his knife

12:35 pm June, 13 Hermit said...

@ creature,
.
As a member of the bum & Transient community I find your use of the term “hobo knife” hobo-phobic, and therefore quite offensive.
In the future, please use the correct terminology; homeless shiv.
.
.
BTW, mine is safely tucked up under my left sleeve for a swift withdrawal and a quick, effective slash.

12:53 pm June, 13 Edith Anne Tarbox of Dripping Springs Tx said...

with all due respect darksock, please don’t sully the boobage of sobieski with a reference to helen hunt.

you know what helen hunt is? she is renee zellweger after diving face first into a paper wasp nest.

while morty’s run was entertaining, i would much rather bang hottie heather with the fury of winona ryder looting neiman marcus after the government defaults on bond holders. thus hawk must be destroyed like a meth addict’s credit rating.

12:54 pm June, 13 Edith Anne Tarbox of Dripping Springs Tx said...

kidisan

9:50 pm June, 13 DarkSock said...

Edith, We must agree to disagree on Ms. Hunt as I remember her; surprisingly hawt back in the day, even if she does sport http://img.slate.com/media/1/123125/2271515/2270347/101021_DOONS_JoanieColor.jpg.
.
Yeah, Father Time has caught up to her and kicked her ass (just a TAD o’ photoshop on that one…); but I’d still hit it as you can see in the recent picture below; not bad for a 47 year old mamacita. And she drinks vodka just like me, as shown here:
aregf
From the side, a little, even.
.
Meanwhile, y’girl LeeLee’s Eastern Block genes is a’catchin’ up to her, ass-first…
NOT that I wouldn’t make a yogurt map across Ms. LeeLee’s tummy of the Aleutian islands that even Sarah Palin could recognize…

5:11 am June, 14 Douchble Helix said...

Helen Hunt is holy. That afterschool special where she’s on drugs and jumps out a 2nd story window is classic. Plus, she was Wonder Woman’s apprentice.

5:12 am June, 14 Douchble Helix said...

And there’s *nothin’* wrong with that black bikini pooper.

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