Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Long Island Bob and Layla

I’d almost be inclined to give Long Island Bob a rockerbag nottadouche and goinpeace. Even with the Elvis sideburns, the stupid tatts, the silly shirt, and the wriststrap thingy. For Long Island Bob seems relatively benign. Happy to be there.

Just a semi-employed rockerbag who means well and is generally harmless to society.

But then there’s the chin pubes.

And this must not pass.

Douche.

Mmmm…. Slinky Layla. You have legs of purest organic farm raised chicken bone slather chomp. Two taut and tan morsels of munch suckle. I would leech like a hungry Pleco atop an algae wafer for six consecutive sundays, and then return to the Mikveh for ritual penance.

# posted by douchebag1
7:17 am June, 14 Anonymous said...

Why do more and more douches feel it necessary to cover their entire arms with tats? I just don’t get it.

Bleeth is VERY yummy……

7:32 am June, 14 army (ret) douche said...

Really boss? tempted by a notta with violations like that? His hair looks as though it contains enough grease to lubricate a small car… Did your walkabout make you soft?

7:34 am June, 14 Douchble Helix said...

She, and the LBD, are wonderful.
I don’t disagree with the boss, but it’s amazing what passes for everyday suburban citizen and taxpayer these days.

7:42 am June, 14 Et Tu Douche? said...

I just went from 6 to Midnight, Layla is HOTT!!!!!!!

7:47 am June, 14 Et Tu Douche? said...

There are several riddles that constantly baffle as I plod through the journey that is my life, none more so as how rocker’s get chicks like Slinky Layla. It bum’s me out.

7:49 am June, 14 Et Tu Douche? said...

Fuck me boots rule!!!, Son

7:52 am June, 14 Bigphatnotadouche said...

Layla is a fine long legged Hott. Rocker bag is a douche. I need to learn the guitar.

8:13 am June, 14 Et Tu Douche? said...

I would gladly volunteer to be a roadie in LI Bob’s band, wearing an original Bryan Trottier home jersey, for their upcoming gig at the Syosset Legion hall post 169 for the potential opportunity to have my inner monologue utter “Man I’d Like to hit that” with regards to Slinky Layla’s bumper, as she bent over to adjust the straps/buckles on her FMB’s. I’d then slink out the side door in all my shame, burn Trottier’s jersey and head home to weep inconsolably at the injustice of her being with him.

8:17 am June, 14 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Layla is smokin hot and looks like the type of girl who would do just about anything. ok anything at all.

Long Island Bob is a complete tool and will be hard to beat as the weekly winner. Is that a jebus hands praying on a microphone t-shirt? really Bob? you f’ing bought that?

8:20 am June, 14 Nancy Dreuche said...

Almost a pass DB1?! The stupid facial hair and fwippy bangs thing alone earn this bozo a Stage 2. Snap out of it man and get back in the game! Jesus praying hands with a mike in them for “God” sakes!
.
Layla, you appeal to a demographic I can’t compete with. For I am petite and brunette. I tip my lady cap to you and yor blonde bombshell gloriousness.

8:36 am June, 14 creature said...

Bob’s OK, he put a new filter on my pinto (more coded ref.) at Zippy’s Oil & Lube last week whilst I made awkward conversation with cashier Layla…”so where do you like it, Hon, on the porch or in the trunk?”

8:36 am June, 14 DarkSock said...

I cannot comment on Bob’s sideburns as I am currently visualling Layla’s pipe farter in my mind’s eye gumming softly on a jelly dong like a dentureless Bob Hope going to town on a corn dog.
.
Wait…that’s not very sexy.
.
Kid.

8:48 am June, 14 creature said...

^the hell you say

8:52 am June, 14 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Darksock for the visual win!
.
I love Bob Hope.
.
And corn dogs.
.
And Layla’s fartbox.
.
Not necessarily in that order.

9:05 am June, 14 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Slinky Layla also spells SLAY NAY KILL. Which I’m confident we all would encourage as an appropriate behavior on their next date.

9:06 am June, 14 Douche Springsteen said...

He may have the signifiers but this one’s douche aura barely registers. I too am tempted to hand him a nottabag but there are unfortunately too many violations.
And Darksock, way to make my stomach turn. Not that that is a tough chore right now as it’s filled with residual rotgut whiskey and pizza crusts, but still, that was a bit much this early.

9:36 am June, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s nice, and dirty.
.
.
Maude

9:54 am June, 14 SonnyChibaChoad said...

T shirt has Christian RockerBag taint as well…they must be headed to the Stryper show

9:56 am June, 14 DarkSock said...

The vented sleeves and “do me NOW” boots indeed send forth the message that she’s down for whateva, and will cause her partner(s) in coitus numerous body aches and sore muscles for 3~4 days thereafter.
.
I approve of this message as it gives me a case of the ol’ wooden puddin’.

9:58 am June, 14 DarkSock said...

Bob has a 14″ taint and it is glossed hairless to a high sheen; he has with the help of peanut butter trained his rough-tounged pet bobcat to do the dirty work.
.
Medical FACT.
.
And there’s nothing wrong with animals licking peanut butter of of humans, as long as it’s consensual, non-sexual, and not the crunchy kind.

10:03 am June, 14 Mandouchian Candidate said...

If I was this kids dad and this guy brought home that piece o’poon, I would be proud. If he was 17. Not 34. And not the rythm guitar player in a Creed cover band. And not going to call in sick tomorrow to his job fixing flat tires at the Wal Mart. But ya know what I always say: Nothing better than a chick with high tits and low standards. ROCK!

*
Sister.

10:16 am June, 14 Unit Douche said...

Is it me, or does she look a little too much like a very naughty Ann Coulter, with some meat on her bones (yes, I said meat) and minus the pitchfork?

10:18 am June, 14 Anonymous said...

Layla’s got me on my knees. Whackin off.

10:32 am June, 14 creature said...

Bob’s been on Cloud 9 since he discovered the escort section of craigslist

10:40 am June, 14 Troy Tempest said...

Looking at the picture, iTunes offered up this song, so here’s the lyrics. Oddly appropriate, if a trifle poetic, given the douche and spooge gargling bleeth.

SNOW by Severed Heads
.
This time the little match girl has brought her own snow
Alone in the cold she draws her real name with the flames,
sifting around for prophecy
This sleep will test the morning–supposing–
.
A heart full of bric-a-brac–pufferfish and staplegun
Crucifix and teddybear, sequins, eiderdown
Hatboxes–shared houses–plumber’s helpers–bits of string
These foolish things help me forget you
..
This time the match girl is ruling by thumb
Counting the inches that lay in a lifetime of regrets–
she suspects
.
A heart full of bric-a-brac–pufferfish and staplegun
Crucifix and teddybear, sequins, eiderdown
Hatboxes–shared houses–plumber’s helpers–bits of string
These foolish things help me forget you
.
So bad
is alone

11:08 am June, 14 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Albrecht Durer must be ready to come back from the dead in a zombie-enhanced apoplectic rage. First, his simple sketch is adopted by the glurge brigade in their unending quest to promulgate warm fuzzy fallacies in place of useful truths. As of this writing “Brother’s Hands: Read This and Forward it to 20 People” is responsible for 15% of all emails worldwide, and 8% of all internet traffic.
.
Now his famous sketch has been altered to become $5 Walmart quality white-trash rocker-douche wear. And STILL NO ROYALTIES. The ass-clowns at Affliction must be laughing their asses off. Is it really such a secret that you can pay some sophomore art student $200 to sketch artwork for T-shirts that sell for $65 EACH? I guess it is.

11:27 am June, 14 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Layla looks hot in the same way a riced-out 2002 Toyota Celica looks fast. Both may technically get you where you want to go, as fast as you want to get there, but ain’t nobody want to remember that ride. Both belong in the garage with the door shut.

11:51 am June, 14 tall guy said...

They’re both at that stage: stage two. Layla’s qualifications as a hott haven’t gone unnoticed, which is more than can be said about her state of orange. LI Bob reminds me of an old muso classmate back in high school, except he (the old muso classmate) went on to play guitar for Aussie beer barn band INXS.

12:42 pm June, 14 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Not only didn’t I hear a whisper of the word, “nottadouche,” I heard a blood-curdling scream of “totaldouche’ echo in my head. The RockerBag is of the same level of egregious offensiveness as is the MMABag, ParkingLotFrolickingBag, BikerBag and GratefulDeadBag; all Total Bags.
Lithe Layla, while a definite hott in this photo, has the potential to be a morning after Code Death Diva.

3:05 pm June, 14 creature said...

@ tall guy…fond memories of seeing INXS play RSL clubs a number of times back summer of ’84

3:22 pm June, 14 soy bomb said...

I would like to make love to Layla’s anus.
.
.
@ creature: INXS4EVA!!!!1!!!!

3:23 pm June, 14 soy bomb said...

^
@ tall guy too.

5:35 pm June, 14 ehcuodouche said...

“But then there’s the chin pubes.

And this must not pass.”

Well, that and he looks like Dane Cook.

5:43 pm June, 14 DarkSock said...

He looks like Dane Cook after someone bondo’d the pock marks.

6:10 pm June, 14 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

If I was EVER in a room and a hot with boots, that short,short Black dress, and those little holes up the sleeves walked in, I would instantly soil myself. Or wet myself. Maybe its kinda a wet soil. No, more like a soily wet. Yeah. I would soily wet myself if a hot with boots, that short,short Black dress, and those little holes up the sleeves walked in. Just Sayin’.
.
Son.

7:15 pm June, 14 Stephanie said...

I get the feeling these two like to tie each other up and do dirty dirty things to each other…maybe she can tie him up and leave him there and do the shopping,come back in a few hours…see if he’s still into it. I see guys walking around all over with that same look,they’re like cut outs.Yawn.

9:02 pm June, 14 creature said...

by ‘dirty, dirty things’ do you mean play ‘log chutes’?
Hon

12:18 am June, 15 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Layla. Lady Lay. La la la
Va va va voom.
Longislandbob.
Am I getting immune to the effects of douchebag costumery?
Who’s looking at him anyway, it’s HER we’re taking in.

2:05 pm June, 16 charlie sheen said...

that is jason david frank aka tommy from mighty morhin power rangers i personally know this real life douchebag

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