Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Nobody Eats Cheeseburgers Anymore
I don’t know what to make of this pic, except that everyone’s abs look like the brownie mix used to make the alien landscape in the Alien poster.
I suppose in today’s increasingly obese world we should find some merit in overly worked out and semi-starving bodies. And I do. I find merit in Sophie Suckle Thigh. For her tautness, 10 pounds below the pooch suckle I normally approve of, is still quite quarter bouncy.
And by quarter bouncy, I mean playing quarters at Delta Tao Kai the night before a Chemistry final.
The Tim Brothers are douches. Because they are.
rare ass translucent orange cup to match orange skin?!?!
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Twit.
I have a feeling we’ve seen these guys before, or at least Mr. Ed there on the right. Does anyone with a sharper memory recall when? Or maybe I’m just getting old and all these douches are starting to look the same.
I have a feeling these guys probably give each other dutch rudders in their spare time. It’s not gay, it’s just another dude jerking a dude off with his arm…. Meanwhile, Sophie Suckle Thigh drinks just enough Vodka and Diet to puke her salad up so she doesn’t get any thicker.
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whores.
Abs modeled after the C3-P0 costume just make man boobs more interesting … as for pooch suckle … count me in!
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kid biscuit
her hip bones would probably hurt me…after 3 hours
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skipper
His mongol sized red glasses would probably hurt me … after 1 hour
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mongol
sunburnt chinaman always cracks me up
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pop
Poor girl looks like she’s got rickets and scurvy. At least she can cure the scurvy by taking a bite out of either of these douches.
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fuccksticks
don’t hate on these cats to much for being fit & in the company of bulimic hott….just makes me wonder if I was an ignorant college kid again if I would fall for the stupid tatt frenzy…cuz Taz on my butt cheek would be kinda cool…for an instant, ’til it started to look like shit man
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boyo
The children’s sunglasses and whiter-than-white smiles betray them for the douches they are.
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chap
Why doesn’t Arby’s deliver? Anyways, the tinting on this pic is all outta sorts. Its like I tell the fellas that send me the peen pics. Sepia tone, a thousands times sepia tone. She hardly has the belly to do some solid pooching. When ever anyone pokes mine I laugh like the Pillsbury Dough Boy, because that’s how its done….Son. Now I’m off to Costco for some bulk goods and a delicious hot dog. Making fun of d-bags makes me hungry.
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Jabronis
Her pubic bone and then her coccyx bone would leave permanent indentations at various places on my skull.
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Muchacho
She would have friction burns on her sternum and she would sport a permanent dent on the underside of her chin.
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Hijo
Hollywood’s remaking The StereoDouchetonic Twins?!?
zoom in on right choad’s face, until his head and scarlet sunglasses fill the screen.
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Look at it. LOOK AT IT.
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Dude. WTF?
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Scone.
If Walt Disney was a weight lifting , ‘roid injesting, mirror preening, trend following, tanning douchetwat that injested acid laced pot while doing the peenie dance in rainbow square colored board shorts , this would have been his ultimate theme park.
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But he wasn’t so this is just another drab Vegas pool.
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Sarge
I really think it’s unfair that Sophie has to make a choice of which one she’s going to send to the douchination camp for further douching while the other gets to remain free. It ain’t right I tells ya. (See what I did there?)
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Closet clowns
The Tim Bros have douche hair, douche tatts and douche sunglasses. Such a trifecta suggests that they have met the minimum requirements for Douchosity. With luck and a touche of divine justice, their UV Block will ignite under the Vegas sun and they will be burnt alive.
Sophie is a GODDESS. I would joyfully eat her poo and think it tasted like strawberries and whipped cream.
Plus there’s about 40 pounds of garishly coloured watch that ought to be flushed down the crapper. Or about 18.18 kilograms for the enlightened…
douche hair? check. douche glasses? check douche tats? check. orangeness? debatable
compare to rocker bob
douche hair? yep douche faicial hair? oh yeah. douche shirt? god help us. wristdanna? well sort of…whatever it is is still douchey.
seeing as how all paries are content and lacking the douche face smirk of entitlement, how does bob almost get a notta and these 2 don’t? have the rules become pliable?
Me thinks that other than media pressures on the young folk, they have focused their energies of self-deprivation on the aesthetic rather than the old-school education, work, kids,work, wait for parents to die and lead them gently into that fresh hell and hope you can spend some of your money before your kids do.
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General Eisenhower
Canucks in one period.
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Bettman
The chicks thighs are almost rubbing together. She’s got to hit the gym or remain looking like a bloated narwhale. I chest.
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Mencia
the tims have about as much chance of scoring on her as the sedin twins…stack the pads baby, protect the 5hole!
that said, go canucks! co-equal.
On the plus side, Sophie thinks a couple hours of reverse wheelbarrow handstand scissors fucking is good for the abs. On the negative side, she had an apple the day before yesterday, so she can’t swallow again until September.
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HOH? At least for a special fitness award? I don’t mean special like DarkSock. I mean the good kind of special.
I have no response. I’m still trying to assimilate that pleco/algae wafer metaphor from the other day.
Those dudes are so young they have to stop now or lift everyday until they die. Canucks have Boston right where they want them, up by fucking 3. Jebus sized fuckoff Boston.
My fear is that fitness is no longer about having a healthy body or feeling better about yourself, but toning every single muscle in your body so as better to put it on display.
It’s like putting 10 grand into a Chevy Cavalier (of which I owned two) but instead of putting in a new engine or transmission, you splurge on a paint job or those obnoxious rims that keep spinning even after you stop.
I workout every day in order to lose weight and so I don’t get a heart attack at 40, not to show off my sweet bod at a Vegas pool.
How sweet it is to not live in Canada right now. Sorry RevChad, I guess you can drown your sorrows in maple syrup and homegrown doob. Hermit, you got the total number of goals right, so you’ve got that going for you.
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And agree Grand D. I’m sure these fools aren’t working out for health reasons. And I’m pretty sure that arm tattoo is a desparate cry to be different from all the other bros with an arm tattoos.
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Comminatzis
I don’t work out every day so that I can have the heart attack. After these lean years, my 401k will support retirement as well as Sophie can hold a small wait. Or a conversation.
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Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
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Butt monkeys.
A small “wait”? Really, shithead?
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Ambien’s a hell of a drug.
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Kindern.
Well Commisars. That was another well orchestrated Bettman. From having the refs and a few of the players on the payroll for the Canadians to throw the first series through to this one in which it was clear that Vancouver was given a pass all season just to get a Canadian team in to the final round as the statistical favourite. That’s right! Favourite with a fucking U. Like USA stole hockey from a bunch of lunchbucket eskimos with visine problems. Then Boston got paid off to let Vancouver win three and end up with the Cup in 7. Isn’t that fucking special. As if one of the most forlorn teams from the last 40 years winning wouldn’t put some more cash into Bettman’s Jew pocket. Nazareth Holdup League is what the fucker should be called.
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Upon review the above comments were in left field.
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Father
Oh, DB1, there is a typo on that Alien poster. It should be “hear”, not “here”. Get your lawyers on that ASAP.
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Chitlin’s
And CosaminDS Joint Health Supplement is a helleva drug.
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Gerbil Smugglers
I would like to provide Sophie Suckle Thigh with a small serving of protein. It’s the least I could do.
The Bruins deserve the win. Vancouver deserves the slanderous behaviour it is getting and I’m glad I never went West. Fucking arsonists. Heroinebags.
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Esquires
I likeneggs jeep fwace
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Ambien
Fuck yeah !!!!!!!!
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So was it Johnny Weir or that Elvis dude that won the ice skating competition this evening?
How bout dem B’s???
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Vancouver gets an autdouche for their fans behavior which is normally reserved for the winning team.
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Puckheads
In a few years after working in the actual world of doing the stress of working 3 people in 1 job,these skinnies will resort to McDonalds like the rest of America,and grow little love handles…is it me, or do they just look photo shopped and stuck on a fake beach?