Thursday, June 23, 2011

Once Upon a Time in a Magical Forest…

A fairie took a dump on a douche. Then they all went out for ice cream. And Jesus was happy.

— Excerpt from the rejected first draft of C.S. Lewis’s The Chronicles of Douchenia.

# posted by douchebag1
9:29 am June, 23 Wedgie said...

Shit, I think that might be my cousin.

9:30 am June, 23 Wedgie said...

Does anyone know why a gravatar can spontaneously disappear?

9:30 am June, 23 DarkSock said...

Jägermeister is a hell of a drug.
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Hombres.

9:32 am June, 23 Vin Douchal said...

Hey FBI,
How hard could it have been to find scumbag criminal , Whitey Bulger? All they had to do was walk into Sonny McLean’s in Santa Monica during a Sawx game.
.

9:36 am June, 23 I R A Darth Aggie said...

My eyes, my eyes!

9:44 am June, 23 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Give him a pass, All things absolved on account of jaegermeister.
_
Blondie on right looks in need of some horizontal boring in her rear flank.

9:47 am June, 23 Anonymous said...

The girl in the middle looks like a tranny.

9:48 am June, 23 Et Tu Douche? said...

@DarkSock
You aint kiddin, Jäger will make you hallucinate. Actually that guy in the middle could possibly be a hallucination, nah he’s just happy to be drunk, getting free Jägerbomb, and rubbing up on PTP JägerGirls.

9:49 am June, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

I hope blondie is well compensated for her job.

9:51 am June, 23 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Vin,
With all the news of Whitey getting nabbed nary a mention of Tim Thomas taking home the Vezina last night.

9:52 am June, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

This is an instance where the hoverhand would be acceptable. But blondie is a professional and she is closing the deal. I admire her work ethic.

9:53 am June, 23 Mandouchian Candidate said...

yes, I would hate to order a jaegerbomb and it have that Tranny’s stomach hair in it.

9:57 am June, 23 Vin Douchal said...

Blondie on right looks in need of some toe sucking and entry into the “Four Finger Club”

9:58 am June, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

And that middle tranny needs to go back to Tranny School. OR at least wait until the estrogen kicks in before heshe busts out the halter top.

10:16 am June, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Horatio just needs to get a little lubed up before the hotdog shooter finals. Clearly he is in fine form using ones the size of his own peen. The real test will come when he can still catch the footlongs from less than 7″.

10:52 am June, 23 hermit said...

Wow, just wow.

10:55 am June, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Never a fan of the camera or modesty, the elusive Kroeger is spotted in it’s natural habitat with his nieces.
.
Whitey Bulger?

10:55 am June, 23 creature said...

fool is a chester, & cs lewis was a xtian propaganda tripe slinging hack!

10:57 am June, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Those titty girls are all kinds of 18.
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Perverts

11:00 am June, 23 creature said...

Nancy D. are you married to Plinky & have you locked him in the closet?

11:10 am June, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

I know this probably a stupid question. But I’ll ask it anyway. PTP hotts don’t incite the same type of rage that seeing a non PTP hott with a douchebag does, so why feature it on the site? It would be like taking pics of dudes at a strip club (which might be an easy way for me to get more peen pics. Wait, sorry, internal dialogue became external.). I guess what I’m saying DB1 is I’ve lost that raging feeling, oh that raging feeling. Bring the heat today for old times sake please.

11:15 am June, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Creature, who is this Plinky everyone keeps talking about? All I can gather from you guys is his mom is unfortunate looking and obese.
So to answer your query, no, I live in my parents basement and there is absolutely no closet space down there to lock anyone up in. But I am in the process of moving into the attic, or as I like to call it, the deluxe ratrap in the sky. Suck on that, the rest of you basement dwellers!

11:20 am June, 23 Claude Douchenbagger said...

Looks like the transvestite made himself into a transexual by biting off his own little man root.

11:24 am June, 23 Troy Tempest said...

@Nancy – a few years ago, there was a regular called Plinky. He was rather outspoken and I thought he was pretty funny. One day he disappeared, and then came back several months later, muttering something about prison, something about being banned – I dunno – I was newish then and wasn’t really keeping track.He was often the butt of jokes here, but took it well and could dish as well as he could take. Then the “Plinky’s Mom” meme came about and not long after that Plinky disappeared.
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I consider his loss, and that of Pfah, another regular, a couple of the larger personnel changes here.
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Another brilliant if erratic gift were the postings of FLYTEETH. Someone has since taken up the tone of FLYTEETH, but not with the same level of sheer lunacy he provided. I miss FLYTEETH.

11:36 am June, 23 DarkSock said...

I think Plinky may have gotten encased in one of his Mom’s ass pores when she sat on him by accident.
.
In fact I suspect we’re all in her ass right now.

11:37 am June, 23 DarkSock said...

And it’s spelled “Phah”.

11:39 am June, 23 DarkSock said...

Right around the time FLYETHEETHE appeared, there was also that Burdizzo Jones chap, who ignored all things topical and wrote singlemindedly about his self-castration with a burdizzo.
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And, of course, the mysterious poster known only as “Elastic Snap-Hole of the Love Bear”.
.

It was an interesting time.

11:41 am June, 23 Douche Springsteen said...

Paid-to-pose Anita on the left is nearing her breaking point. Look how hard her teeth are pressed against each other while faking that smile. Her eyes project pure fury. She is one more drunken rump fondle from a hairy liquored-up douche from telling her boss to take his job and shove and finish up her beauty school degree.

11:43 am June, 23 Douche Springsteen said...

Memo to the dude in the middle; fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.
Son.

11:50 am June, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Troy and DarkSock, I understand that Plinky and Pfah/Phah are part of the tribal lore here. Every group of friends or colleagues has a running joke about any one of its members. At work we still make fun of a girl that touched a pregnant chick’s stomach without asking first and then said, “Mmmmm baby belly.” Same chick(in her late 20s and in a position of authority) told a 17 year old male coworker that she had a sex dream about him and he was bad at it, Also his penis was small. So yeah, we still clown on her. And that girl hasn’t worked there in 5 years. So, I GET IT.

11:51 am June, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

And FLYTEETH is the fucking shit. And anyone who says othewise is experiencing a serious case of HypoTarmal.

11:53 am June, 23 jonezy said...

of course, who could forget SpursFan, one of our all-time favorite “regs”

11:53 am June, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

I was around for Burdizzo Jones. That guy was fuuuuucked up. I mean more so than you guys. Which is really saying something.

11:55 am June, 23 creature said...

HCwDB alums mia:

pfah plinky mitch meats orel doucheheiser squatch
douche vader captain bringdown ed idaho hott
jean claude van douche…many others

…good times!

11:57 am June, 23 creature said...

admiral mantitty turtle boy i killed a hobo…rip

11:58 am June, 23 creature said...

there was also this Lohan fan club kid from minn.
hilarious

12:01 pm June, 23 Vin Douchal said...

Classic Flyteeth Part one
.
Part Two

12:01 pm June, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

Fucking Turtle Boy was my favorite when I first hopped aboard the S.S. HCwDB.

12:01 pm June, 23 creature said...

king of the links that were absolutely wrong…drum roll
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bcs

12:40 pm June, 23 Et Tu Douche? said...

@ Creature
Was bcs that dude from Montreal who used to go off on 3 page ramblings?
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No mention of Lamp?

12:53 pm June, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Et Tizzle, no, the guy you’re thinking of is CBS. A poser of sorts, drafting of off the attention vortex created by bcs. Jesus T.F. Christ, am I the only one who pays attention to these things?

12:56 pm June, 23 creature said...

et tu…
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bcs is an angry cat from cleveland, possibly the most sardonically funny contributor to the hcwdb comments thread…launched the epic Xenu thread (precursor to the extremely epic SS thread
he returns infrequently

1:01 pm June, 23 Claude Douchenbagger said...

Hey Hey Back on topic. MOCK MOCK MOCK

1:15 pm June, 23 DarkSock said...

Claude’s right; so here’s a photo caption:
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“Whitey Bulger eluded capture by hiding in plain site”.
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Gunts.

1:19 pm June, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Claude D. This comments train derailed @ Creature 11:00a. For once, I’m not responsible for it.

1:29 pm June, 23 Claude Douchenbagger said...

LOL I was just seeing if anyone was awake out there.

1:34 pm June, 23 Turtle Boy said...

I like turtles.

1:38 pm June, 23 Bobba Gadouche said...

This guy just looks awesome. Notta from Bobba.

1:42 pm June, 23 Stephanie said...

Nottadouche because he’s curiously having fun,in spite of wanting to wear ladies clothing,but men sometimes need to do that, I understand. He looks like a handful of something.

1:44 pm June, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Turtle Boy, you’re back! I’m glad some things never change.

2:01 pm June, 23 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

If a gut like that can pull hand pats and come-hither smiles from hotts, then we losers are missing the boat by hiding in our basements, cruising the interwebs for Benzedrine-and-booze-fueled virtual sex all day every day.
.
.
.But enough about me.
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.Vegas day-clubs here I come!

2:25 pm June, 23 creature said...

“get in my belly!”

2:29 pm June, 23 creature said...

is he gagging on mr. chow’s disembodied penis?

2:42 pm June, 23 anonymous said...

No other indicators other than a silly buffonish pose with Jaeger paid to pose hotts?

Notta. GO in peace and enjoy.

Ese.

7:31 pm June, 23 The Dude said...

He puts the HALT!! in Halter top.
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Yikes, just – noo!

8:15 pm June, 23 Steve L. said...

involving Jesus in any fantasy series is a bad move.
so is involving douchebags. but that goes without saying.

10:30 pm June, 23 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Why has his outie belly-button transmigrates to his mouth?
Just askin’.

10:31 pm June, 23 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Damn. That’s “transmigrates” as in past tense.
Dumb-quat.

10:32 pm June, 23 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Which is in effect, “transmigrated.”
Third time’s the charm.
Chum.

6:23 am June, 24 Lady Godiva's Piebald said...

i’d fuck the girl on the left, then i would fuck the girl on the right, just for a chance to check the credit score of the girl in the middle.

oh wait.

cudlips.

2:03 pm June, 25 Wheezer said...

Left: Jager boobie cutie
Right: Jager boobie cutie
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Middle?
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At best, an Old Milwaukee moobie mistake

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