Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Pop Quiz: The Nerd/Douche Dichotomy

Pop Quiz:

Judging on the evidence of Rusty and Nicole here, is there such thing as a nerd and a douche in the same conscriptive act of hitting on a girl by the pool, even as they feature a tattoo of silent film star Anna May Wong starring in “Picadilly?

A. Yes

B. No

C. A number of comments in the comment thread ignoring the Pop Quiz entirely and instead asking “where’s the hot chick?”

I think I know how this one’s gonna turn out.

# posted by douchebag1
11:17 am June, 29 Vin Douchal said...

D. Gah! Get it off me !

11:19 am June, 29 Mr. Belvadouche said...

orangutan titties

11:28 am June, 29 Douche Springsteen said...

The answer is A, yes.
Interesting specimen, boss. The pale complexion and the permanent declaration of a love for a very specific obscure film of a full-fledged nerd meets the waxed chest – mandanna / ear warmer / mirrored shades & bling of a gen-yoo-wine poolside douchebag.

Nicole is not top shelf hott material but she’s the girl that shows up with your friend’s younger sister at the summer bbq that you hit on after a couple beers anyway. Don’t lie.

11:35 am June, 29 Mandouchian Candidate said...

With the exception of the tattoo, I have no problem with these 2. Pasty, gawky, bucktoothed whiteboy and a pale, serpentine, no titty havin’ white girl- well that just takes two off the board for the rest of us.
_
Points: Her bellybutton crater is large enough to suction a damp softball into. And cover up those titties, how do tits so small be so negatively affected by gravity?

What are they wearing on their heads? Is this some skiing counterculture?

What is on her left shoulder between them? If that is her purse around his neck, he is even more pathetic than just being a douche; he is a pathetic douche.

11:38 am June, 29 Fatness said...

B: No. Rusty is a nerd trying to look like a Jersey Shore douchebag just like they used to try to look like Star Wars characters in the 70’s. He is not committed and will drift to the next faux-populist attribute as it matures.
.
Nicole is a nice girl who “knows things”. Don’t be so quick to dismiss her…she’s just right.

11:40 am June, 29 Mandouchian Candidate said...

So my answer is A- Hybrid Douche.

11:51 am June, 29 Nancy Dreuche said...

The answer is A.
.
The matching headbands kill it for me. I’m with M. Candidate, these two can go in peace and get out of the dating pool so I don’t have to even put his name up on my sweet brackets board I’ve got posted in the ol’ parent’s attic. Who is going to the Final Four, boys? Hint: Not this pasty ass headband wearin’ obscure movie tattin’ nerdbag.

12:02 pm June, 29 Anonymous said...

he keeeps hix cigarettes and vials of stool samples in a ziploc bagg hanging from hiiis neck…. what the fucks wroong with that you bunch of hateful fuccckks?

12:04 pm June, 29 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Anon, um I’m gonna go with the stool sample part.

12:10 pm June, 29 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

@Anon…He keeps them in the same bag? Interesting. That’s a good metaphor for this douche…2 seemingly unrelated people all wrapped up in the same bag. What do they have in common? They both stink…

12:12 pm June, 29 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

^^^ Wow…I try to get all metaphorical ans shit and it simply does not work…
.
.
I’m going to keep to my bread and butter of quoting movies and pointing out the obvious.

12:13 pm June, 29 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

*And* check spelling off the list of things I can do…stupid stupid stupid.

12:25 pm June, 29 Anonymous said...

U dont even know hiim, u dont know hes aresly good dude never huts any1. your lifes are 2 patheticc to do anything but hate a peasfull loving dude.
fuckinn crablegs

12:28 pm June, 29 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Peasful as in full of peas? I don’t see how his eating habits are of anyone’s concern…but ok.

Whop whop waaaaaaa

12:31 pm June, 29 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Anon 12:25p its like you’ve really gotten to know me. What kind of crab legs? Dungeoness or King?

12:32 pm June, 29 soy bomb said...

Anonymous @12:25 FTW

12:33 pm June, 29 Claude Douchenbagger said...

When the guy is a nerd, and probably retarded, and hanging out with his sister I don’t think that qualifys as a post to this site. Unless you are now doing. Nerd Retards with Little Sisters.

1:05 pm June, 29 DarkSock said...

DB1, I do not mean to be a presumptuous fact-checking wag, but that tattoo is actually of famous actress Anal May Wang starring in “Pick-a-Dildo”.
.
But you were close.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Crablegs.

1:27 pm June, 29 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

B. By definition a nerd can’t be a douchebag. Please see the following arguments:
.
1. Nerds are usually too shy and/or have very low self esteem especially when it comes to wimmin. Any wimmin. They aren’t programmed to make mindless chit-chat with strangers (known as small talk). It’s just not in them. AND to go up to a strange woman and start talking about about some mindless drivel turns into a conversation about why Boba Fet was much cooler than darth sith. The only time a woman will talk willingly to a nerd is to have him fix her computer or iPhone.
.
2. Nerds are too busy finding out the latest about gadgets and sciencey things. Writing shell scripts to update your Linux kernel so that you can use your computer to run a remote control blender turns us…er…nerds on. That’s not to say wimmin don’t, it just means that we…erm…they find joys in other things as well. Compare your iPad to a nerd’s (if they deign to have one). The nerd’s will have a zillion cool apps mostly written by himself.
.
AND
.
3. Nerds don’t care what they wear or what they look like. A T-shirt and jeans is a nerd’s uniform. That’s it, nothing else is needed. If you have to get dressed up, it is probably not worth going to and is a major downer. That is unless Brent Spiner or Stephen Hawking are showing up. Then you’ll see nerds get nasty trying to get autographs. Nerds never use hair gel, body wash, grow chin fung, have bling, and their only watch has a calculator in it because you’ll never know when it might come in handy.
.
So, Q.E.D. answer B is the only correct one.

1:30 pm June, 29 Wedgie said...

Bucktoothed Boy?
Butt Blaster?
Bunghole Brigade?
Bad Boobies?

1:32 pm June, 29 mr.reeve said...

A, B and C……next time please don’t play with me. Son
.
.
.
.
Baby Guns

1:36 pm June, 29 DarkSock said...

I rather like her sensual slouch..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
fuckinn crablegs

1:36 pm June, 29 Edith Anne Tarbox of Dripping Springs Tx said...

i think it might be a former nerd, or he had a gay year, instead of a gap year, but i think his douchecosity is manifesting itself. while the grieco virus is often the cause of some elevated forms of douchemania, there is also a genetic mutation not unlike trisomy18. also known as swaggart’s syndrome. with or without the presence of oppressive religiosity, environmental factors often affect the severity, and the age of onset, of swaggart’s syndrome. the prediction here is, he will have a tattoo of an avatar character peeing on her head inside of 18 months.

as far as the bleeth is concerned, cute face, and right now her breasts are convenient. whenever she wants to buy alcohol for herself and her under age friends, all she does is flash the person behind the counter, and they have no choice but to say, yep, you’re old enough

1:37 pm June, 29 Edith Anne Tarbox of Dripping Springs Tx said...

demogogues

1:38 pm June, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

F. They are to skinny to be so aesthetically out of shape. Thank you for that word Zyzzhumpers.
.
G. This is the place where the really trashy serial killers look for victims. Lost and Found at BJ’s Warehouse.
.
H. That girl from Twilight is looking rougher all the time.
.
I. What Dark Sock and Dr. Bunsen said.
.
At the Mrs.’ company summer fish feast and boozedown last night, the place used to be filled with stinky perch, pike, pickerel (walleye for the inbreds out there) fisherman and their fat stinky wives. To my dismay it is now filled with hot chicks and solid dudes, but more hot chicks. I was tempted during a noisy downpour to let the Mrs. slip into the raging mighty St. Lawrence River but at the last moment a twinge of guilt and visions of her paychecks passed before me and I returned to the solace of Lenny The Box and his supply of Rev. Chad Red to calm my raging old married 11 year old boner.
.
Walleye?

1:44 pm June, 29 Et Tu Douche? said...

Allegheny Brown Trout

2:40 pm June, 29 army (ret) douche said...

contender for stupidest tat… ladies and geltlement the flank geisha!

4:34 pm June, 29 creature said...

her tatas look like ice cream cones dropped on hot Tempe pavement in August

4:36 pm June, 29 creature said...

& I believe that tatt is of Mommsong Dong in the classic prewar Cole Porter musical, ‘Sing For Your Schtuping’

4:42 pm June, 29 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Between the scraggly hair, sagging-but-separated thimble-tits, and preternaturally lengthy man hands, Nicole’s very essence disturbs me. And by “disturbs me” I mean makes my nethers tingle.
.
.
.Come to Poppa Nicole. Come to Poppa.
.
.You need cleaning up..
.
.He needs to be flushed.

6:49 pm June, 29 Joey Bagadouchey said...

Hottness is relative, you know. To a guy like him she is frickin hott. She s not even a one bagger, what with that touch of Drew B on her face. She is about as hot as most chicks on this site pre-augmentation, that is. Wouldn’t even have to do her from behind. Lots of ‘average’ chicks will do stuff that a stuck-up beyotch would choke and gag on which might just explain the stupid grin on his face. Just sayin……

10:31 pm June, 29 The Dude said...

Nerdcockhtomy

2:29 am June, 30 Steve L. said...

just because he has a big nose and some buck tooth doesn’t mean he’s a nerd. you’ll see when you take out his nose and teeth with a sledgehammer.

that’s my story and i’m sticking with it.

4:54 am June, 30 FoghornLeghorn said...

I think it is impossible to be both a nerd and a douche at the same time. Once the bandages come off from their “his & her” lobotomies, you’ll see he’s less of a nerd and more of a douche. His tattoo and smirk give him away.
..
I think she’s kind of hot, too.
..
Yes, I am a nerd.

6:39 am June, 30 I R A Darth Aggie said...

C.
.
Maybe she’s got a great ass. Or she can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. But I ain’t seeing it. Unlike Gabanna Boy’s find…

9:18 am June, 30 DarkSock said...

I’m on a muthafuccen scrote!

5:58 pm June, 30 Stephanie said...

This just proves goths should just stay home,and listen to their Cure CD’s.

10:01 am July, 4 a deal a day said...

Her bellybutton crater is large enough to suction a damp softball into. And cover up those titties, how do tits so small be so negatively affected by gravity?

5:21 am July, 6 Tory said...

That’s more than sneisble! That’s a great post!

12:01 am July, 8 Mccade said...

I’m out of leauge here. Too much brain power on display!

Leave a Reply

What is 7 + 7 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)